


Chronicles of a better man - Ninth Doctor

by SHADOWSQUILL



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:32:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 122,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19393255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: "We never forget our first Doctor." The TARDIS never forgot any of them and is still ready to go back on adventures with his many incarnations. [This is a reedition of "Brèves de TARDIS". I'm gathering all the one-shots by Doctor for it to be easier.]





	1. Gone too Soon

The Doctor looked around at her uneasy. He was particularly ill-at-ease, which never had happened in her presence. She was shaking her head, completely oblivious, trying to remember. She noticed him watching her. He smiled. It was so much easier to pretend that everything was fine even though death was eating him away. He had been impossible for him to let her die because of the Time Vortex right after she saved his life. At that moment, his reason went away and he soaked up the ache that was hurting her, an ache that was soaking up every cell of his Time Lord’s body. It was painful but he didn’t show anything. He was pretty sad to be compelled to leave her so soon but, once again, he wasn’t showing anything. He wanted her to remember him as he had always been: an impulsive man, sarcastic, loving dangerous adventures and the word “FANTASTIC!”. Maybe she would remember how much he loved bananas. Soon, he would be a different man, with a different character. What would his next incarnation do with her? Would he make the ultimate sacrifice for her just like he did?

“Rose Tyler,” he said with a small laugh. “I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona, not the city. Barcelona, the planet. You’d love it. Fantastic place, they’ve got dogs with no noses.”

He laughed at his own joke. Rose giggled, half rolling her eyes. It was a bad habit she took from him. Her smile was something precious. He would keep it as an eternal memory. Seeing her smile while he was slowly dying warmed his hearts. Maybe would he success in making her accept his death more easily.

“Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it’s still funny!”

“Then, why can’t we go?”

“Maybe you will. And maybe I will. But not like this.”

He didn’t elaborate but went back looking at the monitor with a vague smile on his face. She didn’t understand anything and he wasn’t able to explain the situation to her.

“You’re making no sense!” said Rose while standing.

“I might never make sense again! I might have to heads. Or no head!”

It wasn’t funny at all but he was laughing from his own flights of fancy. Rose shook her head with a bemused smile on her face. She didn’t understand that he was distracting her attention from what was really happening. For her, he was still that wild man who was gonna take her all over the borders of time and space, that Doctor who took her hand one morning and told her to run for her life. He took her into a life of adventures, dangers and discoveries. He gave a meaning to her existence and he was going to disappear even though she asked him not to do so. That choice weighed upon him, the idea of leaving her scared him to death but he was happy that he had been able to save her, to be a coward so humanity could keep on living. He never thought someone could change him so fast and so deeply. He was definitively going to miss Rose Tyler.

“Imagine me with no head! And don’t say that’s an improvement.”

Rose grinned, eyes twinkling. She was probably thinking that he was mad and he most likely was. He always had been but never this crazy.

“But it’s a bit dodgy, this process. You never know what you’re gonna end up with…”

Suddenly, he was propelled backwards with a blast of golden light. He clutched his stomach as though he had been punched. Pain was barely bearable and he was struggling hard to hide it. Rose rushed forward, full of concern. He could read her worry on her face and was saddened for being the reason of it.

“Doctor!”

“Stay away!” he urgently answered.

Rose stopped, staring at him, eyes wide. The Doctor winced in pain. His end was very near. He needed to do what he had to do, say goodbye, before the regeneration he was fighting with sorrow and pain took over him.

“Doctor, tell me what’s going on.”

“I absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex and no one’s meant to do that!”

He was trying to keep his tone light despite the pain. It was never a good idea to fight the regeneration but Rose Tyler was such an important person for him so he had to say goodbye in a proper way. He screwed up his eyes in pain, Rose staring at him with concern. He didn’t like to see her that way. He wanted to see her smile before leaving.

“Every cell in my body is dying,” he explained, serious now.

“Can’t you do something?” asked Rose, horrified.

“Yeah, I’m doing it now! Time Lords have this little trick, it’s… sort of a way of cheating death. Except…” He hesitated before looking into her eyes. “It means I’m gonna change.”

Rose shook her head slightly, not understanding. He wasn’t able to explain the situation to her. He was going to change physically but, on the inside, he would still be _her_ Doctor.

“And I’m never gonna see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face.”

Once again, he laughed at his own words. He didn’t want to scare her but his end was nearer and nearer. He had to be quick.

“And before I go…”

“Don’t say that,” she interrupted him, upset.

“Rose…”

His tone was now pleading. She had to listen to him. He surely looked devastated and it forced her to stay silent and to listen to him while she just wanted to protest. She was always protesting.

“Before I go, I just wanna tell you, you were fantastic,” he finally said, smiling at her, so proud of her. “Absolutely fantastic.”

Rose looked back at him, unsmiling, still upset and not knowing what to make of this. He regretted the fact he had to leave before she finally understood that everything’s gonna be alright for him and that he was happy he could have travelled with the fantastic person she was.

“And do you know what?”

Rose shook her head, not knowing what to expect from him anymore. He smiled at her, forgetting all the sorrow and all the pain he was feeling and spoke again with the great self-confidence he always had.

“So was I.”

To these words, Rose finally smiled, nodding. He managed to make her smile and told her how much fantastic she was to him. He gave her a big smile and let go. The regenerative energy took over his body with a blast of golden light blasting out of the neck of his jumper, the sleeves of his jacket and the bottom of his trousers. He was taking with him the reflection of a smiling Rose Tyler and that was all he needed to be appeased when he totally disappeared in favor of a new man…

×

The process of the regeneration had been violent. He didn’t think that would be that painful. Now, he didn’t know what to expect. In the TARDIS’ library, he had found a book on the regeneration. The author, an old Time Lord, wondered what happened to the incarnation which was disappearing. The book was a row of theories without clues and he laughed hard at it. Now, he wasn’t laughing that much because he really didn’t know what was going to happen, where he was going to end up. His life had been really “short” in a way and a part of him didn’t want it to end there. He still wanted to go running after the adventures. How was it going to be now? Was he going to simply disappear? Or, was there some Time Lords’ heaven? He would have laughed at himself if he had been able too. If the incarnations could survive to the regeneration, Time Lords would have known it for centuries. So he was expecting to totally disappear, to feel his consciousness go off… but truly not to brutally land, head first, on a vast area of sand.

He needed a few seconds to put him back together and rolled on his back. He rubbed his eyes to remove the sand stuck in it and looked at the blue and cloudless sky that was spreading for as far as the eye can see. When the shock of the landing had passed, he heard the backwash of the sea. His senses were coming back little by little. The physical pain too. So he wasn’t dead. In one way or another, he survived and broke away from the Doctor. He became a new man but had kept a part of the old one. Well, that was what he supposed from his memories, his senses, his feelings. For now, it was still muddled. He needed to stick the pieces back together and find out who he had become. He had been the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords. He was sure of that. But now? Was he in another time? In another space? In another dimension? Something was worrying him and making him doubt: silence. Except for the sea’s movement, there wasn’t any noise. That looked unreal. He had to inspect the surroundings, to find a shelter.

He got up slowly and walked while looking around. He was on a desert and craggy beach. There was no clue of human life, not even a footprint. It felt like he was the only one to have trodden upon this beach. It felt weird. He had seen a lot of places and never saw a place as empty as this beach was. He kept on walking towards the exit. The sea wind beat against his back and brought a salty smell to his nose. He put his hands his pants’ pockets and kept on walking. He was missing his loyal blue phone box in which he had spent so much time. He pictured it and imagined himself pushing the door. He got into the walkway and went straight to the console. Every single detail of his spaceship came back to his mind. He had the impression that he just needed to stretch his hand to brush the buttons and the levers. That was a sweet dream he was stroking until he realized that a blue hub had materialized a few feet away from him.

“What the…” he started, surprised.

Pushed by a sudden curiosity, he rushed to the hub. It was real. He put his hand on the door and stroked the wood with his fingers. The door opened with no resistance. He got in. Right in front of him _his_ TARDIS was materializing. Everything was just like he left it, except for one detail. Rose wasn’t there. His whole spaceship was there but she had disappeared. Was it only a production from his mind? That seemed too real. He felt the TARDIS thrilling under his feet, as if it were ready for a new trip. He would have liked to turn the engine on and fly away to the stars again but he felt like he wasn’t ready. He was missing something and that was holding him back. He knew very well what it was. He turned his back on the console of which he had gotten closer to and leaned on it, crossing his arms. His eyes were looking around the platform and he remembered a particular moment that had happened in the walls of this hub. Those images made him nostalgic. What was she doing right now? Where was she? How was she?

He knew almost at the exact moment he had seen her that this little strong-tempered blonde would change his life in one way or another. He would have never been able to predict the consequences of the effect she would have on him. He absolutely didn’t see it coming. He had seen the past, the present, the future and every single planet of every single universe and never even thought that such a person could exist just like she never thought she would meet a Time Lord. He went out of the TARDIS, aggrieved. He had hoped to see her in there. The mission that made them closer had a particular place in his hearts. That day, they had met Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor’s jealousy pushed him to get closer to Rose, creating – or strengthening – a bound between them. He remembered every single detail of this magical and extraordinary adventure. He didn’t want to stay in that empty world, he wanted to go back on an adventure, to take her hand and tell her to run, run right into his world because he was cruelly missing company. His existence had been as empty as that beach he was walking on. He didn’t want to live that again.

“I came to save you, my Doctor.”

“Rose?” he asked in the emptiness that was surrounding him. “Rose!”

She just appeared to him. She was there. She went to pick him up in his deep loneliness. Without thinking, he ran to her. He wouldn’t disappear once again. He wouldn’t leave her face to face with a stranger. She was looking at him with a smile and he saw that she was crying. He had to erase all those tears. She shouldn’t cry, not because of him. The more he was getting closer, the more he felt that she was going to be dragged away from him a second time. To fight this feeling, he threw himself on her to catch her, to hold her in his arms. He only met the void and fell in the cold water of the sea he had walked into without realizing it. He got up a few seconds later suffocating and looking around for Rose. She had disappeared. He yelled her name and looked for her like a mad man but he didn’t find any clue of her presence. When he realized that had only been a hallucination, he was devastated. He fell on his knees, not able to bear that truth. Behind him, the sea kept on coming and going but he wasn’t paying attention to anything but his injured hearts… until a banana hit his hand.

The fruit came out of nowhere. Grabbing it, he noticed that it had a concrete existence, a real one. He looked up at the beach he was now hating on. The TARDIS was still there but it wasn’t alone. The beach was littered with numerous objects he had thought about at some point since he landed here. Everything was a production of his mind but everything seemed real when he took it. He just had to think about something to make it appear. A new hope seized him. He closed his eyes really tight and thought about the face of a little blonde, of _his_ little blonde. He smiled while picturing her. Even if it was only an illusion, she would be there, with him, and he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. For the first time in a very long time, he wouldn’t be afraid of the loneliness because she would be there, near him. She would reassure him, talk to him, love him, fill the emptiness that was filling his hearts since the Time War ended, taking away his entire species. She was human but he didn’t care. She had said the perfect words when he needed it. He would do anything to get her back, to see her smile again, even praying a God he wasn’t believing in.

“There’s me.”

He opened his eyes, ready to welcome her, but was deeply hurt to see he was still alone. Rose didn’t appear. Only a white rose lay at his feet. He knelt down to pick it up and brought it to his nose. Silent tears escaped from his eyes and watered the weak petals. While he was letting his darkness overwhelm him, he saw an object practically buried in the sand only a few inches away from where he picked up the rose. He started to extract that mysterious object without dropping the rose. As he was uncovering it, anxiety choked his entire body. His memory was trying to tell him something he refused to admit and that refusal was undermined in front of that thing. New memories came to his mind and got the upper hand on his Time Lord’s adventures. He had done another stop before landing on that beach and the item he was extracting was the reason of his presence there. A nervous laugh slipped out of his lips when he understood he had another life right after the regeneration, a life that was shortened by a shell, by the exact shell he had just found.

“Corporal!”

He had been a part of the British army during the World War II. He had no memories of his old life until he was sent here, until he rebuilt, piece by piece, the large parts of his existence. He had been a soldier, he had fought for his country and that beach was just a no man’s land, a land of passing before he really left in the afterlife. That day, he had saved a lot of human lives but he had also lost his. He had protected the men that were under his command and gave his life for them. The shell that should have killed them all only killed him and he was relieved of that. He fully accepted it and finally let himself fall into the darkness of the Grim Reaper, taking with him only one rose. After all, he’d rather die than face a life in which Rose Tyler wasn’t.


	2. Astronaut

Her voice was echoing in his mind. Again. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard her voice. He didn’t know who she was, nor what she looked like. He only knew that she had to save him. _“I came to save you, my Doctor”_ were the words she kept saying to him. At first, he thought it was a memory from a past self but the more he was thinking about it, the more he was convinced it wasn’t. That couldn’t be a part of his future. He had never been able to see his own future. That was for the better. Those dreams surely came from the fact he had been traveling alone around time and space for too long. Or maybe it was his subconscious sending him a message: lately he had been a wreck. Since the Time War, he hadn’t done anything good. He was just drowning in the darkness of his soul, waiting for the death to come and released him from his burden.

However, he couldn’t die. He had to pay for what he had done. He had to live with the blood of his people on his hands. He had to live and find a way to get it right. He knew he could never forget the images of the slaughter he’d committed. The solitude and the burden he wore were the correct price. The good things he was doing for other people were just a way to relieve his pain. He had been sending messages all around time and space hoping one of his people would answer him but no one ever did. It was just him. He was the last one and he had deserved this fate. He was the only one to blame. Sometimes, the victory was bitter. If he had known, he would have chosen to lose this war and to die as a hero instead of burning his planet down and running away like the coward he was. This guilt was heavier every day. It was more and more difficult to bear it.

That’s why, although he didn’t understand why that was happening, he liked hearing the voice when he slept. He liked hearing those words night after night because then, he forgot about the solitude that was driving him crazy. For a moment, for a tiny little moment, he didn’t feel alone anymore as if the voice was really here with him. His hearts were filled with a feeling of forgiveness and he felt like he had a friend. He loved those feelings but they never lasted. Every time he woke up, he had a small smile before the memories came back to his mind. It hurt him so much that he felt unable to move. He had stopped crying a while ago. It was useless. It wouldn’t bring them back. The messages, the prayers, the hope… Nothing would ever bring them back. Gallifrey was forever gone. When he fell asleep, he was pushing all those memories away, just for a few hours of break, and he almost felt guilty to not dream about his lost people.

That night, he could see more of that strange creature who wanted to save him. He could only see bright golden eyes, looking at him straight in the eyes. Nothing else. Just the bright eyes and some new words _“I want you safe, my Doctor.”_ That was enough. He could feel the warmth of that look on him. There was no name, no face. Just the bright golden eyes and a warmth that made him fall to pieces. That was only a dream and he wanted it to be real so bad it was hurting. The solitude was slowly killing him and the pain was becoming unbearable. But that pain and that solitude weren’t there in the dream. There were only her and the feeling of being another man, someone worth it. In his dream, he was forgiven for what he had done. He managed to redeem himself in the eyes of someone. Something that would never happen, he knew it for sure.

When he woke up and realized it was this dream all over again, the pain hit him and left him breathless. Some tears were running down his face. The first tears in a long time. For nine hundred years he had been an extraordinary and weird man who loved life and was always laughing and goofing around. Now, he was just a poor little thing, totally broken inside down. Nothing more. Just a living wreck. He was alone and all of this was his fault. He breathed slowly and got up, all dizzy. He needed some fresh air. He went out. The TARDIS landed in the middle of a deserted forest. He didn’t ask her to. The machine chose it on purpose when she felt his need of being away from people for a while. Nothing better than a so-called haunted forest. It was very dark but he didn’t care. It was reflecting the bottom of his soul: dark, frightening, haunted with ghosts.

He walked for a long moment in the dark, tripping over roots and non-identified things, hands in his pockets, his mind far away from his body. He stopped some minutes to listen to the wolves howling at the moon. He found it beautiful yet a bit worrying, as if something was wrong. He frowned. He had a strange feeling hearing those screams, as if he as supposed to understand something. He leaned his forehead against a tree and sighed. Why was everything so strange lately? He was lost and didn’t know what to do, where to go. He was just so tired of all of this. He pulled himself together and went back to the TARDIS, more careful of where he put his feet. A sense of anxiety was overwhelming him but there was no reason for it. He was unsure of what to think about these strange feelings. He froze right in front of his machine.

The words “Bad Wolf” were written on the doors. He put his fingers on the writing, still shocked by what had happened. There was no one and nothing around. He was in the middle of the forest. Who did this? Who was this “Bad Wolf”? Or what? The paint was still fresh. It wasn’t dry yet. He checked around and saw nothing. The anxiety went up. This situation was becoming stranger and stranger and he didn’t like it. Was someone fooling him? What was the point of all of this? If someone wanted him scared and confused, they did it right. He was terrified, even if he would never admit it. Going back to the TARDIS, he noticed that the words weren’t there anymore. Someone had erased them. It was like nothing happened. There were no marks on the TARDIS but he still had some fresh paint on his fingers. It wasn’t an hallucination; he was sure of that.

He turned around when a noise came to his ears. He took a step back when he saw a wolf standing a few feet from him. It was a real wolf. One big wolf, growling at him, ready to move onto the offensive, to attack him if he ever did a move that wouldn’t please it. The Doctor was even more confused. The wolves howling at the moon, the tag and now a wolf in front of him: the universe was sending him a message and he didn’t manage to understand it. He held out a hand, trying to keep the wolf away from him, trying not to get bitten or worse. What the hell was happening? The wolf didn’t stop growling at him. The Doctor knew he had to stay calm and that he should certainly not run. He came closer to the wolf and slowly put his hand on its head. He didn’t know why he was doing such a thing. He felt like he had to act like this.

He was surprised beyond words when the wolf accepted to be touched by him. It stopped growling as soon as the hand reached its head and let the Doctor stroke it between the two ears. It calmed down and seemed to instantly trust the Time Lord because it laid down on the floor. That’s when the Doctor saw that the wolf was hurt. There was a lot of blood. He didn’t think twice and took the wolf in his arms. He took it into the TARDIS and began to heal it, slowly, carefully. The wolf never showed any sign of hostility towards him even though it was in pain. It really trusted the Doctor and it was as amazing as impressive to see. The situation was weird but the Doctor knew he was doing the right thing. Somehow, he was supposed to be here and now to do what he was doing. On what purpose, that was still a mystery he had to solve. Why would the universe be sending him so many messages about a “Bad Wolf”? Why did he feel like he had to take the wounded wolf with him? The question was still tormenting him when he went to bed where his new companion was already sleeping.

The eyes. Again. The bright golden eyes were still haunting his dreams. And the voice was still here, still echoing in his mind, still wanting him to be safe. He had been doing this dream for months now. After his meeting with the wolf and the birth of a new friendship – the wolf never was hostile towards him but didn’t leave that chance to the ones wanting to hurt him in any way – he began to travel again to look for the girl of his dreams, for this person who wanted to protect him so bad. And every time he closed his eyes, the eyes and the voice were coming to him and he welcomed them as an old friend. If those dreams ever stopped, it would leave him helpless. Those strange dreams had helped him holding on when everything was meant to be broken. His subconscious had sent him hope when he needed it the most and now was the time to get the meaning of the message.

That night though, he felt anxious. Something was wrong. _“The Doctor will fall. The Doctor must be exterminated.”_ The Daleks. The Daleks were in his dream. They were threatening him of death. Again. The TARDIS was nowhere in sight and the fear was spreading him. He had no way to run away, no way to escape from his enemies. He had to surrender and let them kill him for good. But the TARDIS came back to him and the golden light prevented him from seeing who was standing there. But he knew for sure it was _Her_. _“I want you safe from the fake God”_ she said. Everything else went so fast he didn’t remember it. The last thing he saw was him kissing Her in a halo of golden light that caused him to wake up. His body needed time to recover from this dream. He was gasping for air and sweating because of the terror he had had but his mind was clearer than ever.

He knew. He knew that if he ever found the golden girl, he would die. He now knew that those visions were his future. He was meant to die to save the girl that wanted him safe. That revelation caused him so much sadness and pain that he curled up, hugged his wolf tight and cried, unable to stop the tears from falling, his face buried in the grey fur of his only friend. The wolf licked his face. The Doctor had a small smile. His companion knew how to make him feel better. When it jumped to the ground, the Doctor wiped away his tears and followed him. The wolf led him to the console room and put two paws on the console. It was showing him the radio thing. It wanted him to send a message. The Doctor stroke the wolf’s head. It was very clever, cleverer than a normal wild beast. It was weird but the Doctor didn’t care. He liked it. Still stroking the head, just between the two ears, he turned the radio on and recorded a message.

“Hello,” he said unsure of what he was going to say to people out there. “I’m the Doctor. I’ve been travelling in the whole universe for years on my own. Most people don’t realize how beautiful the stars are until they really see them. I was those people. I was them. And now, I’m living upon the stars because I can’t land on Earth or anywhere else. It always feels like I don’t belong anywhere. I-I’m just lost here, in the starry night sky, waiting for someone to talk to. Is someone out there? Is someone listening?”

He sent the message, not knowing what else to say. Then, he opened the TARDIS’ door and sat, his legs hanging in the emptiness of the galaxy. He was looking at the stars all around him and the wolf was sleeping against him, his head on his legs when an answer came. They both turned their heads to the console. The Doctor wasn’t expecting any answer to be honest. That’s why he was so surprised when the voice made itself hear in the TARDIS.

“The Doctor? Is that a code name?”

The Doctor and the wolf both got up and went straight to the radio. The Doctor hesitated a second. Should he answer? He was wondering if it was a good idea. On the other hand, he really needed to talk to someone, to stop feeling so alone, to stop the pain of the solitude. And the wolf was pushing him to do so. Then, he replied to the woman that got his message.

“Is it ironic from the woman who keeps her name silent?

“Sorry. Gonna do this again. Hello, Doctor. I’m Rose. What’s your real name?”

“Hello, Rose. I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor who?”

“Just the Doctor. That’s how they called me.”

“Is it a code name?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

There was a silence and he couldn’t bear it now that he had broken it but he didn’t know what to tell either. He wasn’t used anymore to interact with people. It felt weird to speak to someone again. As the TARDIS revealed him the call was coming from the Earth, he suddenly felt curious. Specially because the accent was very _british_.

“So, tell me everything, Rose. Where are you from? What it’s like on Earth?”

“You’re weird, ya know?”

“Yet, you’re listening to me.”

“I never listen to the radio usually but tonight I needed to turn it on. And I heard your call. You seemed sad. So, I found a way to answer.”

“I’ve been up there for a very long time. The solitude becomes a weight when it lasts. Thank you for not ignoring my call.”

“How is it?” she asked.

“What?”

“The space? The stars? It looks so small and insignificant down here. The Earth must look the same to you.”

“Oh, I wish I could come down sometimes. The space is boring when there’s nobody to share it with.”

“Isn’t that ironic? You just want to go back to Earth when I want to escape from it,” she said and he could hear a sad smile in her voice.

“Oh, Rose. If I could, I would show you how beautiful the space can be.”

“Must be fun.”

He really wished he could though he only knew her for a few minutes. She seemed pretty nice and the sadness in her voice hit him like a bullet. Somehow, he wanted to help her. After all, she had answered his call. She had broken his solitude. Why couldn’t he thank her by showing her the hugeness of the space? They kept on talking for hours. The Doctor never felt so good since the Time War. Rose was just a little human wishing to leave her miserable life to do something extraordinary. The more he was talking to her, the more he wanted to meet her. But that was impossible. He knew it for sure. Maybe the odds would be in their favour. She was just a little human but maybe she would be his friend, a real friend, someone he could talk to. He was hoping this could be possible. He had been alone for months and she was the first one to ever talk to him like a normal man. She didn’t know what he had done and it felt good to forget this slaughter for a few hours.

“Rose, I promise you that if I ever came down, you’ll be the first person I will meet,” he suddenly said.

“You better do!” she replied.

He couldn’t help but smile. He liked her. He wanted to talk with her forever but he heard at her voice that she was feeling tired and that she needed to sleep. As he was coming to this conclusion, she told him that she had to go to sleep because she was working in the next few hours. He didn’t want to let her go but he had no choice.

“Goodnight, Rose.”

“Goodnight, Doctor.”

The conversation came to an end there. The Doctor sat down, a smile on his lips. He was happy, simply happy, and he had forgotten how good it was. If he ever got the chance to, he would meet Rose, the little human that gave him some happiness and hope. After this conversation, he began travelling again and interacting with people of every planet he visited. He was still talking to Rose from time to time but hadn’t found her yet. Who knew from what time she was? Anybody could have answered him. She never wanted to tell him where she was from or what year she was living in, always saying he was weird. He never gave in because he had to find her. He needed to thank her personally and to take her for a trip in the middle of the stars. He would not stop until all the things – destiny, Gods – he didn’t believe in helped him find her.

Today, he was running after a signal given by the TARDIS. He was in some shop in the modern London. He was placing bombs in the building to destroy all the Autons when he heard someone. He ran straight to the scream, saw her, caught her hand and told her to run. She followed him and kept asking questions. She was curious, too curious. And clever. He liked this. But he had to get rid of her before he made everything explode around there. He threw her outside, told her to run away from here and shut the door. But he opened it to find out that she was still there, confused by his behaviour and by the whole situation.

“I’m the Doctor by the way. What’s your name?”

“Rose,” she simply replied.

“Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life.”

He shut the door again and kept running to get rid of the Autons. Though he might get hurt in this, he was smiling. He was smiling because he knew he had found his Rose. He had no doubt about it. And when this thing would be done, if he was still alive, he would ask her to go with him. He would show her the stars she had dreamt about. The odds decided to be in his favour, for once. This was the start of a brand new life.


	3. Torn (Rose version)

It was a pretty cold night and Rose was tossing in her bed trying to find a good position to sleep but couldn’t find one. The cold always sneaked up in her warm blanket causing her to shiver. She didn’t know why she was so cold. It had been a bright hot sunny day in London, so why was she so cold right now? She opened her eyes and noticed the window was wide opened. That’s why she had been so cold. She didn’t remember opening it when she went to bed. The night was clear but there was some fresh wind. The reason of her being cold. She didn’t shut the shutters last night. She frowned. She didn’t even remember going to bed last night. The last thing she remembered… She didn’t know. All she knew was she needed to sleep. Her body and mind were both too exhausted and refused her to move or think properly. There was no other important thing at the moment. She curled up further into the blanket, closed her eyes and ended up falling asleep.

_“No!”_

She woke up with a start and looked around, trying to find the voice she just heard. It was a man’s voice. Loud and a bit hoarse. It reminded her of someone but couldn’t tell who it was, nor tell what he looked like. The room was totally dark, except for the square of light given by the window, a square of light that didn’t get into the room though the stars were shining bright. The wind was coming in but not the light. Rose didn’t note it, didn’t find it weird. She waited until her heart stopped racing and sunk into her pillows again. Why had she woken up so suddenly? She couldn’t tell. She was cold and tired. She closed her eyes.

_“What have you done to her?!”_

The voice surprised her once again but she assumed it was in her mind since there was nobody in the room with her. She was probably dreaming in the short amounts of time when she was sleeping. There was anger in the voice but also despair. Whoever was that guy he wasn’t really happy of what had happened to a friend of his. But she wasn’t a friend of his. She would know it. Actually, she didn’t know anything. Just her name and the room she was sleeping in and that was more than enough. She didn’t have to know anything else. Anything else was just useless, pointless.

_“I’m sorry. I should have been here to protect you.”_

That time there were remorse and pain in his voice. She was getting a bit curious. Who was he talking to? He seemed pretty concerned and she could imagine him – an image she totally built up from her imagination and from the voice – pacing up and down, apologizing to someone that seemed to be out of reach. She had pity for the poor man and wondered what had happened to him, to his friend. She was hoping inside down that they were both fine but the last words weren’t really good. His tone wasn’t good either. She still wanted to sleep but she wanted to know more about the guy. He had to say something else. She wanted to hear his voice again.

_“You gotta wake up now. Please.”_

A tall tough guy in a leather jacket with a daft old face came to her mind. What was that exactly? She didn’t know where it came from. She was sure not to know him, so why an image of him crossed her mind? She somehow knew that the voice belonged to him. She would remember if she had met such a man. She would not have forgotten such a face. Would he? That left her totally confused.

_“Rose. Please. Wake up!”_

Her name. He pronounced her name. It could be another Rose but she knew for sure he was calling her. The reality hit her so suddenly it left her out of breath. He was calling _her_. The man she didn’t know was begging her to wake up. She could hear the tears in his voice, the knot in his throat, the panic rushing through his veins, the pain crushing his hearts. How could she know all those things? How could she know how devastated he was?

_“Please. Don’t let me down.”_

There was so much pain in his voice. It broke her heart. She slowly got up and went to the window. That was something strange about it, she could now sense it. She tried to put a hand outside but it disappeared. This was all an illusion. The window was hiding a portal. She didn’t hesitate and passed through it as the voice was calling for her, was begging her to wake up.

×

She was cold. She was incredibly cold and couldn’t understand why. She couldn’t breathe either. At first, it didn’t bother her but then, she started to really suffer from the lack of air. She struggled against the knot in her throat. She coughed and spat water out of her lungs. Her eyes fluttered open as she spat out the water. She was lying on the cold ground of a primitive cell carved in stone. There was almost no light except for the torch burning in the corridor. She was cold, totally soaked and couldn’t stop coughing to spit out water. She was laying there with absolutely no clue of what she was doing there, why she was there and where she actually was. Her whole body was shaking. She curled up, trying to warm herself. She had a terrible headache and couldn’t think of how she got there.

Two strong and warm hands suddenly caught her arms and sat her down, her back against the cold and hard stone wall. She was about to panic when her eyes met two other. Blue icy-eyes, a daft old face and a leather jacket. The man of her dream, of her illusion. He looked sad, really devastated. His eyes were red as if he had cried. His fingers softly brushed her temples where the pain was the worst.

“This is all my fault.”

She looked at him totally confused. There was no trace of recognition in her eyes and yet her mind was telling her that she knew him, that trusted him. The pain in his eyes almost broke her heart and she didn’t know why. She got scared when he started undressing her, pulling off her vest and shirt but didn’t move. His eyes were not leaving hers. There was no glance at her shaking body. She relaxed a bit as he was getting rid of her pants and shoes. He left her in her underwear. Then, he took it his leather jacket and his jumper. He made her put on the jumper and wrapped her into his leather jacket. It was warm, very warm but she was afraid that he would get cold now that he was shirtless.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s all gonna be okay now.”

He sat down next to her, his bare back against the stone wall and carefully took her on his laps. His skin was really hot and she shivered at the difference of temperature. She curled up against his chest to make the most of the natural heat he had. She still didn’t know who he was but trusted him. He was still talking to her but she wasn’t paying attention. She almost jumped in surprise when he softly pressed his lips against hers. A small trickle of golden light passed from his mouth to hers as memories came back to her mind. Whatever they had done to her, he was fixing it in the best of every possible way. She clung onto him as the light disappeared and she remembered him. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he was doing the same around hers. She laid her head on his chest, quietly listening to his hearts. She could tell by the sound of his breathing that he was silently crying. She hugged him close.

“It’s okay, Doctor,” she said _._ “I’m okay. You fixed me, my Doctor.”

It didn’t matter where they were, what they were doing there, what was going to happen to them. They were together and together they could achieve anything.


	4. Torn (Nine version)

It had been a stupid idea. He should have known it. He had wanted to impress her as always. That’s why he had taken her on that planet. Last time he came here, it was a peaceful planet but a lot of things had changed. A group of scientists had come there and started doing some experiences. They were studying the DNA and ended playing with it, doing inhuman experiences. Everything was fine when they had landed. He had been talking to her, explaining something about the planet, and, as usual, Rose had wandered off. He had cursed her and then, himself. He knew she was always wandering off. He had started looking for her, calling her out, telling her he was really not amused by all of that. That’s when he had heard her scream. That’s when he had rushed into the trap they had settled for him. They had knocked him out and, as his DNA wasn’t important for them, he had been thrown into a primitive and cold cell where he had paced up and down until they brought Rose back and threw her into the cell with him.

“No!”

He jumped on the door’s cell, full of rage and tried to catch one of their gaolers but soon as he held an arm out of the cell, they pressed something cold against his ribs and an electrical shock shook his body. He groaned and fell to his knees. He crawled back to Rose while the gaolers went away, talking a language the TARDIS wasn’t able to translate. Only a guard stayed in front of their cell. The Doctor took a look at Rose. She was totally soaked. There were some cuts and bruises on her face, neck and hands. She was pale, too pale for it to be normal. He took her hands in his. Her skin was cold, very cold. He knew they had ran tests on her. They had probably taken a sample of her DNA. However, he could feel that wasn’t the only thing they had done to her. They had done something else, something that would explain why she was soaked, pale and hardly breathing. If they had killed her… He cupped her cheeks, looked for a pulse and finally saw the burns on her temple.

“What have you done to her?!” he yelled at the guard who didn’t answer.

He was angry, really angry. At himself for being an idiot not able to take care of a little human. At Rose for never listening to him and always wandering off. At the gaolers for experiencing on her. He stroked her face, trying to wake her. He was very soft. That was unusual of him. He was worried. No, terrified. She wasn’t reacting to his touch and her skin was too cold. Her body was trembling. He called himself the Doctor but the truth was he didn’t know what to do for her.

“I’m sorry. I should have been here to protect you.”

He was whispering, apologising to her for being a perfect idiot. He regretted taking her there. He should have gather information before coming back but no, that wasn’t fun. It was better to come around and to see by themselves. That was the true definition of adventure. That was better to have shivers because of the danger. Except he forgot he was almost invincible, almost immortal and she was not. His mission was to protect her and not to throw her in the first trap he saw. He tried to dry her off but it wasn’t easy without his sonic. He felt useless and desperate. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking quickly about what he should do.

There was remorse in his voice. He was feeling guilty and didn’t know what to do to help her. What a bad friend he was! He had promised her mother she would be safe, that he would always take care of her, always choose her over the world. And he screwed everything up just like always. He got up and paced up and down in the cell trying to find a solution to help her. He didn’t have his sonic. He couldn’t go to the TARDIS – hopefully no one seemed to have found his precious ship – and there was nothing in his pockets that could be useful for her. Except for a banana he would give her if she was hungry.

“You gotta wake up now. Please.”

He knelt down next to her. He slowly shook her but there was no reaction. His fingers softly brushed her temples, trying to reach her mind but something was blocking him. Her mind was closed. He couldn’t access it and that was worrying him. Rose was receptive to the telepathy thanks to the TARDIS. He should have been able to access her mind. At least, to access the part that wasn’t locked.

“Rose. Please. Wake up!”

That was an order. He wanted her to wake her. She had to wake up. But then, he realised it sounded more like a plea. He was so afraid of losing her that he was begging her to wake up. He was desperate at the mere thought of losing her. Rose Tyler was a simple little human but to him, she was so much more. She was a friend. No, she was hope, she was light, she was love. She was everything he needed.

“Please. Don’t let me down.”

His hearts hurt as if someone was crashing them into its fists. That’s when he noticed she wasn’t breathing anymore. He almost did a heart attack. He couldn’t lose her, not now, not that way. He had to save her. He shook his head and took a deep breath, remembering all the stupid TV shows he had watched in her room. That had just been an excuse to spend more time with her but now, those TV shows could save her life.

×

She was still cold under his hands but his only thought at the moment was to breathe some life back into her. He had laid her down on her back and was now pressing repeatedly his hands on her chest and blowing some air into her mouth just like he had seen in the TV. He promised himself to study all the human medical stuffs and to stop criticising the shows Rose was watching if he ever managed to save her. He sighed in relief when she coughed and spat water. He helped her getting on her side so she wouldn’t suffocate. He gently patted and rubbed her back while she was coughing to help her expelling the water that was filling her lungs. He watched her relieved but still worried as she curled up to get warm. Her body was badly shaking because of the water and the cold temperature and he could see how confused she was.

He gently and very carefully caught her arms and sat her down, her back against the cold and hard stone wall of the cell. He noticed she was about to panic and before he could do anything, her eyes met his. Her big brown eyes were looking straight into his blue icy ones. He didn’t know what she was seeing – maybe the tears threatening to fall – but she calmed down. He softly brushed her temples with his shaking fingers to ease her pain.

“This is all my fault.”

He could see how confused she was when she looked at him. He felt his hearts fell into his chest when he realised she wasn’t recognising him. He was barely breathing now because of the pain he was feeling. He couldn’t linger on his pain right now. He had to help her getting warmer and the first step was to get rid of her soaked clothes. He didn’t like the idea but he started undressing her, taking off her vest and shirt. He could see the fear in her eyes but he never looked down. He kept looking at her in the eyes, never looked at her shaking body. He left her in her underwear and then, took off his jacket and jumper and made her put on the jumper before wrapping her into his jacket.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s all gonna be okay now.”

He sat down next to her, his bare back against the stone and carefully took her on his lap. He felt her shiver against him. Though a Time Lord temperature was 59°F, she was so cold she could considerate him as hot. He felt a bit embarrassed when she curled up against his chest to make the most of his natural heat. He knew she still didn’t recognise him but she was trusting him and that’s all he needed at the moment. He softly talked to her, even though she was not listening as usual. They did something to her mind. He could feel it and he had to fix it. So, he did the most unbelievable thing coming from him and he kissed her. She jumped but didn’t push him away. The surprise let him access her mind more easily. A small trickle of golden light passed from his mouth to hers as he was fixing her mind with his very own regenerative energy.

He felt her clung onto him as he brought her memories back. The light slowly faded away. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she did the same around his. He watched her resting her head on his chest. She was listening to the sound of his hearts and, as she wasn’t looking at him, he let the tears he had held back for too long falling in silence.

“It’s okay, Doctor,” she said. “I’m okay. You fixed me, my Doctor.”

He couldn’t help. He was so relieved to have her back. He was so relieved she was alive and remembering him. He had multiple solutions to fix her mind but he really wanted to kiss her and now he didn’t know what to do anymore because he really enjoyed kissing her, because he realised how much he would be lost without her, how much he needed her in his life and worst of all, how much he loved that tiny little human he was holding in his arms…


	5. If no one will listen

It was that damn nightmare again. The damn nightmare that kept him awake for days because he was too afraid to sleep. The damn nightmare that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. The damn nightmare that reminded him every day the terrible things he had done. The damn same nightmare that got him waking up screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, trembling, all his wounds bleeding out as he laid there in his bed, out of breath, and realised once again how much lonely and hurt he was.

All the day he had been off, really exhausted because he hadn’t slept in days, and Rose was really concerned about him. Every time she had asked him if he was alright, he had eluded the question and kept going, showing her all the wonderful places of Dashaporido, a planet best known as Dash in the universe with a fantastic History. It was one of the many planets that had been destroyed in an umpteenth war between species, and was also inhabited by one of the few species that had learned from their mistakes. Their ruins had been well preserved and turned into touristic places. A guide was taking them from one site to another, telling them the story of the planet, in which Rose had been very interested in.

Later, he had offered her a dinner into a small and local restaurant and they had taken a walk on the deserted streets of the small city they had landed in. He hadn’t been talking much which was very unusual of him. He had just been trying to keep his exhaustion for himself, but when she had asked for the umpteenth time if he was alright, she had made it clear that she would not accept the simple excuse he was always giving her, the excuse that she was talking for two, which she kept saying was wrong since he loved hearing the sound of his own voice.

They were standing in front of the ruins of an old theatre when he took her hand and started looking at the horizon. He told her about the Time War and the terrible things he’d done with a slow and trembling voice. He’d never talked about it with anyone before. It was easy to talk with Rose, she was a good listener and he trusted her. He had almost broken down but, as usual, he had given her a smile and they had walked back to the TARDIS. And to end the day on a good note, they had gotten settled on a couch into the library to watch a movie together. He was so exhausted he had fallen asleep while watching it, and soon as his guard was down, the nightmare had come to him.

It was that damn nightmare again. The damn nightmare that kept him awake for days because he was too afraid to sleep. The damn nightmare that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. The damn nightmare that reminded him every day the terrible things he had done. The damn same nightmare that got him waking up screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, trembling, all his wounds bleeding out as he laid there in his bed, out of breath, and realised once again how much lonely and hurt he was.

Except tonight, Rose was there, holding him tight in her arms, rubbing his back and whispering soft and comforting words into his ear. Rose Tyler, the little human he had picked up on Earth months ago, was holding him and he climbed on to her as if his life depended on her while he sobbed uncontrollably.

Tonight, the Doctor wasn’t alone anymore. He had a friend he could count on every time the nightmare hit, and even if that friend was a tiny little human, he would talk over and over again to her because she had stood by his side in his darkest time, because she had listened to him and still looked at him with compassion and admiration, because she was there to comfort him.

Because Rose Tyler, the tiny little human, was helping his wound to heal. And that’s why, for the first time in a very long time, he could sleep peacefully, because she was holding him and keeping his monsters away.


	6. His story

“Okay. That’s what I’ll do: I’ll tell you a story, the story of a man born from war. He was born from the fires, the pain, the blood, the screams and the tears of his lost people and had to live on with their deaths, their screams resounding in his head, their faces in pain hunting his dreams, their blood colouring his hands. He had to live on with the weight of his acts.

His eight first lives were pretty fun. He was still a young boy. All he wanted to do was having fun and discovering the world outside Gallifrey. His first-self stole a TARDIS and travelled with people, mostly humans. He liked that and the tradition went on. He wasn’t supposed to interfere but couldn’t help getting in trouble. He was having fun and was discovering the world. That’s all he wanted to do and everything went well until the war. Until he had to commit a massive slaughter.

The war was over for him. He burnt everything down and ran away. Covered with blood, tears and soot, burnt, the ears whistling, he collapsed in the console room and woke up as a new man. That’s how the Ninth Doctor was born from war, from the painful murder of his own kind to win a war he hadn’t wanted to get into.

Full of shame, pain and rage, he travelled alone for a while, leaving messages in case someone would have survived. But there were no answers to his messages. No one ever answered to him and he felt more and more guilty, knowing he was the only one to blame for that. His guilt was growing with the solitude. He wasn’t able to take a companion with him. No one could ever treat his wound, or understand what he was feeling inside down.

He was as full of grief as full of rage. He couldn’t be the Doctor anymore because he had become a murderer. To push out his rage, he took part in a lot of fights he shouldn’t have to. To push out his guilt, he stood up for the weak people. But he never was able to forget how lonely, how guilty he was. He never forgot that he should have died that day.

He fought his thoughts, his will of dying because he had to stay alive, he had to live with what he’d done. He couldn’t forget, he couldn’t die. He had to pay the price and it was harder and harder to bear it, to bear the pain of his loss. And he was still fighting though his hearts were bleeding, his eyes were burning, his mind was exploding. He had to do that to honour their memory, to never forget.

He became the Doctor with depression, the Doctor with no companions. He deserved that solitude since he had killed all his people. He didn’t allow himself to have friends. But he couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when his hand met another one. That’s when he told her to run. That’s when she entered into his life and gave him an opportunity to become a better man.

He was just a man totally broken by the acts he had to commit to win the Time War. He had perpetrated monstrosities. He had destroyed the Daleks’ race but also destroyed his. If his enemies kept on coming back for a reason he ignored, his people were definitively gone because of him. This act had irreversibly darkened his soul.

He never tried to look for forgiveness, nor tried to forgive himself. He was guilty all down the line for being a coward and for leading his people to death. This darkness was gaining ground every day. It wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t want to forget but he didn’t want to become that monster again either. Yet he was drowning little by little in the darkness of his soul and that was frightening him more and more. He was about to let go when Rose Tyler came into his life. His behaviour might have seemed strange to her but he didn’t understand how someone like her, how someone as bright as she was could travel with a man as dark as him. Every day, every adventure, she was showing him that he could be a better man. One day, he found out that she had broken his solitude, that she had given him hope again.

She saw the darkness that was eating him up and chose to stay with him anyway, to never let him down. She almost abandoned her family for him. She wanted to help him. She wanted to be there for him every time he would need it and she’d done it. Even when she couldn’t do anything, her presence was enough. He wasn’t alone anymore and his darkness was disappearing at her contact. She learnt to him who he really was. He was not a monster. He was only a man who did mistakes, mistakes he would never be able to forgive himself for. She knew how to love him when he couldn’t love himself, when nobody else could have loved the man he was.

His story, like all others, had to come to an end. He chose to die as a coward, to be exterminated by the Daleks than to commit another massive slaughter. The coward stopped running away and faced death, and faced his fate. He never thought she would come back. He never thought she was the Bad Wolf they were all looking for. Better than dying as a coward, he chose to die for the love of a little human girl who lighted up his world. He pushed away the pain and faced his death, smiling, as the hero he had chosen to be the day she told him he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

That was the story of the Ninth Doctor, the Doctor with depression, who was sarcastic to hide his pain, who was so happy because “just this once everybody lived”, the coward who died as a hero. But that’s okay. We’re all stories in the end. He made a _fantastic_ one, heh?”


	7. Bring me to life

The events of the Satellite 5 were still running through his head now that he was back on Earth. Just like he had promised so many times, he had brought Rose back to her mother. Her mother who had helped her going back to him though the Doctor was pretty sure Jackie hated him. And now, she was going hate him even more because of a decision he hadn’t even taken. He had sent Rose back on Earth when the Daleks threat became out of control, when he knew for sure that he was going to die that day. He had fulfilled his promise. He had protected her and sent her back to her mother when things went deadly dangerous. However, Rose had come back. Rose had absorbed the whole Vortex and had come back to save him because she couldn’t bear the idea of losing him when he had sent her away so she wouldn’t die in a war that wasn’t hers.

She had become the Bad Wolf, a goddess of time and space, an entity more powerful than the Time Lords all together. He hadn’t known that seeing the heart of the TARDIS being ripped open by Margaret Blaine would give Rose the idea of doing so. Hadn’t he warned her how dangerous it was to look into the Vortex? Hadn’t he told her that she would burn if she did so? Why his companions never listened to what he was saying? She had done it whatever he could have said about it and the power of the Vortex had slowly burned through her veins and brain. Oh, she had been so beautiful and so powerful his Rose. Her action had been so pure, so selfless. A simple human sacrificing her life for him. He had wanted to return the favour, to pull the Vortex out of her body but before he could do a thing, she had let go. The Vortex had gone back in the TARDIS’ heart and Rose had lost consciousness.

The Daleks were gone; people were dead and he got to get out of the situation. Alive, once again. The Time War had ended a second time and he was alive because a human he loved dearly had given everything for him to stay alive. He had gathered her in his arms and had carried her back into the TARDIS, carefully laying her down on the grating. He had entered the coordinates of planet Earth, 2005. He had needed to bring Rose back to Jackie, leaving Jack behind them because he was now a mistake, something that shouldn’t exist. And the Doctor had been there, sat next to her, holding her hand and waiting for her to wake up. They had just landed on Earth when he found out that something was wrong, that Rose wasn’t waking up. He had brought her back to Jackie’s flat and accepted all the anger Jackie had for him, especially he had told her that Rose Tyler was slowly dying and he didn’t know why.

“I promise to do anything in my power to help her!” he cried out in pain after Jackie had slapped him.

“She wouldn’t be dying if he wasn’t for you!”

“I brought her home before anything could happen. She’s the one who came back!”

“She wanted to save you! She loves you for God’s sake!”

The words cracked in the air and hit the Doctor straight in the hearts who beat a bit faster than usual. He didn’t reply though. He already knew it was true. He had seen it. He had seen all the signals she tried to hide the best she could. She hadn’t wanted him to know about it, had been afraid of him sending her back on Earth if he knew. So she had bottled them up and kept them secret. Except he had known it all along. He hadn’t wanted that to happen at all and Jackie could go away with all her insinuations like he was the one responsible for turning her head. Rose had wanted to see the stars. She had told him so the first time they talked together. He had promised her he would take her to the stars and when he did, she had wanted to stay and he had accepted because he liked her. Rose Tyler was strong and sassy, and compassionate. She had helped him heal and didn’t even know it.

But then again, those feelings she had for him had made her flout the laws he had given her the first time she stepped in the TARDIS. He had kept his word, sending Rose back home to her mother, safe and sound, but she had chosen to look into the TARDIS’ heart and absorbed the whole Vortex just to save him while he had told her and Jack that they should never do such a thing, that even him couldn’t do it without dying. She had just wanted to save him, and now she was dying. All because of him.

“I’ll do everything I can to heal her. I promise.”

“You better do that!”

“When it’ll be done, I’ll disappear from your lives. You’ll tell her whatever you want, that I’m dead or anything. She must never know what she really had done. She must never remember what she had seen.”

That was his last words before he left Jackie’s flat to go back to the TARDIS. He sat for a long moment staring at the console, not really knowing where to go and what to do. He had promised Jackie he would do something to help Rose but he actually had no idea what he could possibly do. He suddenly got up and entered coordinates. Satellite 5. Where everything had gone wrong. Maybe there were some answers back there. The TARDIS landed to the exact same place she was when Rose had come back for him. The Doctor walked out and looked around. Everything was so peaceful now. The Satellite had been abandoned after the mess they had left there. No one had come here in ages. The weapon he’d created was still there. No one had touched it. No one had stripped it down. In a move of pure anger, he destroyed the whole thing. If he hadn’t been a coward, Rose would have been perfectly fine.

He sat down on the ground and took his head in his hands. He was living the last few hours once again, as the memories flowed into his mind. He stayed that way for a long moment. The place was a total no man’s land. No one would disturb him there. That’s why he had come there in the first place. But now, his thoughts were driving him crazy. How was he supposed to heal Rose from the disease killing her? She had had so many months and years to live and the Vortex had burned all those chances for her to have a decent life. He sighed deeply. He was guilty for this all down the line. The calm around him was helping him thinking but that didn’t bring him any answers. It was insane! How did all of this happen? How could he have let this happen? He was focused on his questions but clearly heard some noise which caught his attention. He raised his head. He was supposed to be alone there.

“Who’s there?” he asked.

No one showed up but the Doctor knew someone was there. He could sense it. Plus, that someone wasn’t very quiet. Whoever it was, he probably thought he was alone and maybe deaf, considering the fact that the Doctor calling him hadn’t made him stop whatever he was doing. Or she. The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and went to check the surroundings. Something was weird. His mind, usually full of emptiness and loneliness, had now some voice speaking in his back, just like it was when Time Lords were still alive. He tried not to hope too much. That couldn’t be possible. No Time Lords had survived the Time War. He had tried and tried to contact them but none had ever answered. He was alone. The presence he was feeling in his mind at the present moment couldn’t be a Time Lord one. It was some other telepathic species for sure.

The Satellite was desert. There was no sign of life anywhere. The sonic didn’t seem to find anything either, but the Doctor was convinced there was something or someone with him, something or someone who was filling the emptiness of his mind. When he realised there was nothing around, he got confused and was about to give up when he heard the noise again. His eyes caught the outline of someone running away. A thin brown haired guy with a long coat. The Doctor immediately ran after him. He had to catch him and to ask him why he was around that no man’s land and why he was watching him. No one was supposed to be there. He had chosen that specific date so no one would come and disturb him while he was trying to find a solution for Rose. He ran until he could catch the guy who had no chance to run away with him. That other man raised his hands when the Doctor pinned him to the wall, showing him that he wouldn’t flee from him.

“Who are you?”

“You’re not supposed to see me, nor talk to me.” replied the thin brown-haired guy.

He was speaking with a strong Eastern accent and the Doctor had to hold back a smile. When she had learned that he was an alien, Rose, had asked how it was possible that he sounded like he’d come from the North. _“Lots of planets have a North”_ he had replied offended. Obviously, lots of planets did also have an East, because that guy he was holding was clearly not human, according to the signals he was producing. The signals were confusing though. The man seemed to be a strong telepathic since he could get in the Doctor’s head but everything else was blurred. As if he was trying to hide who he really was with a perception filter. The filter would have prevented the Doctor from seeing the guy though. So, who was he? And what was he doing there, on a no man’s land where no one was even allowed to come?

The Doctor looked closely at the strange man. He was wearing a brown pinstriped suit, white shirt and a tie with blue patterns. With that suit, he was wearing beige Converses – Converses with a suit, wherever that man came from, he had no sense of fashion! – and a brown trench coat. His hair was a real mess, defying the gravity – he was probably using some hair gel or something, thinking it made him look cool – and his face was one of the most expressive the Doctor had ever seen. The guy was clearly showing that he wasn’t happy that the Doctor had found him there. It looked like it wasn’t a good thing for them to be there together at the same time, as if they weren’t supposed to see each other, nor to talk to each other. Even though that feeling of forbidden, the Doctor didn’t let him go. He had the feeling in his guts that the guy knew something about his Rose.

“You’re not supposed to be here. This is a sealed place. No one can come in.”

“You did. I did.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“If you told you, I would be force to erase your memories right after.”

The Doctor started to become impatient and his anger was burning through his veins. He had no time to waste with some idiot who was traveling to places he shouldn’t be. He had to find a solution for Rose and if that guy did have answer, he would give them to him. But who was he to threaten him? Didn’t his travels teach him that he was the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness? Didn’t he ever hear about the Time War and how he was the only survivor? Better not mess up with him. If he kept speaking to him that way, someone would be hurt and the Doctor knew it wouldn’t be him for sure.

“Who do you think you are to threaten me that way? You obviously don’t know me. I could kill you right now.”

“I know what you’re capable of more than anyone. You don’t kill people, you save them. You’re the Doctor.”

“…”

“Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up, never give in.”

“It was before the War. Everything changed with the War.”

His tone was bitter. The guy obviously knew who he was and why he had chosen this name. He certainly knew about the Time War too but that didn’t explain why he was here and now. His icy blue eyes locked with the hazel brown ones. So much sadness, so much despair in there. It was like looking in the mirror, except they were both different. The Doctor was a warrior, a survivor and that pretty guy probably was the popular guy on his planet, somewhere in the galaxy. He probably had no reason to feel so much pain. But who was he to judge anyway?

“I came here to help you with Rose. I came here to help you saving her before it’s too late, but you weren’t supposed to see me.”

While saying that, he pulled out a paper from his pocket and gave it to the Doctor. The Doctor took it, not understanding what that meant. He let go of the guy but kept him in his sight. He unfolded the paper and started reading the small letter. His eyes kept going between the written words and the guy. He couldn’t believe what was written. It was unbelievable. He would have known. He would have known if something so big had been happening right under his nose.

“How do you know all of this?”

“How do you know all the things you know?”

“Don’t answer me with another question!”

“I forgot how full of rage I was!”

“Don’ push me!”

“Rose was already sick when she started travelling with you.”

That was the second time in a few hours that words cracked in the air and smacked him across the face, and clutched his hearts. A silence followed the sentence. The man was just repeating what he had written in the letter. Was it true? If it was, why Jackie would blame him for it? He felt guilty, but what if it wasn’t his fault? What if Rose had really been sick before he even met her? And how could he have not noticed it in any way? The letter was saying she had been suffering from that disease ever since she was seven, that Jackie had given everything they had to have her treated, that she had given a chance to every single cure the doctors had told her about, but none ever worked. Rose had been fighting for her life for almost thirteen years now, and the Doctor couldn’t believe that was even true, that she would have been sick all along and that he wouldn’t have seen a thing.

“Is that even possible?”

“Yes. Remember that time she answered your message? She has just gotten home after a few days at the hospital where she almost died. You gave her as much hope as she has given you. When it felt hard for her, she held on to the hope of meeting you someday. And it happened. You travelled together and she never felt so alive.”

The Doctor listened to the words of the other man. He didn’t cut him off. He thought quickly. That guy wasn’t supposed to know all those things. There was only one way for him to know those things and that was explaining why he didn’t want to be seen.

“That’s why she absorbed the Time Vortex,” the Doctor suddenly said. “She knew that she could die, but that didn’t matter because she was already dying. She thought her life wasn’t worth it and chose to save mine.”

“She did the only thing she thought was right. She decided to give her life to save the one of the man who was everything to her eyes. Dying to save you was her way to thank you for everything you’ve done for her.”

“Why would Jackie put the blame on me?”

“She likes you more than she would ever admit it. She thinks you’re the only one able to save her daughter.”

“But I don’t know what to do!”

That was the truth. He had absolutely no idea of how he was going to help the woman he loved, even if he could never admit it. After all, he was a nine hundred years old alien who had seen and done things she couldn’t even imagine and she was just a tiny little human, a human who had jumped into his box, into his life and who had healed him from the wounds he had had when they met. He still had them but they had started to heal thanks to her love and compassion and smiles. She would never know what she’d done for him, because he never had never told her how he felt for her, how much she had helped him. And that was destroying him inside down. He couldn’t let her die, not after everything they’d lived together. He had to save her, even if that meant disappearing from her life forever without telling her how he felt and how fantastic she was.

“Actually, you do. I’m the future you, you have guessed it by now.”

“What happened?”

“You gave her your life. Enough regenerative energy to heal her and kill you. You struggled until you learned that she was going to live. Then, you left and allowed the regeneration.”

“Where is she now?”

The future Doctor didn’t answer his question. That was part of the future, of his own future. He had already crossed his own timeline and created a real mess by making himself seen by his old self. He would have to erase their memories to heal the wound in their timeline. His old self couldn’t remember that day, the day they would save Rose Tyler from a certain death. The tenth bit his lower lip. He had to say it, but what he had to say would certainly not please the ninth.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

That simple sentence meant everything. The Doctor knew and it made his hearts sink into his chest. By the sad look on his future self, by the sad tone of his voice, by the apologies he had made, the Doctor knew that his life hadn’t been enough.

“How?”

“I respected your promise and left their lives. I erased Rose’s memories of us but not Jackie’s. She has kept me updated, told me everything about Rose, about her new life, about her health. Everything was good. She was fine and living the life we wanted her to live but… About a year later, Jackie told me Rose did a violent relapse. She was at the hospital when I came back. I overheard the doctors about her health. They said… They said it was over. And I held Jackie against me when Rose left.”

He wanted to add something but the violence of the memory left him speechless and he couldn’t prevent the tears from falling as the pain crushed his hearts once again. The ninth felt his own throat being knotted. He didn’t want this to happen. Was Rose timeline set or could he rewrite her history?

– Flashback –

_The tenth was on his way back to the TARDIS after defeating a whole army of Cybermen once again when the bad feeling hit, clutching his hearts and taking away his breath with a sudden unbearable pain. He stumbled back to his box, threw his coat on a coral strut and let himself fall on the jump seat. That was when the TARDIS’ phone rang. He looked at it, not moving because he knew that if he picked up the phone the news he would get would be an awful one. Only one person had that number and if she was calling it, that meant something had happened. And that also explained why he had that bad feeling ruining him. The symptoms were telling him that he was kinda having a panic attack, because he knew what it meant. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before picking up the phone. Jackie was hysterical. More than usual._

_“You need to come back now!" she yelled at him through the phone._

_“What’s going on?”_

_He couldn’t prevent his voice from trembling. The question was stupid. He_ **knew** _. It was about Rose. It was always about Rose. If It hadn’t been for Rose, Jackie would never have called him. She once again got into a long and hysterical speech. He didn’t even understand a word coming from her, but he could clearly hear the tears, the pain and the despair in her voice. Something had happened to Rose._

_“Stop, Jackie! I know it’s about Rose! Just tell me what happened to her!”_

_His voice was still trembling and the pain in hers was echoing the one he was feeling. He knew that was something serious, something serious enough for Jackie to lose her calm. Only one thing. Only one thing could make her go hysterical. But that couldn’t be. He had made sure of it, but what if that hadn’t been enough? What if the disease had come back?_

_“She looked tired this morning. She looked peaky. She just said that she must have caught some cold, what else could it be anyway? She was cured, Doctor! You cured her and now, everything is starting all over again!”_

_“What?”_

_He had given his ninth life for her. He used all the regenerative energy of his past body to heal her. The disease was gone. Fully gone. It shouldn’t have come back, not ever._

_“Her boss called me a few hours after she started working. Said she was having troubles breathing, that she was coughing blood. They called an ambulance. She was admitted into intensive care unit before I could be there. They told me she did a relapse.”_

_She took a break and the Doctor could tell she was crying. He himself had some troubles breathing. He couldn’t believe that was true. How a relapse could have happened? With his regenerative energy running in her veins – even with a very small amount of it – it shouldn’t have happened._

_“She is in the coma, Doctor. They don’t know if she’s gonna wake up,”_ she sniffled. _“I need you here._ **She** _needs you here.”_

 _“On my way,”_ he managed to mutter though his throat was knotted.

_It only took a few minutes before the TARDIS landed in a small closet of the hospital, close to Rose’s room. The Doctor came out quietly, being careful not to be seen by anyone, and walked to the room. He hadn’t needed to ask where the room was. The TARDIS always knew how to bring him close to Rose. The Doctor saw Jackie. She was outside the room and speaking with a black woman with a white smock. He stopped and listened to the conversation._

_“We did a PET scan and further exams to be sure. There’s no doubt. It’s back, and it’s everywhere.”_

_“Can’t you do something?”_

_“No,” the doctor shook her head lightly. “I’m sorry. It’s over. The only thing we can do is ease her pain until she let go. It won’t take very long. You should say goodbye to your daughter.”_

_The doctor was truly sorry for Jackie. She put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad look. The tenth felt his hearts sink in his chest. It was over. His life hadn’t been enough to save her, and Rose was dying right there, behind the door of that sad hospital room. He was shaking when he walked to the room and opened it without a word for Jackie. He was unable to speak anyway. He swallowed thickly. Rose looked so small and so pale in that bed. There were too many tubs linked to her body. Pain medicine, liquid food, oxygen. Rose couldn’t breathe by herself anymore. A machine was doing it for her. Another one was showing her regular heartbeats, the blood oxygen saturation and the frequency of her breathing. The two machines were the producing the only noise in the room. It was quiet, too quiet. The absence of life was unbearable._

_The Doctor sat down on the edge of the bed and slowly stroked her face, tucking her hair between her ear. Tears were running down his cheeks. She was cold already. He knew it was because of the under oxygenation of her body and he also knew that was because her death was dangerously close. He pressed his lips against her forehead softly. His hearts were hurting so much right now. He would have given them to her if he had been able to, but he couldn’t give her new lungs. His regenerative energy wouldn’t be enough to cure her this time. What she needed was a new body. If only she could regenerate. After all she had had the Vortex in her once. She also had had his energy in her once. It could have been possible, but it wasn’t. The disease had eroded the energy as well as her immune system so suddenly. It didn’t give her any chance of survival, and that hurt._

_“You overheard?” asked the teary voice of Jackie behind him._

_“Yeah,” he replied, his voice not sounding better._

_He didn’t want to believe that it was over, that it was the last time he would see Rose. He remembered her being so full of life when she was travelling with him, when he was secretly watching over her during the last year. Of course he had promised Jackie to disappear from their lives and he had been thankful for Jackie giving him news but he hadn’t been able to stay away. He had to see it with his own eyes. It was only a matter of minutes and Rose had never seen him, and it had always warmed his hearts to see her so full of life. She was living a normal life day after day, and she was happy. That was all that mattered. Even though she had no memories of him at all, she was happy. None of them had ever thought that this would happen, that the disease would come back and kill her in a few hours. That was so unfair._

_“Thank you. For coming.”_

_“I couldn’t let her go without saying goodbye.”_

_But he hated endings. Oh, he really hated endings and that was why he always ripped the last page of a book when he was reading one. That was why it hurt so much to be here, ready to say goodbye to the love of his life without her even knowing about his feelings. He took her hand and kissed it softly. He looked at Jackie. She needed to say goodbye too. He stood up and withdrew, looking by the window. A rainy day. The sky was matching his emotions. He put his hands in his pockets. He overheard Jackie’s words and the amount of his tears doubled._

_“You can let go now, Rose. It’s okay sweetheart.” Said Jackie, stroking her head softly. “You won’t have to fight anymore. You’ll be free.”_

_That was the truth. When she would let go, when she would give up on life, she wouldn’t have to fight anymore. She would be free from the disease, from the pain, from everything. The Doctor leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes. It shouldn’t be happening. He had looked into Rose’s future. She shouldn’t have died that way. Her death wasn’t a fixed point. He could change it. A hint of hope pierced through the deep sadness clutching his hearts. He could go back in time and save her. He couldn’t leave now. He would stay until the end to never forget why he was doing so._

_“Doctor?”_

_“Hm?” he said turning back to face Jackie._

_“There’s something you can do.”_

_“To save her?”_

_“No.” Jackie shook her head. “I want her to go peacefully.”_

_“You want me to…” he asked incredulous._

_“Give her her memories back, Doctor. Make her remember everything you’ve lived together.”_

_The Doctor nodded. This was something he could do. He walked to the bed and sat down next to Jackie. He placed his hands on Rose’s temples and closed his eyes. He created a bound between their two minds and walked into hers. He slowly unlocked the memories he had locked one year ago. He watched the memories as they flooded into her mind again, as the happiness invaded her thoughts, and slowly pulled out of her mind. He could have sworn he had seen a smile on her face. He quietly took Jackie in his arms. They were both holding Rose’s hand, and none of them let it go until it was over for real. The Doctor held Jackie tight against him while she was sobbing. He was crying too. He didn’t move for a long moment. He was unable to move anyway. They stayed in each other’s arms until the Doctor found the courage to stand up._

_“Where are you going?”_

_“Find a way to save her before it’s too late.”_

_“But…”_

_“I’ll find it!”_

_That’s when he left. He travelled far in the future, making stops to see where the science where concerning Rose’s disease. He knew someone had found the cure but he didn’t remember the year or the planet. That’s why it took him so much time to find it, but when he did find it, when he was sure Rose would be totally cured, that the disease wouldn’t come back if he gave her that cure, he went back in time, crossing his own timeline even though the TARDIS didn’t really like it. However, she wanted to save Rose as much as he wanted it and brought him back to Satellite 5 where he remembered going after learning that Rose was dying, and before he took the decision of giving his life for her._

– End –

“Could we… Could we change all of this?” the tenth heard his old self asking him.

The tenth pushed away the memory and simply nodded. That was why he was there. Once again, he put his hand in the pocket of his trench coat. Bigger on the inside pocket of course. He pulled out a little bottle filled with a green fluid. The cure. A cure which would be created in a certain number of years.

“That’s why I’m here. I spent a lot of time looking for a cure and I finally ended up finding one. This is from a far future but this is the only thing that would save her. And you. Give this to her and never, never leave her.”

The ninth took the bottle he was given and put it in his own pocket, sealing it with the sonic so it wouldn’t fall until he was back to the Powell Estate to give it to Rose. The tenth erased the memories of their meeting from the ninth’s memory and just let him know that he had the cure in his pocket and that he had to go back to Rose. The tenth quickly disappeared while the ninth took his own TARDIS and flew back to the Jackie’s. He didn’t say anything to Jackie and just rushed to Rose’s side. He pulled the green fluid out of his pocket. He didn’t remember where he had gotten it but he knew that would save Rose. He made her drink it. The most difficult part now would be waiting.

“Are you really gonna disappear from our lives?” asked Jackie behind him.

“That’s what you want,” he simply replied, not taking his eyes off of Rose.

“No. Of course, not. I said it because I was mad but you’re the best thing that ever happened to Rose. You can’t just leave her.”

“…”

“I don’t know who you are for real, but I know you do a lot of good to her and that’s all I could ever ask for.”

Jackie kept on talking to him, on telling him how Rose was before she met him, how she was after their first meeting. She told him about the hope he had created in Rose’s life after that message she heard on the radio. Jackie had overheard some of their talks but never said a thing about how weird he sounded. She had just listened to Rose being happy and curious, getting interesting in something in life instead of just living as much as she could before the disease hit again and forced her back to the hospital. She wasn’t supposed to live so long and it was a miracle for her to have survived until now, but for a mother, it was never enough. As tough as he was, the Doctor couldn’t help but cry. He didn’t push Jackie away when she took him in her arms. That was more because she needed comfort than to comfort him. She had fought with Rose for so many years now and she was exhausted. That’s why he didn’t push her away. That’s why he comforted her. That’s why he stayed with her as long as she needed him around.

The wait was unbearable and the Doctor thought that the cure wasn’t working at all, that he had been fooled by whoever had given it to him. He didn’t remember how he had gotten it but that didn’t matter. He just wanted it to work, but he had to be patient, really patient, and watched as the time went. Two weeks passed by that way. He lived like a freaking little human for two weeks and that was making him go mad. However he couldn’t leave his Rose, his precious Rose, who didn’t wake up though her face wasn’t deathly pale anymore. Colours were coming back on her cheeks. But she wasn’t coming back to them. It took her some more days to finally open her eyes and a few more days to remember who was who and what had happened. She was happy that the Doctor was still there, that he had been waiting for her to feel better.

He told her that she was healed for good, that the disease would never come back, that he had made sure of it. He also told her that he would never leave her because she was the most precious thing he had in life. Oh she cried when he heard those words she had dreamt about for so long. It was relief and happiness, and she just couldn’t ask for more. The Doctor promised her that he would wait until she felt better and then, he would take her back into the stars and she thanked him with a smile he would die for every day…


	8. Howling of the Wolf

The words _‘run for your life’_ never had such a powerful meaning than right now while he was indeed running for his life through the thick forest he was lost in. He had long lost of sight the trail he was following at first and was now running through the mess of trees so tall it was impossible to see where they were stopping, of bushes, brambles and roots, jumping above the obstacles he was meeting. He was running so fast he had the feeling that he was flying – which was scientifically impossible. Brambles and branches were gripping his leather jacket, jumper and pants, were staying stuck in his short-cropped hair and were scratching his face and hands, but he didn’t stop to take them off or wipe the small drops of blood running down his cheeks and fingers. He kept running, trying to go as fast as he could to escape from the threat that was chasing him down the woods.

He was a Time Lord and had a very good physical health. He wasn’t even out of breath while he had been running for a long moment now. He jumped above a small bush and tripped over a root but he never slowed down. He couldn’t. He was fast, but the threat was faster. No matter how fast he was running, he could still hear the steps of it running after him, the feet hitting the ground with an almost dull sound. The threat was fast, but it was also discreet while the Doctor could hear the sound of his own steps resonating loudly in the desert forest and pointing him out as the target to slaughter. But there was nothing around. No animals. No birds, no rabbits, no foxes. Nothing, but a huge deserted and silent forest. Only the howling of a wolf was audible from time to time, a howling as beautiful as frightening that sent shivers down the Doctor’s spine. And that wolf was currently chasing him.

Oh, it was his fault without a doubt. Entirely his fault. His curiosity was to blame, and he was cursing himself for being so curious. That was a default that always led him head first into troubles. Now was another demonstration of this statement. He was quietly traveling through the Vortex wondering where to stop and reading a very fascinating book about a wolf named Bad Wolf just hours ago. The book was telling the whole story behind the legend – because the Bad Wolf had never existed, it was just legends based on hearsay from people who’d gotten lost in the forest and heard the cry of a wolf – and the testimonies of some people had been written down to feed the legends. One of them had caught the Doctor’s attention though – the others were just making him laugh – and had gotten him really curious to know if it was real or not.

The tale was from a certain Donat, an old French guy who had been hunting the Bad Wolf in that exact same forest around the eighteenth century. He had been walking through that labyrinth of trees, and wild vegetation and had found something quite interesting while he was tracking the wolf: a small wooden house where was living a young woman around twenty years old. His tale was saying that the girl looked scared when he had found her. He had asked her to come with him, to trust him because he wouldn’t hurt her and would just bring her to the real world, but soon as she had grabbed his hand to run away with him, the Wolf had appeared and attacked him. Donat had to run away alone, and pretty badly wounded. His story was ending on words that definitely caught the Doctor’s attention: _“I remember the wolf’s golden eyes glowing in the dark, and when I looked back at the girl, she was having that hint of the wolf in her eyes. Her look was piercing through me and I could see the wolf howling in her soul, and the laws of Time itself seemed to flow in the golden river of her veins.”_ Something definitely interesting for the Time Lord the Doctor was.

A drawing had been added next to the page of the story. It was representing the girl of the woods, standing in that wooden house, in a simple nightgown dress from the eighteenth century. Her hands were pressed on her heart, and the silhouette of a wolf was drawn into her eyes. Golden eyes and the dark silhouette of a real wolf was drawn behind her. The Doctor had to see it by himself so he had entered the coordinates of the time and location of that wooden house just like it was said in the tale, but as usual, the TARDIS hadn’t taken him to the right place – it was the right time though – and instead of facing the girl, he had been facing the Wolf. He just had had the time to observe it for a few seconds before his life was threatened. The Wolf was nothing like the drawing. It was much more beautiful, and much more impressive.

The Wolf was sat in the middle of a small clearing, illuminated by the light of the moon. Its muzzle was raised to the night sky and it was howling at the moon. Its voice was deep and melodious, and the Doctor had had the feeling that it was speaking straight to his soul. A shiver ran down his spine as he observed the slightly golden fur of the Wolf. It was so beautiful. He had seen a lot of things in his life, but never something as beautiful as that Wolf howling at the moon, howling a song that almost moved him to tears. He had been so amazed by that sight that he hadn’t noticed the Wolf had stopped howling. He hadn’t noticed that it was looking at him. That was the growl who had drawn him out of his amazed condition. As beautiful as the Wolf is, it was also particularly dangerous and it was now threatening him. And that was why the Doctor was running faster than ever, the Wolf on his heels.

But suddenly, nothing anymore. No sound, no paws hitting the ground being him. Just the deathly silence of the forest. The only noise coming to the Doctor’s ears were his own heartbeats and breath. He stopped and looked around him. Nothing and no one around. His Time Lords senses were all on alert though. Something was coming, something incredibly strong and dangerous. Something he couldn’t face alone. He better go back to the TARDIS and get the hell out of here. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, using his senses to find his box. It was miles and miles away from his position. He cursed and started walking back in the direction of his hub. He felt observed and looked around to see who was there, but there was no one. He felt a shiver running down his spine when his eyes caught the golden eyes observing him. Right before the Wolf jumped out of the bush he was hiding in.

The Doctor took no time to think and started running again to save himself from the terrible fate that was awaiting him if the Wolf managed to catch him, but everything was going wrong. While running, he tripped over a root on the surface and brutally fell to the ground. He tried to catch something to stop his fall but his body was hurtling down a steep slope, causing him to curse even more in his natural language. His fall ended in a small stream of cold water. He got out of it quickly and sat on the muddy bank.

“I was expecting you, my Doctor.”

The Doctor quickly looked up at the voice speaking to him. The girl from the book was standing there, next to him, in the same outfit shown in the drawing, and the Doctor knew just by looking into her eyes he knew that Donat was right. The laws of Time were flowing in her veins. The girl wasn’t related to Time, she was Time itself. She held a hand out to him but he didn’t take it, too amazed by her sudden appearance, by the beauty of this girl with blonde hair, pink cheeks and a hint of golden in her brown eyes.

“So, the legend was true. The Wolf is holding a young girl as a hostage.” _He simply said._

And in answer to his statement, she just laughed. Just like her voice, her laugh sounded melodious, as melodious as the howling of the Wolf earlier. He realised how much he liked it, and how much he would like to hear it again. As strange as it sounds.

“Who says I’m a hostage of the Wolf?”

“The book I was reading.”

He finally caught her hand and she helped him up. As soon as their skin touched, something awoke in him and his Time Lord senses turned themselves off. There was no threat anymore.

“What is that book saying?”

“It was telling the legend of a girl living under the threat of a wolf called Bad Wolf in a forest of the eighteenth century. I got pretty curious to see if this was right.”

“Is there more to that legend?”

“It says that the girl can’t escape. No matter how many times she tried, the Wolf always found her, and brought her back here.”

“That’s quite an interesting story, but it’s not exactly true.”

She was still holding his hand and was showing no sign of letting it go. He wouldn’t run away though. He couldn’t. It was as if his body had taken root in the muddy ground for him to stay around the girl. Or was she the one forcing him to stay so still?

“So, what’s the real story?”

“I can see in your mind, my Doctor. You’ve already answered that question. At least, partially.”

“You are Time itself.”

“True.”

“And the Wolf is your keeper.”

“Also true.”

She smiled at him. A soft smile. A smile a mother would give to a kid she was proud of. In a way, the Doctor was a child of Time, and right now, Time itself was proud of him for a reason he didn’t even know.

“The book doesn’t exist. Neither is the story. I created them to draw your attention to me. The Wolf had the mission to bring you to me. This is why your TARDIS landed close to it, instead of me.”

“Why?”

She smiled at him once again, and her free hand went to cup his cheek. The contact was warm and he leaned on it. He had never realised how much he needed comfort.

“You’ve done terrible things to keep me safe from the War, my Doctor, and you’ll keep on protecting me all your life.”

She was still calling him _‘my Doctor’_ and inside down, he liked it. He belonged to the Time. It was his mother, and for her, he had been fighting in a war that took all his strengths and hopes and people away. A war that let him alone in the universes. Alone with the high responsibility of healing the wounds in Time and Space and keeping everyone’s safe. He had made that promise when he took his name, and he was still respecting that promise.

“But now is the time for you to start forgiving yourself for what has happened.”

“But I can’t.”

“Not on your own, I know.”

“I’ve got no one else. I’m on my own. Forever. I’ve killed everyone.”

“Time Lords never really cared about you, my Doctor.”

“That wasn’t a reason to exterminate them all.”

“They would never have helped you if you’ve just exterminated the Daleks.”

“I would’ve been a hero.”

“But that’s not what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Not yet, but you’ll know soon enough.”

She lightly stroked his cheekbone and he closed his eyes, leaning a bit more in her comforting touch. He shouldn’t let himself go into Her touch. He was nothing next to her, and yet, she had chosen him. Among the very large number of people who were living around since the beginning of Time, she had chosen to show herself to him.

“Your mind is a full mess of guilt and self-hatred and solitude, my Doctor, but there’s one person, one shining person, who’s gonna help you through this. One loving person who’s gonna change your hearts and mind.” She let go of his hand and placed her over his hearts. “She’s gonna make you better.”

“Who?”

“You already know who.”

Another smile to him. He opened his eyes and looked into her brown golden eyes. A warm look that almost make him forget about all those negative feelings about himself. A ‘she’. The person who was supposed to help him was a woman. And thinking about it, the Time had taken a form vaguely familiar to him.

“The War is not over yet, my Doctor, but the path to forgiveness and light is right in front of you now. This is my gift to you. Just give it a chance.”

“How can I?”

“We will meet again very soon and when that day will come, the weight in your chest will be less heavy.”

The Wolf joined them and sat next to the girl, observing them. It didn’t look so threatening now. The Doctor could swear he heard the Wolf laugh lightly in the back of his mind, as if all of this had just been a game. The Wolf had never intended to harm him in any way. Its only mission had been to lead him there, but it had wanted to have some fun. Much to the Doctor’s displeasure.

“Now is the time to wake up, my Doctor.”

The girl softly kissed his forehead and his eyes fluttered shut. He fell himself fall into a black hole and expected to hit the muddy ground but, instead, he woke up with a sudden start. He looked around him. He was in the TARDIS. He had fallen asleep on the pilot seat and the book he was reading had slid to the ground, but someone had picked it up. He looked up and his eyes fell on the blonde girl who had accepted to come with him just minutes earlier. She had covered him with a blanket and was holding the book against her chest. She realised that he was awake and blushed lightly.

“I-I’m sorry. You fell asleep so…”

“It’s okay. Happens to the best.”

He looked at the book. A Gallifreyan book he didn’t even remember picking him in the library. The girl of the dream was right. The book – _Howling of the Wolf_ – had never existed. It was just a fake thing from his mind. The Doctor rubbed his eyes. The dream was a blur now, but certain details were stuck in his mind, like the disturbing resemblance between the personalisation of Time and Rose Tyler, his new companion. Maybe there was more than a sign to interpret there.

“Right then, Rose Tyler, you tell me: where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time? What it’s going to be?”

“Forwards.”

The Doctor grinned at her, got on his feet and left the blanket on the pilot seat. He pressed a few buttons on the console, programming a new trip through time and space. A new adventure was going to start, and this time, he wouldn’t be alone to live it. He would have the chance to share it with someone, someone who could change his life forever.


	9. Losing your memory

The Doctor had lost a lot of things in the Time War. He had lost his pride, his principles, his mental health and two of his lives, but that wasn’t what was hurting him the most actually. He had had to sit on his pride a long time ago to become the Time Lord he was now. He had wanted people to stop rejecting him and had done some reprehensible things to earn their love and respect, even humiliating himself for this. His principles had never been the same as everyone. He had always been an outsider, someone willing to help people instead of just staying there and watching like he was supposed to do. His mental health… Well, they were saying he was one hell of stupid useless child. He had heard it for over two hundred years, and he had comforted them in the fact that he was some crazy wild guy who needed to be locked away from ‘healthy people’. And his two lives, well, he was lucky enough to be able to regenerate in the middle of this War. A lot of Time Lords and Ladies hadn’t had the chance of.

All those things he had lost looked really pointless now, because he had lost some other things that were far more important than those little things. First, he had lost all his people. He had made a choice that had killed them all and the weight of it on his shoulders was unbearable. Second, something that was much more painful to him – after all the Time Lords had never cared about him, except when they had wanted to kick him out of Gallifrey, saying he was being the biggest trouble around, giving bad ideas to the younger Time Lords and Ladies – and something he would never forgive himself for: the loss of the Wolf, his lovely wife. Her official name was Delta Iota, but she had chosen a quite uncommon name, even for Gallifrey: the Wolf. He had given her the ‘Wolfie’ nickname, and he had been the only one allowed to use that name. She hadn’t let anyone else but him use it.

Her loss was hurting him much more than any other death that had occurred on that terrible day. One of the reasons was because of his guilt. He had left her on Gallifrey and just left with the Moment. He had destroyed them all, Daleks and Time Lords. He had exterminated his wife, his other half, and her absence was a pain he couldn’t handle. He remembered that, at first, he hadn’t been very happy to be forced to be paired with a Time Lady he barely knew, but as time passed by, he had realised that she was just like him, just as adventurous and crazy as him and they had decided to take another step into their relationship and to complete the ultimate bound, a bound that would forever exist between the two of them, allowing them to always sense each other, to have a full access to their minds without the need of creating a physical connection, to feel each other emotions at any time.

It was the most powerful bound on Gallifrey, and only the Time Lords and Ladies who were truly in love with each other chose to complete the bound that were first initiated during the wedding ceremony. At least, it was something they had the choice to do or not. As beautiful and wonderful that bound was, it was also a curse when your loved one was hurt or killed because you could feel everything he/she was going through without knowing what was going on, but the Doctor knew. He had felt the life of his Wolfie leaving her body the minute he had activated the Moment, the minute Gallifrey had been erased from Space to a War that would have destroyed everything in the universes. And ever since that day, the Doctor had felt really empty. The void in his mind and hearts was driving him crazy and he had tried many and many times to make the pain disappear, to remove, with his bare hands, the tattoo with her name that had formed itself over his hearts when the bound had been completed, the bound that was now killing him.

After the fall of Gallifrey, after he had _caused_ the fall of Gallifrey, the Doctor had run away as fast and as far as he could and had tried to hide himself from the rest of the universes. He had remained hidden for years, barely travelling, barely answering the calls of the Time and Space. All he had done in all those years was pondering, crying, remembering and cherishing the memories of his lost wife. The pain was so unbearable that he had tried to kill himself a few times, but the TARDIS had always kept him alive. The old girl wasn’t able to do anything for all the scars he had created on his own body though. To hide them even from himself, he had chosen to wear a jumper with long sleeves but they were always there and he couldn’t just ignore them when he was taking a shower. The worst scar he had though was the mental one. He could hide it more easily, and the bleeding had stopped but the scar was still painful as hell.

Today was one of those bad days. A day where he could only stay in bed, his mental pain and solitude so throbbing that it was unbearable. A day where all he could do was hurting himself and cry. A day where the void of her absence was making him suffocate. He took off his jumper and looked at his arms full of scars. Then, his hand found her way back on his chest and he brushed lightly the tattoo over his hearts. Her name in circular Gallifreyan. The only thing about her that he had been able to keep after her loss, because even his memories of her were fading. He couldn’t remember her face, the colour of her eyes or even her smile. Those details usually didn’t count since everything could change after a regeneration, but she would never regenerate again, she would never live forever beside him, and it was destroying him inside down that he couldn’t remember those little details from the last day he had seen her.

He laid on his back and closed his eyes, his hand still over his hearts, still brushing over the tattoo. He tried to remember the last perfect day they had had together, their last day before the War hit Gallifrey and forced them apart. He tried to remember her face, her laugh, her touch, but the more he was trying to remember, the more the memory was running away from him, and soon enough nothing remained and he found himself chasing a transparent and fleeting ghost. And the pain hurt him so much that he chose to create another deep slit on his arm, resisting to the envy of engraving her name into his skin to be sure to never forget it just in case the tattoo would disappear.

Meeting Rose Tyler was probably the best to have ever happened in his life after the Time War. The girl was brilliant, lovely, compassionate, curious and full of life – for someone as dead as him in the inside, it was hard to understand – but she was also so _human_. And yet, as time was passing, he had realised that she was what he had needed the most in this dark period of his life. There was something about her, something intriguing and undeniably attractive. He had just wanted to show her that he was _impressive_ , that he could travel through Time and Space and show her all the marvels of the universes, but those reasons just vanished in the air when he had realised that Rose Tyler was more than a simple companion to him. She was much more than that, and he hadn’t understood it soon enough, even though he had started having suspicions of their feelings after they met with the surviving Dalek.

That meeting had left him particularly enraged and deeply broken. After all, the Daleks were responsible for everything he was going through. He hadn’t showed his pain, only his anger but Rose had seen through it, and she had managed to bring some sense into him. She had even refused to leave him alone – even though Adam was on board – the night that followed this encounter and she had stayed up all night just to make he would be fine. He had almost broken down that night, almost showed her the scars of his arms, almost told her about his dead wife, but he had managed to keep it all for himself and to hold back his tears. Rose had sensed that something was wrong with him but he had kept it all for himself. She was too human, too young to even understand what he was going through, but he had appreciated her compassion, her help through the night.

However, there was another big mystery around Rose Tyler. The Bad Wolf mystery. Everywhere he was taking her, the words were appearing. The words were following them and he had absolutely no idea of what they could possibly mean. That was frightening, but, most of all, it was painful because he only knew one Wolf, and that Wolf was long dead and gone. Even his memories of her were a blur. He had had a little hope that she could have survived that she was sending him a message, that she was trying to reach him, but he quickly realised that it couldn’t be her, because he would have felt it if she had still been alive. The bound would have told him. He would have felt her presence whenever and wherever she would have been hiding, and he hadn’t felt anything coming from her. The hope had vanished as well of the memories of her, and he only had had Rose to keep him going.

The Satellite 5 events had almost been the end for him. Everything had seemed to go wrong there. He hadn’t even been able to find Rose in time, and when he did, it was only to see her being exterminated by a stupid android. Seeing her being reduced to a simple and small heap of ashes had definitely broken him down and made him reached the point of no return. Two women. The two women he loved had been killed by the Daleks, and that had been something he couldn’t forget or forgive. He hadn’t told Rose how he was feeling because it felt inappropriate, because she was human, because he was an old daft man who didn’t deserve love, and she had died without knowing how much he was loving her. The fate was being mean on him, and once again, the words “Bad Wolf” were here, following them, but he didn’t care anymore. Everything was over, he didn’t have the strength to fight anymore.

That was Jack who brought him back to his senses and forced him to fight in the name of Rose, to show her – even if she wasn’t there anymore – that he could still save the worlds for her. Jack didn’t know the full story, but he certainly knew how to entertain someone, and how to bring them hope again, because captain Jack Harkness was the person who proved him that Rose was still alive and waiting for him. And he jumped in the danger head first just to get her back close to him. His hug was maybe tighter than usual, but he needed to know that she was really there, that she was still alive, that he hadn’t lost her. For now. He would lose her at some point, because she was _human_ , even if he tended to forget it sometimes, but he’d rather not think about it now. Rose Tyler was his anchor to the reality, the reason why he kept fighting when he had all the reasons to give up on everything.

He hadn’t expected things to happen this way though. He hadn’t seen it coming. Was it a good or a bad thing, he didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that Rose Tyler had chosen to sacrifice her life to help him not to turn into a killer again, to save his life from his oldest enemies. The only thing he knew was that Rose Tyler was the Bad Wolf, and the moment he had kissed her, he had seen that she was not just the Bad Wolf. The minute their lips collide, the void he had been feeling for years filled itself with love, and that simple fact had taken him aback. Nothing could make him happier than learning that his wife was still alive, that he had found her again. And it hurt to know that she didn’t remember him when his memories were coming back to his mind. All along she had been there and he hadn’t been able to see her, too busy that he was to catch a hold on his memories of her.

It was too late now though, because he was dying and he was gonna change, and maybe she wouldn’t recognise him at all. After all, it had been years… But he had travelled with her while she was human. How could she be human anyway? It had no importance now, because he was dying, but at least, he had seen her again. The regeneration wouldn’t be as bad as usual with her near. He would figure out a way to turn her back to her Time Lady self later, when he would feel better. If she still wanted him around. He gasped as the pain became more intense. His hands tightened on the console and he clenched his teeth. The regeneration process was slowly working. Every cell of his body was dying and if he didn’t let go soon, the pain would be unbearable, but he didn’t want to regenerate. He didn’t want to be another man than the one Rose Tyler – the human Rose Tyler – had known.

And when she woke up and looked at him perfectly confused, he couldn’t help but joking around as if nothing was reaching him. He tried to explain to her human brain that he was gonna regenerate, that she wouldn’t see him ever again like this. He didn’t feel the void anymore, because he knew she was there, even if she didn’t know who she really was in the end. Or did she? Her look wasn’t that confused anymore, and she was watching him closely, _painfully_ , lovingly, and he knew that she could feel him through their bound, a bound she couldn’t fully understand yet.

“Before I go, I just want to tell you were fantastic.”

He smiled at her, hiding his pain, both mental and physical behind that grin of his, and she still looked at him, silently with that hint of pain and love in her eyes and he definitely didn’t know what was going on in her mind.

“Absolutely fantastic.”

He was keeping up the appearances, as if she was the human he had thought for was for months when she wasn’t. It was his wife he was saying goodbye to right now, and that hurt. That hurt so much. He wanted to take her in his arms, to kiss her again, and see that so special smile she was always giving him, but it was too late and his ninth form was already fading away.

“And do you know what?” She shook her head and he grinned again. “So was I.”

“So were you,” she murmured, smiling sadly.

She could see that he was still holding on, that he didn’t want to let go and to leave her so she reduced the distance between them. It was dangerous to do so. She knew it deep down. At any time, he could regenerate, and she knew the process was dangerous for anyone around, but she didn’t care. She faced him and cupped his cheek.

“I am your Wolf, my Doctor.”

He was surprised to say the least and his regeneration seemed to slow down for a little bit. He wasn’t in so much pain right now and could hold on a bit longer, until she was done saying what she wanted to say to him. Whatever it was, he just wanted to hear her voice, but her words surprised him.

“I’m your Wolfie. The one you’ve always known. I didn’t remember it until you kissed me.”

The Time Vortex and the Doctor’s kiss had woken up something in her mind and memories and voices had started filling her mind. She had felt a familiar warmth in her chest when the bound started to reform itself on her, and his mental presence had sneaked into her mind. It had taken a few minutes for her to remember who she was, but now, she knew.

“And I don’t want my Doctor to regenerate.”

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips into his. He hadn’t removed it all, she was still the Bad Wolf and she used that incredible power to stop his regeneration. She felt all that energy leaving his body and passing into hers. She felt all her memories coming back to her, and when the Doctor pulled her close to deepen the kiss, she felt all her identity coming back to her, she felt her second heart starting to beat again, she felt her Time Lady senses coming back to her and she felt his love and relief and desperate need of touching her filling her body and mind. She knew she was finally _home_.

When they found themselves in bed later, she told him everything. She had run away from Gallifrey the day the War had hit, the day she knew she would lose him in that terrible fight. She had been badly hurt before she managed to reach her own TARDIS, and before she could regenerate into another woman he wouldn’t recognise, she had left a message through all of time and space for him to find her if he ever managed to survive. She had crashed down on Earth when she was done and her regeneration and her loss of him made her so upset that she had decided to use the Chameleon Arch to turn herself into a human. She knew she wouldn’t need any rubbish thing to hide her true identity because he was her anchor. If he did find her and kiss her, everything would come back to her. It had taken time only because they were both broken by time itself who had made them forget about each other, but the fate had decided they should be back together, so what could the Time possibly say to this?

And when he knew it all about the truth, he told her how desperate he had been without her, how many times he had tried to kill himself because he wasn’t able to live with her absence. He showed her all the scars on his arms and on his chest. They weren’t hurting anymore now that she was back by his side. He had to tell her about Gallifrey, about what he had done, and when he was done talking, she just comforted him and gave him the absolution he so needed to keep going. She just hugged him tight as he sobbed in her arms, as he got rid of all the weight on his shoulders. Now they were back together and that was what mattered the most. Gallifrey was gone, but they could start it all together. The Doctor, and the Wolf. Just the two of them, like it had always been before.

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing his lips on hers.

And she showed him how much she loved him in return, brushing her fingers all over his scars and kissing them so softly. Her hands seemed to never have forgotten his body even if he had changed since the last time she had seen him as her husband, and that new body was just as beautiful as the other ones he had had before. His hands were exploring her body too, a body that had also changed but his touch was still the same, so soft, so loving and she shivered under his calloused hands before his lips started kissing her expertly, before they merged into a physical and passionate embrace to strengthen their bound even more.


	10. Better Off Dead

Pulling her sleeves over her arms, Rose ran away from the Doctor and hid away in the TARDIS. She pleaded with the old girl not to let him find her, wherever she would be hiding in the infinite possibilities given by the space ship. She could feel her hesitation of taking her away from the Doctor, of hiding her in the depths of her infinity, and yet, a door opened right in front of Rose. She rushed into the room, silently thanking her for helping her. She could hear the Doctor’s step running after her, but she didn’t want him to find her so she slammed the door behind her and hoped that the old girl would kept her word and make the Doctor go round and round without finding her. She didn’t want to see him right now. She didn’t even want to hear what he had to say. Even if he wanted to apologise. She was gonna ignore him as much as she could.

She leaned against the door and closed her eyes, sighing deeply. She didn’t hear the Doctor’s steps anymore. Actually, she didn’t hear anything coming from this outside of the room she was locked in. It was a real relief. She opened her eyes again and looked around her, expecting to be in some kind of cupboard, but she wasn’t. The room was huge, and it was full of mess. All the gadgets the Doctor had retrieved from all their travels around Time and Space – and, according to the huge amounts of things, he’d probably start long before he met her – were stored here, long forgotten by their owner, or was it the place the Doctor was hiding when she couldn’t find him? Whatever, as long as the TARDIS was helping her, Rose would be safe here. He wouldn’t come in here as long as the TARDIS would keep her hidden.

She slumped on a half burned out armchair – the Doctor must be doing some testing in there, he always tended to made things explode – and wiped away the last tears on her face. Her hands were trembling because of the strong feelings that she had gone through in the last hour. They were enjoying a nice time off after the Slitheens affair, and he had taken her to take some chips. They were both happy and laughing about that new adventure, about the strange woman Harriet Jones was, but she had made a mistake. She had totally forgotten about her arms and her sleeve had slipped a bit when she had put a strand of hair behind her ear. She had caught his look on her, but he didn’t say a thing. She had been relieved, thinking that he hadn’t seen her skin, or that he had chosen not to talk about it, but it was not knowing the Doctor much to think so.

Soon as they were alone, soon as he was sure no one would come around them, the Doctor had caught her arms. The move had been so quick and so sudden that she remembered startling. Her face was twisted with a grimace of pain. She should have known. The Doctor saw everything, and he wanted to know everything. There was a mystery about her, a mystery he had just found out about, and now he wanted to know. He had pulled her sleeve up. His moves were very soft and caring, but she had stopped breathing, and her body had tensed up. She had shivered when his fingers brushed over the scars. She had swallowed as he kept silent about it. There was a lot of scars, some old, some recent, and she had felt ashamed that he had found her dark secret. He hadn’t let go of her and had pulled up her other sleeve. The same scars were on her other arm, their redness contrasting with her pale skin.

 _‘Why’_ had been his only question and she hadn’t given him any answer. He had insisted, but she had remained silent. When he had loosened his grip on her, she had pulled down her sleeves and run away from him to hide in the TARDIS. She had thought she could trust him, that he would never stick his nose into her business, and he had proved her wrong. But it was her fault, she hadn’t been careful enough. For a second, she had let her guard down and he had seen her biggest and most terrible secret. She hadn’t wanted him to know about it, and now he knew, and she hated herself for this. She pulled her knees against his chest and wrapped her arms them. She pressed her forehead against them and sighed deeply, trying not to break down again. She couldn’t. She had to hold back of those useless tears. She had cried enough, but the only thing stronger than the mental pain was the physical one.

She had to cut herself again, to see her arm bleeding, to feel the pain rushing through her brain to feel better. She hated that part of her, she hated what she had to do to herself to stop suffering so much, but she couldn’t help but do it. It was more powerful than her. She needed it to feel better. She was often thinking that it would be better if she failed, if she killed herself instead, but then, the Doctor made her realise that there were a lot of things still left to see in the universe, and her curiosity won over her dark thoughts. She knew why she was suffering so much and she didn’t understand how she could still be affected by it when she was with such a wonderful man like the Doctor, a man who was giving her the universes, a man who was taking care of her and worrying about her. Cutting herself when she was under his roof felt like betraying him, betraying his trust.

She got up and walked to a desk. There probably would be scissors, or a Stanley knife or anything that cut enough to make herself bleed. She looked into all the cupboards and opened the drawers but there was nothing. The TARDIS was hiding all the possible weapons she could have found. Just like the Doctor, she was trying to protect the blonde girl. In a move of rage, Rose closed a drawer brutally and heard a strange noise. She got curious and opened the drawer again. Her violence had caused the drawer to break a little and she realised that there was a false bottom. Why would the Doctor have a drawer with a false bottom in a room no one but him had access to? She looked into the drawer and found a small and partially damaged little notebook. She got even more curious and started browsing through it. It was pages and pages and pages of the Doctor’s handwriting, but some pages were stained by blood, and what looked like tears.

Rose looked around her. There was no one around. She bit her lip, wondering if it was a good idea to even read this. She was breaking into his privacy by doing so. It was what she was reproaching him. She couldn’t read it. It was none of her business. On the other hand, why would the TARDIS leave this in plain view? The old girl probably had had a purpose in mind to show her this. Rose was about to put it back down in the drawer and kept looking for a thing that cut but her eyes caught the sight of her name, and her curiosity got stronger than her will to cut herself. She sat back down on the armchair and started reading the Doctor’s prose, wondering why he had felt the need to write so much, why he had felt the need to write about her.

First, she just read the pages where her name was mentioned and she was highly surprised to see how much the Doctor cared and worried about her. He was writing about every little thing he liked about her, about the things that were upsetting him when they were arguing, about the things he wanted to do for her if only she accepted his help, and tears were rolling down her cheeks when she realised how awful she had been to him when the man only wanted to make her happy and to give her things no other ‘normal’ man couldn’t have given her. She realised that he knew some parts of her past, parts she had never talked about to him – which meant that he had gone into her past at some point – but he never talked about the scars before. He had never seen them before today, but he had always been worried about that look of pain in her eyes, and wondering what she had been hiding from him.

Then, she started getting really curious about the things the Doctor had written, things that weren’t about her. She hesitated once again, wondering if it was right to read this, after all it was the thoughts of the Doctor. It was his privacy, things he wasn’t telling her, things he couldn’t tell her – and it wasn’t a question of trust according to the things he had written on her – so, was she really allowed to read all of this? Why the TARDIS was letting her read all of this? She didn’t know, she felt guilty and yet, she started reading everything. She didn’t notice how fast the time was going while she was reading those lines. The Doctor was an exceptional writer, but his story was one of the darkest she had ever read. He had told her that he was the last one of his kind, but he had never told her how it all happened. And now, she knew. She knew about the Time War, about Gallifrey, about his guilt.

She knew all the deep thoughts of the Doctor. She was reading his pain, his guilt, his dark thoughts, his will of killing himself. The blood stains were all the times he had tried to. The tears stains were all the times he had cried over what he had lost. He had never showed her any of this. For her, he was always the smiling goofy Time Lord, and when he was alone, he was writing everything that was making his soul bleed. And right now, Rose hated herself. She hated herself more than usual, because she just realised how much pain the Doctor was going through, she realised that his problems were much more important than hers, and that she had no right to suffer so much over something so pointless in the end. She pulled her knees back to her chest, wedging the notebook between her chest and legs, and wrapped her arms around them. She pressed her forehead to her knees and sobbed for a moment.

“I’m sorry.”

Rose jumped when she heard his voice and when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, her face covered in tears. He was watching her with his icy blue eyes full of concern and she had to take a few minutes to understand what he had just told her.

“No,” she protested weakly. “This is me. I am sorry. I didn’t know.”

The Doctor knelt down in front of her and wiped her tears away gently. She could see how much he hated seeing her in such a condition. She was no stupid ape to him, she had read it in his notebook. He liked her, he really liked her a lot and she was ruining everything with her pointless human troubles.

“I told the TARDIS to show the notebook to you when she finally told me that you were here.”

She thought that the TARDIS probably told him so hours ago and yet, he hadn’t come sooner. The TARDIS had kept the door locked and prevented him from coming in, or he had respectfully waited for calm down and to be able to face him again. But she couldn’t face him. Not with what she now knew. She would never be able to look at him in the eyes now. She looked away from him and he gently took her hands in his.

“I haven’t thought she would let you read the whole thing though, but maybe it’s not a bad thing.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“You’ve already said that.”

“I really am. Everything looks so pointless now. I didn’t realise…”

“Your pain is not pointless. I understand why you did this. And yes, I did go into your past to understand why you were in so much pain. What he’s done to you…” _He swallowed._ “What he’s done to you is not right, Rose, and you are allowed to suffer, to try and numb the pain.”

She looked back at him. His eyes were still full of concern. He wasn’t angry against her at all for running away and hiding and not telling him what was going on in her mind. He had been really worried about her, and now he knew, and she knew too. He let go of her hands and took off his leather jacket. He rolled up the sleeves of his jumper and showed her his arms. They were full of scars too. The same as her. Scars showing how badly he had tried to take that pain away from him. Scars that explained the blood on the pages.

“I couldn’t deal with my guilt, my pain, my self-hatred and my solitude, so I started cutting myself hoping it would make the pain go away, but I was only adding more pain to the one I already had.”

She sniffled as new tears rolled down her cheeks. He was opening up to her. It was something he had never done before. He was opening up to her and showing her his scars to help her, to show her that she wasn’t alone in this, that he knew that she was going through to an extent. She held a hand out and slowly brushed over his scars. He didn’t move and just let her touch them.

“What I’ve done is not right, but it was necessary. I’ll never be able to forgive myself but you, Rose Tyler, you showed me that I wasn’t alone anymore. You stuck by my side even after I tried to scare you, to make you feel that pain I was feeling inside down. You showed me that there could be light in the darkness. Your presence filled the hole in my hearts and mind, made my solitude disappear. Your smile and laugh numbed my pain with some joy I thought I would never feel again. You showed me the path of redemption, and I feel better when you’re by my side.”

“Doctor…”

“I stopped cutting myself when you came on board.”

He had tears in his eyes, and Rose couldn’t remember ever seeing him so vulnerable. Her heart broke and she left her current position to hug him tight against her, to comfort him. She apologised once again and he promised her that he was gonna help her as much as she had helped him so far. Deep down, she knew it was a promise he was gonna keep, and she felt a bit better to know this. Now, they would be closer than before, and they would watch over each other like true friends were supposed to do. Rose promised herself that she would talk to him whenever she would feel bad and that she would try her best to take care of that strange alien man that she really liked too in the end.


	11. Just hold on

It was late that night and Maxence Spitz had just stopped working. He was working as a home nurse and had been visiting his patients all day. Now he was exhausted and really wanted to go back home. Maybe he would find some pizzeria or fast food open all night to eat something before going straight to his bed. Today had been a long day, but he wasn’t complaining. He loved his job and he loved people, he loved hearing their stories about their everyday life. He was a good listener and people often talked to him about everything, saying that he always knew what to say to them. There were things he didn’t know though, some questions he couldn’t answer and that always left him a bit sad but he couldn’t do much about it except learning, and learning was also something he was good at. But sometimes the theory wasn’t enough to face the reality of things. He was gonna learn it just now.

He was walking to his car, passing close to a small dark alleyway when he heard a small cry. He stopped, surprised, and listened. It could just have been a cat, but if it wasn’t, he had to make sure of it. His instinct was telling him it wasn’t just a stray cat, and if someone needed him, he had to go and see. There was another small cry. It was definitely human. Maxence pulled out his phone and switched on the torch. He started walking in the alleyway, calling out for whoever was there. The whimpers stopped as soon as the person heard him. He kept looking though. Someone needed help and he was surely one of the right persons for this job. He listened closely to everything around him, trying to find where the whimpers had come from. He was leading the small light of his phone around the dark alleyway that was stinking with long forgotten rubbish.

His phone beeped and when he looked at it, he realised his battery was low. His phone was gonna shut off and he would be left in the dark. He cursed under his breath and started looking his pockets and into his medical bag if he had any torch. Why would he when he had a phone? He was muttering at how stupid he was not to have taken his pocket charger when anyone could need him and call him at any time. He finally managed to find a small torch in the bottom of his medical bag and pulled it out. He switched off the phone light and put it in his pocket. He was left in the dark for a few seconds, and in that few seconds, he heard noises. Like someone trying to get up and run away, but slumping back on the floor instead. His professional instinct was already on the alert. He knew someone needed his help. So, he switched on his torch and kept walking in the alleyway.

He felt like he was in a damn movie. One of those where the dark alleyway was full of monsters waiting to get their hands on him. No one knew what the darkness was hiding, and that was why so many people were afraid of the dark. Maxence had been one of those people when he was younger, but now it wasn’t bothering him anymore. Even if the dark alleyway was currently sending shivers down his spine as if some threat was really hiding in the shadows. He took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. He knew how to defend himself. If anything came out of the shadows, he would be able to fight it. At least a little. He wasn’t really a fighter. He just knew how to defend himself if he was attacked. His mother had insisted for him to take some self-defence lessons since he was always going home so late. Until now nothing had happened to him, but it was reassuring to know how to react if anything happened.

He sank more into the darkness of the alleyway. His small torch was just giving him enough light to see where he was going but it was barely lightning the darkness. They were too deep. As he was walking further into the darkness of the alleyway, the smell of rubbish became stronger and unbearable, but there was another smell. A smell he knew too well. A smell of sweet metallic pungency. A smell of blood. He walked a bit faster, pushing away the smell of rubbish to focus on the smell of blood. Someone was hurt, and as he walked past two huge wheelie bins, he heard the whimpers again. He stopped and pointed around the two bins. The whimpers were more audible now, and there were whimpers of pain for sure. The light of his torch caught the tip of a foot. He steered up to find the body of a small woman hunched up there, between the bins, hiding in the darkness not to be found.

Maxence immediately kneeled down close to the woman and looked for a pulse. There was one. A strong one. Good. It meant she was still alive. His professional side took over him, and he started examining her with the small beam of his torch. He stuck it between his teeth and carefully turned the woman over so she would be facing him. He almost dropped his torch when her face came into the light. Her face was swollen in most places and bruises were already forming. Her bottom lip was cut, her nose was bleeding and there were dried tears on her cheeks. An earring must have been ripped off her ear considering the wound he could see. He continued his exam, looking for fractures, more important wounds, and he found more bruises and even old scars. This woman had been beaten badly, and that wasn’t the first time it happened. She needed to be taken in charge quickly.

He pulled out his phone. It wasn’t off yet. He could still call the emergency services for them to give him some help. He was dialling the number when the woman weakly grabbed his hand and looked at him with pleading eyes. He had thought she was unconscious, but she was still clinging to the consciousness and when he looked into her eyes – at least, the one she would keep open a bit – he saw a look of pure terror. She tried to talk, to plead with him to do something, or not to do anything. Her voice was so weak. _“Please”_ she begged him, _“please, don’t.”_ She didn’t want him to call the emergency services, and he didn’t understand why, because she obviously needed help. _“I don’t want him to find me”_ she added, her lips barely moving. He didn’t know what to do at the present moment, and before he could take a decision, his phone shit itself off. The battery was dead.

He quickly thought and realised that the only way to help her was to do it by himself. He had everything he needed and even more in his car to do the first aid, and he would have more light in his car. He put his phone back in his pocket and tried to gather the woman in his arms but she struggled weakly against him for him to let her go and not to touch her. She tried to scratch his skin, to hit him, to make him go away from her. He backed off immediately and raised his hands to show her he wouldn’t hurt her.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, the torch lightly preventing him from speaking. “I’m a nurse. I just want to help you.”

Maxence detached the badge that was hanging to his medical bag and showed it to her. She took the badge in her trembling hands and looked at it in the weak beam of the light. ‘Maxence Spitz. Home nurse.’ The man was the same as the one on the picture. She held the badge tight in her hands and looked at him. Could she really trust him? She was so tired now, and her eyes were slowly closing.

“I have to take you to take you to my car. There’ll be more light, and I’ll be able to help you there.”

Before she could give him an answer, she fainted, still holding his badge tight. He picked her up and carried her to his car. According to her reaction when he tried to help her, he could tell she was in a state of shock, and that it was better for her not to see too much people when she would wake up. He decided to bring her back to his flat and to take care of her there. He would think later about what to tell her when she would wake up. One thing at a time. The first thing to do was heal her.

×

When the woman opened her eyes later, she was highly confused. She whimpered because of the pain her body was feeling and looked around her. She didn’t know the room she was in. She didn’t know where she was and she was unable to move. Her body hurt too much. Where was she? Her breath became heavy as she started to panic. She noticed that she was holding something really tight in her hand. A badge. She looked at it, confused. Who was this Maxence Spitz? She would remember if she had met a man with such blue eyes. She lightly turned her head to see the man in question sat on the ground, the head down on his chest. He was most likely sleeping, but why was he on the floor? Had he watched over her for all the time she was out? There was an open medical bag on the floor close to him, and a lot of things were out.

Maxence Spitz – if it was really him – didn’t seem very dangerous or mean. Well, he was deeply asleep so she couldn’t really tell. The position wasn’t comfy to him. She moved a bit and let out a small cry of pain when she lightly got on his side. She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t stay in the home of a man she didn’t know. Not after what she had lived. After a few efforts, groans and whimpers, she managed to sit up. The man never moved. His sleep was so deep that he wasn’t bothered by the noises she was making. She was about to get up when a phone rang. Maxence woke up with a start and got up, rushing to another room. She heard him pick up the phone and apologised for him being late and told the person that he would ask his colleague to come so he/she wouldn’t have to wait for too long. After that, he called that colleague, rushed to his bathroom and she heard the shower running.

She was surprised to say the least. He was reacting fast for a man who had spent the night sleeping on the ground, and he seemed to have totally forgotten that she was even there. It was good in a way. She could get away from here before he was out of the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Moving was really difficult. It would take ages before she could reach the front door, and she didn’t even know where it was. She noticed that her hands and arms had been healed and bandaged. There was a somehow cold bandage over her ribs. She raised a trembling hand to her face and brushed her fingers over her wounds. Her face was less swollen, and it was a bit cold. Probably ice. She looked at the badge once again. A nurse. A nurse had saved her from spending the night in the cold and brought her here to take care of her. Here probably being his home.

She looked around. She knew she wouldn’t be able to run away from here. Where would she go anyway? She had nowhere to go. She had no home anymore, and she couldn’t go back to her mother in that condition. She had to stay hidden for a while but she had nowhere to go. Tears started pouring down her cheeks. She was alone in this. She had no one left who could help her. No one she could trust. She only had that guy, Maxence, who had saved her while she was in that alleyway, but she didn’t know if she could trust him. She looked at the badge once again and put it down on the bedside table. More tears rolled down on her cheeks. She wanted to cry over the failure that was her life, but her ribs were too painful. If she cried for real, it would be worse. Her pain was less intense than usually though. Maybe meeting that nurse was a sign of fate in the end. Someone had sent him to her to fix her.

She closed her eyes briefly and her stomach growled reminding her that she hadn’t eaten for days because she had been deprived from food. Her stomach hurt because of it but it was the last of her troubles right now. The water had stopped running. Maxence Spitz would soon be back to take his things, and he would see that she was awake. She heard him leaving the bathroom and getting ready in another room. She didn’t move. She couldn’t. She waited for him, trying to wipe away her tears. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She looked miserable enough already. She didn’t feel ready for the questions he would have for her. She wasn’t ready to tell him what had happened, how she had gotten in that alleyway, who did this to her.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

His voice was soft and gentle. He kept his tone quiet so she wouldn’t be afraid of him. He was in the doorway. She noticed that he was keeping a distance between them. Maybe he knew. Maybe he had found out. Maybe he had just suspicions and wanted to make her feel safe and protected. He wouldn’t hurt her. Somehow, she knew it. If he had wanted to, he wouldn’t have spent the night healing her and watching over her, right?

“How are you feeling?”

She was feeling like shit, really, and she remained silent. She didn’t know what to answer him. She didn’t know if she could trust him, even if he had stayed up all night to take care of her. At least, he didn’t get too close to her. He was keeping a respectful distance, and she was thankful for it. She didn’t look at him either. Her eyes were locked on the tip of her feet. Thanks God, he hadn’t undressed her and had managed to heal her without looking her small and unhealthy thin body. She closed her eyes, tears still rolling down her cheeks. How was it possible that a man she didn’t even know was her saviour? He had saved her from the threat and brought her to his place, where the violent man she had fled from wouldn’t find her and finish her off. Even if she didn’t know Maxence Spitz, she couldn’t deny that he had saved her life, and that he was keeping her safe.

“You shouldn’t be up quite yet. You’ve been badly injured. You need a lot of rest now.”

“I’m Rose.”

Her voice was croaked and a bit muffled by the sobs she was holding back. She still refused to look at him or to make any move towards him. As safe as she knew she could be there in a place her boyfriend wouldn’t find her, she couldn’t stay here. Maxence Spitz surely had a life with friends, family and maybe a girlfriend. Now that she was awake, he would send her away. She was still a bit weak though. More tears ran down her cheeks.

“That’s a nice name. I’m Maxence, but you already know. You’ve never wanted to give my badge back. You’ve kept it in your hand all night.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… You need it to work, I guess.”

She grabbed the badge and tried to get up to give it to him. Her eyes were still locked on her feet. She felt very weak and her body was still trembling. The pain rushed through her body when she tried to walk and her legs gave way. She was too weak, in too much pain to even move. Maxence caught her before she fell to the ground. His reaction had been really quick. He had nice reflexes. Rose flinched when he touched her and her body tensed, but he was very soft, very gentle with her when he sat her back down on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised.

“It’s okay. You don’t have any fracture or real major damages, but you’ve been badly hurt. Your body reached its limits. It needs time to heal now.”

“Why did you save me?”

Her voice was no better than earlier, it was even worse. Now, he was close to her. He had crossed the distance between them for her not to hurt herself more in her fall. She was thankful for him to have saved her, to be so gentle to her, but she was pointless. She was nothing and no one. He shouldn’t have lost his time saving someone that would die anyway.

“This is my duty. I committed to helping the people and saving their lives when I could do it. You needed my help.”

“You could just have dropped me into a hospital.”

“You told me not to. Not explicitly, but you did.”

He remembered her words. She had begged him not to call the emergency services. She was afraid of someone, of a man. She hadn’t wanted him to find her, and she knew that if she was brought to an hospital, he would find her there. Her reaction of fear when he had tried to help her was enough for him to understand what had possibly happened, but he didn’t ask. He wouldn’t ask. She would tell him if she wanted to. He usually had to call the police when such a case was coming to him, but he needed her agreement to do so.

“So, you brought me to your place.”

“I have more equipment here than in my medical bag. If I have suspected that you have any fracture or internal damages, I would have had to bring you to the hospital. I watched over you all night, I know you’re okay. Just a few bruises and some cracked ribs. All you need is some rest to heal faster. And some food and warmth too.”

“Thanks.”

Rest, food and warmth. Everything she needed to get better, and she didn’t have any of that. She couldn’t even get back to her flat. Mickey would finish her off if she did, and she didn’t want to go back there. Not anymore. She was done. She was just so exhausted of it all. Maxence’s next question surprised her and she felt her heart beating faster because of the fear.

“Do you have any family or friend I could call? Someone who could watch over you for the next few days and call me or any other doctor if you need something?”

The first person she was thinking about was her mother, Jackie, but she couldn’t go back to her mom’s flat, not in this condition. She wouldn’t be as gentle as Maxence and would call the cops as soon as she would see her face. They would all ask her questions she didn’t feel ready to answer to. She obviously wouldn’t go back to the flat she was sharing with Mickey, and she couldn’t go to Shireen either.

“N-No,” she stuttered, swallowing her tears. “I have no one.”

“Well, I guess you can stay here,” he offered. “If that’s okay for you. I’ll watch over you.”

She bit her lip and finally looked at him in the eyes. Hers were puffy and bloody, the left one was swollen, and tears were still pouring down her cheeks silently. His were the same exact deep blue she had seen on the picture of his badge, and they were also full of concern and gentleness. She sniffled.

“What would you do that?”

“It doesn’t bother me,” he shrugged lightly. “Most of the time, I’m working and there’s no one here so you would be alone, but I can call my colleague and ask him if he can replace me for a few days until you feel better.”

“You’d do all of that… For me?”

“Yes, I would.”

A small wave of warmth filled her heart to his words and she stopped holding back her tears. She started sobbing, even if it was painful for her. He sat down next to her on the bed and slowly took her against him, gently rubbing her back until she was done crying. When she felt better, he helped her to lay back down in the bed and tucked her in. He called his colleague while making breakfast, and managed to get a few days off to take care of Rose. She was thankful for him to be so gentle and caring with her, and it almost made her cry when he brought her a full breakfast. She ate with a big appetite while he was putting all the things back into his medical bag, hung his badge back on it and put it close to the front door to take it when he would have to go back to work. He was a very organised man. He was also very respectful of her.

After she ate, he offered her to take a bath and she chose to trust him enough to allow him to see her naked even if that was embarrassing. Without his help, she wouldn’t be there and she wouldn’t be able to do anything. When she was all clean and relaxed, she called him – he hadn’t stayed in the bathroom with her – and he helped her getting out of the tub and drying herself off. He gave her a T-shirt and shorts of his and checked her wounds and took care of them again before she got dressed. He brought her back to the room and turned the TV on, leaving the remote control close to her while he was going back to the kitchen to cook a meal for when she would be hungry again. They both ate in the bedroom, and when she decided to take a nap later, she asked him something she would never have dared asking to any other stranger: she asked him if he could lay down close to her and hold her while she slept.

She had expected a refusal to be honest, and she had felt really embarrassed to ask him such a thing but Maxence Spitz was spreading warmth and safety and comfort around him, and she needed all of this to protect herself from the nightmares she knew would haunt her mind. He accepted though, and slowly got into bed. He had been surprised by her demands but if she needed him to do so, he didn’t see any reason to refuse. He got under the blankets and, after a hesitation, Rose cuddled close to him and closed her eyes. Maxence gently wrapped his arms around her and held her while she slept against him, her warm breath brushing over his chest. He fell asleep too at some point, but he never let her go and comforted her when the nightmares hit. Physically, she would be better in a few days. Psychologically, it would take weeks, or months, or even years.

Rose stayed at Maxence’s for the few days her body needed to be better. Those few days were the best she had ever had in her whole life. Maxence was very gentle and caring and he took great care of her during those days. He never asked her any question about what had happened and just helped her to get better. He was absolutely amazing. Rose had never thought that such a man could exist. She had thought many times that it was a dream, that he didn’t exist for real, that her nightmares were actually her reality, but he proved her wrong every time. He was totally real, and he was fully dedicated to her until she felt better. Which was scaring her because the day she would feel better would the day he would get rid of her. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to leave the man who had saved her and taken care of her so well.

The day when she finally felt better came, and it made her sad that she had to leave and get back to her sad life. She picked up his landline phone while he was in the bathroom and started dialling the phone number of her mother. She was the only person she had left. She would be the only person able to protect her from Mickey. She didn’t want to go back there because she knew how her mother was, and she knew that Mickey would easily find her. She swallowed, about to call her mother, when Maxence came out of the bathroom.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling someone to pick me up.”

“Do you need anything? I can drive you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I just… I just don’t want to abuse your hospitality. Now that I’m feeling better, I have to leave.”

Even if she didn’t want to, she had to. She couldn’t abuse her hospitality, couldn’t keep on taking all his attention and time. She had to leave and go back to her small sad life. She had been pampered for days by an amazing man and now, she had to leave it all behind her. He looked a bit sad to hear that from her though.

“Oh, you’re not bothering me at all. I like having someone at home with me… Well, errr…”

He blushed, very embarrassed by what he had just admitted. Rose blushed just as much as him when she heard his words. She hadn’t expected him to want her to stay around in his flat. They barely knew each other after all. Just a few days together didn’t even make them friends. But he wanted her to stay. That’s what he was saying, right?

“I thought you didn’t have anyone.”

“I lied,” she admitted, hoping he wouldn’t get mad. “I-I have my mom but…”

“You didn’t want her to see you in the condition you were.”

“Yeah.”

She was surprised to hear that his voice was still quiet. He wasn’t angry at all. She looked at him in the eyes. No anger at all. He was just surprised, but he wasn’t angry. She was so used to have been beaten for so many things like this that she had almost expected Maxence to yell at her for lying. But he didn’t.

“I understand. She would have gotten too worried.”

“She would have asked a lot of questions, and called the cops, and…” She looked down. “He would have found me,” she muttered.

“You know who he is, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“And he knows where your mother lives.”

“Yes, he does.”

“It’s not safe to go back there, then.”

“But I can’t stay at your place. I have to leave and go back to my family.”

“Or you can call your mother and tell her you’re fine and safe, and stay here until the right time comes.”

He looked down to the ground, his face still red because of the embarrassment of what he was implicitly asking her to do. He wanted her to stay. He really liked the few days they had spent together in his flat. Rose was quite an interesting person and he didn’t want her to get hurt again by whoever did this to her.

“You really want me to stay?”

“I want you to be safe.”

“…”

“And like I said, I won’t be there much because of work so it will be as if you were alone.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“I never want to find you so hurt in an alleyway ever again.”

His words surprised her and her heart started beating a bit fast. She didn’t know why she was reacting this way. She never wanted to be dumped into an alleyway after her boyfriend thought he had killed her, but she was sure that he now knew that she was alive and hiding somewhere. He had probably come back in the alleyway to ‘find’ her and make himself the hero of the story, but he hadn’t found her body and no one had talked about a dead body found in an alleyway. He would be mad the day he would find her, and she wouldn’t survive that day if it ever came.

“Mickey…” she started, swallowing the knot in her throat. “Mickey’s my boyfriend. He did this to me.”

Her hands were trembling on the phone she was still holding. Her bottom lip quivered as she was trying to hold back her tears. She had been here for days. She felt like he had to know the truth, to know who she was running away from, and why she didn’t want to go back to her mother’s flat.

“At first, he was gentle and loving and caring, and soon, he started being violent. Every time… Every time something was frustrating him, he took it out on me. I was thinking it was my fault, that I’ve done something wrong and I tried and tried to get something right done, to please him, but there was always something wrong, and he always felt the need to beat me. He thought I was dead the night you’ve found me. That’s why he abandoned me there. But, he knows that I’m still alive now, I guess.”

She was crying now and she refused to look at Maxence in the eyes. She didn’t want to see what he was thinking of her – even if he had never judged her during the few days she spent in his flat – now that he knew the truth about why she was in that alleyway that night. But he didn’t say a thing. She heard him move and soon, he was close to her again. His arms were wrapped around her waist and she griped his shirt, sobbing at the memories she had brought back. Maxence was smelling of mint, and aftershave, and it was somehow comforting.

“No one should treat a woman this way.”

There was a hint of anger in his voice and she flinched when she heard it. He felt the sudden tension in her body and slowly rubbed her back. He pushed his anger towards Mickey away and kept her close to him until she stopped crying. That wasn’t a good idea to let her go back to her mother if that guy knew where to find her. He wanted her to be safe, and if it meant that she had to stay here, if it meant that he would be the one watching over her, then be it.

“Call your mom and tell her you’re safe and fine. The decision of staying here or going back to her belongs to you.”

He didn’t let her go until she felt better, until she decided to call her mom to tell her that she was safe. She chose to stay in the end, but asked Maxence if he was really okay with this because after all, he didn’t know her, and he repeated that he would be glad if she stayed here, that he would always make sure that she was okay and safe. She still was deeply shocked by what had happened to her and she needed someone to talk, a friend. And he wanted to be her friend.

It took months for Rose to get better in the end. She started going outside a month after she had been found in that alleyway, but she never went alone. She was always with Maxence, almost clinging to him, and looking around to be sure Mickey wasn’t there. When Maxence was working, she was taking care of his home, keeping it clean, filling the fridge – she was always hiding herself under a hoodie when she had to go out – and giving some money to help him with the bills. Maxence was the one cooking and bringing her small gifts when he came back home. He was a good friend, and was taking good care of her. He was showing her how a man should be treating a woman, even if he didn’t notice his way of acting with her, and she slowly fell in love with that man who had saved her one day when she had thought it was the end of everything.

She never told him about her feelings. She didn’t want to ruin their beautiful friendship. She didn’t want to ruin the weak balance she had finally gotten in her life. Mickey had never found her and she never heard of him ever again. She didn’t know where he was, nor what he was doing, but she kept looking over her shoulder to be sure he wasn’t around. He never was, and Rose kept clinging to Maxence. He was her safety, her best friend. He was the sweetest, and the most caring and gentle person she had ever known. She couldn’t help but falling in love with him, with the amazing man he was, and she never gave him any hint of what he was feeling though he was asking her questions about why she was looking so distraught sometimes when she was cuddling into him in front of a movie, but when she was smiling, he always forgot his questions.

She was still sleeping in his arms. It never changed. She felt protected when he was holding her this way, and with the time passing by, the nightmares disappeared slowly. They came back from time to time, but Maxence was always there to comfort her and make her feel safe again. She was calling her mom almost every day to reassure her and talk to her about how amazing Maxence was with her. When she wanted to see her, Maxence drove her there in the morning and picked her up after his work. Jackie had never met him, but she really wanted to meet the man who had saved her only daughter from a certain death, the man who was keeping her safe every day and taking care of her like Mickey should have taken care of her. Jackie was as thankful as Rose for what Maxence had done for her daughter, and she wanted to thank him for this.

They decided that Christmas Eve would be the perfect day for that first meeting between Jackie and Maxence. The three of them would celebrate this Christmas together, and Maxence was really anxious at the idea of meeting Jackie. Rose had talked a lot about her mother to him and she seemed impressive. He chose to wear a white shirt with black jeans and a red tie. Rose was wearing a simple black dress with two golden lines around her waist. Maxence had bought it for her a few days ago. He had bought most of the clothes she owned in his flat. Since she couldn’t go back to her flat, he offered to buy her everything she needed until she could buy them by herself. They had gone to her flat when she was sure Mickey wasn’t there and she had picked up most of her stuff back. It wasn’t much, but there were things her mother had offered her that she wanted to have back, like the golden necklace with the small rose she never left since she had gotten it back.

It was snowing when they left for Jackie’s flat and Maxence was very careful on the road. They might not be able to go back home after the Christmas dinner, but it wasn’t a trouble. They would sleep together in Rose’s single person bed if needed. Rose knew her mother had kept her room intact for when she was coming back. They got to the Powell Estate safely, and Maxence grabbed Rose’s hand while they were climbing stairs to Jackie’s flat. His other hand was carrying a bag with some food and drinks. It was his participation for the dinner. Rose gently stroked his hand with her thumb. She knew he was anxious, but everything would be fine. She knocked on the door instead of just coming into the flat. Jackie opened the door quickly and let them in.

“Mom, this is Maxence, my saviour. Maxence, my mom.”

“This is a real pleasure, ma’am.”

“Same for me. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Lots of good, I hope,” hejoked.

“Never a bad word, I swear.”

“She told me a lot about you, too. I was being really nervous to meet the mom of such a wonderful girl.”

Rose blushed lightly and smiled. She took the bag from Maxence’s hand and brought it into the kitchen while her mother and Maxence were talking. She didn’t see Jackie hugging Maxence and thanking him for taking care of her little girl so well. His anxiety vanished as the evening went on. They had a great Christmas Eve together, and it was all perfect. When midnight came, they opened their gifts – there wasn’t much, but they all had a little something for each other – and Maxence and Rose ended up under some mistletoe that Jackie had discreetly placed there earlier. She knew for Rose’s feelings, Maxence just needed a little help to see them, and Jackie was sure that he wasn’t indifferent to Rose. She watched them as they blushed, and almost cursed when they both hesitated, and tried to avoid this tradition. Maxence finally chose to softly kiss Rose’s cheek.

“I can’t hide them anymore, Maxence,” she murmured.

“I’ve known them all along,” hemurmured back. “I just didn’t want to push you into something you didn’t want.”

“I want it now.”

Maxence smiled at her, but she was the one kissing him first. She leaned towards him and pressed her lips against his, shyly. She closed her eyes and relief filled her mind and heart when he replied to that kiss. He caught her bottom lip between his and she parted her lips. He slipped his tongue in her mouth and played with hers as he wrapped her into his arms. Her hands were tightly gripped on his shirt. Rose Tyler had never been so certain of anything before: Maxence Spitz was the man she needed, a man she could love without fear, a man who would take care of her as if she was a princess, and that’s all she could ever ask for after what she had gone through.


	12. The Unforgiven

Once upon a time, there was a young woman whose name was Rose Tyler. She was small, but she was strong. She was clever, and she was the nicest person on Earth. She was a volunteer in a lot of charity organisations to help the most penniless people around. She was living in a small village, close to a huge forest, and she was the most beautiful woman on Earth. Her mother was crazy about her, and all the boys wanted her to take them as her boyfriend. Whenever she was asked by a suitor, she just smiled and went on her way. She didn’t feel ready to have a boyfriend, and even if she was flattered with those demands and compliments, she refused to be anything more than just a friend to them. One of them, a guy she had known since forever called Mickey Smith, offered her a wonderful red hood she was wearing all the time when she had to go out. She was given the name of Little Red Riding Hood.

One day, her mother did some cooking for the penniless people Rose was taking care of and put it into plastic boxes. Rose was in charge of bringing them to another village while it was still pretty hot, but the shortest way to reach that village was to cross the forest. There were a lot of legends about that forest, and one of them was saying that it was inhabited by a wolf whose fur was as dark as a night without stars, whose eyes were as blue as the clearest sky. That wolf was the keeper of the forest and was keeping everyone out of it. Its howl to the moon was as beautiful as sorrowful when it resounded in the silence of the night. Some people were saying that this wolf used to be a human being centuries ago who had been cursed after he committed the worst crime a human could commit: the murder of another human being.

Rose didn’t believe any of those stories so she wasn’t scared at the idea of crossing the forest. She put all the boxes in her backpack, put her red hood on and kissed her mother goodbye after she told her to be careful. Rose simply smiled, promised to be careful in the forest and left the small flat. She quickly walked to the forest and walked through it quietly. She wandered through the woods, following the ground trail. The forest was quiet and beautiful with its flowers and vegetation and huge trees. There was something magical in the air, and the birds were singing a nice song. However, the more she was sinking into the forest, the more silent it became. The birds were stopping their sing and it was darker as if the light of the sun couldn’t get through the thick foliage of the trees. Rose kept walking, maybe a bit quicker than earlier. The atmosphere was becoming oppressive.

Rose didn’t notice it at first. She was following the ground trail, softly humming to herself, reading the directions on the signs. She frowned when there was no sign anymore. It meant that she was lost in the middle of that forest. She kept following the trail. There wasn’t any fork or crossroad so it was easy but if she met one, she wouldn’t know what direction she should take. It wasn’t really important at the moment. She heard a crack and turned around. That’s when she noticed that the forest was very silent, abnormally silent, and that she was alone. There was no one around. Her heart started racing, thinking that the legends might be true in the end. Maybe there was a wolf somewhere, and that wolf was maybe looking at her right now. Maybe was he waiting for the good moment to jump out of his hidden spot and eat her up.

That silence and the fact that Rose felt like she was observed started making her feel uncomfortable. She walked faster, almost running to get out of that forest quickly, but she tripped over a rock and fell to the ground. She scratched her hands in the fall. She shook her head lightly to get rid of the dizziness of the fall and sat up. She froze when she heard a growl, and when she looked up, she found herself facing the wolf of the legend. It was as beautiful as the legend was saying, but they were quite far from the truth. No word could describe the beauty of this wild creature. Rose was fascinated by its fur that seemed as silky as shiny. Its eyes were indeed the blue of the clearest sky and sparks of gold were shining into them. It was huge for a wolf, almost as big as she was tall, and its slimy chops were very, very close of her face. She could even see its nose moving lightly as it smelled her.

Rose reacted pretty quickly. She jumped on her feet and started running the other way. She didn’t dare looking if it was chasing her and just ran as fast as she could. She didn’t look where she was going. She was just focused on the fact that she had to run away as fast as she could before the wolf could lay paws on her. She realised too late that was running on a hill. She lost her balance on the top of it and fell on its other side. She rolled down the hill, getting cut by rocks, scratched by branches, and ended up in a small basin. She was covered in fallen leaves and the fall had left her even more dizzy. Her heart was beating so fast it was being painful, and she was out of breath because of the running and fall. She had to get up and keep running. She had to get out of that forest quickly, but she couldn’t move and her eyelids were so heavy… She fainted knowing that if the wolf found her, it would be her end.

×

“Miss? Miss, do you hear me?”

Rose slowly opened her eyes when she heard someone calling for her, when she felt someone shaking her lightly. It took her a few seconds to remember what had happened. The walk through the woods, the wolf, the fall. She sat up immediately, suddenly aware of where she was, and looked around. No wolf. Just a man. A hunter according to the clothes he was wearing and the gun in his back. She hadn’t been unconscious for too long. It was still the day. Probably just a few minutes.

“The wolf…” she mumbled.

“I didn’t see any wolf, miss.”

She was surprised that the wolf hadn’t followed her when she ran away. Maybe it had sensed that she was just afraid. Maybe he had decided to spare her. It had a look of cleverness when she was facing it, and the legends were saying it had been human before. They were right on the wolf part, it was real; so why couldn’t they be right on the fact it had been a human once? And maybe that was it had spared her.

“I saw you running and then, you rolled down that hill. I came to help you.”

“Thanks.”

“What are you doing here all alone, miss? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was walking to the village after the forest. I’m a volunteer. I’m bringing free meals to the penniless.”

She grabbed her backpack and opened it. She almost sighed in relief when she saw that all the boxes were still hermetically closed. None of them had been opened in her fall. The food was a bit shaken but it was still good. She zipped it back and got up.

“I have a car. It’s not far. I’m gonna drive you. It’s wiser.”

Rose nodded. She dusted her clothes and followed the hunter. He helped her to climb the hill. It was surprisingly high and it was unbelievable that she hadn’t broken some bones in her fall. She would just have a few bruises in addition to the cuts.

“I’m Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Henry. Henry Van Statten. I’m hunting in this forest. There usually isn’t anyone in that part.”

“What are you hunting in that forest, Mr Van Statten?”

“Rabbits, guinea fowls, game. I sell them on the marketplace of the village you’re going to. Local products.”

“You’ve never met a wolf while you were hunting?”

“You’re talking a lot about that wolf, miss.”

“It was quite impressive.”

“The wolf of the legends?”

“Itself.”

“I’ve been hunting it for years but I never saw him. It’s a chance you’re still alive. Lots of people can’t say the same.”

“Maybe.”

That adventure was still intriguing her and she wondered why the wolf hadn’t chased her down in the forest. Why had he spared her when people were saying he slaughtered hundreds before? Did she have anything special that made it decide to leave her alive?

“Stop.”

Rose came out of her thoughts when Henry told her to stop. She noticed that he was tensed and that he had his gun in his hands. Something had drawn his attention and it wasn’t some small game. It was something bigger, something more dangerous.

“It looks like today’s the day I’ll meet the wolf.”

There was a hint of excitement and of something else in his voice. Rose couldn’t tell what it was, but she felt a shiver running down her spine at the sound of it, and the look Henry gave her didn’t help her to relax. The wolf was still around. Maybe it was looking for her, ignoring what was gonna happen to him if it ever got closer. Henry pushed Rose against a tree and hid behind it with her.

“It’s prowling,” murmured Van Statten. “I can hear it. It’s looking for something. We gotta be really careful from now on.”

They didn’t move from their hidden spot for a few minutes. Rose had the feeling that the only thing breaking the silence was her breath and the sound of her heartbeats as they were faster because of the fear. She now could hear the wolf too. It was close. She could hear its paws on the ground, its groans. Henry took up a position and looked through the gun sights, looking for the wolf. Rose looked over his shoulder. They stayed still for a moment before the wolf finally came in sight. Henry stroked the trigger, ready to fire soon as he would have a good angle.

“What are you doing?” _Rose asked, whispering so low she was afraid he hadn’t heard her._

“Shooting it. That beast is responsible for multiple slaughters. It can’t be left alive.”

Rose knew he was right. She knew that dangerous animals were always killed, but she didn’t agree with it. That wolf had something special she could feel it. Deep down, she knew that she couldn’t let Van Statten kill the wolf. She had to prevent him from firing.

“There. Just a little bit farther on the right.”

He was focused. His finger was about to press the trigger when he finally got the angle but when he did, Rose managed to divert the gun. Van Statten cursed, but there was a distinct whimper of pain. The wolf had been touched. Bullet injury to the left thigh.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“You can’t kill it!”

“It’s a beast!”

“It didn’t kill me!”

The wolf was trying to get up but kept slumping back on the ground with whimpers of pain that were breaking Rose’s heart. She came out of her hiding place and walked quickly to the wolf despite what Van Statten was telling her. She knelt down close to the huge beast and put a trembling hand on his fur. The wolf weakly growled at her but she didn’t step back. It slumped back to the ground and Rose looked at its wound. It was ugly, and really painful because the wolf was still whimpering. Rose gently stroked its fur.

“Shh. It was just an accident. We’re gonna help you. I promise.”

The wolf only cried because of the pain and Rose felt a strange buzzing in her head. She shook her head lightly to make it disappear. She looked at Van Statten who hadn’t moved from his spot. He was watching her as she was talking to the wolf. He was pretty amazed that it hadn’t tried to attack her, that it was actually so calm.

“Come and help! It’s not gonna hurt you!”

_‘He’s been hunting me for years. He wants my death.’_

The voice came out of nowhere and Rose looked around, unsure of who was talking. It wasn’t Van Statten. That wasn’t his voice. Plus, he was walking towards her, pretty much angry about what she had done to his target, a target she now wanted to save. She looked back at the wolf. Her hand was still on its back. Its fur was really soft.

“Is that you?”

_‘Maybe it’s time for me to die after all.’_

“No. No, of course not. You’re not gonna die.”

_‘You hear me?’_

The wolf raised its head to look at Rose. Surprise was whirling into its eyes. That was the first time in centuries that someone ever heard him, that someone ever showed him gentleness. That girl was special. She had been scared earlier, and yet, there she was.

“Yeah, I do hear you, and it’s okay. You’ll be just fine.”

“It should be dead.”

“But it won’t die because we will help it.”

“Why would I help a beast?”

“Because it’s a human in the first place!”

“That legend is bullshit.”

Van Statten gave a small kick into the bleeding injured leg of the wolf muttering that they should let it die and a loud whimper of pain escaped from the wolf’s mouth. Rose felt the pain as if it was hers, and winced slightly. It was as if the wolf was connected to her mind so she could hear its thoughts and feel its pain. She looked back at Van Statten.

“It’s in pain, Henry. I can feel it. It just wants to live its life peacefully.”

“How can you know that?”

“It’s talking to me.”

“It’s talking to you?”

“Yes.”

Rose looked back at the wolf, lightly stroking its fur to help him to relax while she was arguing with Henry Van Statten. She didn’t notice the spark that suddenly appeared in his eyes, spark that made him change his mind. He picked up the wolf the best he could, ignoring his whimpers of pain and its weak attempts to get away from that dangerous man.

“My pick-up isn’t very far anymore now. Come on. There’s a shelter for wild animals. Let’s drive it there. They will help him.”

“Thank you.”

Now that Rose wasn’t touching it anymore, the connection between her and the wolf was broken. She followed Van Statten to his pick-up and got into it while he was dropping the wolf off on the back of the car. He then drove to the refuge and the wolf was taken in charge there – according to Van Statten words at least. He took Rose to the village she needed to go to and went back to his business.

Rose walked to the area where the penniless people were all gathered. Most of the charity organisations were already there. She gave the boxes full of food to the person responsible of the food stand and accepted to stay and help for the food distribution. Her mind was elsewhere though. She kept thinking about the wolf, about that strange connection they had both shared for a few minutes, and how it had been able to communicate with her. She remembered Van Statten’s will of killing it, and wondered if it had been a good idea to leave the wolf alone with such a threat. He had seemed pretty eager to help the wolf after she had told him that it could talk. The thought tormented her all day and she decided to go back to the shelter and make sure the wolf was fine. She needed to be sure of it before going back home.

As soon as she was free from her duty, she refused people’s help to go back home, people saying it would be dangerous to cross the woods while it was getting late and dark, and just rushed to the forest to find the shelter again. She realised that it was just a small wooden house that was half falling down. It was really dark and there was no one around. She decided to come in. She called out for someone but no one answered, and there wasn’t any electricity in that house. A trap. That’s all it had been. Henry Van Statten had just made her believe that he was dropping the wolf to a shelter when he was abandoning him in such a dilapidated place. She cursed and used the light of her phone to see something. No one could live in there. It was impossible, but she had the feeling that the wolf was there. She looked around and finally found a hatchway in the ground.

She looked around her and listened closely. Nothing and no one around. She lifted up the hatchway. No sound came from the basement and it was very dark. Not even the smallest ray of light. Maybe she could just go down and see if the wolf was there. She couldn’t go back before she knew if it was safe and fine.

“Are you in there?”

Her voice was barely a whisper but wolves had a really good hearing so it wouldn’t have any difficulties to hear her if it was there. She waited for a possible answer. Maybe it was sleeping, or knocked out? Or maybe it wasn’t there? Maybe it was dead? She refused that option though. She refused to think that the beautiful wolf could be dead. A small whimper came to her ears. Hope immediately filled her mind and she started going down the ladder, using the light of her phone to know where she was going. She closed the hatchway behind her so no one would get suspicions that she was in there. She followed the whimpers – the wolf obviously had recognised her and was calling her – and finally managed to reach a small and very cold room. She shivered when she came in. She found some candles and matches and lighted them up.

The room soon was enlightened with a soft orangey glow and Rose could see that she was into some sort of bare cell. Walls and ground were made of brutalism, and it was so cold here. Rose turned around and her heart broke when she saw the wolf laying on the ground, heavily enchained. His leg had been taken care of, it was wrapped into a bloody bandage. The wolf didn’t move when she sat down close to him and placed her hand over its side. She felt the buzzing in her head again, and a feeling of safety and relief filled her mind. They weren’t her feelings, they were the wolf’s ones and she was surprised of its reaction to her. At least, it wasn’t gonna be aggressive. It relaxed to her small strokes and closed its eyes. It was exhausted and in pain, but it felt better now that she was here. It knew that Rose wouldn’t hurt him, that he could get some rest while she was here.

“Can you hear me?”

_‘Yes.’_

“So, the legends were true?”

_‘All legends have some truth in it.’_

“You were human?”

_‘I still am. I’ve just been cursed.’_

“When was it?”

_‘I can’t remember exactly. There was a war. My only fault was to take up arms and to lead the opposition and protect my family from the enemies. It was us or them. I decided to go against them. I won, but I had to kill a lot of people to keep my family and my entire village safe.’_

There was remorse and pain in its words. Rose was listening quietly to his story. His accent and his way of talking were telling her that it hadn’t been a war of this century, and there had been too many wars in the History for her to guess which one it was.

_‘When I came home, my family barely recognised me because I was covered with the blood of our enemies, and they said I now had the look of a killer. They’ve rejected me, thrown me out of the house. The inhabitants of the village chased me down with torches and forks. I had to hide in the forest.’_ He swallowed _. ‘A witch found me, and when I told her my story, she said that I was unforgivable. She turned me into a wolf and told me that people would see me my true nature this way. She added that I would forever feel the thirst of blood, feel the need of slaughtering people, and that no one would ever love the monster I was.’_

“But that’s unfair. You just wanted to protect your family. You were the bravest man of the whole lot.”

_‘That’s not what they thought back then.’_

“The legend said you were the unforgiven. Forever stuck into a wolf’s body for your crime.”

_‘I was condemned to a life of solitude, to always remember what I’ve done, to always feel the guilt and pain. I was condemned to be hunted by men just like I’ve hunted them before. And no one ever showed me mercy.’_

“They said you slaughtered hundreds of lives… But you’ve spared mine.”

_‘I never attacked anyone. Never. Not once since I’m in that body.’_

“The real monsters are not always the ones we think.”

She could feel that it was weak and tired and yet, it stayed awake and kept talking to her. She didn’t know why it was telling her its story, why she felt so much trust coming from it.

_‘I never meant to scare you earlier. I just wanted to make you go away before Van Statten found you. He’s a terrible guy. He locked me down here and took care of my leg. I don’t know what he’s going to do to me.’_

“I have to get you out of here quickly, before he comes back.”

_‘It’s already too late.’_

Its enhanced hearing had heard the motor of the car. Van Statten was back, and he was gonna be there in a matter of minutes. He couldn’t find Rose. She had to hide. The wolf didn’t want her to get into troubles for trying to help him, but she was stubborn and refused to go. Whatever he had in mind, they would face it together. And she couldn’t run away, Van Statten was already in the basement.

“I should have known you would come back for that beast.”

“I wonder who’s the true beast in the story.”

She didn’t move. Neither did the wolf. It was so heavily shackled that he wouldn’t have been able to move anyway. A heavy ring of metal was closed around its neck and its paws were all chained. It had no chance of going out of here. Van Statten had made sure of that.

“I gotta thank you though. That beast kept running away from me for years. You came around, and I had the chance to finally capture it.”

“What for? Now that you have him, what are you going to do with him?”

“Nothing for now. I’m much more interested in your person.”

He eyed her up. His gaze stopped a few times over the curves of her breasts and the curves of her bum. She could only imagine what he had in mind right now. The wolf growled and Van Statten just laughed. The beast was powerless against him. A spark of disgusting lust sparkled in his eyes and before anyone could make a move, he grabbed Rose and pinned her to the closest wall. He buried his face in her neck while his hands were firmly holding her against the wall. She struggled, making it difficult for him to do anything. The wolf kept growling at him. It refused to be a witness of such a scene. He wouldn’t let that monster hurt the girl with the red hood. It struggled against his own shackles and tried to forget the pain to get up. It took him several minutes before he could manage to get on its four legs. It was trembling, but it could do it, for the girl that showed him so much gentleness.

Since it was bigger than a normal wolf, it could reach Van Statten more easily. It pulled on its chains the best he could and lunged forward. With a lot of efforts, he managed to bite Van Statten’s calf before he could do any harm to Rose. Van Statten screamed loudly and kicked the wolf who slumped back on the floor whimpering because of the pain. A discharge of a Taser gun shook its body and left him unable to move while its body was agitated with small convulsions.

“Don’t touch him!”

Rose took advantage of the distraction to punch him in the face and to kick his groin. Van Statten collapsed to the ground, knocked out, and Rose knelt back down close to the wolf. It didn’t seem alright. It would die if she left him here. She started looking for the keys of the chains in Van Statten’s pockets. The room was suddenly enlightened by a bright blue light who disappeared as fast as it appeared. Rose turned around to see from where it had come from and frowned. The wolf wasn’t there anymore. The silhouette of a tall and thin man had replaced it. He was hunched up in the ground, tangled in the chains that were still holding him. He was completely naked and Rose blushed at that sight. She turned her head away and kept looking for the key. She heard the man moving, trying to remember how a human body was working, and finally found the keys.

She tried not to stare at his naked body but she couldn’t help but notice the goose bumps on his skin and how badly he was trembling. She couldn’t tell if it was just the cold, or the fear of being back to a human being in a century he didn’t know anything about. She got rid of all the chains and helped him to get up. The wound was still there, and it was bleeding but they had no time to take care of this now. They had to run away from here before Van Statten woke up. Rose grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him out of the room. After centuries in the body of a wolf, the man had a lot of difficulties to walk on his two legs, and the fact that one of them was wounded didn’t help, but he didn’t complain and followed Rose the best he could. Climbing the ladder was a real difficulty but he managed to reach the top of it. Only to collapse on the ground because of the pain.

His first reaction was to curl up and try to get himself warm, which wasn’t easy now that he didn’t have fur anymore. It felt so weird to be back into a human body and he was having a lot of difficulties to get used to it again. Rose looked at him as he was shaking from the cold and the shock of the sudden change. She ran outside the small house and found what she was looking for: the pick-up. She opened the door and stole a blanket. She brought it back into the house and covered the man’s body with it for him to get warm quicker. She helped him to get up once again and helped him to walk to the car. She had stolen Van Statten’s keys. She made the man sit on the passenger seat and buckled him up. He curled up under the blanket and looked around him. He didn’t know what a car was or how it was working and got scared when she started the car. She put a hand on his arm.

“It’s okay. It’s a modern means of transport. It’s quicker than horses, but it’s not dangerous. I swear. I’m driving you to my home. My mom and I are gonna take care of you.”

She locked the doors though to be sure he wouldn’t have the idea of jumping outside the car while she was driving. She drove out of the forest, turning on the heat so he wouldn’t be so cold anymore. He remained curled up on the seat looking at all the strange things around him.

“You saved me.”

His voice was croaked, and the words were hard to pronounce. He hadn’t used his mouth in centuries. It was weird, really weird but he was too busy looking around him to get a proper look on his body.

“I did.”

“You broke the curse.”

“I did nothing, really.”

“You saw past my killer nature, and stood up for me. You broke the curse.”

“Good thing I was there then.”

“But I don’t belong this century. I-I don’t have anyone left. No family, no friends.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t leave you alone in this. I’ll help you.”

“Thanks.”

Now, she just had to find a really good explanation to give her mother when she would be back home. She was late and she was with a totally naked guy that clearly wasn’t from the century. Well, Jackie wasn’t gonna care about the century because he was a naked man and because he was close to her only daughter.

“You know the tale of the Little Red Riding Hood?”

“My mom was telling it to me when I was younger. A friend of mine gave me the red hood and people started calling me that way.” She smiled at him. “It’s not a bad nickname.”

“You are wiser than the original Little Red Riding Hood.”

“Because I saved the wolf?”

“You saw the real monster, and didn’t let him do any harm. Little Red Riding Hood got her grandmother to be eaten and she was eaten up to in the end.”

“That’s not the end my mom was telling me.”

“The real fairy tales aren’t for kids.”

But he was right though. The original story, the one Charles Perrault had written in January 1697, ended in a tragic way and the moral of the story was that cute little girls always were eaten up by the wolf because they were getting fooled by its words. They didn’t see where the true danger was, but Rose hadn’t been one of those stupid little girls. She had seen the danger and come back to help the true victim of the story before it was too late. And the man who lived in the body of a wolf for centuries would never be able to thank her enough for breaking his curse.


	13. Perfect day

The Doctor was tinkering under the console as usual. He had a new companion on board, Amelia Pond, a redhead woman with a strong character and whose sarcasm was as good as his. That’s maybe why they were getting on with each other so well. They were the same on so many points. They had met months ago when he had accidentally landed into her childhood house. This was not when he had wanted to land though. He was following some alien signal that had kept appearing and disappearing whenever he got close to it. When he had come out of his TARDIS with his screwdriver in hand – though there was no distinct signal around – he had had to avoid the bat that was threatening to hit his head. The bat had hit the TARDIS instead and the old girl, already quite annoyed because of his driving, had decided that it was enough and had chosen to disappear and leave him alone with the crazy woman.

He had cursed and called back his box, avoided the bat that was still threatening to hit his head, and finally, the signal had come back and he had run after it. He hadn’t expected Amelia Pond to follow him and to yell at him all along to know who he was, where he had come from and what was that magic trick he had done with his box. She had made the alien run away once again and he had gotten so irked with her for ruining all his efforts! But she wouldn’t let him go until he answered her questions so he had mumbled a few answers, being as elusive as possible. Then, he had gotten back to his hunt and dumped her there, thinking he had gotten rid of her. But the truth was that Amelia Pond had been really intrigued by that strange man pretending he was an alien. She had found him struggling with a shopping dummy she had knocked down with her bat before he grabbed her hand and started running as fast as he could.

That was how she first had ended up into the TARDIS, how she had fought her first alien – the Nestene Consciousness right under the London Eye – and she had been surprised to realise that there was more to life than she could have ever imagined, and that was why she had accepted to follow him when he had asked her if she wanted to see all of time and space, if she wanted to travel with the weird man he was. She hadn’t hesitated in jumping into the adventurous life, and leaving the boring one behind her. The Doctor was a man really interesting – desperately trying to look impressive though – and she wanted to see the marvels of the universe he had been talking about to her with her own eyes. And she had seen more than she could ever tell. Their last adventure had almost ended in a bad way and she could see that the Doctor was still a bit shaken from his encounter with the not-anymore-survivor of the Dalek race.

Since that meeting with the remaining member of the species that had exterminated his race, the Doctor had been really off, not really smiling anymore, and lost in his thoughts. He slept even less than usual. He needed to change his mind, to go somewhere _fantastic_ where troubles wouldn’t follow him just for once. He was tinkering under the console more to keep his mind busy than to fix something. He was humming a song to himself, a song the TARDIS had played not so long ago because she knew how much Amy loved it, and how much it bothered the Doctor because it always stayed stuck in his head for hours before he could get rid of it. He got out of his hidden spot and started fiddling with the controls to check if everything was working, and hit the console with a hammer when it didn’t.

“No need to wonder why she’s not taking you where you want to if you’re so brutal with her.”

The TARDIS made a noise of agreement and the Doctor turned around to see Amy joining him in the console room. She slumped on the pilot seat and looked at him, smiling. He gave her a small smile in return, leaned on the console and folded his arms over his chest.

“That’s how we both work. She gets grumpy, but that’s all.”

“And then, you get grumpy too.”

“I’m never grumpy!” he protested, offended.

“You are! You are the grumpiest man of the universe!”

“Oi!”

A grin finally crossed the Doctor’s face and he clapped his hands together. It usually meant that he was ready for another adventure, and after the intense one they had had a few days ago, it better be a happier one.

“Where are we going now, Amelia Pond? To the future? Back in the past? Your choice!”

“My choice?”

The Doctor hadn’t given her much of a choice before. He was simply trying to impress her or chasing some alien signal that he was receiving on that thing he called psychic paper. Sometimes, it was even the TARDIS which chose their destination. Just like she had done when they landed in Van Statten’s museum.

“Your choice. Pick a date, a place. Whenever and wherever you want.”

“Can we go and take Rory on board first?”

“Oi! ‘M not a taxi!”

“You’ve been awful to him last time.”

“He said I had big ears.”

“But you’ve got big ears.”

“Oi!”

She was right of course but he hated the fact that a human pointed out the conspicuous flaw – as they all seemed to think because he didn’t see why his ears were such a problem for them – of his body when that human also had a very conspicuous flaw in the middle of his face.

“We’re not taking your boyfriend.”

“You’re being unfair to him.”

“Amy Pond, you are a magnificent and brilliant…”

“Thank you.”

“Why would you spend the rest of your life with some human like Rory Williams?”

“Because that’s what humans do when they love each other. You should try someday.”

He made a noise to show his disapproval. Love wasn’t a Time Lord thing, and it certainly wasn’t his thing. Better leave that to the humans and their pointless little lives. He liked living new adventures, but love wasn’t one that was particularly interesting him. He turned around the console, pressing buttons, pulling on levers. The machine purred, almost thrilled for that new adventure we were gonna live.

“So, where are we going now? Choose wisely, Amelia Pond.”

“Well, there might be a thing.”

“Tell me.”

“There was this show in 1985…”

“There were a lot of shows in 1985.”

“July, 13th 1985\. Wembley Stadium.”

The Doctor looked at her, surprised by the choice of her date. 1985. Four years before she was born. July, 13th. Something had happened on the 13th of July. A show. Well, that could only be that one. He grinned at her and set the coordinates.

“Alright. July, 13th 1985\. Wembley Stadium. Here we go.”

She smiled back at him, surprised that he had actually accepted to go there. He didn’t seem much of his type to go to that kind of events, but after the Dalek’s episode, they needed to do a break, and that could be the perfect adventure to forget about it all.

“We better get there before it all starts.”

“Are you doubting me?”

“We were supposed to go to Naples, not Cardiff.”

“Right.” He grinned again. “Meeting Charles Dickens was much better than going to Naples.”

“You were a complete fanboy.”

“I don’t even know what that’s meaning, but I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He grinned at her as the TARDIS landed with a small thud. He didn’t check the scanner – only amateurs were doing so, the adventures were better if you didn’t know where you had just landed – and pulled two keys with a string necklace out of his pocket. He put one around his neck and gave the other one to Amy.

“What is it?”

“Your own key to the TARDIS. Congrats.”

“Why now?”

“It has a perception filter on. No one will see us. If they look into our direction, they won’t see anything, and just look away.”

And Amy understood better when the Doctor grabbed her hand and pulled her outside the TARDIS. The time machine had landed on the roof of the Wembley Stadium, close enough to the stage to see all the show perfectly. Amy looked at the Doctor and smiled. He had made it. And in time since the _Coldstream Guards_ were opening that impressive show with the _Royal Salute_ and _God Save the Queen_. She was just like a little girl while watching the artists – nothing more impressive than _Status Quo_ , _Queen_ , _U2_ , David Bowie, Elvis Costello, _The Who_ , Paul McCartney, Bob Geldof, Phil Collins, _Sting_ and much more reunited on the same stage to sing their hits for the good cause – perform and the Doctor kept telling her small anecdotes about the show, about the singers, or just about how this whole show had had an impact on the whole world.

He was also being a real gentleman – which was quite a change in his attitude – by bringing her food, drinks and even a blanket when she needed it. He remained sat down next to her for the whole concert, actually being really patient for once, and Amy was suspecting a little bit magic in the air to force him to stay so still for around fourteen hours. He never even tried to vanish just a few minutes to go and solve some alien troubles. She noticed that his usual anxiety and the wrong feelings he had been feeling since the encounter with the Dalek were considerably going away. She saw the frown on his face when John Hurt announced Freddy Mercury and Brian May on stage, but it disappeared so quickly that she couldn’t tell if he had really frowned or not. She chose not to ask any questions. And when the show finally ended, she had stars in her eyes.

“Come on, Amy Pond. Let’s make your boyfriend jealous now.”

Amy rolled her eyes and caught the hand the Doctor was holding out to her. He helped her up and they both walked back into the TARDIS. He dropped Amy back to her home in 2005, reminding her to take the key of her neck if she wanted Rory to be able to see her. She smiled at him, and thanked him for this magical day.

“Goodnight,” she told him, kissing his cheek.

“Goodnight, Amy Pond.”

That night, the Doctor was totally relaxed and knew he would finally get some rest. As he was heading to his bedroom, feeling lighter than ever, the song came back to his mind: _“Oh, it’s such a perfect day. I’m glad I spent it with you. Oh, such a perfect day.”_ But for once, it wasn’t bothering him because it really had been a perfect day, and he was glad to have spent it with his best friend, Amelia Pond.


	14. Night Changes

Rose Tyler was quite excited today. It was February, 12th. In other words, it was her Maxence’s birthday today and she had planned plenty of things for this special day. She had been working on them for the whole week, and really hoped that he wouldn’t be disappointed in any of the things she had for him. She was gonna take him to treasure hunting. Well, it wasn’t an actual treasure hunt, but that was how she was calling it, and she was sure that he would love it. Her Maxence was quite a big child, and he could get excited for such little things. That was one of the many things she loved the most about him. Thankfully, he had managed to get a day off for his birthday, even if he didn’t know what she had in mind to celebrate it. She had kept really quiet about the things she was slowly organising for everything to be perfect.

The first step was the breakfast in bed. Rose woke up early on purpose and slipped out of bed without waking him. It was pretty difficult this morning because of how tangled their bodies were. She always loved sleeping in his arms, and since he loved having her close to him, he always wrapped his arms and legs around her, and buried his face into her neck. He protested sleepily but didn’t wake up, much to Rose’s relief. She walked out of the bedroom, closing the door as quietly as possible, and walked to the kitchen. Maxence loved a full breakfast with jam toasts, scrambled eggs, fried bacon and sausages, baked beans and banana pancakes. He was a big eater and could eat it all and still feel hungry after. They were always spending a lot of money into food so he could have everything he liked and more, but he was doing enough sports not to put on too much weight.

Rose started cooking, making sure Maxence wouldn’t get up before she was done. She loved cooking him breakfast – plus he was such a disaster in the kitchen that it was better if he didn’t try to cook anything – and she loved it more today. Even if the smell of it all made her nauseous. She threw up quietly in the bin and rinsed her mouth, getting back to cooking right after. It was nothing. She would be fine into a few minutes. When everything was ready, she put the plates of food, cutlery and cup of tea on a tray. Then, she walked to their bedroom, making sure not to knock over anything, and opened the door. She came in very quietly and smiled when she saw that Maxence was still sleeping. He moved when the smell of food reached his nose and smiled sleepily. Waking up to breakfast being brought in bed was something that only happened on his birthday. Or when he was sick. Rose sat the tray on the bedside table and leaned to kiss Maxence on the lips.

“Happy birthday, love,” she murmured against his lips.

“You always know how to make them even better every year. What’s in your mind this year?”

“Something just as special as the other years.”

“Can’t wait.”

He smiled at her and kissed her once again. She crawled back into bed and watched him as he sat up and started eating the breakfast she made for him. The first step was done. It was the easier one. Now would start the most difficult part of the plan, but she knew he would follow her with no hesitation.

The second step started as soon as they were showered and dressed. She took him to the place they first met: the tattoo parlour she used to be working in a few years ago. He had hesitated for a long time when he had wanted that first tattoo, but when he had come in and met Rose Tyler for the first time, he had known that he had taken the right decision. She had created his first tattoo, and all the others he had. He had been so enchanted, so admirative of her work that he had come back a few other times to have more tattoos. He had a full arm now and she was the one who fully created it. She had left a blank space though, and now was the time to fill it. He had no idea of what she was gonna draw on his skin, but he trusted her. He knew it was gonna be perfect. She obviously had planned it all for this special day as he could see when they were welcomed into the parlour.

It felt so familiar to be back here, and he could remember the day he had asked her for a date the very first time. He was sat on that exact same chair, with Rose tattooing his left arm and chatting over literally everything when he cut her in the middle of a sentence by asking – well, stammering – if she would accept to take a coffee or even a snack with him some day. She had given him that tongue touching smile that always made his heart beat faster and accepted immediately. She had admitted later that if he hadn’t asked her, she would have done it. He looked at her as she was tattooing the last piece of his left arm. The last piece of the puzzle. And he watched her hands as she was indeed tattooing a small puzzle piece with the birth of a star pattern on it – because he loved the stars and space – which fitted in perfectly with the rest of his tattooed arm.

“It’s a very nice choice once again, miss Tyler.”

“The final piece of your arm needed to be perfect, Mr Spitz.”

“It truly is.”

They both smiled at each other, and Rose finished the tattoo. She cleaned it and applied some cream on it before she put some shrink wrap around it for the reject of the ink surplus that would follow. He had now a full tattooed arm, and Rose Tyler’s signature was hidden somewhere in this masterpiece. The only signature he would even want to wear.

The third step was to take him to the place they had their first date. It was already around noon. Her timing was absolutely perfect. A small shop of chips. That was where he had taken her for their first date. He could have chosen something better but she was craving for chips so he had taken her there. And he had apologised for days for this cheapy date. He had done better for the second one, even if she had told him that that first one had been really perfect in her eyes. Maxence was so shy, and clumsy, and cute back then. He still was in a way, but not as clumsy as before thankfully. He could, but she was always around to save the day. He smiled when he saw the small shop, even more when she ordered the exact same thing than that day, but was surprised when she chose to have a glass of milk instead of a good cold beer just like the one they had shared years ago.

The fourth step was the place where he first kissed her. She knew he was starting to wonder why she was taking him to all those places all of a sudden, but he never asked and just followed the move. They were walking hand in hand in the streets as she took him back to the Powell Estate where she used to live when they first met. Her mother was still living around. She hadn’t liked him at all at first, and she had made him go through hell but she had finally seen that he was a good guy that was taking care of his daughter so perfectly they sometimes wondered if he was real. Rose led him to the building, to the flat she used to live in. There, in font of that exact same door, he had leaned down and softly kissed her lips with a very shy kiss. And there, in front of that exact same door, she wrapped her arms around him and tip-toed to press her lips against his. She felt him smile against her lips as he kissed her back, less shyly than the first time.

Those four steps happened in the first year of their relationship. In the four years that followed their first kiss, their relationship had known a lot of ups and downs – the downs were mostly because Jackie was making him go through hell, but they both had some flaws and things to reproach to each other – and they had broken up at some point but realised that they couldn’t live without each other anymore. Those ups and downs had made their relationship stronger, and when they had made everything clear, they had been happier than ever. They had moved in together in a cute little house in a very calm area of the town, and took the time to know each other even better. Mentally, and physically. When they had gotten back together, they had had a lot of sex. So much sex that they were barely going out of their little house. Rose had gotten pregnant, but she had had a miscarriage, which had broken her down. Thankfully, Maxence had remained by her side until she felt better, and promised her that it was okay, that they would try again later.

So, the natural next step in their relationship for him had been to propose her. They’d been together for almost six years now and he had felt like it was the right time to propose. And that was the fifth step of their small treasure hunt. She blindfolded his eyes, just like he had done to him when he had taken her to the place where he had done his proposal, and led him to Hyde Park. She remembered the day as if it was still yesterday. It was spring. All the vegetation was waking up from their winter sleep, and it was really beautiful. They had had a picnic, and when they were done eating, he had started telling her how much he loved her. She hadn’t suspected anything. He was always telling her how much he loved her, and what he loved the most about her. She hadn’t expected him to kneel down and pull out a magnificent ring from his pocket to propose her. She had said yes immediately.

She took him there, right under that same tree they had shared their picnic, where he had proposed her. It was still cold outside, but they were enough covered up not to be too cold. She helped him to sit down under the tree and she sat next to him. He couldn’t see her from behind his hat and scarf that she had used to blindfold him as she opened her purse and pulled out a small box for him to open. She allowed him to look when she was done.

“Is that a proposal? I’m sure I did mine just right here.”

“Don’t be silly,” she told him, laughing a bit.

He opened the box she was giving him. It wasn’t really easy with the gloves but he managed to open it. He took the small cake and smiled at Rose. No birthday without a cake. And she knew how much he loved cakes. She pulled out a unique candle from her bag and lighted it. He smiled even more.

“Make a wish.”

“I don’t know what I could possibly wish for. I already have everything I could have dreamed of having.”

“Then, just wish for it to stay the way it is.”

He took her hand and kissed it softly. He closed his eyes and made a wish, keeping it secret otherwise it wouldn’t work, before he blew on the candle to put it out. They shared the small cake under the tree before she took him to their last, but not least destination: the place they had finally said yes to each other three years ago. He really didn’t see the point of it all but he didn’t care. Those places were full of good memories. They were full of _their_ good memories, full of their love for each other. There was a baptism in the church so they couldn’t get in, but Rose took him to the small garden behind it. There, she smiled at him, and picked up a violet, a red rose, a daffodil and a white carnation. She gave them to him, smiling even more to the confusion on his face, and the embarrassment he was having watching her picking up flowers in the garden of a church. But she didn’t explain her move.

They came back to their little house after they greeted the priest that had married them and told him how much they were happy together. Maxence was all smiles when they came home and so was Rose. She still had something for him. He filled a vase with water and added the flowers into it. He put it on the table of the living room and Rose forced him to sit down on the couch. She put his favourite Disney on – which surprisingly was _Lady and the Tramp_ – and kissed his head. She took care of the dinner and when it was done, she cuddled into Maxence to watch the end of the movie with him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head softly. He liked the small quiet moments they were sharing together. The time where they were always arguing and throwing things at each other was done. They had gotten over it.

When the movie was done, they ate the birthday dinner Rose had cooked, and they shared the cake – the real one this time – his mother had done while they were away from the house after he had blown his thirty-three candles. This was probably one of the best birthdays he ever had. If not the best. He smiled at his Rose and kissed her lovingly while they were cuddling in the couch once again. She kissed him back with just as much love and looked up at him, smiling.

“This was a fantastic day. You surpassed yourself this year.”

“I still have one gift left for you.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t move.”

She got up and walked to their bedroom. She came back with a small wrapped box with a bow on it. She sat on the couch cross-legged on the couch and gave it to him with a shy smile. This was the climax of the day, the real gift she wanted to give him. He opened it, pretty curious, and smiled widely when he found the baby trainers from his favourite brand. He picked one shoe up.

“My favourite shoes. They’re a bit too small though.”

“I know. I did on purpose.”

She knew he wouldn’t get it immediately, and that was why she had added something under the shoes. He removed them from the box and pulled the paper underneath them away. There, in the bottom of the box, he found a pregnancy test. He frowned lightly and picked it up to read it. Positive. He looked at Rose and back at the pregnancy test. He finally understood and found how to talk again.

“You’re…?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God.”

He put the shoes, the box and the test away and hugged her tight. She was pregnant. His wife was pregnant with their first child, and nothing could make him even happier than to know this. They had tried over and over again after they had gotten married, but it never worked and the doctors were all saying that the miscarriage had caused damages, that Rose would maybe never be able to get pregnant again, but they had never given in. He broke the hug, kept his hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. He was crying, but they were tears of joy.

“Is it sure? 100% sure?”

“I saw the doctor last week. He said it was 100% sure. They will have to keep a close watch on the pregnancy, but it will all be fine.”

“Last week?”

“I wanted it to wait until your birthday to make it your best gift.”

“And that’s why we revived all the steps of our relationship?”

“I wanted it to be perfect. I gave you a hint to every step. I’m surprised you didn’t notice what I was doing.”

“I had absolutely no idea, but I really loved it.”

He hugged her once again and she cuddled into him, hugging him just as tight. She was smiling through her own tears and he wiped them away, even if it was useless. That baby was a miracle to them, the proof that all the doctors had been wrong. That baby was the fruit of their love, and he or she would be pampered and loved like no other child.

“I hid the first hint in your breakfast. Strawberry jam. I was playing with the cliché. The second is in your new tattoo. The puzzle piece fitting in with the pieces representing us together. The pattern of the birth of a star. The third was the milk glass.”

“I don’t see the hint in the fourth step.”

“There wasn’t. I didn’t want to ruin the chronology of our relationship. And I really liked reviving our first kiss.”

“Naughty girl,” he murmured, kissing her lips.

“’M not,” she replied, kissing him back. “The fifth hint, the small cake with just one candle.”

“Because it’s our first kid.”

“The flowers were the sixth. They all mean something. The violet is for people who were born on February. The red rose represents our love. The daffodil means happiness for the little one. The white carnation is usually given to a mother on Mothers’ day.”

“You’ve thought about it all.”

“I wanted this day to be perfect for the future daddy.”

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had so far, and the best gift I could ever have.”

They remained cuddled in each other, silently but happily crying for that miracle. It truly was the best birthday he had ever had in thirty-three years, and she was giving him the best birthday present ever. He had so wanted to give her a child, to fill that part of her that had been left empty after the miscarriage, and now they were having it. They were expecting, and nothing could fill them with more joy right now. Maxence slipped his hand under Rose’s shirt and placed it over her still flat stomach. Rose joined her hand to his and intertwined their fingers together. She looked up at him and smiled, her eyes still gleaming with tears. He was no better than her because he couldn’t stop his tears from falling but he smiled back at her and murmured an ‘I love you’ in her ear. They were happy, and nothing would be able to destroy that happiness they were feeling right now.


	15. Can I have this dance?

The Doctor hadn’t expected it when he had taken Rose’s hand into his. She had teased him all day about dancing, and he just couldn’t get his mind into it because he was much more interested in the gas mask kid mystery, but he had been very annoyed when they had found themselves stuck in a room after they had been chased by the gas mask people. The captain was gone, and he had left the Doctor alone with Rose to do whatever he had said he would do. The Doctor hadn’t listened. He was alone with Rose, and captain Playboy was away. This was the only thing his brain had recorded. He had been so jealous when he had seen Rose with that pretty boy, but he had had no time to do any sarcastic comment because their lives were on the line once again. And then, he had been alone with the woman who made him feel like a teenager, and the only thing he had done was trying to find a way out of that room.

He should have known she wouldn’t let him alone, that she would insist on him giving her a dance, to show her his moves he was so proud of, and to be honest, he couldn’t say no to that woman. She was always catching him off guard, and bringing the best out of him when he was like nothing more than just a damaged soul who didn’t deserve forgiveness for what he had done. She totally trusted him when she knew _who_ he was, and how _guilty_ he was. He couldn’t understand this. He couldn’t understand how that woman so human, so bright, so alive could have reached him and pulled him out of his hole of misery. With her, it was easier to enjoy the little things of life, to see the good things and not always the bad things. So, when she had asked for a dance, he had stopped sonicking the room and grabbed her hand to show her he could move.

He had been boasting around of course. When she had told him about the Captain and his cloaked ship, and their dance in front of Big Ben, he had felt the jealous burn in the pit of his stomach, and felt the irrepressible need to prove that he was just as good as the Captain, if not better. So, he had danced with her, and a Glenn Miller’s song in the background. There was a threat coming for them, and they had been dancing slowly. The moment had almost been too perfect. He was aware that he had been ruining it all with his questions and visible jealousy, and she had kept teasing about him being a lame dancer because he hadn’t seemed to be able to see that his feet were at the end of his legs and that he needed to _move_ them to be truly dancing. She hadn’t noticed anything. Maybe the pretty boy had turned her head, and the Doctor knew he didn’t stand a chance with his big ears and nose, and grumpy attitude.

She was really making him feel like a bloody teenager, and he had been completely absorbed in her hazel eyes. The room was dark, but his Time Lord senses had been making him very aware of her presence so close to him. Her warm and soft skin had been sending shivers down his spine, and butterflies had been tickling his stomach uncontrollably. He had barely been listening to her, too focused on the move of her plump lips, but her voice was music to his ears. He had been able to feel her heart pounding furiously in the veins of her wrist, and had just assumed that he was just intimating her – was she finally finding him impressive now? – that she hadn’t thought he would ever accept to give her a dance. And his hearts had been beating just as furiously in his chest. He had wanted this moment to never end. He had wanted this moment to keep going forever, and he had almost yelled in frustration when they had been transmatted into Jack’s ship.

He hadn’t had much time to think about it after that. The events had sped up, and things had come to a wonderful end. Everybody lived. He had saved everybody and there wasn’t any better victory than that one. He had celebrating that victory with Rose in the TARDIS until she brought the Captain up. The Captain who had been ready to sacrifice himself for everybody to be able to live. So, the Doctor had saved the Captain, and then, he had tried to dance with Rose again, but he was perfectly unable to focus. All the feelings he had experienced when they had been dancing earlier were coming back to him now, and he was getting flustered which was making her angry at him and his inability of dancing properly. And then, the Captain had come on board and Rose had gone to welcome him on board. The jealousy had burned in his stomach, and his brain had finally decided to make him remember how to dance.

He had been all smile and she had been too as he was spinning her, as they danced around the console, and the butterflies were back in his stomach, and her touch had sent him away in a world where only him and her existed, where that moment would never stop, where Rose Tyler would be _his_. He had forgotten everything as Rose grinned at him, and danced with him, and looked at him as if he was the only thing in this world. And suddenly, he had thrown her backwards over his arm and the whoop of delight that had escaped her lips had sent a jolt of pure happiness through his veins, and his hearts had been beating faster than they should have been able to. Then, she had pulled herself up and sagged onto his shoulder. She was giggling, and the sound of it was so beautiful he wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life. The moment had been too short and he would give almost everything to live it all over again.

Now, the Doctor was laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. Rose was in her own bedroom. He supposed she had led Jack to his. After their little dance, the Doctor had been too overwhelmed with different feelings, and it had taken him all his will to resist the temptation to hug Rose tight in his arms and bring her to his room. His head was still spinning now, and he was grinning like an idiot in the dark. He wished they would have had the time for another dance, but the day had been long and they all needed some sleep, and now that the Doctor was left alone in his room, he couldn’t find the sleep because his thoughts were all focused on a certain blonde girl and her so bright smile with her tongue poking out. He hadn’t expected that to happen, but the Doctor had realised it when he had danced with her. That had been fast, but it was deep and beautiful and almost painful. He had never been so sure of something in his entire life, but he could say this with a complete certitude: he had _fallen in love_ with Rose Tyler.


	16. Comatose

Jack had been travelling with them for a few weeks now and nothing could possibly be better for Rose and the Doctor. The three of them were having a lot of fun stopping off on new planets anywhere in time and space, playing tricks to people a bit too serious to their liking, getting them angry and running away when they started chasing them. They were now all laughing out loud in the TARDIS because of the last trick they had played on someone before running for their lives, and planning on the next one to play. The Doctor hadn’t laughed like that for what felt like centuries, and it felt good to be a part of those joyful moments he had never allowed himself to have since the Time War. He was glad that Rose and Jack had stood in his way. They were helping him to get better. They were helping him to heal his wounds. They probably didn’t even know how much good they were doing to him.

Everything was fine so far, and he almost couldn’t believe it. Nothing had ever been so fine in his life. Not even before the Time War. Troubles always found their way to him and he couldn’t enjoy a simple day of rest. Now, he was given weeks and that seemed too weird. Something was not right, and a storm was most likely on its way to ruin it all. Everything was too fine to last, but the Doctor couldn’t care less right now because those moments of pure happiness, those moments when the worries were off were too rare and he, and his companions, had to appreciate and enjoy them as long as they could. If he had been paying close attention, he would have noticed it though. He would have noticed the storm coming, but they were still laughing when the phone on the console rang. The Doctor picked it up and as he was listening to the caller, his face became more serious and worried.

“On my way.”

Jack and Rose were still laughing when the call ended. They seemed unable to stop themselves from laughing. The Doctor remained silent for a moment, just listening to them. He loved listening to Rose laughing. It was the most beautiful sound in the universe for him. It always warmed his hearts and after the dark times he had gone through, he wanted to hear that wonderful laugh forever.

“Doctor?”

He was so busy looking at her and thinking about how much he loved hearing her laughing that he hadn’t noticed that his two companions had stopped laughing and were now observing him. They seemed quite concerned by his sudden silence, and they could feel something was up.

“Sorry. We gotta keep that next joke for later. Our presence is required for an emergency.”

“What kind of emergency?”

Both Jack and Rose were now focused on their next mission to achieve. That was what the Doctor loved the most about them. Even if they didn’t know anything about the emergency, they were ready to jump in the critical situation and to help anyone who needed them. They were brave, and he was glad to have them around. They were two precious companions, but he would never tell them so.

“Some virus appeared a few days ago on a planet called Sixta Nashvada. It has already caused some deaths, and the medical staff seems to be unable to find a cure to heal their patients.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Don’t forget how brilliant I am!” the Doctor exclaimed. “I’m gonna find this cure in five minutes. Then, we’ll go back to our jokes.”

He grinned widely at his companions, but soon as Rose headed to her room to get changed, chatting with Jack, his smile faded away. From what he was told, it wasn’t something he knew, and that wasn’t good at all. He didn’t want to worry his companions though, and certainly not his loving and so sensitive Rose. He would solve that problem, like he always did, no matter what. For now, they just had to go to Sixta Nashvada and see what was really going on there without getting sick themselves. He had to identify the virus and find a cure for it before any of them could get infected by it. He really didn’t want any of his companions to catch that virus no one had a cure for.

He entered the coordinates of the planet and piloted the TARDIS through the Vortex. It wasn’t long before they landed with a small thud. Sixta Nashvada wasn’t a very interesting planet from a touristic view point, but it was nice enough for a few days of rest. When it wasn’t attacked by some unknown virus that was. Soon as his companions were back in the console room, the Doctor walked out of the TARDIS with them. He wasn’t surprised to see a German mastiff walking on two legs and dressed like a security officer welcoming them. He brought them straight to a small hospital where a lot of humans and canids were waiting in a crowded room. They didn’t look sick. They probably were there for a check-up. After the virus, they had had to test people and see who was infected and who wasn’t. A long work. A nurse came to them and asked them to follow her.

“No need to waste time,” she said as they were walking through the corridors and passing in front of sick patients’ rooms. “The virus appeared from nowhere a couple of days ago and it has already killed fifty people. The first sign of it is a simple cold. The patients sneeze and think it’s nothing serious. Until the virus deprives them from their senses. Sight, hearing, sense of smell, taste, touch. They’re all shutting down one by one. There’s no paralysis, no blood, no major symptoms. The patients just go mad, become unstable and violent and they die in a convulsion. We think the virus is attacking the brain but we can’t prove it.”

“How much time before the death occurs?”

“Less than twenty-four hours.”

As the words made their way to their minds and made them very aware of the emergency, the nurse unlocked a door. It was different from the other doors, and it was clearly written that it was a restricted area and that only some of the medical staff was allowed to come here.

“Nothing happened? No change? No new arrival?”

“Nothing. We don’t have many visitors here, Doctor. We’re not a touristic planet. It’s pretty quiet.”

The nurse opened the door. Screams resounded. Around ten patients were yelling and struggling against the straps that were keeping them down on their bed. If they hadn’t been tied down on their beds, they would have attacked them for sure. The nurse explained them that it was the last stage of the disease, that most of those patients would be dead in the next hour. The Doctor placed Rose behind him in a protective move when someone suddenly came out of nowhere and grabbed his throat.

At first, there was the shock. The situation looked frozen for a few seconds. Then, everyone started screaming all at once while the Doctor was trying to get rid of the hand strangling him. Though the guy was pretty small and thin, he managed to be stronger than the Doctor whose face was turning red from the lack of oxygen. He didn’t need as much oxygen as a human, but he still needed some. He would never forget the deep purple iris of the guy though. The nurse was trying to calm down the other patients whereas Rose and Jack were trying to help the Doctor, but the guy was too strong to be beaten down so easily.

“Sorry, mate, you leave me no choice,” muttered Jack before he knocked the man out.

The Doctor took a huge gasp of air when the hand released his throat. Rose helped him to breathe slowly and deeply while Jack caught the knocked-out guy and put him back in his bed. He firmly tied him down with the nurse’s help. The Doctor allowed Rose to take a look at his neck.

“You’re bleeding,” noticed Rose.

“Damn son of a bitch,” he replied angrily.

“We don’t know how the virus is spreading,” explained the nurse. “Let me do some tests on you.”

“Thanks, but no. I’m gonna do it myself in my ship. I’ve seen enough. I’m gonna make my own researches and tell you if I ever find something.”

“Sure?”

“They,” he started, pointing at Jack and Rose, “are the only people I trust with my life. Yes, I’m sure.”

Those were his final words on the matter. He walked quickly out of the room, followed by Jack and Rose. They went back to the TARDIS and found themselves in the infirmary the ship had opened for them. It was surprising that the Doctor was letting Rose take care of his little wounds. The guy had scratched him with his nails.

“You should have let her check on you.”

“I have all I need here. And I don’t trust anyone out there.”

“You don’t trust anyone at all.”

“Wrong! I trust the two of you.”

“Only when you want to. Here, it’s done.”

“Fantastic! Time for blood tests now!”

He grinned at them and clapped his hands together. He didn’t wait for their approval and did it anyway. Then, he told them that he had already seen that virus – well, a version of it, and it was a long time ago; that version was very different – and he knew the recipe of the cure they needed. He just needed to change it a bit to adapt it to the stronger stem, and to find the ingredients. He didn’t have them all on board. He gave a list to Jack and threw him and Rose out of the infirmary. He had some tests to do and he didn’t want them around.

It took hours before the results came. The Doctor was relieved to see that Rose was negative to the disease. Even more to see that she was immune to it. So was Jack. But him… His results came last and they weren’t good. He wasn’t immune to the virus and worst, he was positive. The guy infected him earlier. He had expected those result for him to be honest, but there had been some hope that maybe… Those hopes had been crushed when he had read the results. He had to prepare the cure quickly before someone realised he was sick too. A sneeze answered his worries. The first symptom. Usually, it wouldn’t have worried him, but with what he knew about the virus… The violence of that sudden sneeze left him dizzy and made him stumble. He almost fell when Rose came in.

“Are you alright?”

“Should have eaten after that blood test.”

“And you call yourself a Doctor,” she sighed. “Come on, let’s eat something. I’m starving too, and Jack is still out looking for the ingredients of the cure.”

The Doctor nodded and smiled at her. The process of the disease was on, but he wouldn’t tell her. Not until it was really necessary. They found a small restaurant in town where they ate some chips – to Rose’s delight, they always seemed to find some wherever they were going. The Doctor didn’t eat much. He was mostly playing with the food, and his thoughts were far away from the present moment. This was enough to worry Rose. He was acting too strangely. It meant he was bothered by something. He was barely listening to her, only nodding here and there to give her the illusion he was listening, and remained silent until they made their way back to the TARDIS. Jack was in the console room when they came in, and he had all the missing ingredients.

“Jack!” exclaimed Rose.

She let go of the Doctor’s arm to greet her friend who had just come back after hours of a difficult mission. It was amazing to observe that he hadn’t brought any trouble with him. Captain Jack Harkness seemed to always bring troubles with him. He was always flirting with people he shouldn’t flirt with, and they always had to run away when he did because they were chased by some husband or wife or whatever. The Captain was all smile and he hugged her. He then showed a little bottle to the Doctor. The latter nodded.

“That wasn’t simple, but I managed to get it thanks to a personal trick,” he told them putting the little bottle down on the console.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and regretted it immediately. He was still feeling dizzy and weak. He had told Rose it was just a hypoglycaemia caused by the blood test, but she would soon realise that he was lying, if she hadn’t realised it yet since he hadn’t eaten much. His condition was gonna get worse really quickly. He hoped he would have the time to create the cure before becoming perfectly incapable of doing anything. He remarked that Rose was observing him, a concerned look on her face. He gave her a grin and climbed the footbridge to the platform with his usual agility though he was far from feeling it. His sight was getting clouded and his muscles were answering with difficulty. That disease wasn’t provoking any paralysis but was depriving the person from all the touching feelings. It was disturbing not to feel the ground under his feet anymore.

“Fantastic! I’m gonna take care of it right now.”

He walked to the console to take the small bottle pretending to have a perfectly clear sight when his field of vision was more than limited. His foot tripped over the ground and he lost his balance. All his body dived forward. Before any of them could react, his head had violently hit the console and the Doctor flatted on his face.

“Doctor!” shouted Rose and Jack at the same time.

The Doctor was trying to get up when they knelt down close to him. They helped him to get up and forced him to sit up while he was grumbling insults about all the species he knew. Rose pressed a hand to her lips when she saw the cut on the Doctor’s forehead. It looked deep and was letting out a pretty impressive flood of blood. Jack immediately took off his shirt and used it to mop it up. He was asking questions to the Doctor but the latter was only replying vaguely and in an incomprehensible way. Jack looked up at Rose. She saw how worried he was and felt her heart tighten. The Captain wasn’t someone who was getting worried so easily. It really wasn’t a good sign.

“He’s gonna be sick,” he remarked.

In an instant, Jack had gotten a bucket and placed it in the Doctor’s lap. He indeed was sick. When he felt better, Jack forced him to drink a little bit of water. He was still conscious, it could only be a good sign.

“Doctor?” Rose called out.

He barely reacted to his name. He didn’t even seem to be feeling that they were touching him, as if the shock had completely disconnected him from the world.

“Did he eat something?”

“Not really, actually. He was having fun stealing my chips, but didn’t eat any of them.”

“We’re gonna take him to the infirmary.”

Rose agreed. Jack stood up and helped the Doctor to do the same. The two companions each put an arm of the Doctor on their shoulders and took him to the infirmary. It was easy as long as he was walking, even by dragging his feet, but, when he fainted, they had to drag him. Once they were in the infirmary, they took off his leather jacket and lay him down on a bed.

“Shouldn’t we…”

“No. I’d rather trust my meagre skills. He’d do the same.”

“True.”

Jack looked everywhere and found what he needed. Rose grimaced when she saw him stitching up the wound he had cleaned. Then, he put everything away, washed his hands and put a small and black wristband around the Doctor’s left wrist before he walked to the main computer of the room. Rose wasn’t moving from the Doctor’s side. She was holding his hand and talking to him softly.

“Love, I’m gonna need a complete scan on our dear friend,” Jack asked the TARDIS.

“ _The Doctor already did a scan on his whole person._

To justify her answer, the ship displayed the results of that scan on the screen Jack was looking at. The Captain’s face turned pale when he read the results. Whatever was the virus which was ravaging this planet, the Doctor had caught it and that was a very bad thing.

×

Rose hadn’t moved in hours. She had refused to leave and let the Doctor alone. She wanted to be there when he would wake up, especially now that she knew what was really happening to him. Jack hadn’t wanted to tell her but she had forced him to say what he knew. Her Doctor was sick. He knew it but hadn’t admitted it to her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to her for a long time but he had kept his worries for himself. She couldn’t be angry at him, not when he was laying there, in an agitated unconscious condition, not when he was murmuring her name again and again in a feverish delirium. She was holding his big hand in hers. He was cold, colder than usual. A tear rolled down on her cheek.

“I’m here, Doctor,” she whispered to him while he kept calling her.

“Rose,” he repeated.

She didn’t know in which kind of frightening dream the Doctor was but the fear was clear on his face. However, the fact he kept calling her was telling her that this dream was about her, and that his fear was linked to her. She held his hand tighter and repeated that she was here, close to him, that he didn’t have to be worried. She was still talking to him when his eyelids fluttered open. Rose froze when she noticed that the icy blue of his eyes had become dark purple. She recognised the symptoms she had seen on the other patients. His condition was getting worse, quicker than it should. He wanted to sit up but found himself unable to.

“Stay down, Doctor. You’re not alone.”

She knew he couldn’t see her. It was how the symptoms were evolving. The virus was attacking every sense of the person little by little and was slowly eating away at his/her strengths until the heart stopped and the body gave in in a last convulsion. Rose was wondering how she could have been so blind not to see that the Doctor had caught the virus. Yet, there had been a lot of precursory signs. Several times, he had faked to be fine while he was already having some symptoms of touching and hearing troubles. He had pretended to suffer from hypoglycaemia when it was the virus spreading in his body. That was why he had barely eaten, and why he now had a big cut on his forehead. She noticed that it was painful when she saw him brush the fingers of his right hand and grimaced.

“Why are we hiding in the dark?”

He was trying to hide his fear with humour and Rose couldn’t help but smile sadly. He knew very well that the virus had reached his sight and that was terrifying him. He would never admit that he was frightened by the situation out loud though. She could feel it. Then, she cupped his cheek. This contact reassured the proud guy he was but it wasn’t enough to completely calm him down. He raised his right hand and groped for his companion.

“We’re gonna fix this. I promise you.”

“Where are you?” he asked, his voice lightly trembling.

“Here,” she replied, catching his hand.

“Don’t let me go.”

“I never let you go.”

The Doctor’s voice seemed to beg her. He didn’t want to be alone in this situation. He needed comfort in this moment of weakness. He was showing, despite himself, that he wasn’t controlling anything, that he was afraid, and he was more than thankful that she was here for him, even if he hated the idea of her seeing him like this.

“Thanks.”

“Jack found your notes. He’s creating the cure. You just need to hold on a little bit longer.”

It would have made him smile if he hadn’t been on the edge of diving back into the darkness of the unconscious. He held Rose’s hand tighter and asked her to lie down close to him and to put his right hand on her temple. She did it, uncertain. The contact of his cold skin made her shiver. She closed her eyes as he was asking her to do and she let herself be carried by the power of his mind. She suddenly found herself in a room plunged into a destabilising darkness. The Doctor was sat in the middle of it and had a protective attitude for himself that his companion had never seen before.

“We’re in my mind,” he explained to anticipate her question.

“I didn’t think it was so dark. I always thought it was colourful and full of life, a place as big as space.”

She came closer to him when she was done looking around her and sat down. He wasn’t looking at her and preferred keeping his eyes locked on the dark void in front of him.

“I should show it to you in a better day. It would be a very unique adventure.”

“I’m not sure to understand.”

“The virus is eating away at my physical and mental strengths. I don’t have the strength to show you a complete vision of my mind. Usually, it’s more colourful and animated, just like you’re thinking. Everything abruptly shut down a few hours ago.

“What do you want to say, Doctor?”

She had understood that he wanted to say something specific but he was beating out the bush. He wouldn’t be able to keep that connection for a long time. His mental projection was dwindling.

“There is a missing ingredient very important for the cure. Jack will remark it soon while reading my notes.

“What is it?”

“A bit of regenerative energy.”

“Where do we find it?”

“In my blood. But it’s useless now.”

“…”

“I hoped I would have more time but… When a Time Lord dies, every cell of his body is rewriting itself to form a new being. That’s what will happen to me if I can handle it. You don’t have to worry if it happens.”

“You won’t die. I refuse that eventuality.”

“Rose,” he answered, finally looking at her with a smile, “I trust you. You’re immune to the virus. I’ve had the time to make sure of it before things came one after another. I’m currently giving you a bit of that energy. Tell Jack to take some of your blood and to add it to the cure.”

“Don’t die,” she begged him, falling on his neck. “Please.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Then, everything became black and Rose was sent back to reality. Jack was there and was looking at her with questioning eyes. He must have seen part of the scene from the outside. She didn’t lose any time and explained him what he had to do just like the Doctor had told her. They did it immediately. The cure needed a little hour of waiting to be used. Half of this time was up when the monitors went nuts. The Doctor’s body was giving in. One of his hearts had stopped and the other one was about to do the same. Jack was doing a heart massage while encouraging him to stay with them. Close to him, Rose remained silent, tears rolling down on her cheeks paler than usual.

“Stay, please,” she weakly begged him. “Don’t leave me.”

The monitors suddenly stopped as if Rose’s plea had reached the Doctor in his unconscious and forced him to hold on. His condition was stable again. Jack had a sigh of relief. They still had a bit of time before them before the Doctor let them down. Rose murmured a ‘thank God’ that didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’m not sure He has something to do in the matter.”

“That’s just an idiom, meaningless now.”

“He’s gonna make through it. He’s tough.”

Rose nodded. He maybe was tough but he wasn’t safe from weakness, from the one too many, from the one which could harm him. Jack came closer to her and hugged her to comfort her.

“He’s not infallible, despite what he’s saying.”

“I know, but I’m stubborn. I decided he would survive. So, he will survive.”

He held her tighter against him and kissed her forehead before going back to the surveillance of the cure. Rose didn’t move. She was watching the unconscious body of the Doctor. He hadn’t been far from dying. How much time would he still be able to hold on because she was asking him to? His hands were agitated with nervous tremors. Rose hadn’t dared moving, nor coming close to him. To get busy, she looked at the monitors but didn’t understand anything to the measures they were displaying. She only knew that all those beeps were reassuring because it meant the Doctor was still alive. Not good, but alive. She let herself fall on a chair and hid her face in her hands. She felt exhausted but wouldn’t be able to rest before she knew the cure was working for real, before she knew her Doctor was gonna survive that virus.

Deep in her thoughts, she didn’t see the threat coming. She was brutally lifted from her chair and thrown to the ground. She hiccupped because of the shock and only had time to see her assailant when he caught her by the throat. Her eyes grew big when she recognised him. His face was twisted with rage and his look was more purple than before. He shouldn’t have been able to see her. He shouldn’t even have been able to move. Rose immediately freed herself from him and backed away. He had a growl of rage and walked quickly to her. She found herself cornered in a corner of the room and couldn’t run away from him. He slapped her to punish her and the violence of the slap made her dizzy for a moment, giving her attacker the time to grab her by the throat and to lift her from the ground. Her back as against the wall but her feet weren’t touching the ground anymore.

Her big brown eyes were filled with tears. She stared at the blind eyes of the Doctor, of her Doctor, while she was struggling against his tighter and tighter hold. Then, she remembered. She remembered the patients in the final phase the nurse had shown to them when they had arrived. All of them were tied down to their bed, all of them had a look of raving lunatic. Some had insulted them, threatened them and had tried to reach them. Rose remembered that the Doctor had – in an oblivious move of course – placed her behind him to protect her. Now, it was him in that situation and no one had thought that he could have that behaviour, and certainly not her. Here was where her stupidity had taken her: she was struggling, kicking, punching, scratching while she was running out of air more and more, while her face was becoming blue.

“Doctor…”

The word didn’t come out of her mouth. It was only silently pronounced in an attempt to reach the other Doctor, the true one, the one who only wanted to protect her in the face of all opposition. It didn’t work. Her strengths were failing her and all she was getting by struggling was an outburst of violence. Her head hit the wall. Her hand gripped the Doctor’s arm in a last attempt of freeing herself. She saw Jack running into the room. He immediately reacted when he saw what was happening. He jumped on the Doctor and, with a violent hit of the shoulder, drew him away from Rose. The pressure on her throat disappeared and she let herself fall to the ground, shocked. The Captain didn’t need much time to have the upper hand on the Doctor and knock him out. He dragged him to the bed and tied him down with strong straps.

Only then, the Captain came close to Rose and helped her up. She was crying and her body was uncontrollably trembling. She had been scared for her life and the trust she had in the Doctor had been shaken badly. She jumped to Jack’s neck and let out the sobs stuck in her throat. She was relieved to have such a friend on board. The latter told her that the cure was ready and that he just had to give it to the Doctor to save him from a certain death. She nodded and followed him. She watched him as he filled a plastic pocket with a fluid as purple as the Doctor’s blind eyes and installed a drip for it to be spread into their friend’s blood. When the cure merged with his blood, the Doctor’s body had an uncontrolled spam. That’s all it took for Rose, still shocked, to run away in her room.

×

The cure was working. The TARDIS and Jack had kept doing tests on the Doctor to be sure of it. The symptoms were disappearing little by little but he showed no sign of waking up. Rose hadn’t come back to the infirmary since the incident. She remained cloistered in her room and jumped every time someone was knocking on the door. Several times, Jack had come to comfort her and help her to sleep but nothing could erase the terrible fear she had felt when the Doctor had attacked her. It was hard to know how he could have done such a thing in the condition he was in. It seemed merely impossible. And yet.

One night, while Jack was dozing off in the infirmary, he woke up to loads of swearing and some move. He was on the alert right away and realised that the Doctor was awake and was trying to free himself from the straps. Jack turned on the light and sat down close to the cursing Time Lord. When he saw him, the latter darted his icy blue eyes on his new companion.

“This is one of your stupid ideas I guess?”

He was mad. He didn’t understand why he was tied down in his own home. The memories of his latest actions didn’t exist. Jack watched the Doctor’s behaviour for a long while before talking again.

“No. Security measure.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Glad to have you back, Doc.”

The Doctor suddenly realised that something was wrong. Jack wasn’t smiling and his good mood wasn’t there. He looked tired, but relieved. The Doctor looked around him but didn’t find the person he was looking for.

“Where’s Rose?”

“She’s not coming.”

Jack could see the fear appearing in the Doctor’s eyes while he remembered some bits of what had happened. The very beginning of that story. He remembered eating some chips with Rose, but nothing after that.

“She is…” he started.

“No. She was immune. You’ve told it to her. We just need to have a little talk before I can let you go.”

He didn’t like the obligation but he had no choice so he listened to Jack, cursing himself for saving that damn Captain. As Jack was telling him what had happened, the Doctor had a violent reaction of disgust and hate against himself. He asked to be freed as soon as the tale was over. Jack did as he was told but hesitated to let him go when he saw him stumbling and trying to find his balance. He tried to prevent him from going anywhere, to tell him to wait before overestimating his strengths but the Doctor only shot him a dirty look in which remorse and guilt were showing.

“I need to see her.”

“Let me help you.”

The Doctor didn’t like feeling so weak but he allowed Jack to help him. They both walked to Rose’s bedroom silently. Jack lightly knocked. Rose opened the door and closed it right after when she saw the Doctor.

“I don’t want to see him!” she yelled through the door.

“Told ya,” said the Captain with a sad smile.

“Rose, please.”

“Go away!”

“Wait here. I’ll talk to her.”

The Doctor nodded. Rose allowed Jack to come in and they both talked for ten minutes. Minutes that looked like hours to the Doctor. When Jack came out, he told him that Rose would accept to talk to him only if his hands were tied together and if Jack stayed behind the door to come in if there was any problem. The Doctor didn’t like that. He almost got angry, thinking they were both mocking him, but finally accepted the conditions. He had to talk to Rose. No matter what. So, Jack firmly tied his hands up and the Doctor could enter the room. When he saw what he had done to Rose, he raised his hands but she stepped back and turned her back on him, facing her wardrobe.

“Don’t touch me!” she ordered him.

“I-I don’t remember anything. I don’t know what has happened. Jack told me. The last thing I remember is that we’ve shared chips. Well, I don’t even know if that’s a real memory or just an hallucination. And I woke up in the infirmary, tied down like a prisoner. I don’t remember anything between those two memories.”

“You almost died but Jack saved you,” explained Rose, her voice devoid of emotions. “I was afraid. No, terrified. Terrified to lose you. I stayed with you. I was looking at the monitors. They were telling me that you were alive and that was the only thing that mattered. You…” She swallowed. “You lifted me up from that chair and threw me to the ground. There was so much rage on your face. I was afraid and didn’t know what to do. I tried to run away but you cornered me. You slapped me. And your hand caught my throat. I was struggling. My feet didn’t touch the floor anymore and I couldn’t breathe. If it wasn’t for Jack, you would have killed me.”

“Rose…” he whispered, more frightened by her tone than by the tale he was beginning to feel really guilty of.

“I should have known. I should have remembered sooner. Nothing would have happened if I had remembered the final phase. Maybe I’m not worthy of traveling with you after all.”

Her final words were filled with so much sadness and guilt that the Doctor felt his hearts break. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. Entirely his.

“You’re not anyone. You’re Rose Tyler. You are the bravest, the most intuitive, the smartest and the most compassionate woman this universe can have. You are fantastic and I don’t deserve someone like you in my life after what I’ve done, after what I’ve done to you.”

“But you will never remember. I will.”

He couldn’t answer to that because she was right. He wouldn’t remember, and she would have to live with the memory of him strangling her all of her life. She would have nightmares about it, and he would never remember. His eyes came across the luggage on the ground. He noticed the wardrobe was open. Something broke inside of him and despair filled his hearts and mind.

“You’re leaving.”

“I chose to come back home.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Of course not!” she snapped, finally facing him. Her face was twisted with anger, fear and wet with tears. “No, I don’t wanna leave! I don’t want to go back to my miserable life, in that miserable flat, with my miserable boyfriend! But I just can’t stay here! I just can’t stay here with you wondering when you’ll lay your hands on me again. I just can’t stay here waiting for the day you’ll actually kill me! I can’t live in the fear of you anymore!”

“I didn’t even know what I was doing!”

“Yes! I know! Because that’s how you work! You never know what you’re doing! Funny how you’ve warned me and I didn’t want to believe you.”

“You can’t leave. I won’t let you.”

“You have to. Find another stupid ape.”

“I don’t want another stupid ape! I want you! You’re not leaving!”

He saw the fear in her eyes as he was ordering her to stay, as he was telling her he would force her to stay if she tried to leave, and immediately regretted getting angry at her. She stepped back, shaking, as he was coming closer to her.

“Don’t come near me!” she cried out, half begging.

The door suddenly burst open and Jack came into the room. He walked to the Doctor and forced him to back away from Rose. He was polite, but he was firm. He wouldn’t accept any refusal.

“You’ve heard the lady! Step back!”

“That’s none of your business! Get out of here! If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have saved you.”

“He saved my life. He saved _your_ life! How can you be such a jerk?! My mom had warned me. I should have listened to her.”

“Oh, and now your mom!”

“That’s enough! Get the hell out of here and bring me back home! I never want to see you again!”

Her words were like a truck hitting him. Brutal and sudden. His hearts seemed about to explode. He took a step back as if she had punched him. She was throwing her clothes in the luggage and he just looked at her, unable to do anything, as if someone had disconnected him. His breath was laboured.

“Doctor?” Jack called out.

“…”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure about that?”

“I said I was fine!” he yelled.

But that wasn’t true. He hadn’t fully recovered yet and this argument was wearing him out. Rose’s words were still echoing in his head and the pain they were causing left him breathless. He couldn’t breathe and his hearts were hurting so much. His whole body was shaking. He suddenly felt dizzy and would have fallen if Jack hadn’t caught him before his legs gave way. The Doctor closed his eyes. Everything was spinning around and he didn’t feel good. He listened to Jack who was telling him to calm down and to breathe slowly and deeply.

“I’m taking you back to the infirmary. The TARDIS will keep an eye on you.”

“You were right. I need rest,” he whispered. “But I can’t let her go. I need her.”

“Show him.”

“What?” asked Rose and the Doctor at the same time.

“Time Lords have the ability of reading minds. You can’t stay mad at him for something he didn’t even know he had done. He took you into his mind. Let him take a look at your memories. Let him see what he has done and how you’re feeling.”

“He’s not touching me again,” she declared firmly as Jack untied the Doctor’s hands.

“Show him, Rose. If he tries anything, I’ll knock him out.”

Rose was still angry but the tears had stopped. She stood in front of him. He raised his hand to her face and she turned her head. He swallowed and put his fingers on her temples. She shivered and convinced herself not to get away from him. She allowed him to see the memories of the last few days. Jack didn’t need to knock him out. The memories of what he had done were enough. He let himself fall to the ground, shocked by what he had done. He looked like he was in a catatonic condition. Jack and Rose looked at each other when they saw the big touch guy’s armour be smashed into pieces, when they saw him break down.

He didn’t cry, talk or move. He just stayed there, sat on the ground, looking in the void. His eyes were filled with guilt and fear, with ghosts. Rose instantaneously forgot that she was mad at him, that she hated him. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so broken. Not even after the encounter with the Dalek. She knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even react.

“Doctor?”

“That was a bad idea,” admitted Jack. “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t know I was so important to him.”

“I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than me.”

“We chose each other, Doctor.”

“I’ll never forgive myself.”

He wasn’t talking directly to her as if he had forgotten that she was even here. She carefully took him into her arms. He automatically clung to her as if his life depended on that hug. Usually, Jack would have said some dirty joke but he knew it wasn’t the right time. His friend was vulnerable and Rose was talking to him like a mother would talk to frightened child to calm him down. Something no one would ever forget.

“We’ll talk about it later. We all need some sleep now.”

“I’m taking him back…”

“No. He’s gonna sleep here. Help me.”

“You sure?”

“I can’t leave him alone. And you need sleep.”

Jack nodded and helped Rose to put the Doctor to bed. He didn’t protest, not even when Rose got away from him. Jack said goodnight and went away. The Doctor was almost asleep when Rose tucked him in. He didn’t move when she lay down close to him.

“…”

“I keep the screwdriver, but you can have your jacket back.”

“You had my jacket?” he asked sleepily with a smile.

“A way to keep you close without danger.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“Look in my left pocket. There’s a little box.”

She did as she was told and found the box he was talking about. She had a small cry of surprise when she opened it. There was a golden and thin necklace with two pendants on it: one was the TARDIS, the other was a little planet. Both were golden.

“But when… How…”

She didn’t know what to say. The necklace was beautiful. She’d rather not imagine how much it had cost him. The Doctor never had any money on him. How could he even afford something like that? Why was he showing this to her? She turned her head to watch him. He opened his eyes.

“It was the first anniversary of our meeting a few days ago. I wanted a special gift.”

“That’s so beautiful,” she murmured, stroking the jewel.

“I’ve had it done when you were with your mom. Jack has helped me to find the money. I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.”

“I-I love it.”

She took the necklace in her hands and tried to fasten it around her bruised neck. The Doctor wanted to help her but stopped his move halfway. He couldn’t touch her, not after what he had done to her. She asked for his help though and he carefully closed the clasp. Then, he lay down again and closed his eyes.

“If I could, I would give you the universe, Rose Tyler.”

“You’ve already done that, my Doctor.”

She kissed his forehead and lay down next to him. She took his hand and closed her eyes. She was surprised by the fact she had forgiven him so fast but happy to have him back, though that virus had hurt them both.

“You’re never gonna leave me?”

“Never.”

She held his hand tighter to seal that promise. She would never leave him, and he would never let her go. That was a certain fact. They both fell asleep hand in hand.


	17. Wedding Bells

Today was a particularly important day. However, Maxence needed a few minutes before he could remember why it was so important. He had a huge memory lapse and every time he was trying to remember, he was hitting a big black hole. He rubbed his face to get rid of the last remainders of sleep. It had no effect. He was still in a haze. Plus, he had a terrible headache and his body was incredibly sore. His memories from last night were out of his reach. What had he done to be in such a situation? He sighed, threw his blanket away and sat up on the edge of the bed.

That was a huge mistake. As soon as he was up, the room started to spin and his stomach turned. His first reaction was to run to the toilet to be sick. It was only while he was rinsing his mouth and face that he started to have memories from last night. They were a bit fuzzy but still. It was something. He had gotten drunk, that was for sure. But what for? And why was he naked? He walked back to his bedroom and remarked that everything was upside down. He picked up boxers that were lying around on the floor and pulled it on. What had he done again? If his room was in such a lame state, the rest of the flat probably wasn’t any better. He was messy when he was drunk.

He pulled on sweatpants and went to the kitchen. As he thought, the rest of the flat was as upside down as his bedroom. Pizza boxes, plastic cups and empty bottles of alcohol were covering the ground and the coffee table. It told him one thing: he wasn’t alone last night. He could never have gulped down so much junk food by himself. He must have thrown a party but didn’t remember it. It had happened a lot when he was younger. It was easier to get better after an alcoholic party back then. He had no idea of what was making that day so important but he was sure that he was gonna have a hard time to take the after-party on.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and microwaved it. Maybe it would wake him up a bit. He had to find the motivation to clean his flat and take a shower. He didn’t remember who was there for the party but some help for the cleaning before leaving would have been welcomed. People were okay for the party but not for the cleaning. It was dreadful. Maxence swallowed his coffee slowly while gauging the damages. All that mess would keep him busy for a least a few hours. He swallowed an aspirin with his coffee to get rid of the headache. He waited for some relief and started cleaning.

With a big bin bag, he picked up cups, bottles, cardboard boxes and papers to throw. It was the after-party step the most annoying. At least, that time, he didn’t find any used condom. It had happened once after a party at a brotherhood. Adults obviously had better manners. _Or not_ , Maxence thought while picking up a pair of handcuffs covered with fur. A stripper had come around. He didn’t remember calling one. He had to learn to control his alcohol consumption. It didn’t do him any good. Moreover, he was frustrated not to be able to remember what he had to do today.

When he was done talking around and picking up what needed to, he closed the bin bag, opened the kitchen’s window and threw it in the outside bin three floors below. Then, he vacuumed and washed the floor of the flat. He ventilated and finished his cleaning. When he came in the bathroom, he saw the cover containing his suit hung on the shower booth’s door and remembered the so important thing: Rose’s wedding. Subsequently, new, and still fuzzy, memories from last night washed over his mind. It had been a stag party. That was what they had celebrated by means of excesses.

Maxence suddenly felt torn apart deep inside. He had tried to forget her for so long but she was always coming back to haunt him. Why had she felt the need of inviting him to her wedding? He had come home one day and had found the announcement into his letter box. In a fit of rage, he had taken it to pieces. He had always been impulsive but never violent. He cursed himself for accepting the invitation. He hadn’t planned of going but she had had to come there and ask him personally. He definitely couldn’t say no to her and that was terribly wrong. That girl was making him go crazy.

It wasn’t new. She had made him go crazy since their meeting. His car had collided with hers on a parking lot and had had to make out a report. First, she had called him every name under the sun before she accepted to make it out. He had found it pretty funny. That chit of a girl was insulting and threatening him while he could easily bring her down a peg or two in a few seconds. He had preferred laughing about it than getting angry, which, of course, had infuriated Rose. He had thought she was gonna slap him but she hadn’t and had filled the report. Before leaving, she had promised him that he wouldn’t get away with it so easily. He would hear talk of her.

They had met again a couple days later. She had sat down on a stool in the pub he was working in and had ordered a drink. She hadn’t expected him to pour it to her. She had cursed him again and had thrown the drink in his face. She didn’t know him and yet, she hated him. Once again, he had found it very funny. The fact that he was so calm face to her anger was making her angrier than what was reasonable and Maxence was surprised that she hadn’t hit him yet. He would have loved to see her try, just to see if she was capable of it. Instead, she completely ignored him while he kept smiling.

Although she knew he was working in that pub, she had come back several times. He had become her way to let off steam. Once, she had come looking completely beaten and he had managed to cheer her up. She had stayed until the closing time because he had taken her keys. He had accepted to take her back home when he would be done cleaning and doing a stocktake. It hadn’t gone that way. Giving in to a sudden impulse, she had jumped on him. He hadn’t resisted and had let her do. They had finished the night in the storehouse having wild and uncontrolled sex. It had happened several times after that. They both were filled with a rage they preferred lash out with violent beats instead of letting it burn them. Their meetings were always animated, wild and uncontrollable. Nothing seemed to be able to calm them down except themselves but it was to fear that that rage that was leading them would end up burning them. It had occurred. Maxence had let it burn him. He had thought there was something going on with her but it looked like she wasn’t thinking the same. Two years ago, she had told him that she had met a good guy. She had never wanted to get engaged before Ianto.

After that talk, Maxence had turned the whole storehouse upside down. That had led him to jail. The second time, it had been the hospital. The incidents had continued for weeks and he had been forced to see a specialist to deal with his anger. She had steered him to boxing and kick-boxing lessons. He had laughed in her face when she had told him so but he had to admit that it had done him a lot of good. He had been able to take his life in hand again thanks to his best friend and mentor, Jack Harkness. He had never trained so much than after he received the announcement.

And it was happening all over again. He couldn’t do that, not today. That day was special for her. He couldn’t ruin it. She would never forgive him if she did and he wouldn’t be able to deal with the idea of her being angry with him. He had to control himself. So, he clenched and unclenched his fists while breathing deeply. When he was more or less calm, he took his shower, hoping it would finish to soothe him. It didn’t. His rage was still burning through his veins. He got dressed slowly with steady movements. It was the key of control. A control that was running away from him with every piece of clothes he was pulling on.

His rage was inflating in him like a bubble of chewing-gum. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was half-dressed and drops of water were running on his bare chest. Chest that was rising to the rhythm of his jolting breathing. He was losing his self-control. His fingers were tensing on the edge of the sink. He hated himself when he was like that. He was capable of an incredible violence when such a rage was burning in him. It had never really been the case before, and it certainly wasn’t the right day for a first time. He hated the reflection the mirror was giving him. With no second thought, he punched it. The mirror was smashed to pieces, shattering the reflection of the wild man he was.

The pain took over the adrenalin. The mirror was in pieces and his hand was bleeding. He didn’t care. He even enjoyed the sight of the blood flowing in the sink. It was his rage slowly going away. Now, his reflection was exactly like the man he was: shattered into pieces and red with anger. Could he still go to that stupid ceremony now? Could he break his promise? He didn’t like those two ideas. He knew that it would drive him crazy to see her arm in arm with another man. He still couldn’t accept it.

Repeated knocks on the door made themselves heard. Maxence snapped back to reality and ran his hand through cold water. Then, he wrapped it in a damp towel and walked to the front door. His visitor was growing impatient. Maxence unlocked the door and half-opened it. There was Jack, his mentor, on the doorstep. He had also pulled on his suit and looked terribly uncomfortable in it. Maxence almost smiled at the sight. Almost. Instead, he let him in and closed the door. Jack was pretty angry to have waited so long and was about to say something rude to Maxence he noticed his hand.

“Again?” he exclaimed.

As an answer, Maxence shrugged. It still hurt but it didn’t matter as long as he wasn’t feeling rage or that other pain more unbearable. Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed the first aid kit. Maxence let himself fall on a kitchen’s chair and waited. Jack had fixed him so many times that they couldn’t count them anymore. That one was just the same. When his hand was cleaned and stitched and wrapped in a bandage, the mentor forced him to finish dressing and to talk before even thinking about going outside.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You know, you can still tell her.”

“I won’t ruin her day.”

“That guy isn’t the right one for her. He doesn’t understand her like you do.”

“Who knows?”

“Oh, come on! You’re both filled with that destroying rage. You’re completing each other.”

“That’s not what she thinks.”

“Want my opinion? She’ll end up destroying him and you, you’ll be destroying yourself in your corner because you will have been too stupid to tell her how you feel.”

“Thank you for your so useless honesty.”

“Think what you want.”

The talk stopped there. The two friends left the flat and got into the car. The journey to the chapel was silent. Maxence was watching the landscape through the window, sullen, and Jack didn’t dare bothering him in his deep thoughts. Maxence was pretty unstable today. It was useless to add more pressure on his shoulders. His self-control would be tested enough in the hours to come. It was already hard to tell if he would be able to stay calm all along the ceremony. According to his hand, Jack wouldn’t bet on it. An incident could happen so quickly. Something that was promising to be interesting.

While Jack was speculating upon the good proceedings of the ceremony, Maxence was gathering the bits of his will not to give in to the rage still burning in him. He was keeping it deep inside him and promised himself not to do any scandal. He could do it. He just had to take deep breaths and to stay focused on his calm side. He just had to be there. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t fully following the ceremony. They better not ask him to do more. Thankfully, Jack was with him.

His hangover was still there. His headache too. He was in a lame condition. It was to wonder how he could stand on his feet. And yet! When Jack parked the car on the parking lot, Maxence managed to get out of it and to take a few steps. He was dazzled by the sun, which didn’t help with his headache. There was already people patiently waiting in front of the chapel, happily talking. Maxence frowned. He could go unnoticed but those people were making too much noise for his poor brain. What a brilliant idea to get drunk before a wedding!

Before he could do any damage, Jack led him in the chapel where a few people already were waiting. They both sat down on a bench in the middle to be not too far, but not too close either. If it had only been Maxence’s choice, he would have sat in the back. Or even better, they wouldn’t have come. If it had been so simple! While Jack was observing the surroundings, Maxence frowned even more and lost himself in his thoughts. With his headache, a little nap would be welcomed. It would be funny if he started snoring during the ceremony. Well, funny. She would kill him if he did.

Soon after, the ceremony started. Maxence almost fainted when he saw Rose coming down the alley in her white dress. Even more when she gave him a thankful smile. She was happy to see him there. Him, he hated himself. He hated the penguin prancing about as he watched Rose. He was smiling and crying. It was the first time Maxence ever saw him – in his memories at least – and he hated him. The guy was too plain, too cute, too emotional. He was too perfect. And Maxence was far from being perfect. His rage came back, stronger than ever, and he clenched his fists to the point of digging his nails in his palms to calm himself while Jack was murmuring to him to breathe calmly.

All along the ceremony, he focused on his breathing. It was kind of a meditation. He was only lending a distracted ear to the priest talking. When he was in full control, he managed to doze off. He fell asleep though he didn’t want to. At least, he was calm. Unfortunately, his sleep was bothered by the wedding whose images came into his dream. What a lame friend he was! His jealousy was eating him up and he was sleeping during her wedding. Moreover, he was grumpy because he was dreaming about reality. At least, he had the power of changing everything in the dream. Well, only if he wanted to.

So, he saw himself sat on that same bench, next to Jack, watching a ceremony that was tearing him apart. He looked at the little chit of a girl standing close to the altar. She was smiling from ear to ear and seemed moved. Maxence had never seen her so calm, so relaxed. Was it from the dream or because of her wedding? Was she hiding her rage? How was she doing? Maxence couldn’t take his eyes off of that so beautiful woman. He regretted that she wasn’t his. He would have fulfilled her much better than that guy she was getting married to.

“If any person here can show just and sufficient reason why these two persons may not be joined together in matrimony, let them declare their reasons now or, from this time forward, keep their peace.”

Maxence looked up at the priest and watched him as he was sounding the audience out. He thought that his look stopped on him. Was it just an impression or was he staring at him? Was his subconscious playing tricks on him? Or was it trying to deliver him a message? Could he _really_ react and ruin everything? Could he turn his nightmare into a pleasant dream? Suddenly, it’s Rose’s brown eyes that met his blue ones. She seemed like she was begging him. Probably not to do anything wrong. However, when the priest was about to talk again, Maxence chose to follow his heart instead of his reason and stood up.

“Me. I’m opposed to that wedding.”

Everyone looked at him and murmurs streamed through the rows. He felt embarrassed but didn’t take his words back. On the contrary, he kept his cool and took a few steps, looking at Rose straight in the eyes. She didn’t break the eye contact. Her look was impenetrable. What did she think of that twist in the current situation? Next to her, the future ex-husband was as surprised as mad. Would he stop Maxence from going through with his admission? Murmurs were still spreading through the rows though the priest kept asking everyone to keep quiet. Maxence stopped a few steps away from Rose, still staring at her. When she opened her mouth, everyone shut up.

“Maxence,” she sighed.

“I won’t go back on my decision. I’m opposed to that wedding. The reason is very simple: this guy isn’t the right one for you,” he said, pointing a finger on his rival. “He doesn’t understand you and never will. He doesn’t understand that rage that fills you and pushes you to snap at your surroundings and destroy everything around you. He doesn’t understand this anger continuously burning in your veins. He doesn’t understand your need of liberty and violence, that need of yelling against the world. He will never understand all of this like I do. When we had that accident, I felt it. I felt you were just like me. And I know you’ve felt it too. That is why you’ve cursed me as much as you’ve loved me. Because yes, you did love me, and I’m ready to bet that you still do. We both have that destructive passion that got bigger when our cars collided. I say it all over again: this guy isn’t the right one for you. There’s still that flame burning in me but it’s only anger now. You were the only one to have made it burn with something else. We are two broken people, two puzzles impossible to complete. You know it, we were missing a piece for the puzzle to be complete, and that piece, that’s our meeting, that’s us together. We’ll always be incomplete without that piece and that will destroy us. I hope you’ll realise it someday.”

Maxence stopped talking, breathless, his heart rate off the charts. Everyone was looking at him and a huge silence followed his admission. Then, because of some people’s distorted faces, he understood that it wasn’t a dream. He had thought he had fallen asleep but he hadn’t. There was no dream, nor nightmare. Only reality. When he realised it, he felt his heart drop in his chest. He had done all the contrary of what he had promised himself. He had ruined the wedding of the woman he loved. He had given in to his impulses. Some people got up to applause him but, to avoid the others’ looks, he turned around and ran away.

×

A few hours had passed by when Rose pushed the _Ticking Bar_ ’s door. It was still closed at that moment of the day but she knew how to come in when it wasn’t open. She had always known it from the time she used to come all the time. In the meanwhile, she had changed clothes and pulled a more comfortable outfit. She wasn’t angry. She was even pretty calm for a hot-blooded woman. She was walking with quiet and measured steps to the counter of the pub. It was always strange to see the room so empty. It was giving some charm to that chic place. It made it peaceful. Somewhere everything was possible.

Maxence was standing behind the counter. He was busy drying off glasses and lining them on the shelves behind him. He had also taken the time to change clothes. He had pulled on a black shirt and black jeans that suited him perfectly. It was his work outfit. Rose stopped for a while. She had always loved watching him work. He was focused and careful. His work was probably the only thing he hadn’t screwed up in his life. It had partly helped him to control his rage. He had already been fired because he had turned the storehouse upside down and caused particularly expensive damage but the boss had offered him a deal when he had seen his efforts to control himself.

Maxence loved his work. That was one of the rare things he was really fighting for in order not to lose it. He couldn’t let his chance go away once again. Even if his life was scattered, he would cling to his job. It was a quality Rose admired about him. She had never been able to keep a job. She blew a fuse too quickly. She didn’t have the patience Maxence had. She had never understood how he could stay so calm on the outside when he was boiling on the inside. She had hated him for that. It had changed when she had started to know him better.

And there she was, coming back to him after she had cursed and hated him so much. There was some kind of attraction between them. They had both felt it. Maxence had talked about puzzle pieces and he had been right. She had never really felt complete except when she was with him. Together, they reached the perfect balance. They were completing each other like the Ying and the Yang and preventing the overflowing of their own characters. An overflowing, that was precisely what had happened earlier in the day. Sometimes, the cap of the bottle flew and freed the flow of the outpouring. It was for worse. Or for better.

Rose snapped back to reality and walked to the counter. She sat down on a stool and waited. Maxence continued his routine. When he was done with the glasses, he checked the bottles and went to the storehouse to renew the stock. He was openly ignoring her. It was creating a tension perceptible in the air. The calm before the storm. Who would explode before the other? The diligence Maxence was using while placing the bottles on the shelves meant he was controlling himself. They were playing a dangerous game and they were aware of it. As soon as all the bottles were on the shelves, Maxence grabbed one from under the counter and filled a glass. He made it slide to Rose.

“It’s a bit early for that, don’t you think?” she said in response to the offer.

“Not really.”

He was still avoiding her look and preferred cleaning the counter than facing her. His previous bravery had disappeared into thin air and he was back to the sullen being he had been for a while.

“You’ll be the one in need of a drink.”

“I’m working tonight.”

“Never bothered you before.”

“I like having control on what I do.”

“Like you had it earlier?”

Rose felt him freeze. He gave up his task, threw the tea towel on his shoulder and faced her. He put his hands on the counter and looked at her in the eyes.

“I admit that I climbed down a bit too much.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“But I won’t take any word back.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

There was a little moment of silence. Maxence was surprised by the calm Rose was showing. She was too calm and hadn’t touched her drink. She was only tapping a distracted rhythm on the counter with the tip of her fingers.

“I’m not sure to understand. I’ve just ruined the best day of your life. I was expecting you to come and find me but I didn’t think you would be so calm.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. You’ve played the part you were given perfectly.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sit down. And have a drink.”

“No,” retorted Maxence, getting angry. “I want answers and I want them now!”

Rose sighed and drank the glass in one-shot. She had to tell him the truth and she would have preferred doing it around a drink so he would stay calm. It wasn’t gonna be easy but they had played cat and mouse for too long. It was about time to stop it.

“I wasn’t gonna marry Ianto. It was a frame-up.”

“…”

“It was a fake wedding. We did it only for you to react.”

“We?”

“Jack and I.”

“This just keeps getting better!”

“Most of the people were actors. That’s why they’ve applauded after your admission.”

“And Ianto?”

“Openly gay. Also an actor.”

“Good actor.”

“Maxence, I was trying to make you understand but you’ve never been receptive. It was as it you were refusing to see how I was feeling, what I’m still feeling. I couldn’t go on that way anymore.”

“So, you got away from me.”

Now, his fists were clenched and all his muscles were tensed. He was struggling not to give in to his rage. He was trembling because of it. Suddenly, he turned his back on Rose and walked away from her. She had played with him long enough. He was fed up with it all. He had been humiliated in front of a crowd of actors. They had forced him to confess his feelings during a monstrous masquerade. He was really mad and Rose understood it. Maxence felt her following him while he was walking to the storehouse. He stopped when she talked to him.

“Say something, Maxence.”

“…”

“Please.”

“And what am I supposed to say?” he exploded, facing her. “There’s nothing to say anymore. I already said it all and all you’ve done was mocking me! Did you feel clever creating this whole masquerade? You had what you wanted? There’s nothing to say anymore, Rose!”

“Calm down, please.”

“Calming myself down? You should have thought about it before doing something so stupid!”

His rage was only increasing. He ended up punching the wall with his wounded hand. It made him yell even more; from pain as much as anger. He was becoming a danger from himself and for the others but Rose didn’t step back. She preferred observing him. In that state of uncontrolled rage, she found him handsome. He was wild and dangerous. She only loved him more. So, she threw herself in Maxence’s personal struggle and brutally kissed him. He fought a few seconds before he gave in to the ardour of the kiss. When they broke it, they were both breathless. Rose cupped Maxence’s cheeks.

“Show me, Maxence. I need you to show me.”

Far from having the reaction she was expecting from him, Maxence took her hand and led her to the stage facing the angle of the counter. He made her sit down on a stool, pulled out a lighter and lighted the candle on the piano. He sat down in front of the keyboard then, staring at Rose, he started playing. He had practised a lot for that moment. He wondered if he was dreaming or not. The strength of his emotions proved him he was wide awake.

“A faire pâlir tous les Marquis de Sade, à faire trembler les putains de la rade, à faire crier grâce à tous les échos, à faire trembler les murs de Jéricho, je vais t’aimer. A faire flamber les enfers dans tes yeux, à faire jurer tous les tonnerres de Dieu, à faire dresser tes seins et tous les Saints, à faire prier et supplier nos mains, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer comme j’aurais tellement aimé être aimé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. A faire vieillir, à faire blanchir la nuit, à faire brûler la lumière jusqu’au jour, à la passion et jusqu’à la folie, je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer d’amour. A faire fermer, à faire cerner nos yeux, à faire souffrir à faire mourir nos corps, à faire voler nos âmes aux septièmes cieux, à se croire mort et faire l’amour encore, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer comme j’aurais tellement aimé être aimé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer.”

Lots of emotions went through Rose’s eyes while she listened to him singing. He had learned a French song just for her. She hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t expected him to sing a love song to her in the most romantic language to tell her once again how much he loved her either. She would never have thought that she would love a man like she loved him. She loved him so much it was painful. She wouldn’t be able to be separated from him one more minute.

“It’s the most beautiful declaration of love someone has ever done to me.”

“I’m so relieved you liked it.”

“You’re the one that I want. Now and forever.”

After that statement, she threw herself on him once again to kiss him fiercely. Their flames burned with more intensity than ever that night. The puzzle was finally complete. They were together for better and for worse in the end.


	18. Who's gonna save the world tonight?

The Doctor was running faster than he had ever run. Usually, people were looking at him as if he was crazy for running so fast when there was no reason to. But not today. Today, they were running too. They still could have thought that he was crazy, that he shouldn’t go this way, but he wouldn’t care and wouldn’t even stop running that way even if they tried to stop him. Once again. The human world had done crazy once again, and they were all running away from that craziness, from the yells, the shootings, the slaughter while the Doctor was running straight into it. Everyone was bumping into everyone. People were falling and were getting trampled before they could get up and run again. Run away from the madness that world seemed to have sunk into.

The Doctor had always thought that humans were kinda stupid for thinking they would get killed by something as insignificant as eggs, beef or global warming, when they would conquer space and expand their race all over the universe. He knew they had a profound taste for war – their History was full of them – but that war? The Doctor hadn’t seen that coming. He hadn’t seen the humans falling into the madness of Gods that probably didn’t even exist. He didn’t believe in any of them – didn’t even believe in himself, why would he believe in someone else? – and couldn’t understand that rage that was animating those people killing their own kind because they thought one God was better than another one. It was the will of being better, of being stronger, he thought. The will of winning, the will of expanding their faith. All of this, the way they used to expand their countries a very long time ago.

However, it wasn’t as easy as it had been. With time passing by, there was less and less believers and more and more sceptical people. It was caused by the evolution. Religion still had an important spot in humans’ life because it had played a huge part in their History. And once again, it was one of the biggest deal. The Doctor didn’t care much about those questions of religion though. If he was running tonight, it wasn’t to run away from the danger – he never did such a thing – nor to help all those people to get to a safe place quickly. He wasn’t even running to the TARDIS. He was running straight into danger for someone really special to his hearts. Rose. Rose Tyler, his lovely companion was in the middle of that mess and he couldn’t bear that single thought.

He had brought Rose back on Earth earlier for her to spend some time with her family and friends. After the whole one year disappearance incident, he had owed that one to Jackie. So, they had found some time in their adventures for that special day. The Doctor regretted it now and was blaming himself for not checking the timelines properly. The humans were so indecisive. Something was gonna happen but he hadn’t seen – hadn’t cared either – what it was and where it was. But Rose was part of that equation now and she shouldn’t have. If only he was listening to his instincts, he would keep her safe in the TARDIS and never let anyone come around her. But he could never allow himself to do something like that. He couldn’t think of Rose as his. She wasn’t and would never be his. What would she do with a broken daft old man like him? She deserved much better.

Nevertheless, there he was, running back to her like a lost puppy, running in the midst of a warzone that reminded him too much of the Time War to save her from Hell. The attack had happened around Borough Market and the London Bridge. Exactly where she was supposed to be tonight. He had tried to call her but she never answered. So, he had called Jackie and urged her into telling him if Rose had come home with her. Which she hadn’t of course. He had left Jackie with her questions – she would get answers by turning the damn telly on – and started running to the attack’s location. He needed to find Rose, to make sure she was safe, and to bring her home, to _their_ home where he would never let anything happen to her.

He tricked everyone to get past the police and emergency services already on place. He didn’t give them any time to ask him questions. He just ran in the direction his instinct was telling him to: the bridge. He had the feeling he would find Rose there. He avoided all the people running in the opposite way. There were shouts all around. People were scared. People were dying. He forced himself to close his mind to the memories of his own kind’s screams and agony. He hadn’t been able to save them but he could save Rose. Shots were fired and the silence – the so deafening silence – fell on the town. The Doctor ran even faster. He was finally on the bridge. He looked around him, tried to locate the blonde girl he was looking for. He didn’t dare looking at the dead people. His hearts were breaking just at the thought. She couldn’t be dead. He would rewrite it all for her to live if that ever occurred.

Finally, he saw her. His feet followed the direction of his eyes but his mind disconnected itself and his hearts stopped beating. Rose was knelt down in the middle of the road and she was hugging and rocking someone’s body. A friend of hers. The bastards had crossed the line, and rage burnt through the Doctor’s veins. He had enough. Enough of those wars. Enough of the innocent people dying. Enough of the reminders that he was a coward who had killed millions of people. Enough of the screams in his mind and blood on his hands. He looked at the slaughter around him for the first time but all he could see was the fall of Gallifrey. His knees hit the road suddenly but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the massive disaster around him. He didn’t even feel Rose’s hand grabbing his until she was wrapped around him and crying in his neck.

“Doctor…” she could only murmured, her voice knotted with tears and despair.

It tore him away from the sight of horror that were his own memories and anchored him back to the cruel reality. He gasped. How could the world have gone so nuts? He focused on the blonde girl clinging to him as if he was the only thing that could keep her from falling into the dark madness surrounding them. She was only twenty years old. She was still innocent and pure. She didn’t deserve to be confronted with so much violence and destruction. He should have been there. He should have checked the timeline to see if there was a risk. But he hadn’t, and now she was crying into the wool of his dark jumper. She pronounced his name once again and his bubble of self-hatred popped. He realised he was holding his breath and let out a long exhalation.

“Are you alright?” he suddenly asked, his voice croaked because of the strong emotions strangling him.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently detached her from him to look at her closely. Her hair was falling on her face hiding it from his view. He pushed the blonde tangled hair away, tucking the strands behind her ears. Her face was wet with tears and her mascara had flowed on her cheeks, leaving dark trails on her pale skin. He scanned the rest of her body and felt his heart sink in his chest when he saw the blood on her clothes and all over her arms. She didn’t seem hurt. Was that blood hers or… He looked at the body on the ground and swallowed hard. Olivia. Rose’s best friend.

“’S not mine,” Rose replied weakly. “Please, Doctor. Please, save her.”

Her voice broke and his hearts sank in his chest again. He made sure she wasn’t hurt and knelt down close to Liv. He quickly found the bleeding wound on her side. The bullet had ripped the skin and burnt it. The guy had been close. The anger boiled in his veins as he looked for an exit point. He was relieved to find one. The bullet was out and Liv was still alive. Very weak because she had lost a lot of blood but she was holding on.

“I’m sorry, Olivia. I’m gonna have to do something really painful for you to hold on until we get to the TARDIS.”

“What…” started Rose.

“I’m gonna need your help, Rose.”

“What can I do?”

Despite her current situation, Rose was ready to do anything to help. She was loyal to her personality. That was something the Doctor loved about her but he had no time to stop on that detail right now. They had something more urgent to do. Liv was going weaker with every minute passing. They had no time to waste.

“I have to cauterise the wound to stop the blood loss. It’s gonna hurt a lot. I need you to hold her tight.”

Rose’s eyes grew big at the Doctor’s plan but she nodded anyway. Anything to save her friend. She trusted the Doctor and knew he would do his best to save Olivia’s life. She knelt down on the road and wiped away her tears. The Doctor grabbed the gun laying close to him – probably given up by one of the attackers – and pulled out one of the bullets. He tried not to think about the death machine and what it reminded him. He found a flask of strong alcohol in one of his bigger on the inside pockets along with a lighter, some tissues and duct tape. He looked at Rose. She understood that it was time to hold Olivia tight. She used all her weight to do so as the Doctor poured the alcohol on the wound. Liv started brutally and squirmed to get away from them. But she didn’t scream.

The worse was still to come though. The Doctor took the bullet to pieces and gathered the gunpowder. Rose knew immediately what he had in mind and held Liv down tighter as he placed the powder on the wounds and quickly burnt it with the lighter. That time, Liv yelled from the pain and struggled harder but Rose was holding her too tight. She begged for them to stop that pain, that so unbearable pain. Rose’s cheeks were wet with tears again and that’s a sight the Doctor never wanted to see again. He placed the tissues on the freshly cauterised wounds and fixed it with the duct tape. Olivia was crying too now and he apologised for making her go through that. When he was done, he slightly influenced her mind for her to drift into a dreamless sleep. It would be easier for her.

“Let’s get to the TARDIS now.”

Rose nodded silently as the Doctor stood up and loaded Rose’s body on his shoulders. He slipped the gun in the belt of his jeans and helped Rose up. If he hadn’t been busy carrying Liv, he would have taken Rose’s hand to run away like they always did whenever they had to run away from a dangerous situation. They ran anyway. They ran away from Hell as quickly as they could to reach the perfect safety of the blue box. But the Doctor’s running was always fraught with pitfalls. While they were leaving the crime scene, they found themselves stuck in a dead end with a man pointing a gun at Rose. Most likely the man the police was still looking for. He yelled something at them, threatening them to fire, but the Doctor was quicker. Before the man could have the time to press the trigger, the Time Lord grabbed the gun at his belt and shot. Straight into the head. Another murder on his already long list.

He didn’t think about it though. His only thought had been to keep Rose and Liv safe and that’s what he did. After that incident, he started running again with Rose alongside him and they didn’t stop until they reached the TARDIS. Rose closed the doors behind them while the Doctor lay Liv down on a bed in the infirmary. He threw the gun away and took off his jacket. He put it down on a chair and started taking care of Liv. He would do a better job with everything he had there and his knowledge. And with the TARDIS’ help, he couldn’t be wrong.

When Rose joined him in the infirmary a few hours later, he was sitting on a chair close to Liv’s bed. The young woman was still asleep and it was clear that she was doing better though she still looked pale. She was now wearing a shirt too big for her and had a drip in her arm. The Doctor had cleaned the blood she had on her after her wounds were well taken care of and he was now watching over her. He looked up at Rose when he heard her. She had just taken a long and warm shower after hours on the phone with her mother to tell her and Mickey that she was alright. But she hadn’t slept yet. She was still too shaken.

“She’s in the clear.”

Rose’s relief was suddenly written all over her face. She nodded to thank him and walked to the bed. She took her friend’s hand in hers and stroked it gently. She placed a kiss on Liv’s forehead and the Doctor looked away for them to have a bit of privacy. Now his mind was free from the urgent missions he had, his thoughts were drifting back to the slaughter, to Gallifrey, to the blood on his hands. He had scrubbed his skin so hard it was now red and painful. But he felt like there still was blood, that they were still dirty. He had killed again. Without any second thought. He had just shot that guy in the head. To protect Rose. To keep his word to Jackie.

He hadn’t realised he was trembling until his hands were caught into Rose’s gentle ones. He refused to look at her but accepted the silent comfort she was giving him. But did he deserve that comfort?

“Thank you. For coming.”

He could hear the tears in her voice and the quiet sniffle that followed. She hadn’t called him. He had come on his own as soon as he learned for the attack and he had added one victim on the list. On _his_ list. Rose knew a part of his story and assumed that what had happened earlier was making him feel really bad. His guilt was torturing him, more than ever.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head. No, he really didn’t want to talk about it. What could he say? That he had suddenly been thrown back into a war which had destroyed his whole race and planet? That it had turned him into a cold-hearted murderer? That he often wanted to end his life? Now more than ever, he wanted to end it all so the screams would stop, so the guilt would disappear. He wanted to find peace. But did he deserve peace after what he had done? After taking the life of another man?

“What you’ve seen earlier…” started Rose. “It wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for that attack.”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“And then, what?”

“I would have kept you safe, away from that slaughter.”

“That wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

“Liv wouldn’t be hurt. You wouldn’t have to live with those terrible memories.”

Rose’s hands stopped stroking his, only to catch his chin and force him to look at her. She wasn’t surprised to see the guilt and self-hatred swirling in his blue eyes. She was just surprised to see how powerful those feelings were. He never showed anything usually. She had learnt how to see it through his body language. But now, it was so clear. Crystal clear. She could even see the surprise when she cupped his cheek with her warm hand.

“It wouldn’t have changed much. You know how stubborn I am. How stubborn my mom is. We would have gone. No matter what.”

“No. I know you wouldn’t.”

“Maybe you’re right. But it still isn’t your fault.”

“I killed a man.”

He looked away. He couldn’t look at her in the eyes after those words. Admitting it out loud was worse. It made it real. Before, he could have thought that it was just a bad dream, like the ones he always had about the war, that it was his subconscious telling him how badly he wanted to protect the precious blonde. The so precious Rose Tyler. Now that she knew his soul was so dark he could kill a man without an hesitation, she would run away from him, right? She would be afraid of what he could and couldn’t do, afraid of him hurting her. But he would never do that. He could never bring himself to hurt her no matter the situation. But it was too late to tell her that, to convince her of that now.

He grabbed her hand gently and pushed it away. If she had to go, he wouldn’t ask her to stay. And it would be easier to watch her leave if he didn’t feel her so gentle and soft hands trying to comfort him. He would rather suffer on his own than getting her compassion and apologies. She could go now. He would bring Liv back to her flat. He would travel alone again. Like he had done just after the war.

“Doctor,” she murmured, and her voice showed no sign of fear, “if you hadn’t done it, I would be dead. We all would be dead. This guy…” She swallowed a knot of tears. “This guy shot my best friend right in front of my eyes. I was terrified he would do the same to me because his eyes were so full of hate and thirsty for blood. But I couldn’t leave Olive to die there. You’ve taught me better than that. All I could think of while I was begging her to stay with me, while I was trying to stop the blood was that I couldn’t die. For her. For mum. For you. You all… You only have me.”

She stopped for a moment and swallowed another lump of tears. Thinking about it all was reminding her of how terrified and powerless she had been. All those people had died and she was still alive. Thanks to the Doctor. She quickly glanced at Liv but she hadn’t moved and wasn’t awake yet. So Rose looked back at the Doctor. She took his hands in hers again. She wouldn’t let him push her away. He needed her and she needed him.

“When you’ve told me about your people and planet, I’ve told you that I was there for you. I meant those words. I accept the whole of you and I’m never gonna leave you. Now, look at me, Doctor, and tell me if you want me to leave. If that’s your choice, I’ll leave, but if you don’t want me to, I’ll stay. It’s up to you.”

She had completely caught him off-guard. He had expected everything but that. He slowly looked up at her. He was almost shy, hesitant. But he looked at her. She was honest. There was no lie in her eyes. She meant everything she was telling him.

“So, you’re not afraid of me?”

“’f course not! I don’t even think you’re impressive.”

“But I am impressive!”

“If you think so.”

She shrugged lightly and his lips twitched. It had been one of the first conversations they had on board. She did find him impressive now but she couldn’t have helped the reference. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips and that’s what she wanted. She knew she wouldn’t get anything better than that and she couldn’t smile herself in the present situation.

“So, I’m stuck with you?”

“Until you decide you don’t want me anymore. And even then, it’s gonna be hard to get rid of me.”

“It would be hard to find someone as good as you. Like I’ve said, I only take the best.”

Rose smiled softly and kissed his cheek to thank him for those words of kindness. He was often rude but never meant it while he was always honest when he was saying something nice to her. A detail that told her he really liked her inside down. Maybe more. But that was probably just what she wanted to see. Only wishful thinking.

She noticed that she still had his hands in hers. He hadn’t pushed her away that time, but he was still trembling and his eyes had gone back to the gun that was haunting his thoughts since he remembered pressing the trigger. He couldn’t take it off his mind. No matter what she would say. So, she just hugged him. He gasped in surprise but didn’t push her away. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, accepting the comfort she was giving him. When she broke the hug, he remarked how exhausted she looked.

“You should get some sleep.”

She bit her bottom lip nervously and he cursed himself for being an idiot. Of course, she wouldn’t want to sleep. She was too worried for Olivia and too shocked by what had happened to even think about sleeping. Even months after he still had nightmares of the war. How many nights had he stayed up because he was afraid of sleeping and facing his demons?

“I don’t think I can.”

That was something he could definitely understand. He wasn’t sure to be able to sleep either tonight. Not that he needed it anyway.

“Not alone, at least.”

What could that mean? The Doctor suddenly felt paralysed. She wasn’t asking him to sleep with her, right? He had to watch over Olivia and… and… No, she really couldn’t be asking him such a thing. They were close friends, but not that close.

“When I have that kind of nights where I can’t sleep because… ‘cause my demons await in the dark, Liv comes and sleeps with me. She holds me and comforts me when I have nightmares… But she can’t tonight. So, I can’t sleep. Not without her.”

And Liv wasn’t available right now. She wouldn’t wake up before a few hours thanks to the Doctor influencing her mind. Her sleep was dreamless and painless so she would get the rest she needed to get better.

“Do you want me to soothe your mind so you can sleep better? I did it with Liv.”

“I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight.”

“Do you want me to take you to your mother?”

Rose sighed. The Doctor was sometimes being a real idiot. He sure didn’t do domestics – he had warned her about it on day one – but he was sometimes more flexible with her. She really hoped that he would be more flexible tonight. But the Doctor was a man and just like every man, he was a bit slow to understand what she wanted from him.

“What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“You… You want me to sleep with you?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I don’t need you to sleep. I… Forget it. I’ll be alright.”

The Doctor looked at her, puzzled. She let go of his hands and started leaving the infirmary. He watched her as she softly kissed Liv’s head before walking to the door. His brain was completely stuck. Rose, his Rose, just asked him for help and he was too stupid to understand it. She looked so lost and vulnerable. Just like when he had taken her in the past to see her dad. But today, it was different. She had been a target in the middle of others. They didn’t know her name, her story and they were ready to kill her for some ideology. She had been so close to die in a war that wasn’t hers. No one could get out of that unscathed.

Before he realised he had taken a decision, he was up and walking to Rose. He caught her hand to stop her from leaving the room. Her hazel eyes sank into his icy blue ones and he could see some relief sparkling at the fact he had understood what she needed. He wrapped his arms around her. She was so small, so fragile right now and she needed someone to hold her before she fell to pieces.

“There’s a sofa bed in my office over here,” he said softly, pointing to the open door on his right. “We can go and lie down there to stay around in case Olivia wakes up.”

“You’ll hold me?”

“I’ll hold you and protect you while you sleep.”

“Promise you won’t go?”

“Promise.”

Those words reassured her. He led her to the small office and prepared the bed. She watched him as he checked on Olivia and changed her bandage. The wounds were clean. No infection, no internal damages. She would be fine. He changed the drip and washed his hands. Then, he went in his office. He waited until Rose was settled down in bed before he lay down next to her. Like he had promised, he held her in his arms. He tucked the covers around her as she curled up in his embrace. She thought she wasn’t gonna sleep, that fear would keep her awake, but the Doctor’s arms and proximity made her feel safe and the double heartbeats soothed her. She fell asleep, feeling in safety and protected.

The Doctor didn’t sleep at all. He listened to Rose’s quiet breathing and regular heartbeats, watching for any sign of nightmare. The first sign was her hands gripping his jumper and the soft begging. He pulled her closer to him and talked softly to her. The nightmare hit anyway and when she woke up completely panicked, he was there to hold her and rock her and comfort her until she could sleep again. He did so all night, until she decided that it was useless to try anymore. They didn’t move anyway. They stayed together in bed, Rose all snuggled up into him, and him holding her tight. They were in a cocoon of safety, away from a madness they didn’t understand.

They only moved when Liv woke up. She was confused and in pain but Rose explained the situation to her and the Doctor took great care of her. It was hard for her to remember all the events of last night. She cried in Rose’s arms for a while to let out all her fears and pain, everything she had held back when they still were on the site of the attack. The Doctor forced her to rest. She was under medical supervision for the next few days and couldn’t leave the TARDIS until she was better. No one actually left the TARDIS until she was better. They were all having nightmares but they were there for each other whenever it happened. The Doctor hated people seeing him vulnerable so he wasn’t sleeping much. When he did get some sleep, he always found a way to do it when the women weren’t around him. Only his TARDIS could see him in a state of complete weakness.

It took a few weeks for Olivia to be healed. The scar was clean, almost invisible thanks to the Doctor’s good treatments. She was still in pain sometimes and nightmares still haunted her, just like Rose, but she was ready to go back to an almost normal life. So were the Doctor and Rose. Going back to their routine after that attack would be difficult but they weren’t gonna step back. They weren’t gonna be afraid. If they were hiding because they were afraid, it would mean the bad guys had won. And the bad guys should never win.


	19. This is Halloween

“This is ridiculous!”

The Doctor’s voice showed how annoyed he felt about the whole situation. It made Rose smile. She was sitting on their bed and waiting for the Doctor to come out of the bathroom where he had locked himself. He had insisted on her staying outside and not coming in until he was done. But he was very clear on the fact he wasn’t happy at all about that.

“Remember who you’re doing it for, Doctor.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I feel ridiculous.”

Rose knew how much the big bad Time Lord hated feeling ridiculous. He was always so serious about everything. Even his outfits were serious. Black jeans and black leather jacket with dark jumpers and boots. She loved that outfit on him, but she sometimes wished he wasn’t so serious about everything. He had gone all _cliché_ when they had started dating not long enough after she saved his life on Satellite 5 and became the Bad Wolf, a Goddess of Time, a true legend now. An event that had turned Rose into an immortal and powerful person without disturbing the flux of Time like the change of Jack Harkness. He had even gone to Jackie to ask her to give her consent for him to marry Rose.

The Doctor had changed a lot over the years he had spent with Rose. But there were still things he refused to do. Domestics, he could handle now. The visits to Jackie too. But that? It was absolutely stupid and useless.

“I don’t understand why your mother insisted on celebrating Halloween. I’ve seen enough monsters in my life to find totally stupid to have a day dedicated to them. Do I have a day for me when I save those humans from the monsters?”

The question was a rhetorical one. If the Doctor did have a day for himself, he wouldn’t even want to be a part of it. He didn’t care about thanks and all of that. He was doing all the saving to amend himself from the terrible things he had done in his life. He didn’t need any reward for that. The monsters shouldn’t have that day for themselves, that was his opinion.

“I’ve always loved celebrating Halloween with my mom. It was one of the rare moments when we could have some fun with homemade costumes. She was working so hard for me to be happy after my dad died.”

“I know.”

“It’s sort of a tradition. We were still doing it with Mickey before…”

“Before I came into your lives, yeah, yeah. I know the song.”

“And now she wants our son to be a part of that tradition. Isn’t that a bad thing? She feels left out since we’ve become the _perfect intergalactic couple_.”

The Doctor mumbled something about him not being perfect at all and Rose smiled even more. He didn’t need to be perfect for her. He didn’t need to be the Prince Charming of all the _Disney_ movies. Just him was enough for her and for their son. Elliot was thinking of him as a superhero. It was enough for every father. But not for the Doctor. Because he wasn’t any hero. Not in his own eyes.

“What is he gonna dress up like anyway?”

“I don’t know. Mom said she was gonna take care of it.”

“Forgive me if I don’t think that’s a good idea to let our son with your mother.”

Rose pouted. It never had been big love between her husband and her mother, and they were still arguing over the small things. But she was a good grandmother; and not even the Doctor could say otherwise. Elliot loved his grandma, and the Doctor was making efforts at least.

“Instead of mumbling, what about you coming out of there so I can see if your costume fits you well?”

“No.”

“Doctor…”

“I don’t understand why my costume of the emperor Malekith of Asgard wasn’t good enough for you.”

“It was too scary.”

“Isn’t that the principle of Halloween?”

“Maybe. But it’s our son’s first Halloween. I want him to have all the fun he can have. Wouldn’t be fun to be afraid of daddy, right?”

“Yeah. But still, a cursed Lord turning into the greatest evil after he lost everything to the hands of a monster was perfect for this day.”

The Doctor stopped for a while. It could have been him. He could have been Malekith the Accursed. He had lost everything to the rage of the Daleks, lost everything to his own hands. But Rose had saved him from a terrible fate. Her brightness and love brought him back on the right path, fixed him and gave him a new everything: a wife and a son he loved and cherished more than anything. He owed her everything he had today.

“Doctor?”

He sighed and finally decided to come out of the bathroom with the new costume Rose had especially picked for him. She had even made some arrangements for it to be sort of linked to his Time Lords origins. Despite him telling her that there was no such a thing on Gallifrey.

“You don’t laugh, promise?”

“Promise.”

The Doctor came out of the bathroom slowly, uncertain of how he looked. Rose had decided to play it soft and had chosen the uniform of a fireman. So he was wearing large fireproof and sort of yellow and red pants with a white polo shirt. The logo of some fire squad was in the middle of the shirt and Rose had replaced the name of the town with Gallifrey to fit him better. He had pulled on the red suspenders but the pants were still loose and it bothered him. It was very far from what he was used to wear, and he didn’t feel very comfortable in that outfit.

“Are you sure about this, Rose?”

When she saw him, Rose couldn’t help but burst out. He was trying to keep the pants in place by gripping the back of them and he had half spread his other arm to let her see the result of her choice. The Doctor frowned, really tempted to go back inside the bathroom and lock himself back in.

“You promised not to laugh!” he exclaimed, offended.

“Sorry,” apologised Rose, a big smile still on her face, “but you look so uncomfortable.”

“I feel ridiculous.”

“I think you look fantastic.”

Hearing her pronounce his catchphrase almost made him stop sulking, but when she got up and adjusted his costume, making sure her hands wandered on the very sensitive parts of his body, he couldn’t keep a straight face. Rose tiptoed to reach his ear and lightly nibbled his lobe.

“If you behave, I might let you extinguish a very particular fire,” she murmured.

“Oh, is that the fire you’ve just lighted in me?”

Rose just smiled at him and gave him her tongue-poking out smile. Her signature, but also the smile he loved the most about her. His lips caught hers in a soft kiss and his hands were already trying to get under her shirt; but she gently pushed him away.

“Not yet, Doctor. First, you keep that costume on for the evening. Then, you get naughty.”

The Doctor protested but knew it would be worth it in the end. Rose changed herself in the bathroom. She had chosen a police officer costume to match their beloved blue box, a costume that was fitting her so well the fire he was supposed to extinguish later was now burning in his veins. It would be hard to hold it back, but he had to.

Jackie was the second one to laugh at him when she found out about his costume. To which he had retorted that she had very well chosen hers since she was such a witch. It could have gone into an argument if Elliot hadn’t run to them in his very own costume. Both Rose and the Doctor were surprised. They really hadn’t expected it. The little boy was wearing jeans and boots along with a dark jumper and a small leather jacket. He even had a sonic screwdriver replica in hand.

“He happens to have his daddy as his favourite superhero. Would have been too bad not to make his parents proud.”

Indeed, the Doctor couldn’t be prouder of his son right now. He looked _fantastic_ in his everyday outfit. He had to admit that Jackie had done a good job on that one, and that’s why he didn’t argue on anything she might say to him later. Actually, he did have as much fun as his son to honour the Tyler’s tradition of going to the neighbours and knocking on the doors to have treats or play tricks -which the Doctor was very good at to be honest.

Later that night, when Elliot was deeply asleep in bed after he got more candies than he could eat, the Doctor and Rose met in their room, and the Time Lord finally got the treat he had been running after all evening: extinguish the fire burning in him and Rose until it went out. He might get used to celebrate Halloween in the Tyler’s way in the end…


	20. The smell of leather

That had been a rough day and Rose was only looking for comfort when she walked into the console room that night. She had gone to bed earlier but had been unable to find any kind of sleep. The Doctor had told her that she was all forgiven for what she had done, but she couldn’t forgive herself for messing with Time and getting him killed. Somehow. Remembering the way he sacrificed himself to save everyone’s life still felt like being stabbed in the heart. And then, her father did the same. Sacrificing his life to fix Time. After getting to know him a little, she was losing him again. Right in front of her eyes. Double dagger in the heart. And it was killing her as surely as a real knife. She had been looking for some relief to come while she was suffocating in her own tears hiding under the blanket of her bed. But the pain never left.

She thought she would find the Doctor in the console room. He seemed to always be busy with fixing something under the console; but he wasn’t there. She couldn’t even hear the familiar buzzing of the screwdriver or the usual swears that came with a very pronounced Northern accent whenever the TARDIS was rebelling against her pilot. He wasn’t there right now but he had been around not so long ago. She could still smell the spicy and fresh scent he was always carrying around him. That wasn’t the scent she liked the most about him though. The scent she loved was the one she could smell when he was hugging her. When her face was pressed against the wool of his jumper, when her nose was nuzzled in the lapel of his battered leather jacket. His cool skin was giving off something very special, very _alien_ and that scent mixed with the smell of the worn leather jacket was her favourite in the whole universe. She knew she was home when he was holding her.

That’s what she needed at the present moment. His arms around her, his scent filling her nostrils and bringing her the feeling of comfort she desperately craved tonight. But the man was nowhere to be seen. His jacket was laying on the pilot seat. Tossed aside like some smelly sock. Such a precious thing shouldn’t be treated that way. Rose walked to the seat and grabbed the jacket. She buried her face into it and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath of the scent. Fresh alien skin and worn leather. With the arms of the owner of that jacket around her, it would have been perfect. She slipped her own arms into the sleeves and wrapped herself into his jacket. It was heavier than she thought – maybe because of the bigger on the inside pockets – but it was also very warm. As if the Doctor had just left it there. As if the jacket had caught all the warmth of its owner.

Rose sat down on the pilot seat and curled up in the jacket that was too big for her. She lifted the collar and nuzzled it. Even though the Doctor wasn’t there, wearing his jacket reeked of his scent was like being in his arms in a way. That appeared to be enough to comfort her so she just stayed sat there, her small body all curled up in the big jacket, waiting for the man with piercing blue eyes to come back and get it.

When the Doctor indeed came back to the console room, he found the blonde girl sleeping uncomfortably on the pilot seat. She was tangled into his jacket and her face was still wearing stains of dried tears. He froze in surprise. He honestly hadn’t expected to see her there. After being so rude to her, he had thought she would just lock herself away in her room and stay there until she felt better. But obviously, she had come out looking for something and only found his jacket while he was taking a shower.

Now that the surprise of that sudden encounter had faded off, he relaxed. That wasn’t the first time he actually saw Rose sleeping, but that was the first time she showed a so obvious clue that she needed him around her when she was vulnerable. She looked so different in her sleep. Young. Fragile. Beautiful. She hadn’t let him see how badly hurt she really had been by his words and reactions, by the whole situation. But now, he could see it and that broke his hearts. He needed to get forgiven for being such a jerk. One little thing would be the first step.

He carefully picked her up and a light smile crossed his lips when she snuggled closer to his chest and breathed in his scent. She relaxed completely against him while he was walking to her bedroom. He slowly lay her down in bed and tried to take the jacket off but she pushed him away to keep it.

“Oi!” he exclaimed, stumbling backwards.

He regretted the onomatopoeia as soon as he said it out loud. He stopped in his tracks when Rose groaned. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him sleepily. He was standing there, half in the dim light given by the corridor, half hidden in the darkness of the room, not knowing what to say about his presence there.

“Doctor?”

“I…”, he started. “Sorry. I found you sleeping in the console room and I brought you back here but err… You refused to… Well, you didn’t want me to get my jacket back.”

He pointed to the jacket she was still tangled in. She looked down and his Time Lord enhanced sight let him see the tip of her ears go red. She tried to take the jacket off but she was only tangling herself in it even more. The Doctor caught her hand as it brushed over the worn leather. Every little wear on it was a reflection of every breach in his shell, but you had to be really attentive to feel or see them. And the Doctor had the feeling that Rose could see his vulnerability like he could see hers.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I…”

“You can keep it if you need it.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “It was a rough day and…”

“I should be the one apologising. I shouldn’t have taken you there.”

“I got to know my dad.”

“And it hurt you to see him die.”

“Not as much as seeing you die.”

She bit her tongue when she realised the words that had just stumbled out of her mouth. It was true though. Losing her father had been hard, but she had learnt to live without him over the years. She had never known him before today. But the Doctor? He was the best friend she could have ever dreamt of. He had given her the universe, given her an importance when she thought she was nothing more than a shop girl with no A-levels. And if she had to be honest, there maybe was more than just friendship between them. At least, on her side.

“I did it to protect you.”

She felt like those words were coming a long way. As if it was hard for him to admit such a thing. Knowing how he usually was about feelings, it was even a miracle that he was saying those words out loud. Rose blushed harder. She was thankful for the darkness. She just ignored that he could see in the dark and he kept the smile for himself so he wouldn’t betray that ability.

“I needed you,” admitted Rose. “I was feeling awful. Couldn’t breathe.”

“But you only found my jacket.”

“Yeah.”

“Looks great on you.”

“Bit too big and heavy though.”

The Doctor laughed and Rose’s heart fluttered to that so beautiful sound. She felt better now. The last bits of tension she was suffering from had left her with his laugh. Now, she felt completely exhausted. Maybe she could get some sleep.

“So you’re not angry at me?”

The Doctor had a small quiet laugh and sat down on the edge of the bed. He gently cupped her cheek with his cool big hand. She couldn’t help but lean into his touch.

“I could never stay mad at you, Rose Tyler.”

His voice was so soft that it made her shiver. The Doctor assumed it was from his cold touch and pulled his hand away only to tighten the jacket around her small body. Then, he tucked her in bed and kissed her head tenderly.

“It’s time for the little human to sleep,” he joked.

He was about to go when she caught his hand to hold him back and asked him to stay with her. Her voice was so low, so sleepy that even his Time Lords senses almost missed it. But he heard it anyway. He hesitated, wondering if that was a good idea, but he couldn’t find any good reason to refuse so he lay down next to her. His hearts beat out a samba when she snuggled up close to him and by the time he decided to wrap an arm around her, she was already deeply asleep, leaving him totally vulnerable, totally uncovered to the thoughts about her he was always pushing away…


	21. Puzzled soulmates

“Doctor, what is that?”

The Doctor didn’t seem to hear Rose’s voice. He was too busy trying to assemble the pieces of that damn 3D puzzle. He had argued with Jackie about it and, as usual, had boasted about his superior intelligence. It had all ended with him saying he would finish it in less than an hour before he took the puzzle to the TARDIS to do it there and not have Jackie Tyler mumbling around him. But he was starting to think that she had been right – though he would never say it out loud – and that this thing was impossible to assemble. The pieces were always coming off whenever he was adding another one and he was getting seriously pissed off. He needed to sort that thing out and shut Jackie up.

“Is that screwdriver coming, Rose?”

His voice was rather angry. He had asked for it two minutes and thirteen seconds ago and she still hadn’t found it in the bigger on the inside pockets of his leather jacket he had thrown on the rail while working on that puzzle on the console. He wouldn’t let Jackie win and have the last word about something as stupid as a puzzle. If a human kid could do that, a nine hundred years old Time Lord could do it even better. He held out a hand for Rose to give him his sonic screwdriver. He was gonna cheat and make those pieces hold still whether they wanted it or not. But when it didn’t come, he turned around to figure out what was taking so long. He found Rose standing still with a small blue box in her hands and looking completely absorbed in what she was watching.

“You never answered my question.”

“Neither did you.”

The Doctor gave up on the puzzle and walked to his companion. He already knew what she was looking at. A blue thin Gallifreyan steel ring with Gallifreyan symbols on it. He always had that ring on him wherever he was going and whatever face he was wearing. It was just a reminder to him.

“It’s a wedding ring. From my planet.”

“You were married?”

“No.”

He could never get married because the Time War happened before the wedding could occur. And anyway, it was an arranged marriage like they always did on Gallifrey. Love wasn’t something that mattered on his planet. Arrangements were better. Everything was planned according to a particular logic. But all of that was gone up in smoke now. If he should be relieved to have escaped that custom, he wasn’t. Time Lords didn’t care about soulmates but they did have one waiting for them somewhere in the universe. And with the planet burning, the Doctor knew he would surely never met his.

“That’s weird.”

“What?” he asked, looking for his screwdriver.

“Those symbols. I’ve always wondered what they meant.”

“You’ve seen them before?”

He was asking the questions without really expecting an answer but if he had been more attentive, he would have been surprised. _“I’ve always wondered what they meant.”_ She had already seen those symbols before. Before she even met him. But it didn’t strike him right away.

“Yeah. They appeared on my shoulder a few years ago. My mother said it was a soulmate mark. But that’s a weird one. I thought someone was mocking me.”

“What?”

The Doctor stopped what he was doing to look up at Rose. She was stroking the symbols on the ring unaware of what they could mean. But he did know what they meant. And now, he was becoming aware of the whole message the universe had sent him months ago.

“This is your language, right? This is Gallifreyan. Just like on the TARDIS screen. But what does that mean?”

Her heart was beating faster now. She was starting to think that the Doctor, that extraordinary friend she had, was maybe related to her soulmate. Or could it be…?

The Doctor took the ring between his fingers and read the symbols. How stupid had he been! That was so obvious! Under his nose all that time! The symbols on that ring were the symbols of his own soulmate mark. And Rose had the same… That would explain why they were getting on so well with each other, why it had immediately clicked between the two of them, why he had always felt like she was connected to him.

“Doctor?”

“Arkytior.”

“I’m sorry.”

“The symbols. It means Arkytior. It’s a name.”

“Oh.”

“The name of my soulmate.”

Rose looked up at him, surprised by his words. So Time Lords did have soulmates too? And why did she have the name of some random person called Arkytior on her shoulder? And why the Doctor had a ring with that name too? The Doctor put the hand in his jacket’s pocket and pulled out another ring. The symbols were different.

“There once was that guy on Gallifrey. He was making rings with your soulmate’s name and yours on it. It was like a gift. He could tell the name of everyone’s soulmate if they had one. I was curious, and I got that ring with Arkytior’s name along with mine.”

He put the ring down in Rose’s hand. She looked at it closely and recognised the symbols. Those were the exact same symbols as the one on her soulmate mark. It wasn’t saying Arkytior, but Doctor. Or whatever his name was. She felt her face go red as she realised what it meant. He was her soulmate. He always had been. But she wasn’t his. It was heartbreaking for her who had feelings for him. Justified feelings. Tears filled her eyes.

“Rose?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… That’s… That’s your name written on my shoulder.”

She lightly uncovered her shoulder to show him her mark. He came closer and his hearts seemed to run a marathon in his chest. She was right. The name she had on her shoulder was the same as his ring. It was his name. His real name. He was Rose Tyler’s soulmate. As unbelievable as it was.

“Rose,” he murmured with a croaked voice.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, tears still filling her voice.

“Arkytior. It means Rose in high Gallifreyan.”

Rose felt her heart stop at his words and her brain seemed unable to think about anything but that. Arkytior meant Rose. It meant she was his soulmate, and she was his. His fingers softly stroked her mark, causing her to shiver. She closed her eyes as he traced the symbols on her shoulder. What did it mean for them? Were they gonna ignore it and continue their adventures? Or were they gonna take the next step? The kiss the Doctor left on her mark was the answer to her silent questions. He, who never let anyone know what he was feeling or thinking, was showing her affection. He was willing to take the next step. And she didn’t push him away. That’s why she turned around and pressed her lips on his when she got the opportunity…


	22. More Than This (Nine version)

His hearts stopped when he realised what was going on in his home. The day had been a long and terribly draining one. Both for him and Rose. Him from facing his worst enemy and having to watch that Dalek threaten his Rose. And Rose from having to be threatened by the deadly alien and facing the Doctor’s darkest side. He felt guilty for that. For her seeing the beast in him. For her seeing him so consumed by his rage and hate and destroying need to kill the thing responsible for his pain and loss, for his solitude. He had lost his control and almost gave in to the violence of another murder. If Rose hadn’t stopped him, what would he have done after that? How would he have handled another murder, even if it was the murder of an enemy? The tight hug he had given Rose after that had let her seen how vulnerable he was. But no word had been spoken.

The Doctor had thought that tonight she might need a bit of comfort. Or maybe it was him who needed to be tacitly comforted by the blonde girl. He had just forgotten a tiny little detail: the pretty boy Rose had invited over in his… _their_ home. A pretty boy he had let in because he couldn’t refuse anything to the beautiful blonde he was falling for faster than it took him to pronounce Gallifrey. He couldn’t remember the name. For all that mattered. Rose was jeopardy friendly, and pretty boy had been openly flirting with her. She had been flattered. A beautiful girl was always flattered when a handsome boy was finding interest in her. She had brought the predator on board and the Doctor had to forget about his growing jealousy toward the boy. At least, hide it inside down like the rest of his emotions. Because he could never allow himself to love someone as bright as Rose Tyler.

However, when he found himself facing the pretty boy pinning Rose to the wall of the corridor close to her room and kissing the delicate and pale skin of her neck and chest by force, the Doctor saw red. Rose was struggling against him and trying to push him away because she didn’t want him to touch her but he was imprisoning her between the wall and him and trying to slip his hand under her clothes. And the Doctor saw something he had never seen before in Rose’s body language: the panic caused by old demons coming back, the resignation to the situation. But if Rose was withdrawing, the Doctor certainly wasn’t gonna let the guy have what he wanted. Pretty boy was gonna learn the hard way that no one was allowed to hurt Rose, and especially not under his nose, and even less in their home.

The Doctor walked to the abusive young man and put a hand on his shoulder. His grip was tight and harmful. He pulled the man away from Rose and when he looked at him angrily, he met two blue eyes glaring at him with such a cold rage that anyone would have run away from the Time Lord if they were the cause of it. He kept a tight grip on the man’s shoulder and glanced at Rose. She was trembling and shaken, trying to pull herself back together. The panic hadn’t left her, and that was enough for him. He didn’t say a thing. He didn’t hit the pretty boy. He just dragged him to the console room, his hand squeezing his shoulder so hard it would leave clear bruises. He avoided every attempt the man made to run away or punch him and kicked him out of the TARDIS which had gotten back to her latest destination.

“Don’t you dare touching her ever again!” he roared to the pretty boy.

And then, he slammed the hub’s door, abandoning him into Van Statten basement. He sent the TARDIS into the Vortex and walked back to Rose. She was curled up against the wall and silently crying. He gathered her in his arms and she immediately buried her face into the wool of his jumper and gripped his leather jacket as he brought her to the library. The TARDIS had understood well what he wanted. She had gotten the small private lounging ready and steaming cups of tea were waiting for them on the coffee table. The Doctor sat down on the couch and took Rose in his lap, holding her close to him. Once again, he kept silent, didn’t ask her any questions. He just held her until she had nothing left to cry, until she actually fell asleep in his lap, her hands still tightly gripping his leather jacket.


	23. More Than This (Rose version)

Rose couldn’t believe what was currently going on. She just couldn’t believe what she was living right now. She had been fooled once again. Her and her habits of easily making friends. She shouldn’t let her guard down so easily. Especially when the person in question was a pretty boy. Adam had been lovely all the time they had spent together in Van Statten precious museum. He sure had been flirting with her despite her telling him that she had a boyfriend – if Mickey could still be called her boyfriend – that she was taken – her heart belonged to another man. It had been fun and flattering though. Until she brought him to the TARDIS, until she took him to the room the ship had gotten ready for him, until he decided that just flirting wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. In just a second, his look changed. From the lovely pretty boy, he suddenly became a beast lusting after her, a beast who knew what he wanted and was ready to anything to have it.

He pinned her to the wall so brutally she felt the air being expelled from her lungs and she felt momentarily dizzy. Adam took advantage of her weakness to press himself against her and kissed her lips by force. She tried to push him away but he was insisting and stronger than her. Her heart started beating faster and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t be living that once again. She didn’t want the Jimmy Stone incident all over again. She wouldn’t be able to pull herself back together if she was ripped to pieces again. Adam was acting just like Jimmy had. He had flirted with her, pretended to be a good boy – just older than her – and seduced her. She hadn’t rejected Jimmy, but she really should have. She liked him because she was young and wanted to rebel against her mother, because he was a bad boy and such a lover, because he was singing love songs to her during his shows.

She had ended up falling in love with the guy and accepting to date him. At first, it was a fairy tale. He was lovely and attentive. He was giving her plenty of attention and taking care of her. She was his muse. She felt like a princess. What could have gone wrong? Moving in together despite Jackie’s warnings. After that, Jimmy hadn’t been the same anymore. His music wasn’t working, and he was quickly sinking about the vicious circle of alcohol and drugs and violence. Little by little, he had become violent and abusive of her, treating her like his slave – cleaning slave and sexual slave – and Rose had been too focused on the idea of it just being a phase, on the idea that it would get better. But it never had gotten better. It had only gone worse. And one night, he had come home super high and realised she was about to leave. He had almost killed her that night. Would have if the police hadn’t intervened.

So, when Adam kissed her lips despite her refusal, when his tongue traced her jawline before he buried his face into her chest, she fought, but she knew she couldn’t win. The image of Jimmy was overlaid on Adam and soon enough, she just stopped fighting. It would be easier. He would have what he wanted and he would leave her there, broken again. She could feel his cold and wet lips on her skin, his hands trying to get past her clothes, his bulge rubbing against her thigh. And suddenly, nothing more. He was gone. Had it just been a strong memory of her past coming back to hit her hard? Or the gentle Adam had really turned out to be a monster? She didn’t dare opening her eyes to know the truth. She just stood there against the wall, shaking, tears threatening to fall at any moment, until her legs couldn’t carry her anymore and she let herself fall into a miserable heap. And she cried silently.

She heard footsteps coming to her but she didn’t move. When two strong leather-clad arms lifted her, she knew it hadn’t been a dream, that Adam had really tried to rape her. And the Doctor hadn’t let it happen. Her Doctor had gone to her rescue and now, he was carrying her away from the damn place everything had happened. She wasn’t aware of how hard she was gripping his jacket, nor where the Doctor was taking her. All that mattered right now was she was safe. The Doctor would never let anything happen to her. He would rip anyone who would lay an harmful finger on her to pieces. She was relieved that he asked no questions. He was just keeping her in his protective embrace until she was done crying. And even then, he didn’t let go of her. She was safe. She was protected. And the simple thought of being looked after by a man as extraordinary as the Doctor allowed her to slowly drift to sleep…


	24. Throw some food on it

“Here we are, Rose. Plymouth. November of the year 1620. Where Thanksgiving has really started.”

The Doctor gestured his pink and yellow girl to open the TARDIS’ doors and see by herself where and how the so famous celebration had started. Rose had maintained that Thanksgiving was a Christian celebration which officially started in 1789 and that it was only a family tradition to gather everyone around a table and eat turkey until you were stuffed. Certainly! Her knowledge of History wasn’t as good as his, that was obvious, but her challenging him on a fixed point? He couldn’t let her be wrong, and he was gonna show her how _right_ he was on Thanksgiving.

“You can’t help yourself, can you? You always have to be _right_.”

“On History, yes.”

“So, if I open that door, what will I see, professor?”

The blonde sat down on the pilot seat and folded her arms on her chest. She waited for the Doctor to give her a full History lesson before she stepped out. She never had been a good student, but the Doctor could make any tale interesting. She wanted to have that lesson and see if he was right. Oh, he most likely was, but the funnier was always when they got out of the TARDIS only to realise she hadn’t taken them to the right place. And Rose was really looking forward to that.

The Doctor sighed and leant against the console. The TARDIS seemed in an amused mood today. Thanksgiving was definitely a family and she was the Doctor’s only family. With Rose. Since the young woman had first stepped in the TARDIS, the ship had known that she would be a part of the family the Doctor desperately needed after what he had been through, and she wasn’t wrong. Now, she wasn’t the only one to keep an eye on her beloved thief. Knowing how reckless he could be, it was for the better.

The Doctor wasn’t mad at Rose. He knew she had dropped her studies rather quickly because of some rough ordeals in her life. He knew all of her story so far, but never made any comment on it. She knew almost nothing about him and he barely answered the questions she was asking him. It wouldn’t be fair of him to reveal that he knew all of her. So, he just adopted the ‘professor attitude’.

“What you know of Thanksgiving is the fact that it’s a national American celebration happening every fourth Thursday of November, that it’s a huge banquet with your whole family which indeed has really started in 1789.”

“Ha!”

“But!” He raised a finger. “Thanksgiving has a deeper meaning. Several meanings actually. Some say that it’s a Christian celebration to thank God.” He kept the adjective fake for himself – religion was not his thing, but humans were so much into religion sometimes. “You celebrate and you pray for all the good that’s happened to you during the last year. That Thanksgiving is celebrated in some other countries.”

“It had to be religious, heh?”

“The religion rules the human world.” But not only, there were plenty of alien worlds spoiled with religion. “Then, you have the Native American meaning. To them, it’s just a celebration of the past wars of their people.”

“That’s a weird tradition.”

“And you have the whole American story. Just where I’ve taken you.”

“Tell me everything.”

“You know how the humans have that insatiable need to travel and to always extend their territory.” The Doctor didn’t blame. Himself loved traveling and meeting new people and learning new cultures, but he blamed the humans need for war, for domination, for possession. “Well, the seventeenth century was all about that. You might know about the Mayflower.”

“’s a ship.”

“Yep. In November 1620, this ship reached the coasts of what would be called North America or the United States of America. The pilgrims were welcomed by the natives who helped them, and prevented them from dying of hunger or cold.”

“The natives were the good people and they got invaded by the colonisers who weren’t very grateful.”

“You could say that.”

“The celebration stayed though.”

“It took 169 years for the celebration to appear, and it only became an official national celebration in the United States. That’s Abraham Lincoln who instituted it in 1863, 74 years after the Americans started celebrating it. He also is the one who set it to the fourth Thursday of November. It’s relatively new when you think about it.”

The History lesson was over. The Doctor had kept it relatively simple, and she had been truly fascinated by his way of telling things. He was happy that she had been so attentive, so reactive and asking questions to keep the lecture alive, and she was content to have learnt new things, to have been a student of the professor Doctor. They still hadn’t stepped out, but Rose wanted to know more.

“What about the meal then? The turkey, sweet potatoes?”

“The colonists found about the turkeys during their journey in America, and it was one of the dishes served at the first Thanksgiving dinner. The pumpkin is an unmissable part of the celebration because it’s a vegetable who saved the colonists during their first winter. I guess the cranberries and sweet potatoes were easy to find and they go quite well with the rest.”

The lecture was now over, and the Doctor took Rose out of the TARDIS. The ship hadn’t messed with the Doctor that time and she had taken them right to the moment the pilgrims had arrived. She was watching History happening before her eyes and she was amazed. That’s one of the several things the Doctor loved about her: the sparks in her eyes when she was discovering something new, when _he_ was showing or teaching her something new.

“What about us having our own Thanksgiving dinner, Doctor?” she murmured in his ear.

He turned his head toward her and grinned widely. The idea was pleasing him. He took her hand and they started running back to the TARDIS. At some point of their way back, Rose decided to race him and to be the first to reach the kitchen. He chuckled and ran after her. He let her win, just to be able to hear her laugh and see her smile. But when he found her standing in the kitchen doorway looking completely astonished, he frowned.

“What? You think I can make an appropriate Thanksgiving dinner, you’re wrong!”

He had a quick peek in the kitchen and found himself as dumbstruck as she was. While they were away, the TARDIS had decided to be the one making the dinner for them both. Well, the abundance of food she had made was enough to feed the whole African continent for a week. So, that was what she had in mind that morning.

“You’ve outdone yourself!” he exclaimed for his ship to hear.

The TARDIS let out a hum of contentment as the Doctor tenderly tapped the doorframe to thank her for all she had done. Rose stepped in the kitchen. She was like a kid on a Christmas morning – what would it be on the actual Christmas morning? – and it made the Doctor smile softly. He followed her in the room and they soon sat down at the table. The Doctor didn’t believe in any God but he thanked the universe for his TARDIS, and for Rose. Tonight, he had all he needed in life to keep going. Rose thanked whoever was listening to her for her family of course – her mother, her father, Mickey – and for the Doctor, for everything he had given and shown her. And they started eating.

They were only two, but it was enough for the both of them. They were having a great moment, and having fun. And suddenly, some mash crashed on the Doctor’s face. He looked up at Rose, surprised. She was giggling, the smoking gun – a teaspoon – still in hand. He raised an eyebrow.

“What are you, three?”

“Oh, come on, Doctor. There’s no fun in a family meal if there’s no food battle.”

“You, Tyler, have weird traditions.”

The Doctor grabbed a paper towel and cleaned his face slowly. However, it was useless because Rose sent him another shot of mashed potatoes. She laughed harder, and sent him a third shot. Enough was enough. He put the towel down, and took off his leather jacket. He took his time to roll up the sleeves of his jumper.

“You wanna play, Rose Tyler? Alright. Let’s play.”

He drew his own spoon and used it as a catapult to throw food at her. It quickly became out of control and the kitchen was now the theatre of a huge food battle. It was a real battlefield filled with laughs and fake threats. Soon enough, the whole room was covered in food and the two fighters were no better. Rose was about to surrender when the Doctor caught her. She squeaked and squirmed to get out of his hold.

“I surrender!”

The Doctor grinned and made her turn around so she was facing him. He wiped away some of the food she had on her face. The blonde felt herself blushing at the move. They were so close of each other, and she would betray herself if he didn’t let go of her, if he kept touching her that way.

“Now, we have to clean this mess.”

The Doctor let go of her – reluctantly he had to admit – and they both looked at the disaster they had created. It would take a lot of time to clean it all, but it was worth it. They had had a good time, and now their hearts were full of happiness for the rest of the day…


	25. Endless Story

He had been sitting there for days. Or maybe weeks. Or even months. Time didn’t matter to him. It had no hold over him. He was eternal. He had existed before Time and would exist even after. He was endless, and powerful. In the other hand, he had a tight hold on Time. On the end of times. Rare were the moments he appeared on the beginning, but he was always there for the end. Humans thought he was a concept, a name given to something so it wouldn’t scare them that much. Some welcomed him like an old friend, some were confused, some were fighting him. But, in the end, he always won, because he was Death and he was reaping the souls of all the dying.

Usually, you would think of Death like the Great Reaper all draped in its black coat, with its scythe in its skeletal hand. Legend. Nothing more than legend. In reality, Death was a business. It was a hierarchy and he was at the top of it. Older than Time itself, he was sitting on the realm of the dead and he was leading troops of reapers he was training himself. He was giving them places to be and lists of names to get the souls of the dying people. He had places to be and a list for himself. Only his employees and the dying persons could see him, and sometimes, being the boss of the Death company was a very lonely job.

The Doctor was just a normal man, wearing jeans with a plaid shirt and a tie. He was so far away from the _cliché_ of Death, and he liked it. He also liked coming around the persons of his list days before the end of their life so he could study them. That’s how he had ended up there, in that hospital room, sitting in the chair facing the bed. He only had that name on his list. A girl. Rose Tyler. Nineteen years old. He had been intrigued, he had to admit. She had been on his list many times before but her name had always been removed before he could achieve his mission so when it had appeared again, he had only waited for it to disappear again. But it never did.

Her death wasn’t for the days to come, but it was soon enough, and he wanted to know why she had escaped him so many times before. That’s why he had come down to Earth and settled down in that hospital room for longer than expected. No one but his reapers coming for their report could see him. He was invisible, inaudible. Just a ghost wandering around. There were a lot of ghosts in a hospital. People that died while they weren’t on the list. Stuck on Earth until a reaper could come and take their soul. Sometimes, there were reapers who took pity on them and accepted to take them as an extra. It was against the laws, but the Doctor closed his eyes on that. They might be dead, but they still had a heart.

And that was all the problem for Rose Tyler’s case. His heart. He had learnt to know her over the days he had spent sitting in her room. An only child raised by her mother. Her father died when she was just a baby from the incurable disease that was killing her now. However, she refused to give up on her life and to let her mother alone on that Earth. So, she was fighting with an admirable bravery and the strengths she was using to stay alive along with the gentleness and bright personality she was showing to everyone coming around her had moved him. She was dying and yet, she was devoted to the other persons around her and making sure they were going well, listening to them when they weren’t and helping them out the best she could.

The Doctor was dead. He had never really been alive, and his heart had never beaten, but he had to admit that the young woman was giving him feelings he had never felt before. Admiration for the struggle she was having against him. Compassion for someone who didn’t deserve to die so young. Reluctance to take her soul. And yet, he had to. Her life was coming to an end and he was there to take her with him. Could he really end someone’s life when that person could do so much good around her? He had created the rules. He knew that he had to do it, even if he didn’t want to. He glanced at the fob watch fastened to the loop of his jeans and opened it. Time was coming.

Rose Tyler suddenly opened her eyes. The pain was real in her body language and she could barely breathe despite the oxygen they were giving her through a machine. She knew her time was coming, and maybe that was why she could see that man sat on the chair facing her bed. He had been there for a while, just observing her, and no one else seemed to be able to see him. She had come to the conclusion that he was there for the moment she would die. She hadn’t imagined Death to look that way, but the man was rather handsome with his piercing blue eyes, short grey hair and his neat and tidy look. He was sometimes smiling, but his smile looked sad, and his eyes showed the loneliness he was suffering from. Or was she only imagining all of that?

It was late in the night and she was alone in the room. Her mother had gone home earlier to take a shower and get some rest. They had both thought they still had time, but the truth was, they didn’t have any. Rose had felt her strength over the weeks and Death was there for her. He had been waiting patiently until the proper moment came. And now, he was glancing at his watch, and she was feeling her end coming. She had to know though.

“You’re here for me, aren’t you?”

Her voice was so weak that he barely heard her. He had to raise his head and see by himself that she was looking straight at him to understand she was talking to him. She could see him because her time had come to an end. But she was the first one to ever speak to him that way. Usually, they asked who he was and what he was there for. She was clever, very clever.

“Yes, I am.”

“You’ve been waiting here for a while.”

“You shouldn’t have been able to see me before.”

“But I did. What does that mean?”

“I’m afraid your time has come to an end.”

“I’ve known it the moment I saw you.”

“You’re only supposed to see me when it’s over.”

He glanced at his watch. The second hand was ticking the seconds away, and Rose’s breathing was becoming more irregular. A nurse came in, alerted by the sudden change in Rose’s heart rate. She tried to make everything in her power for Rose to feel more comfortable, but it was too late.

“Tell my mom…” mumbled Rose through her laboured breath.

“It’s time,” murmured the Doctor.

He closed the watch and slipped it back in his pocket. He got up and strengthened his clothes as Rose murmured her last words for her mother. Words the Doctor didn’t listen to. They usually were the same: words of love, words of regret. He had heard them all before.

Life left Rose Tyler’s body and the monitor displayed a flatline. The nurse called the blue code as she started a heart massage but there was no hope left. Rose’s soul was already facing him. He held a hand out to her.

“Now we have to go.”

“Where?”

“Where you’re going isn’t up to me. Paradise, hell, that’s not my area.”

“What’s your area?”

“Death. Leading the dead to the last door where they meet their afterlife fate.”

“And you?” asked Rose.

She took the hand he was offering her and intertwined their fingers. She had thought he would be as cold as an ice cube but his skin was just pleasantly cool. She followed him as he led her to the first step of her afterlife.

“I’m not meant for Paradise or Hell. I’m just Death. I wander here and there, I gather the souls and bring them to their last home.”

“That seems like a lonely sad job.”

“It is.”

Even in her death she remained faithful to her personality. She was gentle and caring. No one had ever cared for him before. No one had ever asked him what he was meant to do, or how he felt about that life. He never wondered about it all either honestly.

“But I do have employees.”

There were now walking down the corridor that was taking them to the last door. The last door was changing all the time according to the person he was accompanying. He was ready to bet that the gates of heaven would open wide for that bright gentle girl. He didn’t think any second that she could be meant for hell. Not from what he had seen from her.

“So you’re not alone.”

“I only see them when they have a report to do about their missions. Or when I…”

“When you what?”

“My reapers are people who died and were offered a third choice. They could either go to the place they were meant to or work for me. They are standing in front of two doors: one of them is heaven or hell, the other is my office.”

“You do have an office?”

“Where do you think I keep all my lists and reports? Death is nothing more but a business.”

“Do you think I will have the choice?”

He stopped, surprised by her question. They weren’t far from the door now. Surprisingly, he hadn’t let go of her hand and she hadn’t let go of his. He normally just held people’s hand to teleport them there. He didn’t hold it until the end. Well, normally, people weren’t so chatty and friendly with him. They were rather gloomy and silent. Rose stopped and looked up at him.

“Why would you choose an afterlife that’s condemning you to solitude and sadness and deadly routine?”

“To help you, and be with you.”

The seriousness and lack of hesitation she was showing him struck him and left him speechless. He didn’t know what to answer to such a declaration. That was a first! Really unexpected for him who had been around for a very long time.

“I’ve seen you observing me for weeks, and you looked so sad, so lonely there that I thought you needed a friend.”

“I-”

“Everyone needs a friend, right?”

The Doctor was definitely out of words, and the only thing he could do was grin at her. The tongue-poking smile she gave him in return sent a whole electric discharge in his dead body. Rose Tyler was definitely full of surprises if she could make him feel _alive_.

“Let’s see what the future holds in store for you then.”

They started walking again and the more they were getting closer, the more the Doctor could see that there was only one door in front of them. One door. No choice. She was meant for heaven and his dead heart seemed to break at the thought he would never see her again. Until he realised what door it was. His door. It was _his_ freaking door. She had had the choice and she had already made it. She wanted that afterlife with him.

“It looks like we are going to work together, Rose Tyler.”

He opened the door and let her get in his office first. The grin she gave him was electrifying and giving him hope for the days to come. Death wouldn’t be so dull with her by his side. At least, he was given the chance to offer an endless story to that incredible and strong woman who moved his dead heart…


	26. Just a call away

She was endlessly falling into that hell hole that had sucked her in as if she was nothing but a speck of dust. A blood-curling scream was still resounding into her mind. Or was it something else? Maybe the roaring of her quick fall that never ended. Maybe something else. She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t anything actually. She was losing her mind. Last thing she remembered was holding on to a lever and letting go. And now she was just falling. Falling among the Daleks and Cybermen. Falling in the nothingness. She had been a woman once, she thought. She wasn’t sure. Everything was so meaningless there. She was just losing herself. Her being was slowly being ripped to pieces cell by cell. Rose Tyler, the once young and beautiful woman full of life, was being disintegrated by the Void and turned to nothing but dust.

 _Rose_.

The voice seemed to come out of nowhere. Had she heard it for real or was she simply hallucinating? She was so tired. She was tempted to let go and allow the Void to take her completely, to erase her from time and from space definitely. But something was keeping her from totally giving up. She couldn’t quite tell what. Something was telling her that she had to hold on, that she wouldn’t be there forever. And if there was any damage on her, she would be fixed. Hopefully.

 _I’m coming to get you_.

The voice echoed in that infinite hole as if there were walls that made the sounds rebounding and endlessly repeating themselves. The Northern accent struck her: she knew the voice. A spark of hope burst into what was left of her. Hearing that voice gave her a new reason to hold on, to fight, to believe that her hell was coming to an end. She didn’t believe any second that the voice was just an echo of what she wanted to hear from the person she wanted to hear it. The Doctor was an amazing man, and there was a clear difference between the man in leather jacket she had once known and the man in pinstriped suit and converses. The first one would never have let her fall into the Void. He would have ripped all of time and space just to keep her safe when the other was just wandering around and leaving her alone and getting her into troubles. She loved him, but she often missed the kind of rude Doctor whose Northern accent always soothed her whenever she was feeling bad.

 _I could save the world but lose you_.

How many times had she remembered those words? How many times had she been struck by the solemnity with which he was telling them? How comforting the words sounded? She was clinging to them right now not to lose herself in the nothingness she was continually falling into. How much time had she spent there? Not enough to have lost her mind. Not enough to have forgotten the man with piercing blue eyes. Not enough to have forgotten the smell of time and leather on him. Not enough to have stopped loving him.

_Follow my voice, Rose._

He was guiding her to a better place, but the fall suddenly became stunning. The speed increased and only his voice talking to her as if he was just by her side was preventing her from panicking. The Void was opened again. The sound of the wind sucking in everyone who had ever crossed the line between the universe was deafening. She stretched out her fingers and imagined holding his hand. She imagined his long and thin fingers intertwined themselves with hers. She imagined him holding her hand as she was falling harder to meet her end. The suspension in time and space was over. She was gonna be in peace, finally.

_You could come with me._

_Anytime, my Doctor,_ she thought before she brutally hit the hard ground. Her ears were ringing and it took her some time to realise she wasn’t falling anymore, that she wasn’t in the Void anymore. It was closed again and she wasn’t falling. Better than that, she felt two strong arms wrapping into a tight and protective embrace. She smelled the scent of leather and time, the familiar scent of home. _I’m so glad I’ve found you._ She let out a shaky sigh of relief when she heard the Northern voice tickling her ear, when the words made their way to her tired brain. And the time she realised she didn’t have to be afraid anymore, she was slipping into the darkness of her unconscious, too tired to hold on anymore.

She didn’t know how much time she stayed out. All she knew was she wasn’t in the Void anymore. She felt safe and home and complete again. Her body and mind were finally in peace. And she felt _his_ presence around her. In her mind. He was watching over her and comforting her when she was panicking. It reminded her of that night after she lost her father for the second time. When he had come to her room that night and held her tight. When he had talked softly to her until she calmed down and fell asleep in his arms. He hadn’t used any Time Lord trick. Just his voice was enough.

She loved the texture of his voice. She loved how it changed depending on who he was talking to. He could either be angry, rude or sarcastic. But to her, he was always sweet, funny and comforting. His voice could get so low and be so melodious to her ears, and his accent always made her shiver. She was always charmed whenever he was talking to her and to her only. She could only relax when she heard his voice. She could listen to it for hours.

“Remember when I’ve told you I was the only one left? I’ve never forgotten the words you said to me after that.”

_There’s me._ That’s the words she had told him. The words that he had kept in his hearts until his regeneration. Until he woke up in that parallel universe. Totally human, with all his memories. He had known in his guts he would have to do something great at some point, and that day had come: he had had to save Rose Tyler again. She had been stuck in the Void for years and had clung to life thanks to the remaining power of the Wolf. The Wolf who had howled so loud in his golden bubble that the distress call reached the only person able to hear it. The only person who had held its power for a few minutes. And the now human Doctor had travelled across the world to find the breach, worked just as hard to bring Rose Tyler back to life. Challenge accepted. Mission achieved.

Months after that, Rose still was having nightmares of being stuck in the Void, of feeling herself being ripped to pieces, body and mind, but the sound of his voice always soothed her and made her feel safer than ever…


	27. Lost

_Lost._

That was the best word to sum up all his lives. If he had believed in fairy tales, he would have been a Lost Boy from _Peter Pan_. Solitary, left out, different. **_Lost_**. Lost in a world he didn’t fit it. Lost in a world he had always tried to run away from. Until the Time War.

Now, he was lost in a world he didn’t belong to with no way back. Lost in the darkness of his soul. Lost in the mist of the pain, guilt and self-hatred he was drowning in.

And worst of all, he was losing himself as a person. He was losing his principles, his rules and going with the drift. He didn’t need to fight no more. His salvation would never come. He was forever _lost_ into the nothingness of the void he was endlessly and hopelessly falling into with no one to catch his hand and stop his fall.

x

_“I’m sorry, sir. We’ve lost her.”_

The words kept echoing in his mind as he was walking back to the TARDIS with a heavy tread. That was supposed to be a simple mission. He had been forced to stay away because he was the only one to know how to fix that damn particle accelerator. But someone had had to go get the missing piece that would make the whole thing stable and prevent it from exploding, and Rose had offered to go since she knew what he was talking about. Two guys from the maintenance had gone with her. Just in case. There was no risk. Last time he had checked, the planet was a pacific one. He should have known that even the most pacific planets had their troublemakers. A riot had happened. Just where she had been, and his hearts had stopped when the two guys were the only ones to come back.

_“She was trapped in the middle of the riot. It was a slaughter. We barely made it alive.”_

It was enough for the rage to boil in his veins, enough for him to want to kill everyone who had dared touching his precious blonde girl, but he had controlled himself, fixed the particle accelerator and gone to find Rose. He had found the authorities instead, and the body of the pink and yellow girl.

_“We’re sorry for your loss, sir.”_

He was bringing the body wrapped in his leather jacket back to the TARDIS. Back to their home. And his hearts were heavy with pain and sorrow, but he was determined. Determined to change that fatal fate his blonde girl had met today. He was gonna break the rules and rewrite her history, because he could never allow himself to _lose_ someone as special and as bright as Rose Tyler.


	28. Silence

The silence fell in the TARDIS after Rose went to bed. The Doctor was left alone in the console room. He didn’t realise yet that the silence had fallen. His ears were still full of Rose’s chattering. He smiled at it. He wasn’t much of a talker when it wasn’t necessary. But Rose was speaking for two. And she spoke about anything all the time. Sometimes, she even had that smile he loved so much on her face. He could tell every difference between the tones of her voice and notice whenever she was feeling good or bad. And she knew nothing about him. She ignored that the silence was one of his worst enemies, and now that she was gone, it was deafening. It could have been a good thing for once not to hear the screams haunting him but the silence of his mind was echoing the silence of the room.

He realised he was breathing heavily when the TARDIS hummed to draw his attention. He was having a panic attack. As usual whenever he was left alone in the deep silence. He needed to think about something else, something to get that panic away from him. He started fidgeting with the controls to keep his mind busy. But his hands were trembling too much and he kept making mistakes. The TARDIS protested with a soft shock. It left him confused and shaken but the panic was still there, still nagging at him, and applying a pressure on his chest. His feet started moving. He walked down the corridor to Rose’s room and opened the door silently. She was sleeping on her side, her hair spread on the pillow and over her face. She was breathing deeply and quietly. He surprised himself by listening to the soft breathing of the young woman.

There, standing in the doorway, half-hidden in the shadows, he just stopped and stared for a while. That time, the silence was soothing him, because there was nothing better than listening to Rose Tyler to forget all his troubles.

Everything seemed to be screaming in her ears as she was falling into the Time Vortex. She wasn’t Rose Tyler anymore. She was the Bad Wolf. The power was burning through her veins as her mind was taking in all the information rushing through her brain at a speed higher than the speed of light. All that was. All that had been. All that could ever be. So many realities crashing into her mind like asteroids hitting each other in a resounding clash. It was deafening. Like watching several TV channels all at once with the full volume on.

She was being disintegrated and changed into golden particles of Time. Her body was being consumed by the power of Time. She couldn’t handle it so the vortex was taking every part of her and scattering them through time and space. But there was that tiny part of her clinging desperately to her humanity. A tiny part of her feeding on that loud hotchpotch and growing strong. That part reached the peak of its power in no time and let out a power howl that pushed the destruction of the pure human away.

Suddenly, ice met fire, and everything stopped. All the visions, all the sounds frozen as if someone had pressed the pause button. Only the silence remained. The amazing and so welcomed silence. The silence you got when you’ve gone through the storm only to reach its eye where everything was so calm it looked unreal. She was letting go of the golden noise only to fall in a pit of silent darkness.


	29. Starless Night

He was silent. Terribly silent, and that was concerning her. She didn’t know if he was mad at her, or what was going on in his mind. She hated that. She hated not knowing. But it was her fault of course. She had done a mistake and once again, he had been there to get her out of that tricky situation. Unharmed for once. He seemed to always be there for her whenever she needed it. She had never expected to have a man like him in her life. She was so used to men using her and throwing her away like a simple tissue when they were done. That’s how her life had been for so many years. From the first day she had met Maxence, the day he had saved her life for the first time from her abusive boyfriend, to the moment she had met him again. The moment he had convinced her to leave that life behind her and to count on him to build herself a new life. And she had screwed it all up.

It was stupid, really. He had been so good to her, so gentle. He had helped her and saved her in more ways than one. So, she had wanted to thank him. His mother had told her that it was his birthday very soon and she had wanted to buy him a gift. An amazing gift that would be a way to show how grateful she was for him. However, she had needed money and she only knew one way to have money quickly and easily: she had gone back to her old life. Just for one night. Just to earn enough money to offer him something that wouldn’t even be enough to thank him for all he had done for her. However, going back to the vicious circle it had been so hard to leave wasn’t as simple as she had thought. Her former pimp was furious against her and he had come to her as soon as he had heard that she was back. And then, things had gotten wrong.

She remembered him running under the pouring rain to come to her. She remembered the anger on his face, and how he had grabbed her former pimp and threw him away from her before he could hurt her more. Obviously, the old Tommy wasn’t just gonna stay there and watch as Maxence took her away. He had decided to attack, but he should have known better than to attack a cop. Maxence had quickly overpowered him. Humiliated, the old Tommy had run away before Maxence could send him to jail for pimping. And, Maxence had taken her hand, silently, and led her to his car. She had settled down on the passenger’s seat and buckled up while he was sitting behind the wheel. He hadn’t said a word, hadn’t even looked at her. He had just started driving to get away from that rubbish district, but he never headed to the small house he called home.

He had been driving for a whole hour now and he was still silent. It was driving her mad. She needed to hear his voice, to hear that he wasn’t angry at her. She didn’t know where they were going and the night was so dark. There was no star. They were hidden behind a thick layer of dark clouds crying a torrent of water, and the drops hitting the windscreen were the only thing breaking the too heavy silence.

“Talk to me, Maxence,” she begged him when she had enough. “Please, just talk to me.”

She couldn’t handle it. Him ignoring her. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She just wanted to hear his voice, to hear him say anything, but he just kept driving. He didn’t even glance at her. Frustrated, she hit his arm.

“Talk to me for God’s sake!” she yelled at him.

But once again, he ignored her. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned in the seat. She was sulking, but knew she had done things wrong and that he had all the rights to be angry at her. Maybe was he silent not to say bad things to her. He had always been so good. So unlike all the other men she had met in her life. How could someone so precious find some interest in her?

They were still on the road, driving into the dark and the rain of that cold night. He was wearing that stupid leather jacket over the suit he had put on for work. He was working when she had pressed the small button he had added on the double of his house’s keys he had made for her. As if he had always known she would go back at some point and get in trouble. Watching over her all the time, even when she didn’t notice it. He had left the station to come to her rescue, and he hadn’t gone back since he was driving her to an unknown place.

A shiver ran through her entire body. She was only wearing those light clothes she used to wear when she was working for the old Tommy. They weren’t covering much of her body and they were torn away from the fight she had had before Maxence arrived. So, she was cold. Maxence seemed to notice it since he stopped the car on the roadside and took off his leather jacket to give it to her. She was surprised of that first move he had towards her, but she didn’t refuse it. She grabbed the jacket and slipped her thin body into it. She wrapped it around her and nuzzled the collar. The jacket was full of his warmth and smell. _And he still cared about her_.

Finally, that late trip saw its end when Maxence parked in front of a small wooden house lost in the woods. Creepy. But Rose trusted Maxence and she wasn’t scared. He got out of the car and she followed him inside the cosy chalet. As she had expected, the place had a strong smell of wood, of nature and humidity, but it was also wearing _his_ scent. It maybe was unnoticeable for anyone else but she would have recognised it anywhere. That place, wherever it was, was his. A shelter, a hidden place he was coming to when he couldn’t stand the world anymore, and he had chosen to come there with her.

The place was secluded from everything. There was no electricity, no network. Just a few camping stuff. Maxence had lighted a few candles and a bright fire was burning in the fireplace. Rose was sitting in front of it, still wrapped in his leather jacket. He had added a thick blanket on her shoulders and was now getting some tea ready. He still hadn’t said a word, but that time, it didn’t bother her. No word was needed. It was peaceful, restful. She felt relaxed and good there, cut off from the rest of the world, only with the man she loved. Which she hadn’t told him. Not yet. She couldn’t. It would ruin their relationship and she would hate herself for doing that.

She took the hot mug of tea he was holding out of her and thanked him. He looked as handsome as ever in that suit, and lighted by the soft glow coming from the candles. He had rolled his sleeves up and loosened his tie. He seemed as relaxed as she was to be there. He sat down beside her and observed the fire, a mug of steaming tea also in his hands. She didn’t break the silent. She just looked at him and wondered how in the world she could have deserved a man like him.

“I wanted to buy something for your birthday,” she finally explained. “But I needed money. And this is the only way I know to have some quickly.”

“My birthday?” he repeated, surprised.

He turned his head to look at her. He was sincerely surprised. She forced herself to keep staring at the fire burning. She loved the intimacy of the moment. Just the two of them sat fireside, surrounded by the darkness the candles couldn’t completely disperse. The burning branches were crackling, and the unrelenting weather was making all of that even better.

“Your mom, she told me it was your birthday soon.”

“My birthday’s not before February.”

“Oh.”

In three months. She must have misunderstood. It wouldn’t even surprise her. If she was under the alcohol influence when Joanne and her had had that talk, it was possible that her brain had gotten it all wrong. Her, and her habits of always sinking into alcohol whenever something was scaring her.

“She probably meant the birthday of my first day in the police academy.”

That was something important for Maxence since it was the day he had found his way. He wanted to be a cop and help people, and find the blonde girl he had once saved. And now, he was a detective chief inspector, and Rose was by his side. It was definitely an anniversary to celebrate.

“It was just a few months after I saved you. When I decided that I wanted to help people, and to find you.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. She immediately leaned against him and put her head on his shoulder. He was cold and wet, because he had given her his jacket and the blanket and worked outside to find some good branches for the fire. So she shared the cover with him. It was barely enough for the two of them but it would do. He thanked her and they both sipped their tea silently, only watching the fire. A question was still bothering Rose though.

“So, you’re not mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“You know.”

“I’ve always known it could happen. That’s why I added the emergency button on your keys. Not everyone would insist so much on paying back for things they are given. You’re generous, Rose, and I can’t be mad at you for that. I’m just glad you’ve called me before he hurt you.”

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

She kissed his cheek and cuddled more into him. They didn’t move much after that. They remained sat there, together, watching the fire die in the fireplace as the morning was showing up shyly. The wind and rain weren’t about to stop it seemed like but it didn’t matter for Rose. As long as she could stay away from the world with Maxence for a little longer.


	30. Wherever you will go

Rose Tyler had everything she needed to be happy in life. She was a famous model for an even more famous lingerie company. Everyone wanted her to work for them. They were offering her the best contracts with the best advantages and bonus, and her agent was picking the best offers for her. And that one definitely was the best. All the males were trying to draw her attention, and she liked all the looks on her, liked the fact they were drooling over her while she was parading on the catwalk in the next season’s underwear. She was swaying her hips just to feed their fantasies. They were all dreaming of a night with her, but she wouldn’t satisfy any of them. She was a model, not a prostitute. She only was a purveyor of dreams, she didn’t fulfil any.

She walked out of that catwalk and reached the backstage area. All her co-workers applauded her and a dressing gown was wrapped around her shoulders. The parade was over. She had been the last one to walk on the catwalk. They had kept her for the end, for their last and best piece of work. Everyone was congratulating her as she was going to her dressing room to get changed. She smiled at them all before she closed the door behind her. She leant on it and closed her eyes, lightly sighing. She slipped out of the light clothes she was wearing and pulled on a simple T-shirt with jeans. She was barely twenty and loved the fashion of young people like her despite her being a very known model who worked for the big companies that were offering her clothes all the time.

She went out of the building and signed some autographs and took pictures with fans. A taxi was waiting for her. She had a personal driver. Someone called John Smith. A tall brown-haired man with piercing blue eyes. He wasn’t really handsome with his big ears and weirdly shaped nose, but he was very polite, very respectful with her. It changed a lot from the behaviour her fans were sometimes having with her. They were treating her like an object they needed at all costs. They all wanted a piece of her. There always were extreme fanatics everywhere, and she had to deal with it. It was the bad side of the job. Thankfully, there were good people like Mr John Smith. He drove her home and stopped the car in the drive.

“Here we are, miss Rose.”

John got out of the car and opened her door. She stepped out of the taxi and hooked her arm around his. He closed the door and led her to the front door. He was always doing it. She remembered when he had started working for her four years ago. She was sixteen and everything was so new for her. She was so scared. She had asked him if he could accompany her back to the door. He did, and now he was doing it every time. It was reassuring her. She unlocked the door and turned on the light of the hall.

“Wanna come in for a cup of tea, John?”

“Are you sure about this, miss Rose?”

His Northern accent was more pronounced when he was surprised. He usually was silent, only talking when it was necessary. But Rose loved his voice. It was soft and nice. Comforting.

“You’re working late because of me. I can at least offer you a cuppa.”

“I don’t mind at all. Working for you is a pleasure.”

Rose thanked him. She tip-toed and kissed his cheek. He was even more surprised now. He took off his driver’s cap and followed her inside the house. Rose was living alone, and her home was nice. Nicer than his dull flat. He didn’t have anyone to go back to, and was avoiding going to his flat the most he could. Rose gave him a smile that warmed his heart.

That’s how John spent a part of his night, sitting at Rose’s kitchen table, drinking tea, and talking – mostly listening actually – with the blonde. It was the best night he ever had in a while. He wanted it to last longer, but he was growing tired, and a yawn escaped him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m speaking, speaking and it’s getting late.”

“It’s alright. No one is waiting for me.”

“Oh.”

The sadness she was showing was honest. She was feeling sad for the poor man who was overworking himself to be sure she was everywhere she had to be in time. She had plenty of friends now that she was famous but she remembered what it felt like to be alone, to suffer from the solitude.

“Would you like to stay over tonight?”

He looked up at her. He hadn’t expected that. He should have gone a few hours ago; but he was still there because it felt good for him to be with her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, miss Rose.”

“My house is too big for only me. There’s a guest room upstairs. You can take it.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’m not letting you go with how tired you look.”

John couldn’t refuse. Rose was being stubborn, and she always had the last word. He just sighed and followed her upstairs. It would be a nice change to be sleeping in a house that wasn’t empty for once. Even if that other person was the person he was working for. And that night, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Rose felt relieved to have someone under her roof for the night. She sometimes wasn’t reassured to be home alone. The world was a scary place. So, knowing that John was there helped her sleeping peacefully. Well, almost. Since the last few days, her dreams were plagued with strange things. A blue box and aliens. A man in a leather jacket. That night was the same as usual. Traveling in the blue box with the man in leather. She never saw his face but she was always with him and having great moments. The Doctor, the man who kept running. Maybe she should write a book.

×

John was driving Rose to her photoshoot session a few days later. She hadn’t had any minute of rest since that night. Her mind had been preoccupied with the man in leather jacket. All her dreams were about him, about adventures they had, and she woke up more tired than ever. Sat at the back of the car, she yawned. John had already noticed that she looked exhausted when he had picked her up. He kept looking at her through the rear-view mirror.

“You don’t look good, miss Tyler.”

“’M just tired. Haven’t slept well lately.”

“You should take holidays.”

“And not having your comforting presence around me?” she joked. “Not for me.”

John laughed, and it strangely sounded like the Doctor’s laugh. Rose was silent for a moment. They couldn’t be the same man. They were different. However, she had never seen the Doctor’s face. Maybe she was going crazy. Maybe the lack of sleep was driving her mad.

She did her photoshoot, pushing her exhaustion away, but her mind was elsewhere, dreaming about planets and stars, about a blue box and an old alien. She was fully content with her life but she had the feeling that she could abandon it all just to live a life of adventures with the Doctor. The transition would perhaps be violent at first but she had the soul of an adventurer. She was ready to run for her life – somehow already did whenever fanatics or perverts were chasing her in the streets.

Rose realised she was back in the car when someone beeped the honk and let out a few cursing words which caused John to grumble something. She jerked herself awake and stretched her body slowly. It caught John’s attention. He gave her a sorry smile through the rear-view mirror.

“I’m sorry that woke you up. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”

“How long have I been sleeping?”

“Oh, not so long. Your agent found you sleeping in your dressing room and ordered me to bring you back home.”

“Can we stop somewhere for a coffee or something?”

“Your wish is my command.”

Rose smiled at John tiredly and lost herself in her thoughts while he was driving to the closest coffee shop he knew. He came out of the car and followed her inside to be sure she wouldn’t get into troubles. They sat down in the farthest corner, away from people, to sip their drinks. Rose didn’t speak much and it was worrying John, but he understood she was exhausted. Before they went back to the car, she made a stop to the loo.

“Rose.”

The cold voice surprised her and she turned around to face Mickey. Mickey Smith was her boyfriend when her career had started. They had never really broken up, but Rose had been too busy to see him again. She also had tried to get away from the Estates as much as she could. Only to be caught up with them in the end.

“So that’s it? You’re coming back around, showing off your new toy?”

“John? He’s my driver.”

She could understand his anger. But she wouldn’t let him lash out on an innocent man who was only helping her. Mickey snorted.

“John? That’s what he goes by now? Oh, wait, John Smith. Ordinary name. He’s pretending to be human?”

“I don’t get it.”

“You don’t… Are you kidding me?”

He pinned her violently against the wall and fear overwhelmed her. That boy used to be so sweet, so gentle. What had happened to him?

“His name’s the Doctor! Sarcastic alien with a stupid blue box! Is that coming back to your mind or are you too used to traveling with him to notice little humans anymore?”

The Doctor. The blue box. How could Mickey know about that? New flashes crossed her mind. Memories of adventures and laughs. Memories of all the times she had observed the Doctor when he wasn’t looking. John, the Doctor, the same man. But how was it possible?

“Get away from her!”

John had come in and grabbed Mickey. He forced him to step back as far from Rose as possible while she stayed against the wall, her eyes closed. Mickey was staring at her angrily.

“Are you alright, miss Rose?”

“You can’t deny your roots anymore, Rose! You gotta come home, with me!”

“The Doctor **_is_** my home!” she yelled suddenly.

The memories were back now. She was no model lingerie, and John was no driver. She was Rose Tyler from the Powell Estates and he was the Doctor. He was adventure and danger, he was alien and odd, he was anger and passion, but he especially was the man who made her feel like home when he was standing by her side. Someone was tricking her mind to make her forget about him but it would never happen. She was stronger than that.

×

When she opened her eyes, Rose was laying on a bed in the med bay. The Doctor was standing at the top of her bed, his fingers on her temples. He looked rough and the shadow of a beard was covering his face. He obviously hadn’t had sleep in a while. She blinked a few times. She was confused.

“I’m sorry.” His voice broke, and so did her heart. “They found you before I did. They tried to reboot you so they could use you against me. But you were too strong for them. You’ve locked your mind into a bubble. It was so hard to reach you. But I succeeded. Finally.”

The words had blurted out of his mouth before she could ask any question. He collapsed on the chair close to her bed and rubbed his face. He had spent days in her mind, trying to pop the bubble the less dangerously possible, to get her back to reality. It had been nerve-wrecking for him, but also exhausting. Rose could see that their lives had been on the line so she stayed silent and made some room in the bed for him.

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’m gonna miss you calling me ‘miss Rose’,” she laughed weakly.

He gave her a ‘don’t mock me’ look before he slipped off his boots and got into bed with her. She rolled on her side to curl up against him. She thanked him and kissed his cheek. He felt his hearts beating faster but he was too tired to say anything. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, reassured to have his blonde companion back to her home, back to **_him_**.


	31. Bunny

“What are you doing?”

Rose looked up at the boy by her side. He was tall and dark. He was the bully of the school she was told but they weren’t in school and he had never hurt her. Today, he was wearing jeans full of holes with boots and a leather jacket on a washed-out T-shirt. He was a bit older than her, maybe ten when she was just five. They happened to live in the same district, her with her mother, him… Well, no one knew. He was impressive, threatening, and she didn’t know what to do. Should she run away before he turned her into his new victim? She wasn’t afraid of him. All her friends were but she found him rather cute with his big ears, weird nose and blue eyes. She smiled at him instead of running and his brow furrowed more. He wondered if she was mocking him or something. But she was nice.

“Mummy said Easter Bunny has come. I’m looking for him.”

He snorted, “That’s bullshit.”

“Why do you say so?”

Her smile was gone now. His words were too hard for a little girl with so many dreams in her head. He was having a complete disillusion vision of life but he wasn’t force to share it with everyone.

“She’s making an April’s fool on you. Easter Bunny never existed.”

“That’s not true!”

She was crying now. She was just another victim of his cruelty. She turned around and started running away from him. On her way, she met someone disguised as a bunny with a basket full of eggs. Her tears were forgotten, she had found the Easter Bunny. She followed him to have her chocolates. Her mother had promised she would if she found him. She was very happy. She would run home to show her her price.

x

Jackie was worried. She had asked Rose to go and check at the door if the Easter Bunny wasn’t around so she could hide the sweets she had bought for her in the flat. She ran outside when she realised that Rose had wandered off, unaware of the danger waiting in every corner of the Estates. She found her looking for the damn bunny outside and before she could reach her daughter, she was stopped by one of the neighbours who told her she shouldn’t let her daughter wander alone in the district. As if Jackie didn’t know that! She kept glancing at Rose who was speaking with one of those young gangsters. By the time she got rid of that neighbour, Rose was gone again and her panic rose in her chest. She chased the young boy and quickly caught his arm. He shot her a dirty look but she calmed him down immediately.

“Easy, boy. You’ve been talking to my daughter. Where has she gone?”

“Oh, that’s you the foolish mother teaching bullshits to her kid?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Bunny Easter? I bet she’s believing in Father Christmas and Tooth Fairy too. She’ll never be a normal girl if you fill her mind with crap.”

“Listen you little Dumbo,” she said, threatening, pulling on one of his ears, “that’s not because your youth was destroyed for some reasons that you gotta do the same to every kid around you. Is that clear?” She pulled harder on his ear when he didn’t answer. “Is that clear?”

“Yes!”

“Where has she gone?”

“That way!” He pointed the way Rose had left with the bunny man. “She followed the bunny guy!”

“She better be unharmed or else…”

The message was crystal clear. She let go of the boy and ran in the direction he had shown her, hoping nothing had happened to her lovely daughter. She would never get over it if something was to happen to her precious little cupcake.

x

Rose was still following the bunny man who didn’t seem to have noticed her. She wasn’t looking around her, too focused on the Easter Bunny, or she would have seen that she wasn’t in the Estates anymore. It was darker and it stunk. It was no place for an innocent little girl. She just wanted her chocolates and she was getting in troubles. Her mother would probably be angry at her for going so far away from home alone. She had done it once a few months ago – looking for Father Christmas – and Jackie had been so worried that she had kept her home for weeks. She was only taking her to school and Rose couldn’t get out to play with her friends. But she never learnt and she was doing it again.

The bunny man finally turned around and faced her. Rose stepped back when she saw it was just a normal man disguised as a rabbit and that man looked scary with his dark red eyes, missing teeth and scar on his cheek. Her smile was definitely gone now. She would rather face the bully of her district again than stay here. She looked around her but didn’t recognise her surroundings. She was scared now and she wanted to cry but she put a brave face on.

“Why you following me?”

“For my sweets.”

Bunny man was confused. Easter was above his worries at the moment. He was too drunk to remember what it was and he was just playing the game his friends had started: wandering around town in a bunny disguise. It was just a stupid challenge. So why would this girl follow him in that part of town? This wasn’t a place for her to be. She pointed the eggs in the basket.

“You Easter Bunny. Easter Bunny gives sweets to kids.”

“It’s not for kids.”

Rose wasn’t pleased with that answer. She kicked the man’s leg and ran away. He called her names and ran after her to punish her. She squealed when he caught her arm and tried to defend herself against the bad guy but he was holding her tight, so tight it was hurting her, and tears were rolling down her cheeks as she struggled to free herself. She was terrified now and she could feel the danger. She peed on herself with how scared she was.

Suddenly, he let go of her, surprised by the sudden weight that jumped on his back. Rose fell to the ground, scratching her hands and knees in the process. She realised the boy had followed her and was getting himself in danger to save her from the bunny man. He bit his shoulder, causing the man to let out a loud groan and throw the basket away. All the eggs rolled on the ground as the boy was shaken off. He jumped to the ground and grabbed Rose’s hand. He pulled her up and gave her a grin as the bunny man slipped on one of the eggs.

“Run!” he shouted.

He didn’t give her any time to protest and dragged her away from this dark place. He knew that part of town since he was exploring it a lot to avoid staying at home. They were almost back at the Estates when Rose stumbled and fell again. The boy wasn’t as terrible as everyone was saying since he helped her on his back and carried her to her mother. Jackie was relieved to see her again. She picked her up and held her tight against her.

“Oh Rose, what di I tell you about wandering off?”

“I’m sorry, mummy. I’ve seen the bunny.”

The boy snorted again. If the girl wasn’t told so many bullshits, she wouldn’t be in troubles. But he kept that comment for himself and started going away. He had done his good deed of the day. He wouldn’t be thanked or congratulated by anyone for this. He didn’t need them all to do that anyway. Rose was telling her mother how she had been saved by him and, even if she was mad at him, Jackie thanked him for saving her little girl. Every adult out there in the Estates knew his story, how he was abused by his father at home. A very unhappy kid getting revenge on others but he wasn’t that bad in the end.

“Would you like to come and celebrate Easter with us?”

The boy turned around, astonished. That was the first time someone made a nice offer to him in the neighbourhood. He considered refusing but decided to accept it and see what it was like to spend some time in a lovely family he had just helped…


	32. Bunny

<p align="justify">“What are you doing?”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Rose looked up at the boy by her side. He was tall and dark. He was the bully of the school she was told but they weren’t in school and he had never hurt her. Today, he was wearing jeans full of holes with boots and a leather jacket on a washed-out T-shirt. He was a bit older than her, maybe ten when she was just five. They happened to live in the same district, her with her mother, him… Well, no one knew. He was impressive, threatening, and she didn’t know what to do. Should she run away before he turned her into his new victim? She wasn’t afraid of him. All her friends were but she found him rather cute with his big ears, weird nose and blue eyes. She smiled at him instead of running and his brow furrowed more. He wondered if she was mocking him or something. But she was nice.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Mummy said Easter Bunny has come. I’m looking for him.”</p>

<p align="justify">He snorted, “That’s bullshit.”</p>

<p align="justify">“Why do you say so?”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Her smile was gone now. His words were too hard for a little girl with so many dreams in her head. He was having a complete disillusion vision of life but he wasn’t force to share it with everyone.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“She’s making an April’s fool on you. Easter Bunny never existed.”</p>

<p align="justify">“That’s not true!”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">She was crying now. She was just another victim of his cruelty. She turned around and started running away from him. On her way, she met someone disguised as a bunny with a basket full of eggs. Her tears were forgotten, she had found the Easter Bunny. She followed him to have her chocolates. Her mother had promised she would if she found him. She was very happy. She would run home to show her her price.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="center">x</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Jackie was worried. She had asked Rose to go and check at the door if the Easter Bunny wasn’t around so she could hide the sweets she had bought for her in the flat. She ran outside when she realised that Rose had wandered off, unaware of the danger waiting in every corner of the Estates. She found her looking for the damn bunny outside and before she could reach her daughter, she was stopped by one of the neighbours who told her she shouldn’t let her daughter wander alone in the district. As if Jackie didn’t know that! She kept glancing at Rose who was speaking with one of those young gangsters. By the time she got rid of that neighbour, Rose was gone again and her panic rose in her chest. She chased the young boy and quickly caught his arm. He shot her a dirty look but she calmed him down immediately.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Easy, boy. You’ve been talking to my daughter. Where has she gone?”</p>

<p align="justify">“Oh, that’s you the foolish mother teaching bullshits to her kid?”</p>

<p align="justify">“What is that supposed to mean?”</p>

<p align="justify">“Bunny Easter? I bet she’s believing in Father Christmas and Tooth Fairy too. She’ll never be a normal girl if you fill her mind with crap.”</p>

<p align="justify">“Listen you little Dumbo,” she said, threatening, pulling on one of his ears, “that’s not because your youth was destroyed for some reasons that you gotta do the same to every kid around you. Is that clear?” She pulled harder on his ear when he didn’t answer. “Is that clear?”</p>

<p align="justify">“Yes!”</p>

<p align="justify">“Where has she gone?”</p>

<p align="justify">“That way!” He pointed the way Rose had left with the bunny man. “She followed the bunny guy!”</p>

<p align="justify">“She better be unharmed or else…”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">The message was crystal clear. She let go of the boy and ran in the direction he had shown her, hoping nothing had happened to her lovely daughter. She would never get over it if something was to happen to her precious little cupcake.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="center">x</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Rose was still following the bunny man who didn’t seem to have noticed her. She wasn’t looking around her, too focused on the Easter Bunny, or she would have seen that she wasn’t in the Estates anymore. It was darker and it stunk. It was no place for an innocent little girl. She just wanted her chocolates and she was getting in troubles. Her mother would probably be angry at her for going so far away from home alone. She had done it once a few months ago – looking for Father Christmas – and Jackie had been so worried that she had kept her home for weeks. She was only taking her to school and Rose couldn’t get out to play with her friends. But she never learnt and she was doing it again.</p>

<p align="justify">The bunny man finally turned around and faced her. Rose stepped back when she saw it was just a normal man disguised as a rabbit and that man looked scary with his dark red eyes, missing teeth and scar on his cheek. Her smile was definitely gone now. She would rather face the bully of her district again than stay here. She looked around her but didn’t recognise her surroundings. She was scared now and she wanted to cry but she put a brave face on.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Why you following me?”</p>

<p align="justify">“For my sweets.”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Bunny man was confused. Easter was above his worries at the moment. He was too drunk to remember what it was and he was just playing the game his friends had started: wandering around town in a bunny disguise. It was just a stupid challenge. So why would this girl follow him in that part of town? This wasn’t a place for her to be. She pointed the eggs in the basket.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“You Easter Bunny. Easter Bunny gives sweets to kids.”</p>

<p align="justify">“It’s not for kids.”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">Rose wasn’t pleased with that answer. She kicked the man’s leg and ran away. He called her names and ran after her to punish her. She squealed when he caught her arm and tried to defend herself against the bad guy but he was holding her tight, so tight it was hurting her, and tears were rolling down her cheeks as she struggled to free herself. She was terrified now and she could feel the danger. She peed on herself with how scared she was.</p>

<p align="justify">Suddenly, he let go of her, surprised by the sudden weight that jumped on his back. Rose fell to the ground, scratching her hands and knees in the process. She realised the boy had followed her and was getting himself in danger to save her from the bunny man. He bit his shoulder, causing the man to let out a loud groan and throw the basket away. All the eggs rolled on the ground as the boy was shaken off. He jumped to the ground and grabbed Rose’s hand. He pulled her up and gave her a grin as the bunny man slipped on one of the eggs.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Run!” he shouted.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">He didn’t give her any time to protest and dragged her away from this dark place. He knew that part of town since he was exploring it a lot to avoid staying at home. They were almost back at the Estates when Rose stumbled and fell again. The boy wasn’t as terrible as everyone was saying since he helped her on his back and carried her to her mother. Jackie was relieved to see her again. She picked her up and held her tight against her.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Oh Rose, what di I tell you about wandering off?”</p>

<p align="justify">“I’m sorry, mummy. I’ve seen the bunny.”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">The boy snorted again. If the girl wasn’t told so many bullshits, she wouldn’t be in troubles. But he kept that comment for himself and started going away. He had done his good deed of the day. He wouldn’t be thanked or congratulated by anyone for this. He didn’t need them all to do that anyway. Rose was telling her mother how she had been saved by him and, even if she was mad at him, Jackie thanked him for saving her little girl. Every adult out there in the Estates knew his story, how he was abused by his father at home. A very unhappy kid getting revenge on others but he wasn’t that bad in the end.</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">“Would you like to come and celebrate Easter with us?”</p>

<p align="justify"> </p>

<p align="justify">The boy turned around, astonished. That was the first time someone made a nice offer to him in the neighbourhood. He considered refusing but decided to accept it and see what it was like to spend some time in a lovely family he had just helped…</p>


	33. Loving an angel instead

Rose Tyler was an angel who had fallen on Earth. That’s how everyone was describing her when they were asked to. Starting with her parents. They were calling her just that, their little angel, their beautiful miracle. It wasn’t for nothing of course. There was a whole story behind that nickname they were giving her. They could have called her Angel, but they wanted something more unique and had kept the idea as a lovely nickname. They had chosen the name Rose because of her bright pink cheeks. Rose meant ‘pink’ in French. She was their pink and yellow daughter, all in blonde hair and pink cheeks. A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl who brought love and hope in the life of her parents. She also brought some magic, but that was something they weren’t meant to find out immediately.

The reason why she was being considered as an angel by her own parents was because of the miracle surrounding her birth. Jackie was around her forty when she got pregnant for the first time. Pete and her had tried to have children for years but it never worked until then, as if it was meant to happen when their hopes were completely shattered. The pregnancy had been hard on Jackie and she was under a close medical watch to make sure everything was fine for her and for her little girl. Whenever Jackie was feeling down or rough, she could count on her husband, and on her little baby growing in her belly. She often talked to her and she had the feeling that baby Rose was already having an impact on her, making her feel better. She wasn’t an ordinary baby. Jackie could feel it deep down.

The fateful moment to give birth came on a rainy day of the end of April, and after hours of a long pain and Herculean efforts, Rose was welcomed in this world by her parents and the doctors. Jackie was exhausted of course and she barely noticed that her baby girl was put down on her chest, that her husband was talking to her, and in just a matter of seconds, she was gone. The doctors wanted to do something and were already trying to send Pete and his daughter away but Rose was the first one to react. She started crying, her little hand on her mother’s heart. And the miracle happened. The dreadful flatline disappeared to let the comforting peaks of a beating heart appeared on the screen. The doctors explained the miracle rationally, but for Pete and later for Jackie, Rose was responsible for this. The little Rose had saved her mother. She had been given the gift of life.

Jackie and Pete had kept it a secret. They were giving the rational version to their friends and family: Jackie had been saved by the doctors. No one would have believed them if they had said that their little girl was gifted. There was no proof and human minds were too thick to believe in something so extraordinary. Plus, Rose never showed her ability anymore after that day. She had no reason to either. Her parents were doing well, and they were the only persons there were around her. What had happened the day she was born might have been just a coincidence but Jackie was convinced her little girl was gifted with something special. She didn’t care if people were calling her crazy, she knew her little girl was extraordinary and she didn’t need anyone to tell her otherwise. She was cursing them all if they dared saying anything about her believing.

Rose grew up like a normal little girl surrounding by the love and support of her parents. She loved the little nicknames they were giving her and how they considered her as the most precious thing in the universe. She was a very happy little girl, unaware of the power hidden inside her and only waiting for her to find about it. She had no way to discover about it since her parents were healthy and so was she. She never wondered why the small booboos she had when she was falling and banging her elbows and head in walls and furniture were healing immediately. It was just funny to see the bruises and booboos disappear as quickly as the pain, and it was cool to be able to go back to playing. She was too young to ask questions about this strange thing and so were his comrades. She would be considered as a superhero if they knew but, deep down, she knew she couldn’t tell them. It was her little secret, her superpower.

She was eight when she finally found out about what she could really do with this power of hers. Her mother was trying to help a plant they had back to life after she suffered from a too high temperature in the summer. Rose was observing because she was bored. School didn’t start before a couple of days and her friends weren’t around to play. Jackie asked for her help to keep her busy and Rose did as she was told. As soon as she touched the plant, this one started healing and got back to its full beautiful growth. Rose was impressed by such a miracle and Jackie smiled, as if she had known what was going to happen. This time, the little girl asked questions. She was being curious, and her mother told her how they had found out that she was given the gift of life, how she could heal every living being on Earth with a simple touch.

After Rose found out about her strange power, she was told and taught how to hide it. Such a gift was amazing and could be useful and save a lot of lives but if the wrong persons were to know about it, they would take her away from home to use her to bad ends. Now that she knew about her ability, Rose had a great responsibility on her shoulders and it was hard to handle for an eight years old girl. She shut herself away and took her distances with the little friends she had. She was afraid all the time that someone would find out about her gift. She became very lonely, only able to talk to her parents. She could only be herself around them and they never asked her to heal them when they were sick or hurt. They considered that it would be unnatural. They were meant to suffer and go through these little frustrations. Rose could only use her power when it was really necessary.

She was just sixteen when her parents died in a car accident. She could have saved them both but they had told her not to. They thought that if their time had come, it was for a reason. It was hard on Rose to accept their decision. She was definitely alone now. She had to carry her burden through the days and it was getting heavier, the secret and the loneliness. She left the flat they had always lived in and rented one of her own. She was slowly making her way through life, always hiding her gift. It was harder because it had become stronger. She was having troubles to keep it for herself. That’s why she was filling her flat with plants and flowers she was taking care of. It was helping her to stay in control and to master her gift. She had the most beautiful balcony of the whole district. People were asking her for advices and she was pretending that she was doing it naturally when she wasn’t.

When the grief was too hard to deal with, she used her fake ID card and went to a pub in town. Her gift could heal any physical wound but her grief was out of her abilities and she had to live with it. Alcohol was numbing her mind a few hours and then, she wouldn’t even be sick. What was the point of getting drunk if you didn’t have a hangover after? There was no fun in it. Some people would think it’s a good thing but if she was sick, it would help her mind to think about something else. But her liver and head were recovering almost immediately. She could drink endlessly. Which was quite intriguing for the twenty years old guy sat by her right. He offered her the next drink and she finally lay her eyes on him. She remembered him for being the musician performing on the pub’s stage. Good looking, talented, nice, with a beautiful smile. She smiled back at him and he offered her a hand.

“I’m Jimmy.”

“Rose,” she replied, shaking his hand.

“Lovely name. I’ve seen you coming around a lot lately.”

“’ve got some stuff to forget.”

“You’re pretty young to have regrets.”

“You have no idea.”

“Tell me everything.”

He raised a hand and ordered two new shots. The barmaid poured two drinks and made the glasses slip to them. Jimmy caught them. They bumped glasses together and drank the shots in one go. They put the glasses down on the counter.

“How much of it have you had already?”

“’ve stopped countin’.”

“You’re holding on really well.”

“Always have.”

What she saw in him, she couldn’t tell but something strong was burning tonight, something she would regret months later, but she still allowed it to happen: she fell for Jimmy Stone like the young teenager she was could fall for a boy older than her. She was deeply head over heels for this rebel rocker dedicating songs to her and always having eyes on her despite all the girls fangirling over him. It was all a dream at first. The guy every girl wanted as a boyfriend and she had him. He was making her forget about grief. She was getting the taste of happiness again. She wasn’t so lonely anymore. Jimmy’s friends were her friends. She was part of the band. She was their fan number one, their best promoter. She was giving her opinion on their new music and sometimes she was singing on a song. Jimmy was jealous but it was okay for Rose. He just wanted to protect her from his band mates coming to the pub and having fun slapping her ass.

However, one night, everything changed. Jimmy was trying to become a professional in the music area but it wasn’t an easy thing and he was frustrated. The good phase of their relationship was over and he was showing the bad sides of him. He slowly dived into drugs and alcohol as a permanent thing, instead of just having it to celebrate something, to do the same as his band mates. They thought it was cool and so was he but he was having a hard time handling this new habit. Rose disapproved of this but he wasn’t listening to her. She could just pick the pieces of him when he came home. She loved him so much she was afraid of losing him because of this shit. One night, what had to happen happened: she had stayed up later than usual and he wasn’t there. She waited anxiously until he was and when he was… He could barely walk and collapsed on the ground of the small living room. Rose panicked. He wasn’t waking up, wasn’t reacting at all. He wasn’t breathing it looked like and it made everything worse. Her tears awoke the power that had been sleeping inside her lately and she saved her boyfriend. Oh, fateful mistake!

“Rose?” Jimmy murmured when he opened his eyes.

She hugged him so tight he couldn’t breathe. He was highly confused. He remembered stumbling home with all the side effects caused by a high consumption of drugs and alcohol together. He had experienced being on the edge of an overdose doubled with an ethylic coma. And now, he felt totally lucid. His mind wasn’t clouded anymore. Rose was crying in his neck. What had she done to him? He had always suspected something about her: how she was healing from everything so quickly, how she could take care of plants so well. She was always so secret about this. He was gonna need answers.

“I was so scared! You wouldn’t wake up and… and… I couldn’t let you die… I couldn’t…”

He didn’t need to ask her any question. She was telling him all about her life, about her gift. She was explaining him how she was given the gift of life and how she had had to hide it all her life, how hard it had been to be so lonely because she couldn’t share her burden with anyone. She loved him and trusted him enough to tell him that secret she was living with. She wouldn’t have told it to someone unimportant to her but Jimmy was her anchor. She had lost the will of giving up on life thanks to him. He had brought her back to life and by losing him, she wouldn’t be able to fight and keep her head out of the water. Her love for him was blinding her and she didn’t see the danger in this relationship until it was too late. Her parents had warned her but she had gotten carried out by her feelings and she was gonna pay for it.

He didn’t show anything at first. He accepted her gift, made love to her as passionately as before and shared those little moments of intimacy like before. He was still having those junky nights with his mates and she was healing him from those terrible side effects he could get. Only him and her plants could be given this treatment. No one else knew and could know about it. However, when times got really hard, when Jimmy’s projects were all cancelled because no one wanted to sign with him, he became greedy and violent. She refused to be a victim of his frustration no matter how much she loved him. The first time he laid a hand on her, she ran away from their flat and as far as possible from him. She found herself in the middle of a valley, surrounded by hills where kids were running, playing, laughing. Even though it seemed to be a happy place, Rose had a bad feeling. Something wasn’t right and it was causing her hairs to raise on the back of her neck.

That’s the first time she saw him. That man in black looking so dull and unhappy. She would see him twice in a very short time and this one was the most terrific one in her book. She was watching the kids playing. It was soothing her mind to hear them laughing. She still had that bad feeling that only confirmed itself when a kid running on a hill stumbled and rolled down the long slope. Rose immediately ran to that little boy who was now crying in pain and fright. His back was broken and he was scared of the dark tall man standing by his side without a word. He was holding a hand out to him but there was also this woman knelt next to him. She was talking to him reassuringly and when she touched him, he felt a nice warmth spreading in his body and suddenly the pain was gone and so was the man. He jumped on his feet once Rose was done with him, shouted a quick thank as he was running back to his friends. He was gone but Rose didn’t feel alone at all and when she turned around, she saw him, that dark tall man glaring at her with those piercing blue eyes. If a look could have killed, she would be dead by now.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he barked.

“What do you mean?”

“Saving that boy.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh, don’t play daft with me. I’ve met you all you givers of life, always interfering with my business.”

“Your business?”

“Souls.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Oh, come on!” He rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. “Are you playing with me? Or are you completely dumb?”

“You better not go on that way, mate, or I’ll kick your ass!”

He snorted, “We’ll see each other again, Rose Marion Tyler.”

Before she could ask him how he could possibly know her full name, he was gone and she was alone again. That strange meeting had frightened her to the bones and she ran back to the place she was calling home, to Jimmy Stone. Once again, she told him everything about this man and apologised for leaving the flat, for running away from him when he was all she had. He promised to never do it again. But he was lying and she should have known. It was always like that.

Jimmy was using her and her gift to his own ends. He was making a lot of money on her but she never saw the colour of it. She never saw anything but the small dark room he had locked her into. She could never get out of there. She had an old mattress to sleep on and a bucket for her needs. She was nothing more but a slave he was beating when she wouldn’t do what he asked her to. Sometimes, he would come in and ask for sex. Her feelings tended to accept but her reason pushed him away and he was raping her. She held on, thinking about plans to run away. When she did try, she only got punished harder and she was handcuffed to the heater. As her body was automatically healing, he thought that he could beat her all the wished but when the mind stopped working, stopped hoping, the body followed the move. Or it was just that she was mastering her power. Her body stopped healing and she soon reached a critical situation. She was laying there on the ground, broken, bleeding, dirty when she saw him again. The man in black.

“You’re not on my list yet, Rose Tyler.”

She didn’t know from where he had come from, how he could have come in when the door was locked. He kneeled down by her side and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. His skin was cold against hers but it felt good. Her skin was covered in goose bumps and she would have closed her eyes if she wasn’t so fascinated by his icy blue eyes.

“You’re here to bark at me again?”

“I don’t bark.”

“You do.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be healing yourself?”

“Why would I?”

“Why would you want to die? Givers of life are usually full of optimism.”

“Who are you to know so much about my gift?”

He arched an eyebrow, “You really know nothing then?”

He was surprised and she couldn’t get why. He was so strange, so frightening and so fascinating all at once. She felt serene around him as if she had nothing to fear except for him. But she could hear Jimmy coming back and her panic took over. She tried to prop herself up, pushing his arm away – oh, the nice feeling of his muscles under her hand! – but she only fell back. It was him who sat her up.

“You gotta go. Now. If he finds you here…”

“He can’t see me.”

“I don’t know who you think you are but you gotta go before he comes in…”

Far from leaving the place the way he had come in, he sat down next to her as Jimmy burst in the room, looking pissed. He had been fighting and drinking obviously. The red marks on his face and his cut lip were enough to tell it to her. Now, he was coming for her to heal him or because he was excited enough to rape her. Both it appeared. He jumped on her like the beast he had become and brutally got in her and got what he wanted. He liked it when she was resisting and crying and screaming, when her body was reacting to his touch, when she was forcing herself not to show anything. And the man in black was there, not moving, with a poker face on but a little jump close to the corner of his lips was showing his disgust and scorn for what was happening. Jimmy was done. He got up and pulled his pants up. He walked away, locking the door behind him, despite the fact Rose was laying on the ground, bruised and broken, crying. The man in black slowly got up and straightened his clothes. He looked at Rose in the eyes.

“Some men deserve death, don’t you think?”

He walked through the wall to go in the other room. Soon after, there were police sirens. The door was kicked down and screams filled the flat. As the stupid junky he was, Jimmy resisted and they took him down. The door of the room was opened. Someone talked to Rose but she didn’t hear them. She was drifting away. She was carried out of the room. Her eyes caught the sight of the man in black holding a hand out to the dead body of Jimmy before she fainted.

x

When Rose opened her eyes again, she was facing surroundings she didn’t know. She had come here once a very long time ago but had never had the need to come back since she was healing herself very well. Until she met Jimmy. The smell of antiseptics attacked her nose and gave her a retch. She immediately rolled on her side to get sick but she had nothing to puke since she hadn’t eaten in days. She rolled on her back again and sighed. There was a needle in her arm that had moved when she had rolled on her side. She was connected to a drip and was wearing a hospital gown on her thin body covered in bruises.

“Sleeping beauty has awoken.”

Rose started at the voice. She turned her head to find the man in black sat in the chair by the side of her bed. He had his legs crossed. He looked at ease but a bit bored. Just the sight of him reminded her of everything that had happened. Jimmy had died after the police found out about his illegal activities. She had been saved, but she was alone. Alone in this world. The thought was making her suffocate as if a weight was on her chest. She was drowning. In the middle of her panic, a cold hand cupped her cheek and blue eyes met hers. He never said a word. He just looked at her with his hand on her cheek.

“You can’t stay in here,” he said when she was calm.

But where would she go? And why was he here? He had no reason to be here for her. Her head hurt and she closed her eyes again. She was too tired to think about anything. The man sighed. They needed to move before someone decided to come around. He had made sure everything about her disappeared from this hospital. No one could know about her gift. Humans weren’t ready for people like them. He freed her frail body from the needles and wires it was connected to and gathered her into his arms. Footsteps were coming their way but he was already gone with Rose.

x

Everything was new to her. She was in a room she didn’t know but it wasn’t a hospital room this time. She felt much better than earlier. Had she healed during her sleep? That was the only option she had in mind. She couldn’t think of anything else. She kept her eyes closed. There was a soothing atmosphere in here and it felt good to her. But she was curious about the voices she could hear. One with a very Northern accent and one more like hers. A woman, a Londoner, but from a different district.

“Why are you so interested in her?”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t lie to me. I know you too well.”

“Don’t use that tone with me, D.”

“So what? You think I can’t kick your ass?”

“No, the matter is you’re appearing out of the blue at 3am with that blonde girl in your arms and you’re asking to heal her and keep her here so I can teach her the code of the givers of life.”

“So what? Our grandfather taught you. Time to hand down.”

“That’s it, that’s a family thing.”

“She doesn’t have family. She was living with some waste beating her and using her gift for his own benefit.”

“You like her.”

Whatever the answer was, Rose didn’t hear it. She sat up in bed and slowly got up. She wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and walked out of the room. She was in some sort of flat. A nice flat. It was night outside. What time was it? She followed the voices and got into a small living-room. The man in black was sat in an armchair perfectly comfortable like he had been in that hospital chair.

“Oh, you’re finally awake.”

Not even a smile on his face. She wondered how it was like to always look so dull. He could smile at least. It wouldn’t kill him. He took his time to get up and straighten his clothes.

“Rose Tyler, this is Donna Noble. Donna, this is Rose. You’re both givers of life. She’ll teach you all the rules.”

And he disappeared. No goodbye, no further explanation. He just left, vanished into thin air. Rose was left alone with the tall ginger woman who kept calling him names until she decided it was enough. She turned to face Rose. She sighed. Rose didn’t know what to say, what to do. Should she leave? Where would she go?

“That man was my stupid little brother. Maxence. He’s a bit weird but he’s not a bad guy.”

“He’s scary.”

Donna laughed. He sure was now but she remembered when they were kids. He was such a happy child, always smiling and running around, dreaming about the biggest things. He was five when he was told about his strange gift. A curse as he called it. There had to be a perfect balance in every family: for one giver of life, there had to be a giver of death, a soul reaper, and it was his curse. He was a shadow everyone was scared of. He hadn’t wanted to let this win. He had fought it until he couldn’t anymore. When he was fifteen, he had to reap his first soul. He had never been the same after that. He had never told his sister how it had gone. He had just withdrawn and become the dull guy he was now.

Donna didn’t kick Rose out of her flat. She kept her with her for years. Rose quickly learnt all the rules and she was excellent in practise. She should have gone earlier but Donna had offered her to stay. They were less lonely when someone was sharing the secret. They sometimes were visited by Maxence who was inventing excuses for his presence. He was often visiting his sister before but now, he also came for Rose. He could lie all he wanted, Donna knew him very well. She knew he was feeling something for the little blonde who had grown into a beautiful woman. Donna had told Rose a few things about him. Rose was always fascinated by him. She was since she had met him. But she never dared talking to him about anything else but her progress. And he never spoke much.

They hadn’t seen him in weeks when he reappeared again. It was the middle of the night. Rose was sleeping deeply when the sudden sound of a body collapsing on the ground and a death rattle forced her to jerk awake. She lighted the room and gasped when she saw Maxence, laid on the floor, his hand pressed on his stomach. His face was paler than usual and he was having troubles breathing. He was looking for the person by his side as if he was blind. Which he probably was. He was so hurt it was hard to tell what was the most painful.

“Maxence? It’s me, it’s Rose. You’re home. What has happened to you?”

“I made… I made a mistake…” he stammered.

He was actually trying to reach Donna’s room. He hadn’t wanted Rose to see him like this, even if he had seen her in a similar situation a few years ago. He had even been a witness of her sad fate and had taken her out of there. Now, parts were reversed. Except she couldn’t save him. It was against their rules. Givers of life and soul reapers weren’t even supposed to stay in contact after their full education was done but Maxence hadn’t been able to stay away from his sister. Even less when Rose had come around. But though his boss knew about it, he never said anything. Maybe he was afraid of Donna. Everyone was.

“Donna!” called Rose. “Donna! I need help!”

Maxence was coughing blood now. He was trying to explain Rose that she couldn’t heal him, that she would get in troubles if she did so and he didn’t want her to. Not for him. But Donna was already there. She pressed her hands on his stomach, telling him to hold on.

“No one can hurt a soul reaper,” explained Donna to Rose. Her hands were already healing him. She was experienced enough to be able to focus her power in some parts of her body. She was guiding Rose’s hands for her to help. “No one but another soul reaper. Who did this to you, Max? Is this that Van Statten guy again?”

Maxence protested weakly. He didn’t want to tell them, didn’t want them to heal him and pay the price of it. But Donna insisted and he let her know. Van Statten had set a trap and he had fallen right into it. The renegades Mitchell and Blaine had been waiting for him and they made him pay for the fact he had gotten them into troubles by denouncing their souls trade. The first time had been a warning but Maxence had been tasked with keeping an eye on their activities and tonight, they had found out about him spying on them. They had wanted to kill him but he had escaped and gone to Donna’s. He was fully healed now but he felt weak. His eyes closed themselves.

“Can you get me stuff to clean him?”

Rose nodded but reluctantly left the room. She filled a bowl with water and grabbed a cloth. She brought it all back to Donna. She had put Maxence to bed and tucked him in. He was sleeping it seemed like. Donna thanked Rose and cleaned her brother’s hands and face.

“I’m gonna meet his boss and report this. It can take some time. Stay with him please.”

Rose did. She never left his side all the time Donna was gone. Maxence didn’t wake up. Rose had her heart broken when she thought of the condition he was in when he had arrived. He was better but it was gonna haunt her mind forever. She stroked his face sometimes. His skin was cool. Was it because he was working for Death? Or was he a naturally cold skin guy? She was tempted to lay beside him, to hold him in her arms to warm him up. But she didn’t dare. What would Donna and Maxence think if she did? Maxence wouldn’t have minded. She was asleep, her head on the bed. Her back wouldn’t like her when she would wake up. He slipped his hand through the curtain of her blonde hair, his fingers delicately finding their way to the warm skin of her cheek. She let out a sigh and leant into his touch.

“She loves you, you know?”

Maxence raised his head to meet Donna’s look on him. She was standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorway and observing him. He didn’t need to ask her where she had been, he already knew.

“I’ve done nothing for this.”

“That ‘I’m a big bad guy’ attitude got her.”

“The latest bad guy she dated almost killed her.”

“And you saved her.”

“She was intriguing me.”

“You went against the rules by calling the cops and changing their fates.”

“And you’re in trouble again. You’ve taken her with you.”

“What was I supposed to do? Leaving you to die? You’re my little brother, I can’t let you die because some assholes want you dead for doing the right thing.”

“Maybe was I on their list.”

“Don’t be fucking stupid, Maxence! Grow a pair and do what is right! Don’t let this ruin you, damn it!”

Maxence looked down. Donna had always gone against the rules but everyone feared her. He had done the same a few times too but he had paid the price of it every time. He was not a rebel in his soul like his sister. He was a gentle man with a too heavy responsibility on his shoulders. He shouldn’t have been chosen for such a gift. He should have been given the gift of life. He would have handled it much better.

“How do you feel?”

“Tired still. My body’s regenerating, I guess.”

“You were hurt badly. Without Rose, there would have been more consequences.”

“Wait for it.”

“Don’t be pessimistic.”

“It’s not gonna be that easy, Donna.”

“Get some sleep, I’ll take care of the rest.”

However, Maxence was right and the consequences weren’t long to come. They had crossed the line for the one time too many and there had to be something done. The high authorities of the souls reapers gathered and Maxence was convoked. He gave his version of the events: how he had found out about Van Statten’s illegal trade of souls, how he had denounced him and how it had caused him to be beaten by his friends, how he had been given the mission of spying on Van Statten’s activities and how he had been drawn into a trap that had almost killed him. The authorities didn’t care about the danger he had been in to stop someone like they had ordered him to. They were too focused on the fact he had changed Jimmy Stone’s fate to save Rose Tyler and how his sister had saved his life once again. So, the two women were convoked too to give their own version of the story. They weren’t allowed to see Maxence while they were deliberating. He was locked into a room, alone. He was only brought back in the courtroom when the sentence was about to be pronounced.

“After a close analysis of the facts, we’ve come to a unanimous decision. Maxence Spitz, you are sentenced to the ultimate death.”

“No!” exclaimed Donna and Rose.

“Silence! Mrs Spitz, you were supposed to break off all the tides with your family after the end of your education. We’ve not intervened before since you were both doing your duty properly.”

“And that’s still true.”

“But you’ve gone through the rules once again. As we’re not responsible of you, we can only sentence him.”

“That’s not fair! He’s done everything you’ve asked him and that’s how you’re thanking him?”

She wasn’t given the chance to go to the end of her argument. They were already tying Maxence with solid chains. He would be killed off later that day but they had to make sure he wouldn’t be able to run away. Rose, who had been silent since her statement, suddenly stood up.

“My life for his.”

Everyone stopped in their tracks and looked at Rose. Both Maxence and Donna wanted to protest but he was hit before he could say a thing and Rose stopped Donna by talking again.

“You said families are a brake to the duty but Maxence and Donna have always worked together and they’ve got the best records and scores ever seen. They’ve broken the rules only to stay together and keep up the good work. I’m an orphan. I didn’t even know the rules before Donna taught them to me. I’ll never have as good records as they do. I’m only Donna’s apprentice. You can take my life and spare his.”

“That is not up to us.”

“I’ll do it myself.”

“What?”

“My fate was to die in Jimmy’s hands but he saved me. If I killed myself, everything would be back to normal.”

“That’s unconventional.”

Maxence protested. He refused this option to be accepted. He refused to have his life saved if Rose had to die. He couldn’t allow that. They hit him again and dragged him out of the room. The option had to be studied. Rose was taken to another room and Donna was sent back home. She was left without news, not knowing what they were gonna do with her brother and best friend.

x

That situation lasted for days. Since Rose was a part of the givers of life, she was the responsibly of another authority. An authority that had had to gather and debate about the situation. It appeared after a long discussion that Rose wasn’t in anyone’s record because she wasn’t supposed to be given the gift of life. She was part of those people born in such exceptional circumstances that they developed the gift with the strength of their personality. Rose was a natural and couldn’t be judged because she was superior to all of them that were chosen according to precise details. All her decisions belonged to herself and they couldn’t interfere. She was an Alpha and they were all Betas. That was very annoying for the high authorities of the souls reapers because messing with an Alpha was always troublesome. They couldn’t refuse her offer but they couldn’t let Maxence go unpunished. So, it was decided that Rose would do as she wanted and Maxence was compelled to take her soul and bring her to her last home.

That decision taken, Maxence and Rose were led into a room. It was a small one, very white with nothing but a table with a silver tray. On this tray, there was one single dagger. Maxence was dull, his face was shut and pale. He didn’t want to play that game. He didn’t want Rose to die for him and he didn’t want to be the one taking her soul. The feeling got stronger when Rose ran to him and cupped his cheeks with her warm hands as the doors were closed and locked.

“I was afraid they might have killed you already.”

“They compelled me to live with the weight of your death thinking that this punishment is worse than death itself.”

“You gotta live for Donna.”

“Don’t do this, please.”

“You’ve saved my life. Let me pay you back.”

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. He had never been so close to her through the years, which had been quite frustrating for her since she had fallen in love with him. She grabbed the dagger silently.

“I’m sorry, Maxence. I wish we had more time together.”

“I beg you, don’t do this.”

“I have to.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I do too.”

The dagger was very close to her stomach now and she was about to pierce her flesh when his hand caught hers on the handle and stopped her move. She was struggling against him but he was stronger than her. Tears were running down her cheeks. His eyes were full of the same sadness but there was also a cold determination, and she didn’t understand it until she felt the warm fluid slip between her fingers. It wasn’t hers, she wasn’t hurt. He gave her a sorry smile.

“I’m sorry. This is how it should end.”

“No,” sobbed Rose.

The dagger fell to the ground. He had taken her hand only to turn the weapon against himself. She couldn’t hurt him but he could do it himself. And he had done it. Her expression of despair broke his heart. His blood was on her hand and it was driving her crazy. She could have picked the dagger and killed herself but she chose the other option. She kissed him, desperately, and as she did, he could taste the salt of her tears and feel the power of life running into his veins and healing him. She was saving him once more but there was something else. The power of life mixed to the strength of her love for him was changing him. She was taking something away from him. He would find out later that she had actually softened his curse by taking a part of it in her and giving him a part of her gift in return. By doing so, she had abolished all the rules that would apply to givers of life and souls reapers. They both were half giver of life and half soul reaper which meant they were a new race no one had authority on.

That new status was what saved them both from a certain death after they defied the laws again. The souls reapers found them together in that room, their hands covered in blood and the bloody dagger on the ground but no dead body. They stopped in the doorframe, sensing that something was wrong about them. They made them go through some tests and when the results fell, no one knew what to do anymore. They had no power over this new race they were a part of. Maxence and Rose were allowed to come home. They could work together as life and death and they could love each other without the laws bothering them, and Maxence could protect his sister like she had always protected him…


	34. Is this a dagger?

“Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible to feeling as to sight? or art thou but A dagger of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? I see thee yet, in form as palpable as this which now I draw. Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; and such an instrument I was to use. Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses, or else worth all the rest; I see thee still, and on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood, which was not so before. There’s no such thing: It is the bloody business which informs thus to mine eyes. Now o’er the one halfworld…”

The Doctor interrupted his soliloquy, offended by the giggles he could hear from his companion. She had been smiling at first when he started performing one of the most famous lines of the tragedy _Macbeth_. It had all begun with one of their tiny argument caused by a misunderstanding. They were relaxing in the media room and Rose had wanted to watch a movie. She was looking through the shelves of DVDs to find something nice when she had stumbled upon a romcom that made her quote _Romeo and Juliet_. He had retorted that he was more a fan of Macbeth who was a real tragic hero manipulated by his wife and their thirst for power that led him to his bloody end. And he had chosen to recite the soliloquy preceding Duncan’s death to impress her with his theatre skills. In vain.

“What?”

“Sorry.” She didn’t look sorry at all as she wiped the tears of laughter away from her eyes. “It’s just… you were so…”

“Impressive?”

“No.” She bit her lip not to laugh again. “Serious. As if your life depended on these lines and…”

She couldn’t finish her sentence because she was back at laughing. He folded his arms over his chest, definitely offended now. He hated being mocked, especially when he was trying to make a point. But it was something Rose was always doing. Him, the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Death was being mocked by a little human. That was offensive.

“Alright. Laugh as much as you want but on my next life, that daft old face you’re unfairly mocking, is playing Macbeth on one of the most prestigious stage.”

“Broadway?”

The Doctor snorted. She was still laughing at him and despite being really irritated by this behaviour, he couldn’t really be mad at her. Her laugh was heaven and he couldn’t get enough of it in a day.

“My dear Rose, you have to know that even if I’m not fond of Shakespeare, it’s part of my immeasurable knowledge.”

“You’re trying to be impressive again.”

She had stopped laughing now but she still had that impish spark in her eyes that was telling him that she was ready to burst out in laughter at any chance he would give her. She had the tracks of her tears on her cheeks and her make-up was ruined.

“So, what’s the link between Shakespeare and Broadway and you?”

“There’s no Broadway.”

“You said prestigious.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s Broadway.”

“What is it then?”

“Ever heard of Stratford-upon-Avon?”

“Nope.”

“A lovely city. Shakespeare’s birth town. They make a real business with his name out there.”

“Humans make profit of everything.”

“Anyway, they have that theatre, the _Royal Shakespeare Company_. Beautiful building by the Avon with a huge park. Very nice for walks.”

“We don’t just walk. We run.”

“True.”

“Now, what’s the link between the Doctor, Shakespeare and this theatre? Wait… you’ve met Shakespeare and helped for the construction of the building, am I right?”

“I wish I have, but that’s not something I’ve done. I’ve spent some time alone after… well, after the war. I like seeing a good play. Maybe that’s why I’m playing on that stage in the near future.”

“I can’t believe it.”

The Doctor huffed. Why no one believed him when he was telling them he was a good actor? That he was worth playing on a big stage? He was gonna prove her wrong. It was crossing his timeline and meeting his future self and he shouldn’t – really shouldn’t – do this but he would do it anyway. ‘ _Something wicked this way comes_ ’ after all…

He ran to the console room and entered the coordinates for Stratford-upon-Avon on Earth. Year 2018. Period, anytime from March to June as long as there was a performance where he was on stage. The TARDIS protested. She hated when he was doing this, crossing his timeline for personal purposes. It always led to a huge mess he was running away from. He soothed her, promised he wouldn’t even come out. He was just proving a point for Rose and leaving the place. She wasn’t convinced, but he had to take the risk still. He couldn’t let anyone mock him about anything. Even if it came from a friend. His ego could be so stupid sometimes.

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

Rose had followed him to the console room. She was now sat on the pilot seat and observing him with an amused smile on her lips. She loved teasing him and watching him grumble in his corner.

“Sulking.”

“Time Lords don’t sulk.”

“Time Lords in general I don’t know, but you do.”

“I don’t.”

Rose chuckled. The Doctor parked the TARDIS in a private part of the theatre. He pulled out his psychic paper and gave it to Rose. She took it, dubitative.

“I’m taking too many risks by just being there. Pretend it’s your ticket and they’ll let you in. See you after the performance.”

The Doctor hated letting Rose wander off on her own while he was stuck in the TARDIS but as much as he loved poking on troubles with a stick, he would play it safe this time. He read the play for the umpteenth time to keep his mind off of the fact that Rose was alone in this theatre. For once, he had scanned the area, made sure there was no threat – alien or human – and kept looking at his watch. He felt better only when Rose came back in the ship, when she closed the door behind her.

“Well, you were right,” she admitted. “You’ll be a breath-taking Macbeth.”

“Thank you.”

“I hope I’ll still be around to congratulate you at that time.”

She winked at him and went to her room. She took a nice and warm shower and changed into her pyjamas. When she came out of her bathroom, the Doctor was sat on her bed, picking food from a tray he had brought. To her arched eyebrow, he shrugged.

“Thought you’d be hungry.”

“Thought you weren’t into domestics.”

“‘M not.”

Rose sat by his side and picked some of the food on the tray. There were chips of course, but not only. The Doctor had added some healthy food. But beside that, he wasn’t domestic at all. When she was done eating, she put the tray aside and lay down. He did the same. Both of them were watching the ceiling now. A habit they had gotten after their meeting with the Dalek.

“Can you do something for me?”

“If it falls within my abilities.”

“I’d like you to recite that soliloquy again”

“Which one?”

“After the lady dies.”

One of the most famous soliloquies of the play obviously. One of the saddest too. He stayed silent a few minutes and then, he started speaking, keeping his voice low, his northern accent making the lines more intense.

“She should have died hereafter. There would have been a time for such a word. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of our recorded time and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s nothing but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”


	35. Get it right

Maxence was a barman in one of the numerous night clubs of the town. He liked his job. He just didn’t like the place he had been hired in. He wasn’t a fan of night clubs. They were full of noises and the music was awful. The population here wasn’t over 30. Most of the time, they didn’t have over 25. He hated all of them those pretentious brats thinking they were better than him, thinking he should let them drink until they passed out in the toilets. He wasn’t getting many tips from them, but lots of insults. He was doing it for their safety, as much as they hated it. He was also doing it for himself. It was a chore to be directed to clean their mess when they fought or puked because they were too drunk. It had happened a few times and that’s why he hated being in charge of the closing of the establishment.

He was a barman but he wasn’t drinking alcohol. He wasn’t touching that poison because he knew how many damages it could cause to anyone. However, he could understand that some people wanted to forget some things from their lives. It was getting hard out there. Money, war, attacks… He felt like he was living in Hell sometimes. He was sort of detached of it all though. He was working all night and sleeping all day. The only personal drama he had lived in his life happened when he was two years old. He couldn’t remember but he would wear the scars forever. Anyway, he had gotten over it, without the help of alcohol or drugs. Only by fighting and getting a life worth it. Which hadn’t been quite easy. Fate seemed to like betting on him when it came to difficult ordeals. So far, he was a good horse to bet on.

First, he had survived the deadly love of his father who thought that stroking his face with clenched fists and his back with a belt was the right way to raise him. Then, a blood disease had been thrown into his way. He had had to fight it only to be free of it at 20. His teenage years had been ruined by this fight he had to go through with his mother alone since he had no friends. He had been spending most of his time home or in a hospital room, taking meds. Because of that, he had been homeschooled. Reaching the adult life with such a past had been quite hard for him. He had had a lot of small jobs, couldn’t apply to prestigious jobs because, despite the fact he was clever, he only had his A-levels and no one wanted him. Especially since he could have a relapse at any time. It wasn’t easy on him already and this was making him feel worse when he had to face refusal for befuddling reasons.

Of course, he wasn’t telling his mother the struggles he was having to find a job. Joanne had been fighting for him all along his childhood and teenage years, he didn’t want her to have to do it again in his adult life. He wanted to do it by himself. However, fate decided to go against him once again when Joanne caught him reading the classified ads of a newspaper in the pub she thought he was working in. He had had to tell the truth on this one and she had spoken with a friend of her she was having sort of an affair with. That man was very gentle and Maxence was okay with him dating his mother. Obviously, that was giving him some advantages. The man was the owner of a couple nightclubs and he had trained Maxence to be a barman. That’s how he had ended up behind that counter.

Despite the young people looking for troubles with how strict he was with alcohol and drugs, working as a barman in that night club was pretty nice. He could observe people and meet new persons. Something he had never had the chance to in his youth. He wasn’t making friends but he was an excellent listener for everyone who were heavy-hearted. Those people were sometimes very grateful and were giving him a good tip he would later use to buy something he really wanted but couldn’t afford with his normal salary. He couldn’t complain. After years of struggle, he was finally having a stable life and he was healthy. He was always terrified whenever he got a cold, when he was coughing or when his throat hurt but after a few false alarms, he had stopped going to the doctor or the hospital. He was dealing with it all by himself now.

x

Rose was a young artist who was struggling to find her place in the world. It was quite a hard thing when art was more and more considered as useless and _‘too expensive for what it was’_. How many times had she had heard this when she was trying to sell her paintings? It was frustrating but she never gave up. She believed that one day her talent would be seen, that people would want to have a _‘Bad Wolf’_ in their living room. For now, all her masterpieces were gathering dust in a room of her flat. There was a lot of them in that workshop. It used to be a little studio that was now littered with unsold paintings and art supplies. She should have stopped hoping and trying a long time ago but something was making her continue on that way instead of finding a ‘real’ job. That also was something she had heard too often.

What people didn’t know when they mocked her art and rejected her was the fact that painting was the piece keeping her whole being together. Rose was a mess without her brushes and canvas. She wasn’t speaking to anyone about the weight on her heart, about the things that had happened in her life. Only one person knew about it: Olivia Baxter, her best friend and also girlfriend. Rose was expressing herself in her art. It was giving her some relief to the painful memories. The only relief she could expect in her life. That was why she hadn’t stopped painting when it wasn’t leading her anywhere. With no A-levels and almost no education, she had no chance to get a proper job either. That’s why she was placing so much hope in her art. She was just not living in the right world. She had had this idea in mind since forever.

Rose was an orphan. She had lost her parents when she was just a baby and placed in her orphanage where she had met Olivia. None of them had never been adopted. They had gone from foster families to foster families but they never kept them. When she was sixteen, Rose fell in love with a rebel called Jimmy Stone. He was the one responsible for most of her hardships. Naive teenager that she was, she hadn’t seen the danger he represented until it was too late, until he had her under his yoke. He made her drop her studies, cut herself away from her only friend and when she had no one left, he broke her completely with psychological and physical torture that had left her so scarred she didn’t expect anyone to love her again after that. She was wrong because the only person that had loved her and would always love her was by her side since the beginning.

Olivia, who preferred to be called Liv, had been taken in a foster family when she was fifteen. Around the same time that Rose ran away with Jimmy, leaving her alone behind. Around the end of the year, her foster dad had come into her room and raped her. She was brought to the orphanage a few days later with the excuse that she was a troublemaker. A few weeks after she came back, she had gotten sick. So sick a hospitalisation had been necessary. They had found out she was pregnant and she had gone through a miscarriage. They had made her go through a useless surgery that had caused her to not being able to have children anymore. The foster father was never blamed for this. No one believed Liv. Except for Rose. Rose who had come back to the orphanage after she was saved from Jimmy.

After that day, they became inseparable. Liv had forgiven Rose for giving up on her, for choosing Jimmy over her. A part of her was still afraid that Rose might do it again but she had promised she never would and she had proved it for the fifteen years that had followed. Now they were together in a relationship and they had never been so happy. They were completing each other and understanding each other better than anyone would ever understand either of them. They were sharing a nice flat in town but Liv was the one paying for it all with the small salary she had as a doctor in the public hospital. Rose didn’t have any sort of financial help from the town and no one was accepting her for little jobs. It was becoming hard for her to see Liv working so hard while she was doing nothing, sitting in the middle of paint pots and brushes.

Today again, she found herself sitting in the living room where she was now ‘working’ since her studio was full. There were brushes and paint pots and pots full of water all around her but her canvas was desperately blank. So was her sketch book. Her mind kept going back to Liv who wouldn’t be home before 11 that night. Liv who was exhausted because she worked for two. And Rose couldn’t let this happen. She couldn’t let her friend kill herself to work for her. This part of her life was over now. She would preserve Liv from suffering more than she had already. It was too much for her. Olivia Baxter was a precious and pure woman who deserved better than the burden she had become over the last few months. She was gonna have a better life from now on because Rose had made up her mind.

She cleaned her mess and cooked a dinner for her friend. She was a bit off. She was thinking about the words she would say to Liv when she would be home. She was gonna break her heart and she hated herself for it. She wouldn’t break her promise though. She would remain her friend, her best friend. Always and forever. She just didn’t want to be a burden for her anymore and so, she had to break up and start living on her own. As much as she hated herself for this sudden decision, she knew it was the right one. For her, for Liv, for their friendship. Liv would be heartbroken of course and Rose felt her own heart break at the thought because she loved the doctor with all her heart. It almost made her change her mind. Almost. She couldn’t go back now. She had to go to the end of it. As much as it hurt.

Liv came earlier than Rose had thought she would. It was barely seven when she heard the front door, when she heard Liv sighing as she got rid of her coat and purse close to the entrance. The doctor was exhausted but she still had enough energy for some tenderness. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and pressed a kiss to her neck. She smiled at Rose’s soft moan of pleasure and placed her head on her shoulder, her eyes closed. Rose’s heart was racing now. She was afraid to make a move, to say a word. She was completely paralysed by the mission she was forcing herself into. She swallowed the lump in her throat and let go of what she was doing. She leant against Liv despite her reason screaming her not to make things harder on her. She really should listen to her instinct sometimes. It would preserve her from troubles.

“Long time you haven’t cooked anything,” remarked the doctor. “What does this mean? Any good news?”

“Unfortunately, not,” sighed Rose. “The boss of the last art gallery I’ve sent my work to called this morning. He said my art doesn’t suit their standards.”

She hated how her voice broke at the admission of this new failure. It was too much for her to handle. She wasn’t worth anything. She had heard it for thirty years now and she just couldn’t take it anymore. Liv turned her around to face her and softly kissed her head. She tightened her embrace.

“I’m sorry, Rosie. I wish I could do more for you.”

“You’re already doing more than you should, Livie. You’re ruining your life for me. I don’t deserve you.”

“Rose.” Liv slipped two fingers under her girlfriend’s chin and gently made her look up. Their eyes met. Rose’s soft amber ones were full of tears she was refusing to let go. “I know this is just a bad period in your life. You’ve been there for me after I was raped, when I had this miscarriage. You’ve been there to help me through the hard times that followed, while I was putting myself back together…”

“We helped each other. I wasn’t better than you.”

“But you were stronger than me.”

“And you’ve overcome every ordeal to become the talented doctor you are now. Look at me, I’ve remained that lost girl with no education and no future.”

“You can still resume your studies. Get your A-levels.”

“I don’t have the money for this.”

The more she was speaking, the more the weight of all her failures was falling on her shoulders and crushing her. Liv seemed to feel it since she pressed her lips against the blonde’s and wrapped her tighter in her arms, as if that simple embrace could take away everything that was bothering her. This move made the artist break down and she buried her head into the doctor’s shoulder to hide her tears as her hands gripped the back of her shirt. Liv didn’t move. She just held the trembling body of her girlfriend against her, rubbing her back, kissing her head, murmuring soft words in her ear.

“I’m sorry, Livie. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t…”

“Shh. It’ll be okay. You just need to have a break. We should go somewhere and…”

“No.”

Rose shook her head and gathered all her courage to look up, to look at Liv in the eyes. She swallowed. It was now or never.

“Liv, I can’t always count on you. I gotta find a way to success in life by myself. Knowing that you’re behind me if I fail is reassuring but I won’t go anywhere that way.”

“What…”

“I gotta leave. I gotta find my way. Alone.”

“Are you…”

“Yes.”

To be sure she wouldn’t go back on her words, Rose broke their hug and stepped back from Liv. The confusion and sadness were whirling in her green eyes. The artist softly kissed her cheek and grabbed her coat. She left the flat without any other word. It would have been the last straw. She needed some time alone.

x

The nightclub was full tonight and the music was pounding in the building. Loads of young people were moving along the music. Maxence was observing them all. He wondered what was the point of just coming here to be pressed against people and to pretend to be dancing only to flirt with each other. This was always ending in the toilets with a few minutes of drunk sex. Something that had never happened to him. First because he was the barman and was always sober. Second because no one, man or woman, was looking at him or flirting with him. He had quite a look too with his weird shaped nose and big ears, the light wrinkles around his eyes and the large forehead. Sometimes, he wondered what it felt like to be one of those handsome guys all the women wanted. But he just couldn’t see himself as one of them.

Maxence sighed and adjusted the earplugs in his ears. Not only was he having big ears but they were also very sensible to the noise and he had to wear those earplugs not to become deaf or suffering from tinnitus and migraines. Once again, he wasn’t complaining. He had a job, that’s all that mattered. He served a newly formed couple – he had seen them ‘dancing along the music’ before the woman snogged the boy at least ten years younger than her – with two cocktails he had invented during his free time. They were very appreciated. That was why is boss had added them on their board and insisted on the fact that he was free to create more if it was working so well. Everything to bring more money in. He was usually earning a percentage on the sales. A sort of reward for his hard work in this place.

As no one seemed to come around the bar for now, he decided to try something new. He watched the people, picked a couple of them and associated them to alcohol. Even if he wasn’t drinking any alcohol, he knew what he was doing. Some drinks couldn’t be mixed and some others just went perfectly together, as surprising as it could be. He was filling a shaker when that blonde woman sat down at the bar right in front of him. He hadn’t seen her on the dance floor. He would have noticed her earlier if she had been in that crowd. She didn’t look like a woman that would go unnoticed by all the men hunting their next prey here. She was rather small but her clothes were suggesting curves that would make any man around here go mad to stroke them. She was not a natural blonde, or she was having strands done on her.

Maxence poured the new drink in the appropriate glass and added ice cubes, a straw and one of those stupid paper umbrellas. He pushed the glass containing a lovely pink fluid toward her. She hadn’t ordered anything but it would come. She wasn’t like any of the people around here. He would recognise her behaviour anywhere though. He had seen and served hundreds of them before. The heartbroken. Not only was he dealing with new couples that would last a few hours, but he also had to deal with heartbroken people who had just broken up with their long companion or who had just been dumped. Being a barman often guaranteed you a therapist training.

“So what’s the name?” he asked her.

Those were the first words he asked the heartbroken people. Usually, they were the first ones to speak, saying how they were feeling rough, how they needed something strong to drink. She raised her head, looking up at him, who was leaning on the counter on his crossed arms, and her whiskey brown eyes met his.

“I’m sorry?”

She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard what he was saying. The music was also covering his voice.

“Who is responsible for the pain I see on your face?”

“Oh,” simply said Rose, looking down again. “The name’s Liv. But I’m the one who hurt her by breaking up.”

“Sounds like you loved her a lot.”

She looked at him again. His eyes weren’t showing any kind of judgement and it felt weird to her who had always been judged for everything. He wasn’t even showing any reaction to her being a lesbian. For that too, she was used to be judged.

“I did. Still do.”

“Why the breaking up then?”

He arched his eyebrows in surprise and that showed wrinkles on his large forehead. Rose was finding him cute. Gentle and cute. He was different from everyone she had known so far. It was a change.

“That’s a complicated story. Let’s say I just needed to do things by myself for once.”

“That’s something I can understand.”

Always counting on someone wasn’t the best of plans. His mother was behind him because of his past. She was helping him and overprotecting him because of his disease that could come back at any time. He was her only son and she wanted the best for him. But he knew that he had to do things on his own. For his sake.

“Got something interesting to drink here?”

“A couple. I’ve just created this cocktail. Still lookin’ for a name.”

He pointed to the pink drink in front of her. She looked at it, intrigued. He pushed it toward her with the tip of his forefinger.

“It’s on the house. Tell me what you think.”

“It’s not some sort of flirting, heh?”

“I’m the most awkward with people barman you’ve met. I don’t flirt. I don’t drink.”

“So you offer drinks to people to socialise. That’s a good plan.”

“Only if the drinks are drinkable.”

She chuckled. This man, this stranger, was making her smile when she wanted to drink and cry until she passed out on the counter. It was the first time she was coming here but it probably wouldn’t be the last. Her lips circled the straw and she sipped a bit of the pink fluid. She closed her eyes and let a moan that was inaudible with the music.

“That thing is _fantastic_! How do you do that?”

“That is my secret,” he replied with a grin.

She felt her heart flutter and warmth filled her to the core. That man wasn’t handsome, not in her book, or anyone else’s book, but he was gentle, polite and his smile was precious.

“You’ll have to tell me more, mister.”

“The name’s Maxence. Max for short.”

“Pretty cool. I’m Rose.”

“Nice to meet you, Rose. You’re approving of that cocktail then?”

“Totally approving.” She took another sip. “You should call it Olivia.”

“Why?”

“That’s the full name of my best friend,” Rose shrugged. “And she’s an amazing woman.”

“And she’s the one you’ve just broken up with.”

“Doesn’t mean she’s not wonderful.”

“But I don’t know her.”

“I do and I’m the first one to taste it. Doesn’t it give me a right on the name?”

“Alright. ‘Olivia’ that is. If it works, it’ll be on the board soon.”

New customers came to the counter and he had to serve them. He occasionally glanced at Rose who was enjoying her ‘Olivia’ and smiling at him whenever she caught his eyes on her. She couldn’t say goodbye to him as he was away when she left the nightclub pretty tipsy but she put the little money she had left in his tip’s jar. It was the only one to be empty. She wondered why. Maxence was a very nice guy.

x

Rose came every night for a full week after that talk they had. She wasn’t drinking – couldn’t afford it – except when he was offering her the cocktails he was creating. She was staying past the closing time to help him with cleaning the place and when he was offering to accompany her back home, she was afraid to tell him that she was sleeping in her car since she had broken up with Liv. Liv who was calling her to have some news. But Rose wasn’t answering. She couldn’t face her, couldn’t face her pain, couldn’t face her begging to have her back. She wasn’t telling any of this to Maxence. They were speaking of everything but not about Rose’s past relationship.

“Tell me, Max, how do you create those cocktails?”

Maxence threw the tea towel on his shoulder and leant on the counter for Rose to hear him speak. She was always amazed how he could hear her despite the music and his earplugs. He had joked on the fact it was his superpower.

“It’s easy. Look at those people,” he pointed to the dance floor. “I see each one of them as a different alcohol.”

“That’s obviously a barman thing.”

“Obviously.”

“And then?”

“If I find that a couple of them goes well together, I pick the alcohol and try the mix.”

“And what if it’s disgusting?”

“I’m the one cleaning the mess. And so far, you’re the only one who’ve tried my cocktails and you haven’t been sick.”

“You’ve been lucky.”

“I’m gifted.”

“You think you’re so impressive.”

“But I am so impressive!” he retorted, offended.

He stood up straight and went to serve new persons. When he came back to her, he had unbuttoned the first buttons of his black shirt and Rose could see some points tattooed on his skin around his neck and shoulder. She pointed on it.

“Cancer?”

Maxence looked down on what she was showing him and his smile disappeared. He buttoned his shirt back up – some drunk customers liked trying to undress him and he had to let them do – and didn’t answer yet. He pretended to clean the counter.

“I’m sorry, Max. That’s none of my business.”

“Remission. For fifteen years.”

His voice didn’t have that playful tone he usually had when they were speaking and she noticed his hand trembling on the towel he was using to clean the counter. It was a sensitive subject. She shouldn’t have spoken about this.

“Quite a fighter, me.”

“Good,” she said with a small smile. “Wouldn’t want my second best friend to disappear suddenly.”

Her words surprised him and he dropped the towel he was holding. He darted his icy blue eyes on her and she could read the surprise he was feeling. He wasn’t used to people being his friend obviously. He grinned at her and she gave him that tongue poking smile that was her signature. He served a few other customers – Friday always brought loads of people – and came back to her. He leant on the counter and his lips got closer to her ear. For a moment, she thought he was gonna kiss her, but he did nothing of this sort.

“That man at the other side of the counter is literally devouring you with his eyes.”

Rose pretended to laugh at his words and replaced a strand of her behind her ear to discreetly look at the man in question. He was sat at the very end of the counter with a glass of what seemed to be whiskey. He indeed wasn’t taking his eyes off of her. He was kinda cute with his blonde hair and black hoodie. Someone all the girls would want around, but Rose preferred a barman over a playboy.

“What do you associate him with?”

“One I never use for the sake of my customers.”

“Which means?”

“ _Everclear_. Colourless, odourless, tasteless.”

“Are you deducting it all from just his looks?”

“ _Everclear_ is one of the strongest alcohol on the market. Could kill you with one sip.”

“I think I’m gonna take the challenge.”

“Oh, she loves danger.”

_A bit too much maybe_ , she thought to herself as she made her way to the pretty boy – Harold, he introduced himself. She could see Maxence was disappointed in her choice but since he wasn’t making any move himself… Harold was charming and she entered his game. It was stupid of her to be playing that drinking game, to get wasted with a stranger. A part of her hoped that Maxence would stop her from sinking her still broken heart in that stupid and dangerous game but he was back at cleaning the counter and serving people. He was bringing them whatever Harold was ordering him – who was being nice to Maxence but Rose could feel a disguised disdain behind his words. At least, she could feel it at first but the more she was drinking the shots of alcohol Harold ordered, the more she was losing it.

Rose hated losing the control, especially with strangers. She knew all too well where it was leading her to. So, she faked an urgent need to pee to get away from this man she barely knew. She slipped a few pounds under her glass for Maxence. She intended to sneak through the back door after a few minutes. Harold was a nice man but something about him was giving her the chills and she preferred leaving before it went all wrong. She had had that feeling with Jimmy before and she didn’t want to experience that again. Harold tried to hold her back but she promised him she would be back and ordered an ‘Angela’ to Maxence to prove her point. Earlier, she had explained to him that the barman was creating cocktails and giving them girls’ names. Harold had said that it was ridiculously pervert and Rose had retorted that she didn’t mind the name as long as she could drink it.

Harold reluctantly let her go and she made her way to the woman’s bathroom. After a full week here, she knew the place well enough to find her way alone through the crowd. She felt Harold’s eyes on her until she disappeared in the bathroom. She locked herself in a booth and sat down on the toilet seat, sighing shakily. She hoped Maxence had understood her message, that Harold wouldn’t come after her to _‘see if she was alright’_. Why had she done something as stupid as flirting with someone? Someone she was told was dangerous? She closed her eyes as the world was spinning around her. Too much alcohol. She had to go back to her car quickly. She slowly got up and stopped in her tracks when she heard Harold’s voice. He had come to see if she was okay. She was screwed.

x

Maxence took the empty glasses and shooters left by Harold and Rose and put them in the sink to wash them later. He grabbed the money on the counter and looked at it, confused. Rose never put money here usually. She was filling his tips jar with the little she had. All evening, she had let Harold buy her drinks and Maxence had seen her getting dangerously drunk. He wouldn’t allow them to have any more alcohol. Rose knew his rule about drunk people. That’s why he didn’t understand why she had ordered another drink when she clearly had enough. He slipped the money in his pocket and washed the glasses. He dried them and put them back on the selves behind him. It was the end of the night. The closing time was coming and people were slowly leaving the place. But neither Rose or Harold had come back.

He had observed them all evening. He couldn’t understand why Rose had chosen to spend that night with Harold when he had told her he wasn’t a good guy. Maxence personally knew him. They had lived in the same district and the rare times he could go out, Maxence had been bullied by Harold. Later, he had found out that the kid was into all sort of traffics. A bad guy you didn’t want your friend to get involved with. So Maxence wasn’t jealous of their new friendship, he was just worried. Worried of what Harold could do to Rose. Rose had glanced at him a couple of times and he had just given her a small polite smile. However, when she had insisted on him giving her an ‘Angela’ before pretexting she was going to the bathroom was leaving him dubitative. What had she meant by an ‘Angela’? He had nothing of that name on his board.

He rubbed his face and cleaned his area. The bouncers were intervening in a fight. More and more people were leaving. Maxence added a couple of empty glass bottles in the crates under the counter. That’s when he saw the note they had tapped here a few months ago. His heart sank. ‘Angela’. Rose had given him the code name and he hadn’t been able to understand. Immediately, he jumped over the counter and ran to the women’s bathroom. No one. He opened the back door that was going into a small alleyway where they were parking the bins. He heard her voice before he saw them. Harold had pinned her against the wall and was holding her wrists above her head with a hand as the other was stroking Rose’s skin under her shirt. His lips were busy kissing – was he biting instead? – the tender skin of her neck.

Maxence grabbed him by his hoodie and pushed him away, placing himself between Rose and Harold who was stumbling back. He smirked when he saw Maxence.

“The little sick boy has grown up! But is he still the little mummy’s boy who couldn’t fight?”

Harold didn’t give him any time to answer and ran on him. Maxence took the first blow but didn’t fall. He pushed Harold away. Behind him, Rose was trembling, hugging herself. She couldn’t believe she had fallen into that trap again when she was told the man was dangerous. Now she was watching her friend and her almost second rapist fought. One for her safety, the other one just for the pleasure of hurting someone. Harold obviously had the advantage and Maxence was just defending himself. She remarked he wasn’t hitting Harold at all. He was just taking the blows. She forced herself out of her catatonic condition and ran inside the night club to get some help. Harold threw Maxence to the ground and kicked him in the ribs. He was laughing but Maxence was no fun because he wasn’t fighting back.

“So what? That’s all you’ve got?”

Maxence tried to get up. He was coughing and spitting blood. He would need a stop by the hospital for sure. Harold kicked him in the ribs again before he was pinned to the ground by one of the bouncers. Rose helped Maxence up.

“Why have you done this?” she reprimanded him.

She had been so scared for him as he was being beaten by Harold and just not hitting back. She helped him to her car and drove him to the closest hospital to be sure he was okay. The doctor knew him well. The exams were complete. He was better than he actually looked. A few bruises, a split lip, cracked ribs. He would be better in a couple of days but he couldn’t go back to work until next week. It would give him some time off which hadn’t happened in a while but he was bothered by this decision because he was gonna have to find someone to replace him. He needed to call his boss. Rose insisted on driving him back to his home and staying over that night to be sure he was okay. However, once they were sat around a cup of tea, her nerves gave in throwing her into a fit of tears and panic that he had to calm down before he tucked her into his bed for her to get some rest.

He grabbed her phone from her pocket. An old thing. Something you didn’t see much anymore with all those smartphones. It made things easier for him. He looked through her contacts and found the person he was looking for. He pressed the call button and went back in the kitchen, putting the phone to his ear.

“Hello. Sorry if I’m bothering you or waking you up. I’m Maxence. Maxence Spitz. I’m with your friend, Rose. Something happened tonight. She needs you. Please come quick.”

x

Less than an hour after he left the message on her voicemail, Olivia Baxter showed up at his door. She first thought he was responsible, that he had done something to Rose but she realised soon enough that the man was nothing like she had imagined him to be. Pretty banged up from rescuing Rose, he was being honest with her, telling her that Rose had come everyday to the nightclub he was working in but had never gotten drunk until tonight. They had only spoken and that’s how he knew about her. When she saw that Rose was unharmed, she was relieved and she didn’t want to wake her friend up so Maxence offered her a cup of tea. Olivia – who preferred being called Liv for her own reasons like Rose had said to him – told him a bit more about hers and Rose’s relationship. It was obvious to him that the two women loved each other dearly and one couldn’t live without the other.

Rose woke up when she heard Liv’s voice and wondered for a moment where she was before she ran into her friend’s arms. Liv wrapped her into a tight embrace and Rose apologised between two sobs. She never wanted what had happened. She never wanted to break up with her girlfriend but she didn’t know how else she could go on her own way if Liv was always assuming everything for her.

“You know, I’m the manager of a nightclub which is always full. I can see with my boss if you can exhibit some of your work there.”

Once, he had caught her drawing on a paper towel and asked her if she was an artist or something. She had seemed sad at first but she had showed some of her work. She was talented, no doubt on that. And the spark of hope he saw in her eyes was enough for him to know he was doing the right thing.

As soon as he could, he gave a call to his boss to tell him about what had happened and he spoke about Rose. The boss wanted some pictures Maxence gladly sent through mail and he was captivated. That’s why Maxence came over to the women’s flat – they were back at dating and living together – to pick the pieces of work she had chosen to exhibit. He accepted their help to hang them around the nightclub. At first, it didn’t work much and Rose was having a breakdown again. Maxence did the first move. He bought one of Rose’s frames twice the price she wanted him to pay. He advertised her work so much that people started getting interested and ordered her new stuff. She was finally having the recognition of her art she deserved and Maxence was teaching her how to be a barmaid during their free time. Rose’s life was taking a good turn and she celebrated with her girlfriend around an ‘Olivia’ she made herself…


	36. Here without you

The only thing she could hear was a persistent tick tock. She didn’t know where she was, nor what she was doing there. The only thing she knew was that there was the sound of a clock ticking, very slowly ticking the seconds away. How long had she been here? No, where was she? She lazily opened her eyes and blinked a few times because of the bright white light that attacked her eyes. It was unbearable and forced her to close her eyes again. Why were the walls and ground of that room around her so white? She could still see it through her shut eyelids. It was reflecting on her skin, trying to penetrate it. Such a bright light should be burning her skin, but it wasn’t. The room was as white as cold. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of the cold. She hadn’t realised how cold she was, and the clock was seeding the seconds slower and slower. Time itself was slowing down and she was falling in a sea of blinding white light.

She felt like she was floating when consciousness called her back. The clock was still ticking, but she doubted that Time ever had a meaning there. She had the strange feeling of being out of time and out of space. She was aware that she was laid – curled up would be a better choice of word – on the ground but she couldn’t feel it under her. Or was she really floating? No, it wasn’t possible unless gravity didn’t exist in there. She would notice it if there wasn’t any gravity. She would be in constant movement and she wasn’t. She had the feeling of floating but she was very still. Out of time, out of space. She was frozen in between something she couldn’t identify. Could the ticking be her heart beating? Everything was so confused in her mind. She tried to remember something, tried to remember anything, but nothing came to her mind. Who was she? No one, and she was so tired. The white light washed over her like the sea was washing over the beach and she lost the trail of her thoughts.

The third time, she swept away the questions. She needed answers and not more questions. She opened her eyes slowly and carefully. The white light attacked her immediately but she chose to go through it that time. It wasn’t harmful. It was just aggressive for her eyes. Once they were used to the blinding light, she looked around. Just like she thought, she was curled up on the ground. It was as white and immaculate as the walls surrounding her. It looked unreal and infinite. She moved a bit to see more of her strange surroundings, but the pain exploded in her side when she tried to sit up. She pressed her hands on her side and lay on her back, trying to catch her breath. Where did that sudden pain come from? She closed her eyes briefly and took deep and slow breaths. Her heart was beating so fast, and the pain was like liquid fire in her veins. She was momentarily paralysed because of that sudden tear of her side. She just waited for the pain to disappear before moving again.

When her breath and heartbeats were back to normal, she tried to sit up once again. She was more careful that time. The pain was still there but it was easier to bear with her hands pressed on her side. She wondered where did it come from. She didn’t look hurt though. It wasn’t a stitch. It was too painful to be a stitch. She lifted her shirt slightly and gasped at the large bruise she could see. It was so dark. So recent. So painful. She brushed her trembling fingers over the bruised skin. She almost could feel the reliefs of something under it. Something painful. The skin was very sensitive and burning hot. What had happened to her? She very slowly and very carefully got up. It took her a few minutes to be standing on her feet without reeling. The world was lightly spinning around her but she held on and observed her surroundings. As far as she could see, it was all white walls and white ground. And that persistent tick tock was still there although there was no clock. She couldn’t see any at least. She took a few steps. She didn’t know where she was going. There was nowhere to go, no clear direction to follow. Unless… What was that black thing on the ground?

She walked faster to reach it and before she realised it, she was running. She didn’t feel the ground under her feet so she felt like flying in that white world. She had forgotten about the pain as if it had never been there in the first place. Her feet were making no noise as they hit the ground. She was even surprised to not be breathless because of how fast she was running. The clock was ticking faster now that she was running, and the more she was running, the more she had the feeling the black thing had just been a product of her imagination. She was surprised when she stumbled over something and fell. The fall was hard and she groaned as the pain came back and rushed through her entire body. Sand seeped in her mouth and nose, causing her to cough and sneeze a few times. The wind slipped under her clothes and she shivered. The clock ticking had stopped. It was replaced by the sound of waves coming back and forth on the beach. She was too stunned to even realise she could feel the ground under her. She wasn’t in that blinding white room anymore.

After a few minutes, she managed to sit up and her eyes grew big as she realised she wasn’t in the white room anymore. She looked around. She was on a beach. A desert and craggy beach. No sign of human or alien life around. Not that she could see. Nothing and no one. Only her and the sea. It was quite peaceful but she couldn’t understand how she could have ended up there. Her eyes fell on the little black thing she had seen earlier in the white room. It wasn’t black at all in the end. It was a grey casing with a big orangish button. A voice in the back of her head told her that it was a dimension cannon. Meaning she was traveling through different dimensions, but what for? She picked it up and pressed the button but nothing happened. She was still on that beach that looked kinda familiar to her. She got up slowly and slipped the device in her pocket. She walked on the beach without any purpose. She couldn’t stay there. She had to go back to wherever she was coming from, but she didn’t know how to do that. The dimension hopper didn’t seem to work. What was she there for anyway?

She stopped walking for a moment and looked at the sky. It was a clear blue sky. One that was announcing a beautiful day to come. But it didn’t remind her of a particular good day she could have spent with her family. No, that clear sky reminded her of a man she had once known but who had to disappear too early. She could picture him right now all in leather jacket and jeans with a daft grin and sparkling blue eyes. She could smell him, all leather and mint and a bit of that motor oil he always carried around, a smell he always left in his wake, a smell that always comforted her when she was upset. She really missed him, that daft old man, and she sometimes wanted to see him. Just for a moment, just to hold him tight against her and breath in his scent. Sure, she had a boyfriend now – she knew it somewhere in her heart – and they were happy together but that man, that broken man, was the first one she had fallen for so hard and so quick. A burning passion she had had to hide from everyone, even herself. Where did those memories come from? And what was the name of that stranger in leather?

She couldn’t remember names but she remembered faces and scents. She remembered the man with the leather jacket and blue eyes, and the man with a brown suit and amazing hair. Two different faces of the same man. A man she loved. A man she missed. And there was that thing. A blue box bigger on the inside than on the outside. And that wheezing and so full of hope sound. A sound she was dying to hear once again. She turned around to take a look at the craggy beach. She had to find a way out of there, to find someone who could tell her who she was and where she was. Her heart dropped in her chest when her eyes caught a blue box standing there on the beach. A man was leaned against it. She was sure they weren’t there just a few seconds ago. Her feet started moving quickly to them as if they were familiar with them while her mind while her mind seemed to be frozen. The blue box and the man with the leather jacket. It seemed unreal, but there she was, running to them as if she had done that all her life, and praying for them not to be an hallucination. That would crush her. He seemed surprised to see her but before he could say a thing, she had her face pressed into the wool of his jumper, her arms wrapped tightly around him and her hands gripping the back of his jacket.

He didn’t react immediately. He was too shocked by her sudden appearance to do anything more than just stand there against the TARDIS. However, when she started sobbing against his chest, he snapped back to reality. His arms naturally found their way back around her and he pulled her impossibly closer to him. His embrace was protective and he placed a gentle hand on the back of her head. He couldn’t believe she was there for real. He couldn’t help but take mental notes of how it felt to have her in his arms again, to be able to feel her and touch her and smell her like he could do with the TARDIS. It was the first time he ever saw her since he was there and he wondered how that miracle could have happened. But he didn’t really care about the reason that brought her there. Someone out there had decided to bring her back to him and he couldn’t complain about it. He had missed her so much and she was back to him. He wasn’t so lonely anymore on that beach he never really left since he had arrived. Once again, the brightest and strongest person he ever knew broke his solitude and darkness to bring a bit of light and love and compassion to him.

“Oh, Rose…” he murmured, his voice trembling.

Rose. That was her name then. Now that he had murmured it in his Northern accent, her memory seemed to unlock itself and free her memories. Some of them. Her name was Rose Tyler. She came from the Powell Estate in London. She was living an ordinary life with her mother and boyfriend until that man, that amazing man, ran into her life and took her away from home. He showed her the universe and she fell in love with him. It was him. The man she had fallen for so hard. The burning passion in her veins was caused by that extraordinary man she had thought was dead. And now, she was there, in his arms. The relief to have him back made her sob against his chest. It felt like she had been drowning and seeing him again brought her back to the surface. She was breathing again. She was _home_ again.

“Oh, Doctor! My Doctor!” she whispered between two sobs.

He rubbed her back slowly but didn’t say a word. Not now. Now, he was just enjoying what he had been waiting for. He had wished for her to come back to him, or for himself to go back to her. In a way. In any way. But it never worked. Until now. He was really happy to have her back, to be able to hold her in his arms, but he was also really sad. Because if she was there now, it only meant one thing. And he really hoped he was wrong.

“It’s okay. I’m here now.”

He cradled her gently and slowly to help her calm her sobs. He had no idea what she had been through since he was gone, had no idea of how long he had been gone. He had lost track of time from being there. It could be months or years or days for all he knew. He observed the blonde girl in his arms. She was different from the last time he had seen her. Her hair was longer and she had lost her child’s features. She was a grown woman. So, he had been there for years. Years of hoping to see her again. And his wish had been granted.

Rose’s sobs slowly calmed down but she didn’t loosen her grip on him. She didn’t want to. She wanted him to hold her forever. But something deep inside told her it wouldn’t be possible. They belonged to two different worlds. So, she had to enjoy every single minute she could spend with him. She sniffed and looked up at him. She met his blue eyes and realised they were full of tears too. He wasn’t crying but his eyes said it all. He _knew_. He knew they couldn’t stay together for too long. He knew she didn’t belong there, to that surrealistic world. And he wanted to enjoy every minute he could spend with her. So did she. She didn’t want to leave his arms though. It felt good to be back there in that protective and comforting embrace.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she mumbled.

Rose was afraid that talking too loud could break that moment, could wake her up from that reality and make her lose him once again. She didn’t know if she would be able to handle that a second time. It always tore her heart apart when she was thinking about him. Seeing him again was a chance and she wouldn’t waste it. Their time was limited. Once again, she couldn’t help but think about the day she had lost him. The beach didn’t seem so peaceful anymore now and a weight settled down on her chest. She had to get rid of it. To forget for a while that she shouldn’t be there with him. The Doctor gave her a tiny sad smile as if he knew, as if he could read her mind – which he probably could actually – and she gave him one back before she managed to leave his blue eyes to look at the blue box behind him.

“Is that the TARDIS?”

“Herself.”

“But the new Doctor…”

Rose remembered him regenerating. She remembered him facing his worst enemies and his own demons alone because he had sent her back home to protect her. She had come back to him. Somehow. And he had sacrificed himself to save her from something burning through her veins and brain. To save her from the power of Time itself. He had left her with a brand new man. Someone she had needed time to accept. Even if she had grown fond of that new man, she had missed the first Doctor she had met. He would always have a special spot in her heart.

“We’re on a land of imagination. We can recreate everything with our mind. Well, almost everything.”

“Almost?”

“I’ve tried so hard to make you appear, Rose, but it never worked until today. Your face was escaping me more and more and I was so scared.”

Rose’s eyes left the TARDIS to meet the Doctor’s eyes. They were so full of honesty and sadness and pain that she felt like her heart had been ripped into pieces. She held him against her tighter and she felt his hands desperately clutching her own leather jacket – a jacket she had chosen because it reminded her of him – in an attempt to keep her close. He didn’t want to say goodbye a second time. He eventually let go of her jacket to cup her cheeks. He remained silent as he observed her face, and she didn’t move while he was carving every feature of it in his memory. She didn’t want him to forget her. Never. Just like she would never forget him.

“There’s a memory I keep thinking about,” the Doctor confessed. “It was such a perfect night.”

“We had so many nights together, Doctor.”

They had never had an affair together. He was always keeping a certain distance between them to protect himself, but he always closed that distance whenever she was vulnerable. He never said anything but he always watched over her when she was sleeping. When she was going through a rough day, he lay down with her and held her in his arms until she fell asleep. But none of them had forgotten about the night after their meeting with the Dalek. Rose had never seen him so vulnerable. He had pretended to be okay and sent her to bed but she hadn’t been able to sleep and had wandered in the TARDIS until she found him in what he had called the Zero Room later. A room created by the TARDIS for him after the Time War. To protect himself. To let him lash out without hurting anyone. To prevent him from killing himself. He hadn’t said a thing that night. She had picked up the pieces of him and held him in her arms until the morning came. They had never talked about that night, but they had never forgotten it either.

“Not like that night.”

“What night are you talking about, Doctor?”

She was whispering again. The Doctor’s face was close to hers. There was something intimate between the two of them. There had always been some tension between them – Jack would have said it was a sexual tension, and he would be really happy if he knew how right he had been in the end, not only for the sexual tension but also for the romantic feelings – but they had never been close. Not that way. She felt her heart beating faster and her face growing hot and red as she dived in his intense blue eyes. For a second, she thought he was gonna kiss her, and she really wanted it to happen, but instead, he murmured something in her ear.

“The night everybody lived, Rose.”

She blushed harder and a shiver ran down her spine. Of course, she remembered that night very well. The night they had danced together after Captain Jack came on board. It was a night she could never forget about. A magical night. She had thought a lot about that night, had relived it several times in her lonely dreams. She was surprised that he even remembered it. He probably had met a lot of other women in his long life. She wasn’t the first one. He could have had a better night with a better woman. But he kept thinking about that night they had danced together. Could it be possible that there had been something going on between the two of them before he regenerated? He had always been so cold, so distant with her. There were the hugs and holding hands, but nothing more. When he was taking a step too close to her, he immediately took two steps backwards. He was a broken man. A broken man who needed time to heal. A man who didn’t think he could love and be loved in return. She showed him otherwise, didn’t she?

“We should dance again. Like that night. One last time.”

_One last time_. Before their paths diverged for the last time. They were both aware that it was almost done, that it was the last time they would see each other. It was their last chance to have proper goodbyes, to say the unsaid, and they had to take it. If that was the way he wanted to say goodbye to her, then she had no objection to it. Before she realised it, he was holding her hand and taking her into the TARDIS. The old girl was exactly like she remembered her. She lightly stroked the console and smiled at the content hum she got in return. The Doctor was fiddling with something. His hand hadn’t let go of hers and she never wanted him to let go of her. That felt so odd and so familiar all at once. But it was good. It was very good. The song they had danced to years ago was on and a wave of memories rushed through her mind. His smile echoed hers as he led her around the console, as they were dancing as if they were back to that special night.

For a few minutes, they both forgot everything around them. All that mattered was the two of them here and now in the void between time and space. They were falling in that void and there was nothing that could stop their fall. It was overwhelming, but Rose didn’t want it to stop. The clock wasn’t ticking anymore, but she was sure that if Time existed in that dimension, it would slow down for them. She would always remember his hands on her body, how he spinned her until she couldn’t see straight anymore, how he threw her backwards over his arm. She pulled herself up and put a hand on his shoulder to steady herself on her feet. Her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t hear anything else. She was breathless, and the world was still spinning around her as if they were still dancing. But she was aware of his arms around her body, of his eyes staring at her, of his lips so close to hers.

“This was the night I realised I couldn’t lie to myself anymore,” he whispered, and his breath brushing over her lips made her shiver again.

“What was that lie, Doctor?” she asked just as low.

“That I wasn’t made to love you. That I couldn’t love someone as bright as you.”

“But you…”

“And now, I can finally say the truth.”

_Before you disappear for good._ He didn’t say the words out loud but she could hear it clearly in her mind. Their time together was almost over, but she refused the idea of losing him, of him losing her. They needed each other. _But he is dead_ , muttered a voice in her head and maybe if she had been more attentive, she would have noticed that he wasn’t breathing at all, that his hearts weren’t beating under her hand. She was imagining it all, and that thought frightened her. _I love you_ , he murmured against her lips and she desperately needed to believe him. His lips were cold against hers when he finally kissed her and her hands gripped his jacket to pull him closer as she kissed him back.

Darkness was surrounding her now and the only thing she was sure of was that he was there with her and she held onto him tight as she felt him fade away. His lips against hers were keeping her anchored to reality – well, his reality – as waves of memories of her life with the new Doctor, with the human Doctor, flashed through her mind. She no longer was Rose Tyler from the Powell Estate. Now, she was Rose Tyler, the Vitex Heiress, Defender of the Earth. She was working for Torchwood with her husband, John Smith, the human Doctor. She was living a day after day life with him and her mother and father and little brother, Tony. They were all happy together. Until she was sent on that mission. Until she faced that guy keeping a dangerous alien artefact. Until she was shot in the side. Darkness closed around her and she fell into its void, away from that Doctor she would never see again.

×

When Rose Tyler opened her eyes again, she thought she was back to the white and endless room. She was dazzled by the light and blinked a few times before she got used to it. She slowly became aware of her surroundings. She was in a hospital room and what she had thought was a ticking clock was her heartbeats on the monitoring she was connected to. Her body felt numb, probably because they were giving her morphine or something stronger. She must have gone through surgery but she had no memories of it. She looked down. John was laying on his side, an arm wrapped around her chest, his head on her shoulder, careful to not hurt her. She smiled a bit at the sight and ran a hand through his brown hair. He looked like he had been there for days according to his crinkled clothes, and hairy face. She stroked it gently. He made a groan of contentment and moved a bit. She kissed his forehead softly, her hand back in his hair.

John relaxed and leaned into her touch sleepily. His brain seemed to realise that Jackie wouldn’t be the one touching him that way. There was only one person who could do that. He opened his eyes quickly and met her look. He propped himself up on one elbow and kissed her before a word was spoken. Rose smiled against his lips and kissed him back. It was different from the kiss she had shared with the former version of him, but it felt right. Very right. John broke the kiss and put his forehead against hers.

“I was so scared you would leave me alone with Jackie.”

Rose chuckled lightly but the pain in her body woke up at that simple move and she winced in pain. John gently forced her to stop laughing before she harmed herself more. Worry was clear on his face.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t make you laugh. You’ve been badly injured but thankfully, you won’t have any consequence. They found you in time. You just need a lot of rest and I’ll give you just that. You don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

“John, you’re terrible at cooking.”

“Maybe I’ll leave that bit to your mom. Or we’ll order something. Is that okay?”

“It sounds perfect.”

He smiled and everything felt better right away. Of course, she would still miss the first Doctor she had ever met – especially after that strange dream, or was it reality? Had she crossed the line and met him on the other side for a while? – but having John by her side and being able to live an almost normal life with him was perfect, right?

“John?”

“Hm?”

“I love you. To Pluto and back.”

“Technically, it has been proved that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. They officially called it a dwarf planet, which is kinda mean for Plutonian people. Less mean than being called a Trans-Neptunian object or a Kuiper belt object in my opinion but…”

“Oh, shut up.”

Rose lightly slapped his chest to make him stop talking. She closed her eyes briefly but she could tell John was smiling. He kissed her neck and nuzzled her jawline. He murmured an ‘I love you’ against her skin. Now, it was her turn to smile. After years of denying their feelings, they finally found the way to say the words out loud, and her Doctor, her precious Doctor, made sure to tell those words to her every day. Sometimes, several times a day. There was nothing better in the world than being loved by a man as extraordinary and caring and loving as the Doctor.


	37. I'm perfect for you

She had never been so terrified in her entire life, she thought to herself as explosions happened all around her. She could see the flames devouring the console room and it broke her heart to see and hear the ship in such a pain. She could feel the warmth of the flames, the pain of being destroyed piece by piece and the imminent death prowling around like a predator. Being in danger was something that _always_ happened with the Doctor. That was something you had to accept when you were jumping in an adventure with him. But this particular danger? It felt really different. Different in a very bad way. Even her, the simple woman from Chiswick, who was worth nothing, could feel it. This whole situation sucked and they weren’t gonna get out of it as easily as they did usually. This adventure was gonna end in a nice way.

It had all started with this stupid huge insect in her back rewriting her whole story in order to make the Doctor disappear, and there had been that Bad Wolf girl – who happened to be _his_ Rose – jumping through dimensions and telling her that the universes were at risk. A great threat was upon them all and all the _children of Time_ – the Doctor’s former companions – had gathered to help the Doctor save the day. Except their efforts had been vain, and they were now in a life-threatening situation they couldn’t find a way out. At least, they were all together, somehow, and she was alone in the dying machine. The fate had trapped her in for a reason and the Doctor would have to watch his precious box disappear… Wait, _he wouldn’t let his so precious ship die in the hands of the enemies if he had a choice_. This was the only thing he had left from home.

Donna was on her hands and knees. The smoke filling the endless room was suffocating her and making her cough and gasp for air that wasn’t that burning thick one. There were those heartbeats again. She had heard them all day and the Doctor had given little attention to this detail. He was too focused on the urgency of the situation they were facing. Right now, Donna was certain that these heartbeats were connected to their current ordeal. She turned her head to the jar the Doctor had been keeping there for a little while now. As if it wasn’t any weird at all to keep a hand in a jar! An irresistible and unexplainable need of touching it came to her and she reached out. That was when the strangest of things happened: regeneration energy swept up her hand and engulfed her. She panted and shook and the jar smashed.

Donna sat up, stunned, and observed the hand that was now laying on the grating floor. It was glowing with that golden light particular to Time Lords regenerating. Horror filled her when she saw the fingers twitching, but it was nothing compared to what came next: the energy reached out until the shape of a man appeared. And in just a couple of minutes, it was done. The man sat up, the energy disappeared and Donna was left with her astonishment as the TARDIS shook and cried her pain in the middle of her slow destruction. The man was tall with short cropped dark hair, big ears, weird nose and the bluest eyes she had ever seen in her whole life. She was gonna ask the question, but deep down she already knew the answer. _The Doctor_.

Still stunned, she watched him as he jumped on his bare feet and started pushing buttons on the console. Her eyes fell upon his bare arse and her brain suddenly registered the information that he was completely naked. Blushing and awfully embarrassed, she looked away from him and forced herself up. He was too focused on his mission of saving the TARDIS to even show her any attention. She observed him from the other side of the console that was conveniently hiding his masculinity. His forehead was creased with serious and concern but the familiar sound of the TARDIS dematerialising brought a grin to his face that made it all disappear and he ran out of the room only to come back fully dress with black pants, a black jumper and an old battered leather jacket. All of this strangely suited him well and made him handsome.

Completely oblivious of her, he was now checking the walls of the TARDIS which, she noticed it now, was back to her old self, like nothing had happened to her in the last couple of minutes. He was stroking the wall, as if looking for a breach or something, but the affective smile on his face was showing an emotion Donna hadn’t expected from him. He was _happy_ to see his ship back in one piece. Considering the situation, it could have been moving and all but Donna was done being ignored and she had to bring his attention back to her. He better give her a good explanation for all this shit!

“All repaired, dearie! Shh! No one knows we’re here. Gotta keep silent. Silent running, like on submarines when you can’t even drop a spanner. Don’t drop a spanner! I’ve liked this body, what d’you think?”

“You. Are. Bonkers.”

The blue-eyed Doctor span around to face her. He had totally forgotten about her presence here and her exclamation was right on time to remind him that he wasn’t alone on board. He had to face a red-haired fury before doing anything like saving the day and his other self’s ass.

“Why? What’s wrong with me?”

“Is that what Time Lords do? Lop a bit off, grow another one? You’re like worms!”

“No, no, no, no, no, I’m unique. Never been another like me. ‘Cause all that regeneration energy went into the hand. Look at my hand! I love that hand, though it’s not quite mine! But then, you touched it, WHAM!”

Donna jumped and yelled. There was something strange and frightening to see that man who had come from nowhere speaking like a nutter, speaking like this other Doctor but also like her. Plus, he seemed to think that she was the one with a problem when he clearly was _that_ problem. He placed a hand over her mouth and she resisted the temptation to bite it.

“Shh! Instantaneous biological metacrisis. I grew…” He made a face at the realisation of this truth. It was taking him aback. “I grew out of you! Still, could be worse.”

“Oi! Watch it, Spaceman!”

“Oi! Watch it, Earthgirl!”

Donna’s mouth opened in surprise so did he. He definitely sounded like her – plus the Northern accent – and it wasn’t to please him according to the face he was currently making.

“Oh… I sound like you. I sound all… All sort of… Rough.”

“Oi!” replied Donna, offended.

“Oi!” he repeated.

“Oi!”

“Spanners, shh! I must’ve picked up a bit of your voice, that’s all. Regeneration stuff, it’s a lottery. Is it? Did I? No! Oh, you are kidding me, no way. One heart. I’ve got one heart! This body has got only one heart!”

He placed his hands over his chest and felt all around it, looking for the second heart that must be beating somewhere inside there. One heart, it was pitiful. He couldn’t work with one heart. Donna placed her hand over the new Doctor’s chest. He indeed had only one heart.

“What? Like you’re human?”

“Oh, that’s disgusting!”

“Oi!”

“Oi!”

“Stop it!”

“No, wait; I’m… part Time Lord, part human.”

They both were gob-smacked by the revelation. Nothing of this sort had ever existed in the universe. He was indeed a very unique specimen. Better keep secret about that. Lots of people would want to know how he was working. On Gallifrey, they would totally reject him. You couldn’t anything else but a 100% Time Lord.

“Well, isn’t that wizard?” he asked sarcastically.

“I kept hearing that noise, that heartbeat…”

“Oh, that was me. My single heart. ‘Cause I’m a complicated event in time and space, must have rippled back. Converging on you.”

Thee Doctor walked back to the console, started fiddling again. After all, they had a solution to find to get everyone out of troubles instead of standing there and discussing how unique he was.

“But why me?”

“’Cause you’re special.”

“Oh, I keep telling you, I’m not!”

“No, but you are.” He glanced at her and he suddenly understood. “Oh. You really don’t believe that, do you? I can see, Donna… what you’re thinking. All that attitude. All that lip. ‘Cause all this time…you think you’re not worth it.”

“Stop it!”

“Shouting at the world ‘cause no one’s listening. Well… why should they?”

“Doctor. Stop it.

“But look at what you did!” he exclaimed proudly before taking a moment to think. “No, it’s more than that, it’s like… we were always heading for this. You came to the TARDIS, and you found me again. Your grandad. Your car! Donna, your car, you-you parked your car right where the TARDIS was gonna land, that’s not coincidence at all! We’ve been blind. Something’s been drawing us together for such a long time.”

“But you’re talking like… destiny. There’s no such thing, is there?”

“It’s still not finished. It’s like… the pattern’s not complete, the strands are still drawing together. But heading for what?”

The TARDIS shook violently. The Doctor and Donna looked at the monitors to have an idea of what was happening. The Doctor’s eyes grew big when he understood what he was seeing.

“It’s the planets. The twenty-seven planets!” White energy surrounded the planets. “Single-string Z-Neutrinos compressed into… No way!”

“What was it? Doctor? What did it do?”

She had never seen the Doctor so speechless and the look of horror on his face was enough to tell her how terrible was what had just happened. He ran under the console and came back with a couple of stuff. He put together a device under Donna’s surprised eyes.

“So what is this thing?”

“It’s our only hope, a Z-Neutrino biological inversion catalyser.”

“Yeah. Earth girl, remember?”

“Davros said he built those Daleks out of himself. His genetic code runs through the entire race. If I can use this to lock the Crucible’s transmission onto Davros himself…”

“It destroys the Daleks?”

“Biggest backfire in history!” He finished the device. “Ready! Maximum power!”

The Doctor kicked a lever with his foot – much to the TARDIS displeasure – and the machine rocked. It didn’t please her to be going into the lion’s dent but to save all her friends, they didn’t have a choice. She landed and the Doctor ran to the door. He sprinted toward Davros, ignoring everyone’s comments on his sudden appearance. Unfortunately, he got zapped by Davros and fell to the ground, stunned. A holding cell appeared around him while Donna ran out of the TARDIS and picked up the weapon.

“Doctor! I’ve got it. But I don’t know what to do!”

Before she could do anything, she was zapped too. The shock sent her flying toward a control panel. She heavily hit the floor. She would be full of bruises after such a fall. This Davros guy was gonna have his ass kicked.

“Donna!” yelled the Time Lord. “Donna! Are you all right, Donna?”

“Destroy the weapon,” ordered Davros, and a death ray hit the device. “I was wrong about your warriors, Doctor. They are pathetic.”

If Davros was keeping his mind on the present situation, Rose and the Time Lord were quite shocked to see another Doctor. The original Doctor knew that it wasn’t a future incarnation who came to help. It wasn’t a past one either. But why this face?

“How come there’s two of you?”

“Human biological metacrisis. Never mind that, now we’ve got no way of stopping the Reality Bomb!”

“Detonation in 20 rels… 19…” started counting the Supreme Dalek.

“Stand witness, Time Lord!” began Davros, activating a holographic screen that showed the planets glowing with energy. “Stand witness, humans! Your strategies have failed. Your weapons are useless. And, oh. The end of the universe has come.”

“Nine… eight… seven… six… five…”

Donna emerged from behind the control panel with a surprised expression on her face as everyone looked at the screen in despair. There was something wrong with her. Not wrong. _New_. Something new. For the first time in her life, she felt exceptional, special. And all those thoughts running through her head…

“Four… three… two… one…”

The countdown stopped and the holographic screen disappeared. An alarm resounded as Daleks, humans and Doctors all looked around in confusion. Donna was standing behind the control panel with a confidence she never had before.

“Oh… closing all Z-Neutrino relay loops using an internalised synchronous back-feed reversal loop?” She flicked a switch. “That button there!”

“System in shutdown!”

“Detonation negative.”

“Explain! Explain! Explain!”

“Donna,” the Doctor was bemused, “you can’t even change a plug!”

“D’you wanna bet, Time Boy?” she answered, grinning.

“You’ll suffer for this!”

Davros lifted his hand to zap her again but Donna was quicker than him. She flicked another switch and the electricity turned back to him. He let out a cry of pain but Donna didn’t give him attention. She was focused on her mission and the information running through her head made her feel euphoric. The Doctor had never seen her that way before and he was afraid of what it could meant.

“Oh, bio-electric dampening field with a retrogressive arc inversion?”

“Exterminate her!”

“Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!”

The human hostages all around them were terrified and had no clue of what was happening but Donna wasn’t giving a damn fuck about it. She worked a bit on the control panel and looked at the Daleks with a cheeky smile.

“Weapons non-functional.”

“What? Macrotransmission of a K-filter wavelength blocking Dalek weaponry in a self-replicating blindfold matrix?”

“How d’you work that out?” the Doctor let out, stunned. “You…”

“Time Lord!” barked the not so new Doctor. “Part Time Lord!”

“Part human!” added Donna, delighted to know something the Doctor didn’t. “Oh, yes! That was a two-way biological metacrisis. Half Doctor, half Donna!”

“The DoctorDonna!” realised the Doctor. “Just like the Ood said, remember? They saw it coming! The DoctorDonna!”

“Holding cells desactivated,” said Donna, pushing some controls. “And seal the Vault. Well, don’t stand there, you brooding skinny boys! Get to work!”

The Doctors looked at each other. For once, they were the ones confused and their companion was the clever one. But they didn’t have time to talk about that. They had to run away from here and quick! They rushed to the control panel.

“Stop them!” screamed Davros, furious. “Get them away from the controls!”

But no one was gonna let them in control anymore. The Daleks were losing again. Donna flicked another switch and turned a dial. _‘And spin!’_ she exulted as the Daleks span around helpless. They were asking for help but there was nothing that could be done. Donna repeated the process on the opposite direction.

“What did you do?” asked the blue-eyed Doctor.

“Trip-stitch circuit-breaker in the psycho-kinetic threshold manipulator!”

“But that’s _fantastic_!”

“Why did we never think of that?”

“Because you two, you were just Time Lords, you dumbos! Lacking that little bit of human, that gut instinct that comes hand in hand with Planet Earth. I can think of ideas you two wouldn’t dream of in a million years! Ah, the universe has been waiting for me! Now… let’s send that trip-stitch all over the ship! Did I ever tell you?” She held her hands up and wiggled her fingers. “Best temp in Chiswick, 100 words per minute!”

“Ha!”

As Donna worked – it seemed more like fun than actual work for her – with the controls, the Daleks around the Supreme Dalek started spinning uncontrollably too.

“System malfunction!”

“Motor casing interference!”

“What is happening? Explain!”

“Come on then, boys!” Donna called them, while Jack ran into the TARDIS. “We’ve got twenty-seven planets to send home! Activate Magnetron!”

“Stop this at once!”

Davros advanced menacingly but Jack appeared with his gun and Rose’s. He threw the latter to his good old friend Mickey.

“You will desist!” yelled Davros, before Mickey stopped him by pointing the massive gun at him.

“Just stay where you are, mister.”

“Out of the way!”

Jack kicked a Dalek away. It glided down the corridor, spinning helplessly. Sarah Jane and Rose pushed away another Dalek. The adrenalin of the situation and the fact that they were all together in this was making them quite happy. Martha joined the dance and pushed away a spinning robot.

“Good to see you again!”

“Oh, you too!”

“Ready?” asked Donna to the Doctors. “And reverse!”

One by one, the planets disappeared from the Medusa Cascade and returned to their original location in the universe. The stars were coming back. The mission was almost over and the end of it might not please them all.

“Off you go, Clom.”

“Back home, Adipose 3!”

“Shallacatop, Pyrovillia and the Lost Moon of Poosh, sorted! Ha!”

“Ha!”

“We need more power!”

“Is anyone gonna tell us what’s going on?” tried Rose, completely bemused.

“He,” began Donna, gesturing to the original Doctor, “poured all his energy into his spare hand, I touched the hand, he,” she pointed to the new Doctor, “grew out of that but that fed back into me. But, it just stayed dormant in my hand till the synapses got that little extra spark, kicking them into life. Thank you, Davros! Part human… part Time Lord. And I got the best bit of the Doctor. I got his mind!”

“So there’s three of you?” asked Sarah Jane.

“Three Doctors?”

“I can’t tell you what I’m thinking right now,” chuckled the flirting Jack.

“You’re so unique the timelines were converging on you. Human being with a Time Lord brain.”

“But you promised me, Dalek Caan!” Davros had turned to face the giggling mess he was speaking to. “Why did you not foresee this?”

“Oh, I think he did. Something’s been manipulating the timelines for ages. Getting Donna Noble to the right place at the right time.”

“This would always have happened. I only helped Doctor.”

“You betrayed the Daleks!”

“I saw the Daleks. What we have done, throughout time and space, I saw the truth of us, Creator, and I decreed ‘No more’!”

“I will descent to the Vault.”

So far the Supreme Dalek had been following the events from the bridge via an intercom. He suddenly materialised in the Vault. Jack cocked his gun.

“Heads up!”

“Davros! You have betrayed us!”

“It was Dalek Caan.”

“The Vault will be purged! You will all be exterminated!” shouted the Supreme Dalek, firing at the control panel.

“Like I was saying. Feel this!”

This time, Jack used his huge gun against the Supreme Dalek and blasted it out easily. The Doctor examined the control panel.

“Oh, we’ve lost the Magnetron! And there’s only one planet left – guess which one? But we can use the TARDIS…”

The Doctor dashed inside his loyal blue box while the new Doctor flicked switches on the remains of the control panel.

“Holding Earth stability! Maintaining atmospheric shell.”

“The prophecy must complete.”

“Don't listen to him!”

“I have seen the end of everything Dalek, and you must make it happen, Doctor!”

“He’s right. ‘Cause with or without a Reality Bomb, this Dalek Empire’s big enough to slaughter the cosmos… They’ve got to be stopped!”

“Just - just wait for the Doctor!” begged Donna.

“I am the Doctor!” he retorted playing with the controls. “Maximising Dalekanium power feeds! Blasting them back!”

One by one, Daleks started exploding, the power of it shaking the whole Crucible, including the TARDIS. The Doctor ran out to see what was happening and could only give a horrified look to the scene. What he was seeing there, he had already seen it before, and it reminded him too much of this filthy war still haunting him. All the Daleks were exploding and the sounds of explosion along with the smell of fire and smoke and burning aliens was making him nauseous.

“What have you done?”

“Fulfilling the prophecy.”

“D’you know what you’ve done?” furiously screamed the Doctor. “Now get in the TARDIS! Everyone! All of you, inside! Run! In! In! In! In!”

“Sarah Jane! Rose! Jackie! Jack! Mickey!”

Terrible explosions shook the Vault. There were fire and destruction everywhere. It was the Time War all over again. The Doctor was standing outside the TARDIS door. He held his hand out towards Davros.

“Davros! Come with me! I promise I can save you.”

“Never forget, Doctor. You did this! I name you, forever... you are the Destroyer of the Worlds!”

“One will still die.”

The Doctor got inside the TARDIS and ran to the console, which was surrounded by all his friends. He pulled a lever and the TARDIS shook violently as they took off. The Crucible exploded. They were escaping and the Doctor even had a solution to take the Earth back to its spot. He worked with Torchwood and walked around the console, giving instructions to everyone.

“Now then, you lot... Sarah Jane, hold that down. Mickey, you hold that. ‘Cause, you know why this TARDIS is always rattling about the place? Rose, that, there. It’s designed to have six pilots. And I had to do it single handed. Martha, keep that level. But not anymore! Jack, there you go, steady that. Now we can fly this thing... No, Jackie, no, no, not you, don’t touch anything, just... stand back.” He gently pushed Jackie away, then returned to the others. “Like it’s meant to be flown! We’ve got the Torchwood Rift looped around the TARDIS by Mr Smith, and we’re gonna fly Planet Earth back home!” He took his own place. “Right then! Off we go !”

He pulled a lever and the TARDIS started to move, pulling the Earth along. The flight was unusually calm, as the Doctor and friends worked as a perfect team. Donna and the new Doctor were walking around, helping when necessary, having encouraging words, smiling. The Earth arrived back to its proper position. Everyone laughed, cheered, clapped, hugged each other. Donna pushed aside Sarah Jane from Jack to throw herself in his arms.

However, there was a time for everything and soon came the time for goodbyes. The Doctor brought his companions back where they belonged one by one. His hearts were hurting in his chest as he had to let them go once again. He knew how this was gonna end and he hated it. For once, just for once, he wished that saying goodbye wasn’t so hard. He wished he could have a happy ending. But the TARDIS materialised on that beach. Bad Wolf Bay. Jackie, Rose and the new Doctor emerged. Donna and the Doctor followed as they walked ahead.

“Ah, fat lot of good this is! Back of beyond. Bloody Norway! I'm gonna have to phone your father, he’s on the nursery run.” She turned to the old new Doctor. “I was pregnant, do you remember? Had a baby boy!”

“Ah, fantastic! What did you call him?

“Doctor.”

“You’re bloody kidding me.”

“No, you plum! He’s called Tony.”

“Hold on, this is... the parallel universe, right?” asked Rose, confused.

“You’re back home.”

“And the walls of the world are closing again, now that the Reality Bomb never happened. It’s dimensional retroclosure. See, I really get that stuff now.”

“No, but... I spent all that time trying to find you. I’m not going back now!”

“But you’ve got to. ‘Cause we saved the universe, but at a cost.” He turned to the new Doctor. “And the cost is him. He destroyed the Daleks. He committed genocide. He’s too dangerous to be left on his own.”

“Your vanity made me!” barked the blue-eyed Doctor.

“Exactly. You were born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge. Remind you of someone?” he asked Rose, who didn’t answer. “That’s me, when we first met. Even the look is the same. And you made me better. Now you can do the same for him.”

“But he’s not you.”

“He needs you. That's very me.”

“But it’s better than that, though. Don’t you see what he’s trying to give you?” To the human Doctor. “Tell her, go on.”

“I look like him, I think like him, same memories, same thoughts, same everything. Except I’ve only got one heart.”

“Which means?”

“I’m part human. Specifically, the aging part. I’ll grow old and never regenerate. I’ve only got one life... Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you. If you want.”

“You’ll grow - grow old... at the same time as me?”

“Together.”

Confused, Rose touched him to feel his single heart. The feeling of wool under her hand brought many memories back to her mind. Memories of the first time he took her hand and all those times he had held her against him to comfort her, or just for the hell of it. This was her Doctor, the first one she had met. He had come back for her and she only wanted the other one. The Doctor and Donna watched them with a small smile, until a grinding sound came from the TARDIS.

“We’ve got to go, this reality is sealing itself off... for ever.”

He and Donna headed back to the TARDIS, but Rose ran after him. She couldn’t let him go, not after all she’s done to go back to him. It wasn’t right. They could just travel together. The three Doctors and the Wolf in the TARDIS. They could do that. They had to do that.

“But... it’s still not right... ‘cause the Doctor is... still you.”

“And I’m him!”

“All right.” She needed something to hold on, to convince herself of this truth. “Both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.”

“I said, ‘Rose Tyler’.”

“Yeah, and how was that sentence gonna end?”

“Does it need saying?”

Rose was disappointed that he wasn’t daring saying it once again and she hated him for that. She hated him for abandoning her and for not even having the courage of telling her how he felt. Maybe his human self would be less stupid. She remembered him for not doing domestics, for being the Northern tough guy, who wasn’t showing his feelings. She wasn’t setting her hopes high on him.

“And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”

The Northern Doctor leant to her and whispered the words she was dying to hear into her ear: _‘I love you’_. Rose looked at him, then pulled him closer and kissed him. The Doctor observed them sadly for a moment, then he turned around and got inside the TARDIS, followed by Donna. Rose pulled away from the new Doctor, ignoring the feeling of rejection coming from him – she was choosing him, she was always choosing him – as she heard the door closing. She ran towards the TARDIS but now all she could do was watch it dematerialising, her heart shattering into million pieces. The human Doctor was sensitive to the pain of the woman he loved and he pushed aside the fact that his single heart was torn away from his chest for her. He walked to her slowly and took her hand. They looked at each other but the feeling was different. They were different. He wasn’t him and she would never accept it, he could feel it deep down in his aching heart…


	38. Stand by me

His chest tightened as his boots treaded in the reddish sand of his home planet. He hadn’t come here in a very long time. He admitted willingly that he had avoided coming back. This was supposed to be home but it never felt like it. Not to him. And today, it felt even less like home than usual. The atmosphere was thick, still. Unbearable. Unbreathable. His feet came to a stop and he closed his eyes. He did an attempt at taking a deep breath but the wind blowing here, on this plateau leading to the Citadel, brought grains of sand to this face, filled his mouth and nose and caused him to cough so roughly that it felt like someone was using sandpaper in his throat. He needed something fresh to drink, something to make this unpleasant feeling disappear. Water. There was a time he would have known where to find some but today the place only offered him reddish sand, burnt red grass, naked mountains.

 _Desolation_ was the name that came to his mind immediately. There was a place with this sad title somewhere in time and space. It was a place where scientists used to run their experiences until Stenzas came around and slaughtered everyone abandoning the place with the unusual deadly weapons sleeping there. Even the water could kill you. Somewhere you definitely didn’t want to go to. Next to this planet, Gallifrey was heaven with its damaged beautiful landscapes and broken Citadel. The dead trees were raising their branches to the burning skies and suns as a silent prayer for the rain to come. Like him, they desperately needed water to survive. But water wouldn’t come. Not until he got it. So he forced himself to put one foot after the other, clinging to the hope that the broken globe where the shadow of the once most powerful town of the whole constellation of Kasterbouros was left to die.

The wind sneaked under the battered leather jacket and light green jumper he was wearing and the contact of this violent warm blow on his cold skin made him tremble furiously. Each step was a torture as if his feet were stuck in the sandy ground. The suns were striking his back persistently, burning his pale skin. He couldn’t force his body to adjust its temperature and walk. He knew that if he was stopping there, he would die. He wouldn’t even have the strength to regenerate. He brought the sides of his jacket closer around his chest and bowed his head to protect himself from the wind and the waves of sand scratching his face and hands, finding their way in his eyes, nose, throat and under his clothes. He was coughing and rubbing his eyes but it was only adding exhaustion to his broken self. He shielded his eyes with his hand and looked for the Citadel. It was there, standing before him far, so far that it was like he hadn’t moved at all.

He was breathless and his lungs were on fire when he reached the town finally. His muscles were begging for him to soak into a nice bath and to get some rest. Anything that wouldn’t imply moving. A sigh escaped his dry lips. They were so dry that this simple move brought the taste of blood on his tongue. He should be relieved to have reached the town but the feeling of oppression tightened around his chest. For a moment, not even is bypass respiratory system could catch a bit of oxygen. The atmosphere was too thick, too heavy. His breathing was nothing more than a raspy rale and his hearts were furiously pounding in his chest. He swallowed tiny grains of sand when he tried bringing some water to his mouth and it worsened his throat’s condition. Despite the complaint of his body, he dragged himself inside the Citadel. The ruins of the buildings that used to reached the sky were protecting him from the wind and the aggressive sand.

They hadn’t sent him any welcoming committee. He hadn’t expected one. If Gallifrey was a desertic land now, that was because of him, because of the filthy war they were involved into. The couple Time Lords he had managed to save before pressing the damn button of the Moment were now convoking him for a trial. An unfair trial because he knew how it would end: with his death. The fact that they forced his TARDIS to land at the barn so he would have to cross the desertic land to the Citadel was a big enough proof of it. They probably hoped he would die on the way. Which he didn’t miraculously. It was only a question of time now. He reached the Council room. The freshness of the place made him shiver. After the burning suns outside, it was almost pleasurable. Bu it was too violent for his body. He trembled. The members of the reduced Council were already sitting there behind the table in their long red robes and weird hats. He hadn’t even thought of dressing for the occasion.

They were speaking and speaking and speaking and all he could was force himself to stay up on his feet, to keep his eyes open. Their voices were coming to him like echoes, as if he was underwater. The situation felt like drowning indeed. This trial never came to an end as too familiar voices and noises. An icy shiver ran down his back. A hand grabbed his hearts and tightened, tightened, tightened the embrace until he couldn’t breathe anymore, until black dots filled his sight, until his brain turned into a mass of confusing cotton. He couldn’t think clearly anymore and the terrified beating of his hearts were resounding, the rush of his blood in his veins were deafening.

“Doctor?”

The voice came out of nowhere. It didn’t belong there. It was… It was the voice of the Moment’s consciousness but it sounded different, very different from when he pressed the button that destroyed Gallifrey, the Time Lords and the Daleks. Everyone and everything were gone. There were nothing and no one left. And it was worse, so much worse than the idea of a trial on a desolate planet. He fell to his knees and with the tiny little reserve of air he had left, he screamed his rage and despair.

x

The Doctor woke up suddenly. His body was tangled in the sheets and he was fighting against them, against their hold on him, against their mugginess. He was still screaming at the top of his lungs, couldn’t stop himself. Someone was calling him, he thought. Was it the echo of his nightmare? No, it was real. As real as the sting of a slap on his cheek. As real as the woman staring at him worriedly.

“Rose?”

He choked on the word. His throat was on fire. He automatically grabbed the glass of water the blonde human offered him. He tossed the straw aside and drank greedily, not giving a damn care about the fact he was wasting half of it by spilling it on his damp shirt and shorts. He looked for more water. Rose filled the glass again and he drank it just as quickly and greedily as the first time. He did the same with the third glass but didn’t find any relief. It was frustrating.

“Feeling better now?”

“No.”

His voice was gruff. He was rude. The memories of his dream haunted him and he felt worse than previously. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so miserable. Maybe in his fourth incarnation. Rose pressed a hand on his forehead and he groaned. Her hands were cold.

“I’m no specialist in Time Lords but you’re pretty hot.”

“What d’you mean?”

Talking was hard. He needed to cough. Something was itching the back of his throat and it was unbearable. And his head was throbbing. He closed his eyes and fell back into the pillows and mattress. He was in his own bedroom but his mind was too clouded for him to wonder how Rose could have found him there. Rose Tyler. The Moment. Bad Wolf. He was getting lost in his own thoughts. They made no sense. He was losing it.

x

He was standing in the middle of a room full of computers. Alone, broken, on the edge of breaking up. They were coming closer. His enemies, the Daleks. He could hear them climbing the floors, exterminating everyone on their path to get to him. All these innocent lives sacrificed for him. He couldn’t handle this. Not anymore. The Delta Wave wasn’t finished. It wouldn’t be. There had been too many deaths in his name. He had to stop it now. He closed his eyes, waited. Only the sound of his anxious hearts was reaching his ears. It would be over very soon. The pain, the guilt, the silence of his mind… It would be all over soon. The relief would come. But was he allowed to even get this relief? Wouldn’t it be an act of mercy? He didn’t deserve mercy but death was all he was craving for. He was gonna be accomplished soon.

“The Doctor is an enemy of the Daleks. The Doctor must be exterminated.”

The death rays came and he did nothing to avoid it. He welcomed it. If the Daleks could have known something as beautiful and pure as a laugh, they would have exulted. But he was the winner on that one. He was dead. He fell to the ground, a smile on his face. But the relief never came. He had given up, leaving the universe to the Daleks, desperately aware that it stood no chance. He was a _monster_. It was worse than killing his entire race. This time, he had condemned the whole of time and space.

x

He woke up with a start once again. The room was plunged in the dark and he was alone, desperately alone. He was breathing quickly, too quickly and it turned into a violent coughing fit. He sought for light and water, the first that would come to his hand. He was supposed to be able to see in the dark but the darkness was too thick. His hand met the objects on bedside table. They all fled from his fingers; everything fell. He was disoriented, all his senses were a mess. That’s how he managed to fall from his bed. Despite the pain in all his muscles, he crawled to the bathroom. He forced himself up to his feet. His hands were clinging on the edge of the sink. He was afraid that if he loosened his hold, he would fall again. He managed to switch on the light of the room. The sudden luminosity attacked his eyes and he had to frown to bear it, a frown that only made his headache worse. But it was nothing compared to his reflection in the mirror.

His face was pale, so pale it was almost translucent. Thin pearls of sweat were gleaming on his large forehead. His short hair had cowlicks everywhere. His eyes were lifeless and the bags under them were more present than ever. His cheeks were covered with the shadow of a beard but it didn’t hide the fact that they had grown gaunt. His clothes wee all crumpled and damp. And he was trembling, trembling like a scared puppy. He looked miserable. He felt _miserable_. How long had been struggling against his sheets and nightmares? He rummaged through the medicine cupboard and grabbed the thermometer and put it in his ear. He usually could tell if he had fever but he was so messed up that he couldn’t be sure of anything. The device beeped and he pulled it out of his ear. His eyes grew big when he saw the internal temperature of his body. 64,4. Three degrees above the normal temperature of a Time Lord. He had fever.

For a moment, he didn’t know what to think or what to do. He had said it many times: Time Lords had a superior biology that was protecting them from every single thing that was making the humans vulnerable. What would he look like to her eyes now? A coughing fit shook him. He dropped the thermometer in the sink and gripped the edge tighter. His body was giving up on him. It didn’t have the strength to fight the sickness and stand like this. He couldn’t bear the sight of his reflection either. It reminded him too much of the looks he had after the Time War: all messed up and weak and vulnerable. He closed his eyes. The screams were still there, echoing in his mind. He fell to his knees. The voices were louder. Some were supplications, others were screams of pain and there were those frightening echoes of hate, those robotic emotionless voices belonging to the worst killers of this universe. He pressed his hands against his ears as if it could shut them all up and closed his eyes tighter as the dizziness and nausea of his self-disgust and condition were overwhelming him.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m so sorry. That’s not what I wanted. I had no choice.”

His pleading apologies had no effect on the screams resounding under his skulls. If anything, it made everything worse. Begging, making excuses, plugging his ears, trying to hide in the ground… It was all childish reactions. He was being irrational, couldn’t think clearly anymore when images of the slaughter he had greatly participated in were playing in his mind. Maybe was he screaming, as if his own yells could cover the others. Maybe was he crying. Maybe was he just laying lifeless on the ground. Whatever he was doing, he wasn’t aware of it.

x

In the nineteen years of her life and the couple months she had spent with the Doctor hadn’t prepared her for the sight she had when she pushed open the door of his bathroom: the strong proud Time Lord all curled up on the ground, hugging himself and crying and begging. For a minute, she was so astonished that she didn’t move or say anything. He was asleep when she had left the room to eat a bit of food. The fever had given him some frightening nightmares during the past few days but his sleep was calm earlier. That was why she had allowed herself to have a small break from watching over him. She would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. _“Time Lords don’t get sick, Rose”_ had he claimed before he started sneezing. Things had gone fast from there. He had pretexted a headache – that might have been true in the end – and the next hour, she was hearing a scream and finding him in complete terror, unable to even know who she was.

She obviously didn’t know how to take care of a sick Doctor. Time Lords were very different from humans he often said so she hadn’t dared giving hum any medication… Not that she had found any in the med bay anyway. Plus, every computer was displaying those weird circular symbols the TARDIS wasn’t translating. Not for her at least. She couldn’t leave him alone in this condition either. So she had done like her mother would have. She had taken care of him as if he was a child that couldn’t be taken to the doctor or have any medication. Which happened a lot when you were raised in the estates. None of what she had done had seemed to have any effects on him though. It broke her human heart to see her friend struggling against the sickness, against the demons hiding inside him. He had been speaking about a war once, one that had destroyed his people. Was it what he was dreaming of?

She knelt down beside him and softly cupped his cheek, ignoring the fact that she could distinctly feel the bone under her fingers. She called his name. She had to draw his attention on her without scaring him – even if he would never admit that she had scared him. How would he react if he thought she was an enemy? He looked up but she doubted he was seeing her with all the demons whirling in his eyes. He wasn’t there with her. He was elsewhere, in hell or in the graveyard of his people, somewhere where he was asking for a forgiveness no one would ever give him. Maybe if she… She gently squeezed the hand he was holding out to her. How Time Lords were doing to forgive someone?

“I forgive you, Doctor,” she simply declared.

She hoped it would be enough for his mind to be in peace. That’s the only thing she could do at the moment. The Doctor gave her a sad smile and she knew she had failed. He didn’t believe her. Forgiveness had to be earned and he didn’t deserve it. Not yet, not ever.

“You should be in bed.”

Her hand was stroking his face slowly and it seemed to bring him some relief. He was shaking and his fever was no better. She would have to use those wet towels again. First, she had to do something for his sheets. He couldn’t stay in this bed. It wouldn’t do him any good. She grabbed the blanket on the top of the bed and brought it to the Doctor and helped him to sit up against the sink’s cupboard. She wrapped him in the blanket for him not to be cold though the TARDIS was making sure the temperature of the room was perfect.

“I’m gonna change the sheets. Make a clean bed for you to rest better.”

She asked him not to move and he almost laughed. As if he could go anywhere with how sore his body was. He pulled the blanket closer around him and just waited. It was very unusual of him but he feared that if he moved, she would be sick. His head was pounding so much it was unbearable. He sniffled and was given a _“wipe your nose, baby Doctor!”_ He snorted but did wipe his nose. It required all his attention and strength. He threw the tissue in the closest bin. The time to reach it and Rose was back in the bathroom. She helped him back to his bed. The feeling of fresh and clean sheets was very pleasurable. He let out a soft sigh.

“Now that you’re awake, I can finally feed you. You’ve been drifting in and out of sleep for three days.”

“I can feed myself very well, thank you.”

Three days? He must have been really unwell to have slept three days without noticing it. He silently made the list of all his symptoms and came to a simple conclusion: the flu. It had to be the flu. They had landed on Earth in 2019 and were welcomed with an epidemy of this nasty virus. He had kept Rose in the TARDIS to avoid the burden of a sick companion only to be rewarded with the flu himself.

“Oh yeah? I’d like to see you go to the kitchen,” she retorted.

As hard as it was to admit it, she was right. Even if the kitchen was moving close to his room, he wouldn’t be able to reach it. The journey to the bathroom had already been hell and it was just a few steps away from his bed. Rose folded her arms on her chest and waited for him to move from his comfortable and warm bed. She raised an eyebrow but he didn’t look away: he held her gaze. She huffed.

“You’re better enough to stand up against me but not enough to take care of yourself. Stop being so proud, Doctor.”

She left the room before he could add anything. For a moment, he felt stupid. Three days. She had been taking care of him for three freaking days. She had watched over him, comforted him, made sure he was recovering slowly but surely despite not knowing what to do to relieve him or how to really help. And he was thanking her by being a perfect jerk because he was too proud to say thank you. What kind of man was he to play it like that? Someone who hated being vulnerable, someone who wanted to be impressive in her eyes. He said nothing when she came back and put a tray on his lap after he managed to sit against a pile of pillows. He wasn’t hungry but he made the effort to eat a little. How much time had she spent cooking this soup and bread for him? It was homemade. The taste, the smell, the looks, all of it was telling him that she cooked everything for him, that she knew it would be perfect for his current condition.

“Rose…” he tried.

She was standing at the bottom of his bed, patiently waiting for him to be done so she could take the tray back to the kitchen and leave the place. She was furious and he felt bad for being the cause of it. She wasn’t waiting for apologies. She wouldn’t get any from him.

“You know what? I’ve been sitting there for three days. Three days of watching you struggling against the fever, against the nightmares, against the sickness, against the panic attacks. I’ve helped you through all of it, cooked for you, tried to find ways to relieve you from the sickness and what do I get? A grumpy Time Lord being too proud to say thank you when I’ve just picked the pieces of him up from the ground.”

“I just wanted to apologise. You’re right all down the line.” She was truly surprised by his words but didn’t let it appear on her face. “I’m very thankful for what you’ve done for me.”

“Well, you’re not showing it the right way.”

“I’m gonna have to stay in bed some more but I can make a list of meds to get from the infirmary for me.”

“As if I was gonna do anything more for you.”

“I… I need you.”

She snorted. He was telling the truth but it was so unusual of him that she had troubles believing it. She was waiting for what was coming next. The Doctor realised how much she looked like her mother when she was acting like this, and Jackie Tyler was no woman to be coaxed easily.

“Those nightmares I have…”

“They’re about the war, I know. I’ve heard you.”

Her voice had softened and he wondered what he had said in his sleep hat was so explicit. His dreams were so vivid that it was like being back on the battlefield with the smell of blood and death and dust, with the sight of the slaughter, with the sound of the bodies falling one after another, the guns firing, the screams of pain and horror. And death, death everywhere, countless dead bodies. Friends, enemies, colleagues, superiors, strangers… All of them dead, and he was alive. How unfair was that?

“Doctor, look at me!”

How many times had she been calling him before her voice reached him? The tray was no longer on his lap and her hands were on his face. His eyes met hers and the magic worked. It shut off the screams and pain and guilt. It was still there, in a part of his mind, ready to come back.

“Breathe slowly and deeply, okay? Slow and deep.”

Easy to say when you weren’t the one suffering from anxiety and from a nasty flu. His chest burnt as he struggled against the panic strangling him. His hands were clutching the sheets. He forced himself to look her in the eyes, to focus on her voice and to follow her advices for once. Had she ever gone through this in her life? She was so young. What could have happened to her?

“I just…” he started when he could speak again. “Please, stay with me.”

“As if I was gonna leave you alone,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “You’d be able to wait for death to come.”

“Oi!”

It was a joke and his offended reaction brought a smile to her tired face. He smiled back at her. He was so glad to have found this adorable little human. She mocked him for being a domestic Time Lord in the end and she suspected that the situation wasn’t entirely unpleasant to him. It was quite embarrassing to be sharing the same bed but having her close, having her taking care of him ever so gently and patiently was reassuring for him. Too bad that it was only for a few days, until he had fully recovered from the flu…


	39. Heart of stone

_Well, I have to admit that this is a new one on my long list_ , thought the Doctor to himself as his body was helplessly hanging head down and slightly rocking. It was rather uncomfortable too and he felt really stupid for falling into such a simple trap. One foot in a barely hidden snare and he was hung like some piece of meat in a butchery. It was almost laughable. Almost. But the Doctor was in no mood to laugh at the moment. He needed to find a way to get out of this situation before someone could see him. It would be humiliating to be caught hanging that way. It would be complicated without sonic screwdriver. He just remembered that he had left it in his jacket, a jacket he had lent to Rose because she was cold. He swore under his breath: he had told her to wait outside while he was exploring the surroundings and making sure her young human ass was safe.

It had all begun as simply as usual. He was trying to take her to Packar Pad in the 44th century. It was a peaceful planet known for being the best in terms of trade. He had claimed that he needed some spare parts for the TARDIS but Rose wasn’t stupid. He had told her everything about the markets of the main town, Struvuil, and expected her to believe that he was only coming for himself? He always forgot that she was cleverer than she looked like. Just like he was always forgetting about the TARDIS doing everything to make him look like a foul. _I’m not taking you where you want to be, my Doctor, but where you need to be_ , he had heard her sing in his mind when he was complaining. The place and time he needed to be was Argai in the 32nd century. He still hadn’t found the reason why and he wondered if that snare was a real trap or an old fashion way to hunt. It was rather silly to place it in a warehouse stocking banana jam.

Nothing had gone as planned from their landing to the present moment. Argai was in the middle of its rain season and they had had to wade into large mud puddles. They were soaked long before reaching the outer parts of the town composed of warehouses full of the local specialty: jam. What had intrigued the Doctor was that no one was around. Even if there was a storm outside, Argashans were always out to take care of the precious vegetables and fruits they were making their profits with, building tents to protect them from the rain but the gatherings were all ruined. There were troubles on this planet and the Doctor couldn’t resist a good trouble.

“Stay here,” he had ordered Rose once they reached a covered area to protect them from the never-ending rain.

He wasn’t suffering from the rain. Even if he was soaked, his Time Lord system was keeping him from feeling cold. However, when he turned to face his companion, he faced a human disaster. Damp clothes and hair gluing to her skin, blue lips, folded arms on her chest to try and get some warmth.

“Maybe I should have told you to stay in the TARDIS.”

“And you think I’d have listened?” she stuttered through her chattering.

“I forgot about that, always wandering off, you.”

“So, there are troubles?”

“Might be.”

“Definitely following you then.”

“And have anyone hear you chattering?”

She glared at him in answer. She wouldn’t be chattering if they had landed where they were supposed to and not in the middle of the worst rain storm she had ever seen in nineteen years of life. He sighed and took off his jacket. He dropped it on her shoulders. The weight of the battered leather surprised her. She hadn’t expected the jacket to be so heavy. Neither had she expected him to lend it to her. He was always so attached to it, never leaving it any second. She was certain he was even sleeping with it like some cuddly toy.

“You stay here and you don’t come inside until I tell you to.”

“Fine,” she grumbled.

Now, he almost regretted that decision because she would have saved him from this situation as well as she had saved him from the Autons a couple months ago. She would have laughed first and maybe taken a picture to immortalise the moment. Then, she would have freed him. Or the reverse would have happened. She would have gotten trapped, he would have made a mean comment about humans being stupid and they would have bickered for a while until the troubles came to them.

“Funny, I can’t remember this happening to us.”

The Doctor frowned upon hearing this voice. Its owner hadn’t shown up yet but he seemed to know him well enough. What did that mean _‘I can’t remember this happening to us?’_? Could it be that…? No. It would be a mistake. Not that it had never happened before but meeting another self was highly dangerous for the timelines.

A tall man wearing a long brown trench coat on a brow pinstriped suit came out of the shadow with a smirk on his asymmetrical face. A displeasing tingle tickled the back of his head as his forgotten telepathy abilities with a member of his species were trying to get back to service.

“There’s no us in this matter,” sharply replied the Doctor.

There was a bit of hope inside him. Maybe it wasn’t another incarnation of him. Maybe it was another Time Lord, one that had been stuck on Argai before the war? One that might have run away from the war instead of fighting the Daleks?

“You and I are the same, no need to deny it. You can feel it, don’t you?”

“What are you doing here then? It’s against the rules to cross our own timelines. I’m deducing you’re a future self from your words. You knew I’d be here.”

The Doctor was facing three distinct problems now: the ankle stuck in the snare was getting numb from the lack of blood running through his veins down there, his blood was getting dangerously close to his head and last but not least, he had a future self messing with Time. Speaking of time, he had none to lose. Rose was waiting for him outside and he didn’t want to get involved in whatever skinny boy had planned here. He propped himself up to fiddle with the chain around his ankle. The future Doctor was observing, bemused.

“Where is the sonic when we need it?”

He pointed the metallic tube at the chain and switched it on. The device whirred and the chain broke causing the Doctor in jumper to fall heavily to the dusty ground. He let out a groan and got up, dusting his clothes. He made his way toward the exit of this warehouse. There was one Doctor here and it was more than enough to solve whatever the problem of Argai was.

“I’ve forgotten how rude you could be!”

The Doctor didn’t reply and met with Rose outside. She was so small in the huge jacket wrapped around her. She looked up at him when he forced her to her feet and dragged her toward the TARDIS. She hadn’t been ready to go under the pouring rain once again.

“Doctor! What have you found in this warehouse? Why are we leaving?”

He didn’t answer. It was useless since she wouldn’t hear him with the rain and wind. He pushed the TARDIS’ door open and made Rose come in before him. He closed the door behind them mumbling about this encounter with a future self that he would have to erase from his memories. That’s only when he walked up to the console that Rose noticed he was lightly limping.

“Okay, what has happened in there? Why are we leaving so soon?”

“Someone’s already working on the issue. They don’t need our help.”

“Oh, it sounds very like you to leave because you’re asked to,” she retorted ironically.

He didn’t even look at her. He just entered the coordinates of a new planet and sent her to take a hot shower before she got sick. Stupid humans and their weak biology. Never seen a race resisting so badly to something as unimportant as a cold. Rose had learnt over the months not to be offended by his words. Most of the time he was only doing this because he was frustrated about something. Something had happened in this warehouse and she was gonna find out what it was.

“Oh, no, you’re not getting rid of me like this, Time Lord!”

The Doctor was used to Rose protesting but he wasn’t used to her speaking to him that way. He observed her as she walked to him. She was all soaked from the rain, lost in his large jacket and her trainers were making that spongy noise every time she was taking a step. She was pointing a threatening finger on him. And this little mess of a human was giving him a reaction he would never have expected. This shocked him so deeply that he didn’t move when her finger sank into his chest.

“I can get that you’re angry for a reason or another but you’re not telling me to get the hell away like a puppy who’s done a mistake. We’re in this together whether you like it or not! Now, what has happened in this warehouse? Why are you limping?”

“I fell into a trap,” he admitted. “Another Time Lord.”

“But…”

“Yes. I can’t give more details because it can change the course of Time.”

“The TARDIS hasn’t landed it randomly. There is a reason.”

“Yes. And someone else answered the call. End of this talk.”

This time, she let go. He was a real pain when he was like this and she wouldn’t get anything more from him. She left the console room to take this hot shower and pull on dry clothes. The talk wasn’t done. She would attack him about this later. For now, he needed to calm down.

When she came back later, he was having a talk with himself in a language she couldn’t understand since the TARDIS wasn’t translating it. She assumed it was his birth language. Gallifreyan. For a moment, she forgot what she had come back for. She just observed him as he talked to the TARDIS and walked around the console. Whatever he was trying to do, it wasn’t working. They hadn’t moved from Argai.

“We cannot stay here!” he barked at the machine.

The TARDIS remained silent and didn’t move no matter how hard he was trying to make her dematerialise to run away from this planet. The frown on his face was telling Rose was something was really wrong and he didn’t want her to know about it.

“Okay, so what’s about this planet? Because I can sense that you really want to run away from here as soon as possible and the TARDIS wants you to stay here. You better tell me what troubles you have thrown us into.”

He sighed, rolled his eyes. Why was she always assuming that _he_ was the one throwing them into troubles? Last time he had checked it was the TARDIS who was landing wherever she wanted to and not where he wanted to take Rose. She was smelling the troubles and taking him there. It was partly his fault. He used to love nosing around and get into troubles. It was always so exciting. But after the fall of Gallifrey…

“Argai isn’t on the list of the planets I wanted to take you to but we are stuck here. The TARDIS doesn’t want to take off.”

“What is this so dangerous on this planet apart from the pouring rain?”

“There was a war.”

“There’s always a war somewhere sadly.”

“It destroyed the planet and only a handful of Argashans survived. This minority made sure to protect the longevity of their race but a new beginning always comes with new rules.”

“Which were?”

“The new foundations of this society were based on a patriarchal scheme. The men had the power and the women can only obey and do their biological duty.”

“Doesn’t change much from one point of the universe to another,” she remarked ironically.

“It is more extreme here. Women are the mam’s property. They are assigned to a man and they spend their whole life with him. If he dies, they’re assigned to another man.”

“Nice system.”

He loved how sarcastic she could be sometimes. He remembered how naive she was when they first met, how ignorant, scared and yet so bold, so stubborn and so _fantastic_. She was still all of that and she was adding that but of sarcasm that was his brand usually and sometimes, he was imagining how all these qualities would make her an excellent lover. He cleared his throat and pushed the thoughts away. Not the time to think about that.

“If we go outside, we’ll have to pretend you’re my property. I’ll be your owner and I’ll be able to order you anything.”

And even if a game of master/submitted slave basically had something really exciting., he didn’t want to play that game in public. It was something he wanted to keep in private. Argai loved public punishment for couples that weren’t respecting the vows they were forced to pronounce.

“Alright. Why can’t we leave?”

“The TARDIS found a distress signal here and she wants me to stay here to fix this when there’s another me already out there.”

“Another you?”

Before he could give her an explanation about this information he hadn’t meant to give her – it was too early to tell her that Time Lords had the ability of cheating death and change their face – there were loud knocks on the door. They glanced at each other knowing that it was trouble coming to them as usual. The high authorities of Argai had found them and the couple of travellers had to give the reasons of their presence on their planet. The Doctor was quick to pull out a box with two rings inside. He put one to his ring finger and slipped the other one on her own finger. She took a look at it. It was a fine ring created from a metal she didn’t know about and carved with symbols similar to the ones on the TARDIS.

“If I didn’t know you, I’d think you’re proposing.”

“We’re gonna follow them and pretend we’re a married couple. Do exactly as you are told.”

“I’m…”

“This is for your safety, you don’t know what they do to the rebels.”

Indeed, she didn’t know and for once, she chose to stop being stubborn and to follow him in the new ordeal they were gonna face. His hand looked for hers and she immediately intertwined their fingers. An habit, a way to reassure each other. He was as tensed as she was at the idea of facing this harsh society.

x

The Doctor had the right to be worried about Argai and what it could bring for them. They were taken to the city centre and straight to the carceral building. They were taken to two separate rooms and locked in there for hours. No one came to give them any kind of food or drink. Both of them tried to run away and once again, the Doctor was finding himself bereft. His jacket was in the TARDIS and his sonic was inside. This really wasn’t his day. The presence of another Time Lord, of another _Doctor_ , in town was making it very hard for him to focus. Something was very wrong here.

“You thought you could just run away like this?”

The Doctor turned around to face the pretty boy in a pinstriped suit again. Another version of him. A future Doctor. A Doctor that had turned evil and was controlling the whole planet of Argai. The ridiculously pretty boy sat on the chair that had been free for hours. He leant against the back of the chair and crossed his legs. His brown eyes examined his past self closely. It was strange to see himself that way.

“We have a problem, _Doctor_ ,” he started.

The Doctor in leather resigned himself to sit back down on the chair facing the Doctor in suit. He had the feeling that he was on the wrong side, that he was the guilty one that was about to be sentenced to death. He had done something wrong by stepping out of the TARDIS with Rose. But landing here hadn’t been his fault. The TARDIS has caught a distress call and answered it, ignoring that it was a trap.

“Sure we have,” retorted the Doctor. “There’s two of us and I’m stuck here.”

“So am I.”

“Your TARDIS refuses to move from here too?”

“My TARDIS threw me here and disappeared.”

The Doctor in leather raised an eyebrow. The TARDIS was acting like this when they were going through a destructive regeneration or because they were screwing up stuff. What had he done in the future to be exiled here? There must have been a reason, a very good reason. The ship had taken the decision for him since the Time Lords weren’t there anymore.

“You must have infuriated her. You know how delicate she is.”

“Oh, I suppose you can know the truth. I’ll erase your memories later.”

“What story?”

“Your precious companion, your Rose Tyler, will sacrifice herself to save your life.”

“Rose is human. Like every human, she’s selfish, naive and kinda stupid..”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself to hide your real feelings about her?”

“I don’t feel anything but friendship for Rose Tyler.”

“Yeah. I know that song.”

His look became more severe. He knew what he was talking about because he had gone through it all long before this incarnation of him. Those feelings were still burning inside his heart despite the decades that had passed by since he had lost Rose Tyler.

“Saving you corrupted her heart and she became the greatest threat this universe ever saw. As the only guardian left, I had to stop her from destroying every living being on every planet out there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve taken the darkness of her heart,” the Doctor in suit continued. “After years of hunting her down, I managed to trap her into a temporal lock. I’ve trapped her on Gallifrey, in the middle of that filthy war.”

His voice was full of remorses, of pain. The Doctor in leather could share it. He had been the only survivor of this war and he had done things he preferred not thinking about ever again. However, he didn’t commiserate with his future self. He was too focused on the tale he was telling.

“What have you done to her?”

If his eyes were full of anger and horror, the other Doctor’s eyes were haunted by ghosts. They both had blood on their hands but the latest crime the Doctor had ever committed seemed to be the one who had finished the destruction of his self.

“I pretended that I was done fighting her and I kissed her. There was something left of Rose inside this monster since she kissed me back. And while she did so, I ripped her heart out of her chest.”

The Doctor in leather growled and suddenly jumped over the table. He grabbed the other Doctor by the lapels of his brown coat and pinned him to the closest wall. His rage was burning in his veins and eyes. The idea that someone had hurt _his_ Rose, even if it was in the far future, was getting him enraged. He wouldn’t hesitate in killing a future self for this. The fact that the pretty boy was laughing wasn’t helping with his rage.

“Can you still deny that you _love_ her now?”

He didn’t reply. No, he couldn’t deny it now because he could see it in the brown eyes of his future that it was useless. He had felt those feelings before and they were still tormenting him now. All the tale he had delivered him was true. He wasn’t lying.

“What now?”

He didn’t let go of him. He was holding him so tight that his knuckles went while but the other one didn’t complain or try to push him away. If they wanted to save Rose and themselves from this terrible future, they had to work together.

“We’re gonna nip her feelings for you in the bud.”

This time, he didn’t see it coming. This scumbag was using his longest experience to trick his former self. He knocked him out and let him fall to the ground. He opened the door and gestured to the two Argashans waiting here to take him to the next step of their plan.

x

No one ever came to speak to Rose. They waited until she gave in to her human needs and began dozing off. She was resisting against the sleep because she was in surroundings she didn’t know without the Doctor and they probably both were in troubles. She was playing with the ring he had put on her finger. She was tracing the light designs and admiring the quality of the job on this beautiful piece of jewellery. That wasn’t how she had expected to be proposed. She couldn’t tell that she hadn’t imagined the Doctor proposing to her at least once. She had fallen in love with him quickly, too quickly, despite the fact she knew that the fall would be the hardest thing she had experienced in life. He ignored everything about this feeling of course. She was just a stupid human and he was a Time Lord. He would _never_ fall in love with her.

 _You’re being stupid again, making plans with the new bad boy in town when you know well how it ends_ , she thought. That was always like this. The Doctor was right, she would never learn from her mistakes. She was just a stupid ape. _Look at you now, lost on an alien planet where women have no rights._ She was often drawing troubles to her when she was younger but she had never been in real danger, except for her relationship with Jimmy. The troubles the Doctor was drawing to him were always life-threatening. She was terrified for her life but, most of all, she was afraid for _his_. After he had told her bits of his story, she had realised that the man probably had suicidal tendencies. It had gotten better since she was traveling by his side but their first encounter had been marked by this lack of fear in front of Death.

The only moment she had seen him having some kind of emotions was when he was facing the Nestene Consciousness and later, she found out that it was guilt mixed with a pain she would never understand and a despair he would never heal from. These feelings came back after his meeting with the Dalek, a remainder of a war that had taken everything from him. He had been scared for _her_ at that moment and she had seen him become a monster to save her. And now, was he gonna save her again? She played with the ring. It had been an attempt to protect her and it hadn’t worked. Where was he now? How was he gonna take them out of this situation? _He wouldn’t let me down now, would he?_ She didn’t know what to think anymore but if the Doctor couldn’t save them, she had to do it herself. After a bit of sleep, she was exhausted.

When she woke up, a feeling of dread tightened her heart. She wasn’t in the small room anymore. She was somewhere else. Somewhere bigger. A sort of sports hall. People were taking place in the terraces and she couldn’t move. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. She tried to move but found herself unable to. Her wrists were tightly tied above her head and she realised with horror that she was naked. Naked in front of hundreds of people. She struggled against her restraints but they were so tight that she was hurting herself instead. A pretty boy came up to her and put his long fingers under her chin.

“Rose Tyler;” he whispered, “I have dreamt so many times of this day. It should have happened in other circumstances.”

She was gonna reply something sharp but something about this man was familiar to her. Not the look in his eyes. There was so much sadness and darkness in there that she felt like she was suffocating. His long fingers softly brushed over the tender skin of her neck and chest. Saying that it wasn’t pleasurable would be a lie. Her body was reacting to his touch and she hated that. She hated reacting to the touch of a foreigner that wasn’t such a foreigner. Her mind was trying to tell her something about him but she couldn’t figure out what it was.

“But you’ve made your choice and Time needs to be rewritten.”

Time. Another Time Lord. Another _Doctor_. A Doctor with another face. A Doctor who had known her in another life. A life where she was messing with Time. It seemed so unreal. She had troubles believe that it was true and yet, it couldn’t be any other way.

“You have to be punished.”

Her heart sank in her chest and the other Doctor moved away from her to make a sign to Argashans who dragged a furious Time Lord to the place where her and the pretty boy were standing. His fury was contained to his eyes when he faced them. He was avoiding looking at Rose’s naked body and glared at his future self but the latter was too busy facing the excited crowd to notice it. At least, Rose was relieved to see that her Doctor wasn’t gonna run away without her.

“This couple has attempted to cheat your laws!” roared the pretty boy and the crowd booed. “They pretended to a be a couple, pretended to be married and respecting our laws but none of this is true!”

The crowd protested and threw them rocks. Some hit both Rose and her Doctor. He didn’t move, didn’t react but the rage burnt brighter in his eyes and he clenched his fists and jaw. He regretted not having a way to run away from here. They had to go through this whole shit. Rose noticed the tiny flashing device on his neck. He had been tricked too. Something was forcing him to be here and do what he would be asked.

“You all know what’s the price for this. She has to be publicly flogged by him before he shows her how deep is his love for her.”

All of this sounded terrible but her Doctor didn’t move. She was panicking and he wasn’t moving. He kept his eyes in front of him and his jaw was so tightly clenched that she was afraid he would break his own teeth. He was giving a riding crop and Rose swallowed. He was really gonna do this.

“Don’t forget that if you refuse, you’ll be sentenced to death. Both of you.”

“I compel,” groaned the Northern Doctor.

The Argashans left the place but the evil Doctor stayed. He was gonna watch and make sure they wouldn’t cheat again. They were forced to do it. The Doctor brushed the riding crop against her naked body to choose the skin he was gonna hurt reluctantly. All of this was against his will. She closed her eyes and put on a brave face when the first hit came. The Doctor was holding back his strength. It was more like a stroke than a real smack.

“Come on, you can do better than that.”

His hand was tight around the rising crop and he wanted to use it against his future self for making them go through this. He would forget about him but Rose would forever remember the events of Argai and he despised his current and all his future selves for this. He did as he was told. He hit harder. Each smack on her bottom was harder than the previous one and yet, she knew he was holding himself back. Everything to protect her in a way.

“That’ll be enough,” finally announced the other Doctor.

She wasn’t crying and her eyes were burning. Her arms were sore and her body was trembling. What had she done to endure this? She had never been a naughty girl. She sure likes flirting, wasn’t ready for commitment but this? This was more than she could take.

The Doctor faced her. Behind her closed eyes, she could see his tall figure and she desperately wanted him to wrap her into his arms and hold her tight. She wanted him to gather into his arms and carry her back to the TARDIS. She wasn’t blaming him. He was compelled to do this. He was forced to hurt her. Not like Jimmy. Never like Jimmy. She heard a zip and her panic increased. _Before he shows her how deep is his love for her._ No. No, that couldn’t be. She refused this option.

His hands were on her arms now and his cold skin made her shiver. She whined and she felt him freeze at the sound of it. His breath brushed over her neck as he put his mouth near to her ear. His large hand cupped her cheek. He wanted her to feel as comfortable as she could be in this situation.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. There’s no way to make this easier for any of us.”

The Doctor let out a groan when the pretty boy slapped his back with the riding crop and Rose contained her tears and fear once more. She was so terrified.

“They placed DNA bombs on us. If we don’t do this…”

“Do it.”

“This is…”

“I give you my consent. Do it. Please.”

Despite the situation, he was very soft with her. His hands were stroking her skin with tenderness like a lover making love to the woman he loved for the first time. She was keeping her eyes shut. It was amplifying the feelings he was creating in her. He added his tongue to the equation and she felt like she was on fire. Every nerve in her body was reacting to his touch. He would have taken his time if he wasn’t surrounded by so many people.

“Are you ready?”

It was the first time she was asked if she was ready for this. None of her previous lovers had ever asked her for her consent either. Jimmy was taking whatever he wanted from her and Mickey was often just thinking about himself and his own pleasure to ask her anything. The Doctor was different. He was respectful. He _really_ liked her. So, she gave him a nod.

He took a deep breath. He didn’t need any help to feel excited by Rose. He had held back his desire for a while now. He just regretted not to be able to feel her plump lips around him, not to feel her fingers on him. He wrapped an arm around her and slowly penetrated her. The muffled cry she let out almost made him stop everything but she forced him to continue and the both of them shared that dance, ignoring everyone around them the best they could. His lips found hers and the taste of salt told him that she was crying now. He withdrew before the end of the act. This was enough. He zipped his pants back but his lips were still very closed to hers.

“Now, we’ll get to more serious things.”

The pretty boy used his sonic to free Rose from her chains. The Doctor caught her before she fell to the ground and he was cheered by the crowd. These people were disgusting him. He wanted to run away from here but they couldn’t until the DNA bombs was removed from them. Without his sonic, the Doctor couldn’t do anything. He was forced to put Rose down so she would be standing by his side. He took off his jumper and helped her into it to cover her nudity. He wasn’t listening to the pretty boy, didn’t react to him fastening their hands with a TARDIS blue ribbon. His eyes were on Rose and she was looking straight at him to ignore the rest of the world. She was shaking and silently crying.

“I now solemnly declare you husband and wife according to the laws and traditions of Argai.”

It was done. The DNA bombs were disabled. They could go. The Doctor didn’t wait. He gathered Rose in his arms and ran back to the safest place he knew: the TARDIS. Rose insisted on taking a shower to get rid of what had been done to her. She scrubbed her skin until it was all irritated. Her mind was empty. She wasn’t thinking of anything. She just felt empty. At some point, she sat down and stared off.

The Doctor, worried not to see her coming back, knocked on the door. She didn’t answer. He tried a few times and she remained silent. So he came in. She didn’t move when he turned off the water and picked her up. Neither did she when he dried her off and helped her to get dressed. He tucked her into bed. His hand lingered on her cheek, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I wish I could take it all back.”

“He married us.”

“Yes.”

“How am I gonna tell this to mom?”

“She’s so gonna kill me.”

Rose chuckled and the Doctor felt a hint of relief filled his hearts. She was laughing to a simple joke. She took his free hand in hers and leant her face into the other one. He sat down next to her. He was telling the truth though. When they would tell Jackie – because they had to, Rose was her daughter – she would blame him and probably strangle him. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“It’s my fault.”

“You haven’t hurt me.”

“I did. That was all because of me.”

Rose swallowed and closed her eyes. She felt exhausted but she didn’t want him to leave. She was afraid of the nightmares this day would bring back to her mind. She asked him to stay, to lay down beside her, to hold her against him. He hesitated. Could he really do that after such a day? He couldn’t leave her alone. He was the reason of her angst tonight.

“I thought you’d never love me the way I do.”

This admission surprised him because he hadn’t shown anything. Had she felt it when he was flogging her? When he was having impersonal sex with her? He had tried to be as soft as possible while he was invading her privacy. This was supposed to be a traumatic experience, not a proof of the intense desire he was feeling for her.

“I want you to show me.”

“Show you what?”

“How much you really love me, how tender you can be with me.”

“Rose…”

“We’re married now, Doctor. You have to honour me.”

That was true. In many traditions all across the universe, the husband had to honour his wife and vice versa. He was scared though, scared that he might do it all wrong. He lay down beside her, asked her if she was sure of what she was asking. He chose to ignore his future self warnings, to ignore his doubts. Tonight, he was gonna be the real lover she wanted him to be. Tonight, he was gonna show her how she deserved to be treated: like the most precious person in his universe…a


	40. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no one else to do this for him anymore, no one else to tell him that Time wasn’t just a concept but also a person.

Time was a concept. It had always been a concept for every living being on every galaxy. Even him, a Time Lord belonging to the superior race that were the Lords of Time, knew that Time was just a concept, and he had been part of the rare persons who had a grasp, a bit of control on a non-material thing. He could see Time, its fluctuations, its many changes, its many ends. He could see everyone’s timelines, could see their death. He could see the parallel worlds, all of them. That was the gift of the species but sometimes it could be such a curse. Especially when you were the last of your species and had to deal with all of this on your own. He never was good at this. That’s why he had run away in the first place because he didn’t fit in and now, he was thrown into it by his own fault. There was no one else to do this for him anymore, no one else to tell him that Time wasn’t just a concept but also a person. Some sort of Time Lord but superior. Intemporal. Immaterial.

“Doctor, please, don’t listen to him.”

That man looking so ordinary and extraordinary at the same time came to them like a priest would com to members of his parish. He welcomed him with a warm smile, as if he was an old friend but didn’t acknowledge his human companion. Lifespan too short. Unimportant. He should have been outraged. No one treated her like this. Not ever. But the aura of this man caught him off guard and he was standing there, speechless, just listening to the soft soothing words of Time. As if he was under some spell.

“Think about it, Doctor. You could have that life you’re dreaming about, with the person you want.”

“That’s impossible. The universe…” he tried.

“Bad Wolf is rising, legions of children of Time in its wake. The future is safe.”

The offer was tempting and not even the soft touch of his companion grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers could take him out of the strange sort of magic this man was having on him. Not many powers could influence a Time Lord and make him so obedient. It was having no effect on his human friend. It was only him and Time.

“This is my punishment. I gotta watch over Time and save the universe.”

“The reign of the Time Lords was coming to an end. They overstepped the rules, declared war on the Daleks, threatened my course. I freed you from your exile, chose you to end this before it became uncontrollable and destroyed everything.”

“Why me?” suddenly burst the Doctor. “I wasn’t the only exiled Time Lord!”

The personification of Time didn’t even blink while the Doctor was putting on his Oncoming Storm costume on. He was furious for obvious reasons and no one could blame him. He had had to exterminate two entire species, including his own. He had been _chosen_ for this. No one ever told him he had the choice. No one ever told him he would even survive.

“You were the only one brave enough to stop tis madness and accept the consequences.”

“I am not accepting the consequences!” he yelled. “Who would want to be alone in the universe blaming themselves for the death of thousands of persons?”

“What about the thousands of others you’ve saved, considering it as a way to earn redemption and forgiveness you can never grant to yourself?”

Once again, the Doctor was speechless. His mind was an open book to this immaterial man. Time had stopped its course, trapped him and his companion into a place devoid of rules and laws and materialism. All of that, only to speak to him. His senses of danger were off. He trusted Time. It had always been the most trustful companion to him. Just like death, it was by his side all the time.

“My first gift to you was this young person.” He pointed a thin bony finger on his companion who was still tugging on his arm to pull him away from what she considered to be a danger. “Rose Tyler. Bold, clever, stubborn, compassionate. The perfect person to help you heal. Selfless enough to sacrifice herself to save you.”

“She has not…”

“Deeply interweaved in your story,” continued Time. “Your past, present and future depend on her. So, what will you choose, Doctor? An eternity to run from your demons, guilt eating you up, or a full lifetime with the woman you love?”

“I…”

Starstruck, the Doctor didn’t react. He was standing there, dumbly staring at the bright figure before him. Was it this easy? His feelings were totally exposed. Rose now knew but she certainly didn’t share that love for the daft old man not even good-looking. She was only fascinated by the things he was showing her. Nothing more. One day, she would leave. One day, she would die. And he would have to live on.

This offer was everything he had wished for: an ordinary life travelling with Rose until death came and parted them. Immortality was everybody else dying around him and he couldn’t handle that. Not anymore. Time smiled at him, extended his arm and held a hand out to him. The decision was made and shaking hands would conclude the deal. He raised his own hand, ready to sacrifice everything for a human blonde woman. He was halfway through his move when a small hand grasped his leather-clad arm and pushed it down.

“Don’t do this, Doctor! Don’t sacrifice everything you are for me!”

For the very time since they were here, the Doctor looked down at Rose. She was crying and tears were golden drops on her cheeks. Her hands were firmly keeping his arms down, her bottom lip was shivering and his eyes dropped in his chest when blue eyes met shining gold ones.

“What have you done?” he whispered un the shock.

“What I had to save you,” replied Time in echo with Rose. “I want you safe, my Doctor.”

The Doctor felt his whole being crumble with terror as Rose pronounced the words he hadn’t dared thinking about when he saw the gold in her eyes. She had ripped open the TARDIS, had absorbed the whole Time Vortex. Not even him could do that without consequences.

“The Time War never ended that day and it was consuming you. You were ready to die just to avoid reliving the nightmare of the last few years.”

“Such a lonely childhood.” Her hands let go of his arms only to cup his cheeks. “Such a wounded warrior. So much pain and silence. How?”

“There’s you,” he croaked.

The Bad Wolf smiled at him and there was so much sadness in her golden eyes that he felt his eyes burn with tears. He was using the wrong tense here. There _was_ her but she wasn’t anymore. She had sacrificed her life for his. She had ended the Time War. She had given life and she was dying. Because of him.

“You’ve done it, you’ve saved me. You gotta let go now.”

“She can’t.”

“The sun and the moon… the day and the night…” Her voice was trembling. “But why do they hurt?”

“The power’s gonna kill you,” he cried.

“I can see everything. All that is… all that was…all that could ever be…” A single tear rolled down on her face and he cupped her cheek. “That’s what you’re going through all the time. How can you handle the pain?”

Behind the power, the pain and the sadness, he saw her compassion, her strong determination to help him through this difficult journey. It was killing her and there was nothing he could do. She froze suddenly, her crying self was still as if she had been put on pause which probably was the case.

“Let her go!”

“She made her choice, Doctor. She’s choosing you, now and forever.”

“But she’s not immortal! She can’t stay with me forever!”

“Indeed.”

“A human can’t live for so long. She would go mad.”

“Hmhm.”

“I gotta save her. For that, I have to sacrifice myself and change…”

“And you would still lose her.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. Make that choice. I want to keep her by my side.”

Memories of his adventures with her crossed his mind. He had never felt so well, so happy than during those moments. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought about her begging him not to sacrifice everything for her. She thought she was unimportant when she was his whole galaxy. He had to do it. For her.

“Will I…”

“I’ll leave the box to you. As a memory.”

“’Kay.”

He was pacing around. His decision was made but he was hesitating. Rose would hate him. Giving up on his Time Lord self, on the travels in time and space, on the adventures… All of that for an ordinary life in London in the twenty-first century. Time held his hand out again and the Doctor shook it. There was a golden flash and he fell to his knees as all energy was sucked out of his body to be scattered all over the flux of Time. And suddenly, everything went black.

The first thing he saw when he woke up was a pair of two furious whiskey brown eyes. She immediately started yelling at him like the proud daughter of Jackie Tyler and he just ignored her rage that increased when his face split into a gleeful grin. It worked. It bloody worked…


	41. The girl in the pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Famous singer who goes by the Doctor has a bit of an ego to him... he's been famous for years, and girls tend to fall at his feet. He sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen before and tries to speak to her multiple times... each time she seems to ignore him. He even tries singing one of his famous love songs (ever so casually!) but she doesn't even take notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for [natural--blues](https://natural--blues.tumblr.com/) as a part of the _Doctor Who Secret Santa_ with the challenge of making Rose a part of the Deaf community. As a person who can hear, I hope I've done this right.

USERNAME

BAD WOLF

PASSWORD

*****************

LOGIN

WELCOME BACK ON _BIGGER IN THE INSIDE_ , ROSE.

IT’S ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU HERE.

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND TODAY?

Rose Tyler smiled at the blinking cursor on the empty white page of her website. So many things had happened to her in the last weeks and it was hard to decide of where to start this story for this new post. She had created this website years ago, during her studies as a web developer, and had forgotten it the minute she got her diplomas. She had come back to it months later when she had found out that she couldn’t get a proper job because of a particularity of hers. Interview after interview, they were refusing her for the simple reason that she was different. Discrimination in hiring. This had infuriated her so much that she had needed a place to vent and share this experience, a place where we would be able to communicate freely without any barrier. She had found out she wasn’t the only one to have gone through this injustice.

 _Bigger on the inside_ wasn’t a name she had chosen randomly. Rose was a naturally kind and caring person and she had discovered that people were more than just a surface to scratch. If you looked deeper, you could have great surprises. This was a motto concerning all the people in the world but that also applied to her. Many persons had barely scratched her surface and chosen to leave her behind soon after. All because of her particularity. She didn’t have many friends. To be honest, she only had a couple of acquaintances she had met through her website. Acquaintances that shared her particularity. Creating _Bigger on the inside_ had opened new doors on the world to her. It had given her the courage she needed to build her own business. It was easy to find work as a web developer when you were your own boss. All her customers were talking to her through private messages and she was working from her on ace. She had gone against all the prejudices people had about her.

Rose Tyler was deaf. She had never known how it was to hear the smallest of sounds. She was born on a sunny day toward the end of April. Her mother had stayed around long enough to give her a name and a couple months of happiness. Then, her father died and Jacqueline Tyler had been unable to cope with the loss of her husband and their daughter’s disability. Rose was placed in the system and raised by different people, different foster families that never understood or try to understand why she was so different from the other kids. She found her shelter, her salvation, in books. She was pending her time in the local bookshop. She had read everything little thing she could read and taught herself everything she knew today including the sign language, the coding, the marketing. She had used that knowledge to build herself the better life that she had so far. And it was a success.

She had founded the _Bad Wolf Corporation_ and developed an association for the young and not so young persons who had been in her situation: left behind and discriminated. It was a small association where deaf persons could find a shelter and dedicated volunteers to teach them the basic things and help them to fit in the harsh society. More recently, she had bought an old bookshop, gave it a new name – _The Blue Box_ in reference to the old police box gathering dust not far down the road. It had become her headquarters. There was the bookshop part and her computing space of work next to the storehouse. There wasn’t much activity yet but some people were coming in and buying books or settling down in the reading space for a moment. There was a sign on her counter informing her customers she couldn’t answer to spoken demands. Everyone was playing the game so far.

NEW POST

GIVE A TITLE TO YOUR NEW POST

“Don't mind me. I'm just toasting the happy couple. On the house!”

_After a long day of work, it is not unusual for me to reward myself with a pint at the local pub. I place my order and sip my beer quietly. Drop money on the counter and leave for home. Sometimes I would bring the Times or a book and enjoying my time off before going back home. A little ritual of mine._

_That evening was no different from usual. I was at the pub reading the new issue of the Times when this guy showed up. Large ears, big nose, dark brown hair. The atmosphere was festive when I’ve come in. A couple was celebrating their new engagement. It all turned to craziness when he came in. I moved to a quieter corner of the pub and occasionally glanced at the party._

_My beer done, I folded my newspaper. I was getting ready to leave. At my very own pace. That’s when I’ve noticed that he had moved to come and sit across of me. He had been sat here for a while and I haven’t noticed him at all. His lips moved. I walked away. Not the first time some ‘cool’ guy tries to flirt with me and this one clearly was one of them._

The Doctor was in a good mood that evening. He was in a mood for a drink, but not a drink alone in his place. A drink in a public place where he would be able to share his happiness and maybe find a one night woman to satisfy him. He never had much success with women before. The blame was on his unusual and rough appearance. No woman would fancy a man with ears that were too large, a distorted big nose, a large forehead? No one had ever wanted him before and then, he released a single, became number one in the United Kingdom and with the success came the women who started fancying the successful man he had become. He shouldn’t have fallen into the arms of this disgusting spiral all famous artists were slipping in but the temptation of giving in to these love letters and promises of forever had been too strong.

Tonight, he was celebrating the release of his third album. _The Turn of the Earth_ he had titled it in reference to the first single extracted from this album: _“I can feel it / The turn of the Earth / the ground beneath our feet / Is spinning at 1,000 miles an hour / And the entire planet is hurtling / Around the Sun at 67,000 miles an hour. / And I can feel it. / We’re falling through space / you and me, clinging to the skin / Of this tiny little world / And if we let go / If you let go / I will drift endlessly / In this never-ending universe.”_ He was writing cheesy love songs he didn’t think a word of for he never met his soulmate. All bullshit. The women he was meeting, having affairs with, had no real interest in him. They all wanted the fame, the money. He was just a way to get it. That was why he was having one night affair after one night affair.

He should have gone to the party his staff was having tonight for the new album but these people were no fun. You would have thought that in the world of music, and more specifically in the world of rock music, people would be funnier, a bunch of party-goers addicted to sex and drugs and alcohol. His team was nowhere near that and it was quite boring to party with them. So he had pretended to be needed elsewhere for personal reasons and had looked for a place where he would have fun, alcohol and sex. He was reasonable enough not to fall in the trap of drugs like many other artists but he could never say no to alcohol. Getting wasted made him forget about the loneliness an superficiality of such a life. Everyone was looking for fame but fame wasn’t bringing real happiness. Only a fake euphory.

He found a pub with a good atmosphere. Someone was partying in there, celebrating a happiness that never was given to him in over thirty years of life. He pushed the door open, a large grin on his face and entered the pub. This joyful atmosphere was all he needed tonight. It became crazy once he was in. He walked to the counter and ordered a bottle of the best champagne. That’s at that very moment he noticed her. He was sitting there, sipping a pint of beer and reading the newspaper. She didn’t seem disturbed by the noise around her. Such an ability to ignore your surroundings was impressive. It wasn’t what caught his eye though. He had seen a lot of women falling to his feet but none of them were equalling her beauty. For a moment, he could nothing but admiring this reading beauty. Even tucking a strand of hair behind her ear made her the most beautiful woman he had even seen.

“The news isn’t that good lately, heh?”

She didn’t reply to him, didn’t even glance at him. With the noise around, she probably hadn’t heard him. The party-animals were singing loudly and screaming congratulations. Her calm was admirable. It was as if she was stuck in her own bubble and was disregarding her surroundings. The barman was gone in the wine cellar to find the bottle he had asked for. It was taking some time so he jumped over the counter, poured himself a pint and sat down beside the blonde girl and babbled happily. He didn’t remark immediately that she wasn’t giving attention to him and, to be honest, that was quite offending. No one was ignoring him. He was the Doctor. The international rock star. The best in cheesy love songs. Every teenager and grown woman were falling to his feet for a glance from him. Why was she ignoring him?

“I’m the Doctor by the way, what’s your name?”

No answer. She was deliberating ignoring him and that wasn’t nice of her. He never met anyone who could resist the famous Doctor. Who did she think she was to ignore him so conspicuously? He was gonna tell her his way of thinking when the barman came back with the bottle. The Doctor moved to the party, shook the champagne.

“Don't mind me. I'm just toasting the happy couple. On the house!”

The fiancée went crazy and her friends had to hold her back or she would have jumped on him. The cap popped and champagne rained over the guests. He took the time for pictures and partied with the happy couple until they were too drunk to see if he was there or not. He ordered another pint. The blonde girl wasn’t at the counter anymore. He had been afraid that she might have left but he found her sitting in a quiet corner. He sat across of her and took another chance.

“You know, most of the girls of your age would sell their organs just to spend a minute with me. I am impressive.”

The world was kinda revolving around him at the moment. All around the world, there were millions of fans waiting impatiently for his new album to drop so they could be the first to buy it. Could it be possible that she didn’t know him? That she didn’t care? No. The world did care. The world did love him. She could only be playing a game and it ended with her leaving and him being broken-hearted.

GIVE A TITLE TO YOUR NEW SECTION

“Run for your life!”

_The barman informed me, in my language, when I came back days later that this man had come back every day. He was ordering a beer and waiting for me to come through the door. Which I never did. I was working on a new project for a big company and didn’t have the time to go out and enjoy a night off at the pub. Busy man that he was, the day I finally passed through the door, he couldn’t be here. He had left a note for me. A sloppy, awkward, almost impossible to read handwriting. Something just to say that he would be back one day and would curry favours. Who was using such a language nowadays? I creased the paper, threw it in the first bin I found and forgot about this man. I wasn’t interested. He seemed to have a bit of an ego to him and it was everything I hated about men. He wanted something he couldn’t get and he was insisting._

_I didn’t know his name – he hadn’t signed the note – and I didn’t want to know it. Never heard of him either. No pun intended here. I had no desire to see him again and I avoided the pub, picked another just to be sure he wouldn’t find me. It was hard to wander in the pubs without meeting him. He was everywhere and I was doing my best for him to never notice me. This part was easy. He was always surrounded by hordes of hysterical people brandishing phones and Sharpies and busy grinning like an idiot while he was being hugged, touched, harassed until he was exhausted. Then, he would collapse on a stool and drink, meet with friends. By that time, I was already gone. The less I was being around him, the better it was. I didn’t want to be considered as a stalker. And I absolutely didn’t care about him. That was what I was telling myself._

_It was a lie of course. It had been true at first but fate had decided that our paths should meet again and again until he finally remarked my presence around him. I was a young man in her twenties, too clever for this world, too different for this society. I was just a face in the crowd moving around him. He was fascinating me, this man always surrounded by people who was bearing the weight of a loneliness no one could understand. Yet I never made a movement toward him and he never saw me. Until I found myself stuck in one of his hysterical crowds._

With the release of a new album came the hard task of promoting it with interviews on radio and television shows. There, he would answer the same questions over and over again and the reporters would use all the possible approaches to have him opening up on his personal life. Which he never did. He never said a word about his private life, didn’t have any social media account and paparazzi never caught him. He was either excellent at avoiding them or they were respectful. The first option was most likely the good one. The question he was asked the most surely was: _“who are you thinking about when you write these love songs?”_ Apparently, you had to have someone in mind when you were writing about love. It added a personal and authentical dimension. He always lied to that question, always pretended that it was one girl or another he had met in his life.

The truth was, when he was singing _The Turn of the Earth_ live in those shows, his mind was drifting toward that one girl he met in a pub one day. He hadn’t seen her again after that night and the barman had refused to tell him her name and if she was a regular customer of the place. Because he was a rock star didn’t mean he could have all he wanted when he wanted it. This time however, it wasn’t a celebrity whim like he could have had. He was pretty wise on that point. He had to find her by himself. Hard to do when you only had the image of her in you head, an image of this magnificent young woman sitting at the counter of a bar and reading the _Times_. This vision of her had shaken him to the core the night he walked into this pub and his heart was fluttering just at the thought of her.

His team had already found him distraught these past few weeks and wondered where he was spending all of his nights when he didn’t have any obligation to be anywhere or to do anything. He never gave them an answer. This part of his life had nothing to do with his music and unless they were proving to be true friends. He was always on his guards with people. Especially since he was famous. With her, he had the feeling he wouldn’t have to protect himself against the gossips and betrayals. She was different. He could feel it. Plus, she was the only woman he knew that had been resisting him. She had totally ignored him last time. She was intriguing him. He wanted to know more about her and for that, he needed to find her. Which was the hardest part of the challenge his heart was imposing to him.

His trail of thoughts was interrupted by the screams of the crowd waiting outside the building of the radio station he was interviewed in. The news that he was here had come rather quickly and the people without any obligation of work or family. Some were even sacrificing that just for him. They were sacrificing what he was seeking to get noticed and then, forgotten by him. He was famous. For them, it meant that he had all he wished for but his life was mostly travelling, answering questions, meeting fans. That last part and composing new music was what he preferred in this life. Touring was fantastic. All those cities, all those landscapes, all those different people. He had spent some amazing moments in the greatest cities of Europe, but they now all seemed dull because he had visited them alone.

He grinned wildly at the crowd who screamed louder when he stepped out of the building. Immediately, phones and pens and goodies were insistently held out to him. A routine. Pictures, autographs. He satisfied as many fans as he could… Until his eyes caught a familiar blonde head whose confused and scared expression harmed him more any physical wound. She had been caught in the stampede and had no way out. He had come out and everyone had moved forward and made her a prisoner of their collective enthusiasm. He apologised to the fans around him evasively and moved through the crowd quickly. He didn’t hear them calling out for him. He was too focused on the lost young woman among them. No one seemed to see her distress except him. His hand finally grasped hers, she looked up at him, surprised to see him there, and he said the first thing that came to his mind:

“Run!”

_He found me among all these persons. Usually I am unnoticed. An ordinary woman living in the Estates. I wasn’t even here for him. I was just passing by, coming back from a trip to the Royal Mail. A package to drop. I was walking back to the bookshop when this crowd suddenly surrounded me. They heckled me as if I was a simple rag doll. I couldn’t do anything. The sudden rush had petrified me. I am avoiding these kinds of situation. I hate being taken by surprise. But I refuse to believe that people could be so selfish, so mean not to remark my fear to be trampled on. I am an optimistic, compassionate person. I see the best in everyone and that day, the best of them was gone to the sewers. For them I was another fan trying to get my way to him when I only was a victim of their madness. There was no way out for me. They were pushing and pushing and pushing me toward the reason that had let them here:_ **him** _._

_He came out of nowhere and grabbed my hand – the tips of his fingers were calloused but his palm was warm and soft. My eyes locked on the bluest eyes I have ever seen in this life. His lips moved and before I could figure out that he was saying, he was dragging me out of the crowd and running like crazy in the streets of London. He clearly had no idea where he was going but it was amusing him. He was running and grinning like an idiot, like a kid dragging a toy around. I detected the bookshop and pushed him inside. We hid behind one of the high shelves covered with books of all sizes and colours. Several minutes passed by before I realised how close I was standing to him. I quickly moved away and walked to the counter. The lights were off, the sign on the door indicated that the shop was momentarily closed._

_I didn’t say anything, just cleaned my counter, turned the lights on and turned the sign over. The shop was open again. When I dared looking up at him again, he hadn’t moved. Maybe was he waiting under the crowd was gone for good. I had seen some girls running past the bookshop. They most likely were looking for him. I gave him a nod to thank him and gestured to him that he could go. No one was waiting for him to come out of the shadows to jump on him. I didn’t see him leave the place but he did, only to come back around lunch time. The camera above the front door showed him coming in with what looked like his signature outfit – a jumper and a battered leather jacket, black pants and boots – and an acoustic guitar slung on his shoulder. I was in the back room fixing a website I created a while ago and found myself observing his image on the CCTV._

The Doctor didn’t move for a moment. His heart had never beat so hard and so fast. This situation was unexpected. To be fair, he hadn’t had any idea of where he was taking her once they were out of the crowd. He was just running, happy to have found her again, happy to have her frail warm hand in his. Then, she took the lead and pushed him in this bookshop, pushed him behind a shelve stood there. He was stuck between her and the mountain of books behind him. His heart was hammering in his chest. He never felt so embarrassed to be this close to a woman but this one was fascinating. She moved away, moved around like she owned the place – which he found out later, she did – and he could only observe her and trying to get back his composure. Who was she? How could she make him feel so vulnerable?

“Now we’re in trouble.”

He chuckled but she was ignoring him again. She was reading the documents spread on the counter, tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She waved him away but he wasn’t gonna leave that easily now that he had found her again, now she had been thrown on his way again. There was a reason why she was coming back to him like this.

“Escaping from a crowd of fans? Easy.” He snapped his fingers. No reaction from her. He frowned. “Right, then, I’ll be off. Unless…”

Was she really ignoring him again after he saved her ass out there? Women were all the same. Ungrateful to him. Was it his physical appearance? He had always had issues with it on a personal level. Now, people loved him the way he was. Years of struggle and he was rewarded like this. Fame had the power to corrupt minds, to turn the freak in the most handsome rocker ever seen. And no one ever saw the real him hidden underneath, the man in constant pain.

“Okay. See you around.”

An idea sprouted in his mind and he retained the name and the hours of the bookshop and rushed to his own place. He came back to the shop. She was nowhere to be seen in this part of the shop but it didn’t matter. He started playing.

“I have met a girl / In a pub one night / Sat there she ignored me / I am so impressive / She should have acknowledged me / But her stubborn ignorance / Pushed me to the edge / And my heart can’t help / But cry a name I didn’t know. / How could I catch her attention / If my name, if my presence / Isn’t enough to win her heart? / You think fame brings / All you want in your life / People and cars and buildings / But it won’t / One day you’ll met her / The girl of the pub / And she’ll make you / Feel like you’re the smallest / And meaningless person / Of this world. / See I’m the Doctor / An international rock star / The last of a family / A survivor traveling alone / Hoping to meet / The girl in the pub again.”

This was a stupid song with no rhymes, something he had written and composed in a couple minutes to court her, to win her heart. Yet, it proved to be useless since she didn’t show up once he was done with his song. When she finally appeared, she didn’t notice him – how could she not see the tall man standing in the middle of her shop? She was carrying a pile of books, books that she painstakingly added on the shelves according to their genre. She came back to the counter, put one of them down and pushed it toward him without a word. It was a book about the lack of confidence and how to deal with it. How could she have guessed? Intrigued he paid for the book and left the place, with his tail between his legs.

GIVE A TITLE TO YOUR NEW SECTION

“Do you want to go home?”

_I don’t know if he had figured out my situation at that moment, but I pretty much had grasped his personality according to his reaction when I gave him a copy of_ Daring Greatly _by Brené Brown. Behind his airs, behind the rock star, there is a broken human too used to get what he wants from a snap of his fingers. His interest in me was strange both to him and to me and if it had to go farther, this famous side of him wasn’t what I wanted to see. If he wanted anything from me, he would have to show himself as he really was instead of hiding behind his fame. The character he was playing was of no interest. So was his job, his songs, his money and everything related to the Doctor. It was quite a challenge, but he seemed to be a man who liked to be challenged. Things too easy were boring, and maybe was I a challenge for him too._

_Now he knew where I was working, probably had found my name too. Yet, he didn’t come to harass me every day. I was almost disappointed not to see him insisting by coming in every day, but he was a busy man. I thought he had tossed the book in the corner of the huge property I supposed he had bought when he became famous and moved on to something else. It was a prejudice I had about him though I remembered clearly the intelligence burning in his eyes along with the feeling of solitude and suffering. The Doctor was just a shell to protect the real man from the blows of society. It was almost a schizophrenic behaviour. Something we all do in society. He was the famous Doctor, the rock star always grinning, always happy, when he was out… But I wanted to see the man he was when he was coming home and taking the costume off._

_I did get to see this man. I was lucky enough, trustworthy enough for him to unveil his real personality to me. I have considered it as an extreme mark of his affection for me. Beside the trust, he had this undeniable attraction toward me. But I was unaware of it until we met again in my usual pub. He was in before me. There were two pints before him and he casually pushed one toward me, as if he had always known that I would come that night. He was reading a book he hadn’t bought in my bookshop. Probably something he had been given or had found on Amazon. It was placed in such a way that I couldn’t see what it was. It wasn’t a problem. I had brought my own book. The latest release of an author writing exceptional thrillers full of mystery, adventures and adrenaline. All the contrary of my quiet little life._

He had had no idea that she was gonna come. It wasn’t the first night he was sitting here with two beers waiting for her to come through the door. The barman and the customers were used to see him around now and no one was going overexcited to see him here. Not anymore. He could be himself and enjoy the book he was reading and the beers he had ordered in peace. All it had taken for him to find this peace was to notice a young woman sat alone at the counter of a pub one night. The penny dropped. He had found what he was looking for but he couldn’t have it as easily as he had had all the other things. He had had to remember how ordinary people were living. He had had to find his way back on Earth after drifting in the higher circles of society and thinking he was better than anyone. He wasn’t. And all it took was a girl in a pub.

He knew it was her before she sat on the stool beside him. He had seen her reflection in the mirror above the perfect line of alcohol bottles in the back of the barman. He was wearing earplugs. Nothing would totally plug the noises totally but it was working well enough. He pushed the pint toward her, his eyes still on the book he was reading, his brain registering the words it was seeing. He sipped his beer, read silently. Her eyes were on him at first. He could feel her interrogative gaze on him before she looked away, took a sip of the beer he had offered her and focused on her own book. She was so absorbed by her reading that she almost startled when he put a gentle hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She marked her page and looked at him for the first time since he grabbed her hand and told her to run.

“I’m the Doctor, hello,” he signed.

Past the surprise of him signing to her instead of using spoken words like he previously had, there was the frustration of him not giving her a real name and introducing himself with his alias. She rolled her eyes and her annoyance was clear in the question she asked in return.

“Doctor who?”

The smile he gave her did nothing to clear up her annoyance. It actually made it worse. He glanced at his book and back at her. Deep sigh. He raised his hands, about to sign something. Glanced at his book again. He was unsure of what he was doing.

“My name is J-A-M-E-S N-O-B-L-E.”

“Mine is Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Nice to meet you, Rose.”

He was awful at signing apparently. The look on her face and the teeth sunk in her bottom lip was telling him that she was holding back a laugh. He could only sign the basic things and he wasn’t even sure to have spell his own and real name right.

“Don’t laugh,” he tried, offended.

Which resulted in her giving him the most beautiful he had ever seen. Her tongue was poking out and the malicious spark in her eyes swept him off his feet. He was screwed. It had taken him months to have to proper talk with this woman and here she was finally looking at him and smiling at him.

They used a paper and a pen to communicate the rest of the night. He wasn’t good enough at signing to hold a full conversation. He was revealing things about him he never had before but telling all of these to her was easy. He would have said she had a compassionate ear if it wasn’t uncalled for. But he had never felt this well with anyone else before. He was sure of it; she was the one for him.

“ _The pub is gonna close, up for a walk?_ ”

The fact that she was offering to prolong this evening meant the world for him and he gladly accepted the offer. He was getting a bit hungry too. They had been ‘talking’ and drinking for a while now. It was night outside. They wouldn’t find much to eat.

“ _I want chips_ ,” she added.

“ _Me too_.”

“ _You can pay_.”

“ _Why me?_ ”

“ _What sort of date are you?_ ”

She was joking. His heart was racing. Did she mean those words? Was he really a date to her? He wished. From the bottom of his heart, he wished she would say yes if he was asking her the question. He felt like a teenager discovering the power of love for the first time and not daring to ask her out.

“ _Chips are on me,” she wrote. “But the beers are on you._ ”

The Doctor grinned wildly, dropped a couple notes on the counter and held a hand out to her. His book was in his jacket’s pocket, hers was in her purse with the pen and paper they had used all evening. She took his hand without a hesitation and they walked out of the pub hand in hand. They found a chippy and Rose insisted in paying the chips. They ended up on a bench, eating from the same container, enjoying the quiet winter night. He gave her his jacket because she was cold and when she grew tired, he allowed her to lean on him. It was nice to be himself for once.

“Do you wanna go home?”

_He had taken me back home. He was a real gentleman, never tried to take advantage of me. He just held my hand and made sure his large and heavy jacket was well wrapped around me. He was reluctant to leave when we reached my building so we prolonged the talk for a little bit. Did he kiss me goodnight after that? Yes. A chaste kiss on the cheek from him. A soft kiss on his lips from me. The first of a series._

GIVE A TITLE TO YOUR NEW SECTION

“Come here, I think you need a Doctor.”

_Through his eyes, I discovered a world of novelty, I discovered countries I’ve only dreamt of. He had confided to me that all of the trips he had done before meant nothing before me. It wasn’t a bad life to be a rock star, but it was better with two. Better to share it with the person he loved. And that person happened to be me, the deaf girl in the pub._


End file.
